Yes...Yes...Okay...Okay...Wait, what?

So I'm not sure about anyone else, but my mind was in jumbles after the work we did on our kicks a few classes back.  Specifically the discussions surrounding the front thrust kick. 

Pushing or thrusting?

Initiating with the hip, or the hip snapping at the end?

Engaging the whole body.

Etc, etc.

A brief thought that went through my head at one point was "Oh my gawd I have no idea what we are talking about anymore."  I was so far gone I didn't even know what to ask.  Lol.

So now, in addition to my broken Spinning Back Kick, my Front Thrust Kick is in shambles as well.  Oh...and my IHC hand form broke a couple weeks ago too.

The funny thing is that I'm not at all upset about any of this.  At the beginning of my journey, I may have felt frustrated or deflated.  Or perhaps like I was no good or that I sucked.  But I'm starting to see how this is actually all good.  These things are broken because of all the exciting feedback and information I've gotten recently.  They are broken because I'm trying to improve...and I'm poking them with a stick.  Making adjustments, implementing change, will always bring with it a bit of turmoil and discombobulation. The hope is that, on the other side, I will find progress.  I find myself in a state of content, even amongst the broken.  It is a pleasant change.

In fact, I'm beginning to think that if I ever find myself in a place where nothing seems to be broken, that might be an indication that I've slipped into that lazy river of mediocrity.  Pretty and peaceful, sure...but not really taking me anywhere.

A New Normal

My numbers have been disastrous this week.  I've been fighting against change for quite some time now, but I cannot fight any longer and need to re-assess my training regime.  It's just no longer working.

I've always been an early morning person no problem.  But I've also been early to bed.  Being up later than 9pm would be totally out of the norm.  So getting up early worked...and did for a long time.

Since moving to the level 2 class, I now don't get home until 9pm.  Even on the kids' class days, we aren't home until 8pm.  Later on Thursdays due to IHC class.  Later again, with Dragon Dance practice.  And unfortunately I can't just simply crawl into bed the moment I get home.  First there are the kids to attend to....getting things ready for the next day...bedtime routines...etc.  Then I still need to eat supper.  And as most of us find, we need some down time before crawling into bed.  So for a while now, my nights have not ended until 10, or even 11pm.  Then my alarm rings at 5am.  And with all the changes, it's just not working anymore.

This week especially, I've chosen extra sleep over morning training.  But even on the days I manage to drag myself out of bed, my time isn't utilized very well.  I find myself staring off, basically out of it, and then suddenly my time is up and I really didn't do much of anything.  So the time is being wasted anyways, and I may as well have just slept.

I know this sounds like a bunch of complaining.  But I promise it's not.  I think in order to initiate a change, I need to first get it all out and be honest with the fact that this isn't working any longer.  For a long time now I've been wishing and hoping that it would all just fall back into place how it was.  I need to just acknowledge that it won't.  It's simply not the same anymore.  My Kung Fu is so much larger.  I'm doing so much more.  And I wouldn't give any of it up.

I'm not saying I can't have it all.  I think I can.  I just need to adjust and adapt and find my new normal.

S.M.A.R.T.

I was doing some "research" on daily blogging this morning. Essentially this consisted of reading through some of Master Wieczerza's blogs from 2016. I knew she had made daily blogging a personal requirement for her 8th Dan promotion year and I was curious to see how she had approached it.  As I perused her blog, I stumbled across one that detailed the S.M.A.R.T. method for goal setting.  I love how the universe works sometimes.  I thought I was looking for one thing, and found something else.

Although my personal requirements have been accepted as they are, I still find myself reading them over and over...questioning the validity...wondering if they truly serve me.  There were a couple of goals that I did not complete this past year (and the year before), and I find myself wondering if these were maybe just "filler" or "fluff" goals.  Ones that maybe seemed like good ideas...like fun ideas, but were simply just "things to do", rather than real personal goals that will truly serve me.  And now that I've come across this goal setting method, I am curious to see if they will "pass" this test.  If I find myself struggling to define these 5 things for each of my goals, perhaps that's an indication that I need to do some re-thinking.

I'm sure many of you have probably come across this in the past, but being that a major topic of discussion from our last meeting was about our personal requirements for the upcoming Year of the Rabbit, I thought this was all very timely and wanted to share.  There is a plethora of information and templates online, so if you're curious, a quick google search will provide all kinds of resources.  I found a template that I liked, altered it just a bit, and intend to go through it with each of my goals (link below).  If you're struggling with setting your goals...or defining your goals, maybe give it a go?

SMART Goals Worksheet

Happy Birthday Todai Bauer

36 Things I Like About Myself

1. I laugh easily
2. My smile
3. Sense of humour
4. Quick wit
5. Ability to connect with pretty much anyone
6. Ability to adapt
7. Organized
8. Reliable
9. Honest
10. Humble
11. Intuitive
12. Empathetic
13. Willingness to help
14. Sincere
15. Non-judgmental
16. Forgiving
17. Eye for detail (not just with kung fu)
18. Driven
19. Decent artist
20. Self sufficient
21. Down to earth
22. Compassionate
23. Understanding
24. Willingness to try new things
25. Good listener
26. Problem solver
27. Giving
28. Self aware
29. Freckles
30. Friendly
31. Adventurous
32. Decent writer
33. Good teacher
34. Ability to compartmentalize
35. Decent cook
36. I'm always trying to be better and do better

36 Things I Am Grateful For

1. Being alive
2. Healthy mind
3. Healthy body
4. Dan, Emma and Nathan
5. My pets
6. My mom, dad and siblings
7. Extended family
8. Friends
9. My home
10. My job
11. Awesome co-workers
12. Awesome boss
13. My country
14. Books
15. Libraries
16. Coffee
17. Chocolate
18. Nature
19. Sun
20. Access to education
21. Access to health care
22. Access to food and water
23. Technology
24. Pottery
25. My fireplace
26. Slipper socks
27. Sweatpants
28. Blistex Lip Medex
29. Freedom
30. My past
31. Sportsbras
32. Clinical strength deodorant
33. Scary movies
34. Prescription glasses and contacts
35. Modern plumbing
36. Click and collect
37. The Kwoon
38. Teaching opportunities
39. I Ho Chuan
40. Kung Fu instructors
41. Fellow Kung Fu students
42. Tai Chi
43. Kung Fu

IHC Number Update - December 5, 2022

 

My December IHC Update - Year of the Tiger

Year of the Tiger - Feb 1, 2022 to Jan 21, 2023 (354 days)

Base Requirements

✅ Hand Form - Dou Ti  859/1000

✅ Weapon Form - Stick 1 and 2  860/1000

❌ Push-ups  41,630/50,000  60,000

❌ Sit-ups  41,931/50,000  60,000

❌ Sparring  749/1000 *I've inched my numbers up a bit here

✅ Kilometers 1605/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 902/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

➖ Mastery by Stewart Emery

✅ Mend a Relationship

➖ Lion Dancing - Instructors call

❌ Tiger Challenge

✅ Public Performances

➖ Core Curriculum - Instructors call

✅ SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

➖ Learn how to reclaim my pottery clay

⭐ Establish a 15 minute/2km run time

⭐ Box Jumps

✅ Monthly date with Dan

❌ Lion Dance Drumming *I will be carrying this forward to the Year of the Rabbit, with a more defined plan and goal

✅ Weekend Kung Fu Training with Kids

✅ Chi Development

❌ 3 x 1 Month "Clean Eating Challenge" - this goal is a fail.  What's worse is that I honestly don't really care or feel all that bad.  I'm going to look back at this to see if I even learned anything.  

✅ Record Numbers of all known forms.  There is no specific number I'm trying to reach.  My personal requirement is simply to record them.

• Awakening the Dragon = 33
• Broadsword 1-2 = 17
• Da Mu Hsing 1-5 = 81
• Hsieh Chien = 37
• Lao Gar 1-3 = 60
• Long 1 = 32
• Hung 1-2 = 48
• 18 Temple Motions = 37

❌  I AM Project 18/30

Happy Saturday

Looking back at my records, I have noticed a correlation between a dip in my non-IHC forms/training and when we moved to monthly open trainings.  [Insert shameless plug here for tracking numbers and journaling].

My morning weekday training puts a focus on my IHC requirements.  Push-ups, sit-ups, my chosen forms, etc, etc.  This is also when I do my meditation and chi work (part of a personal IHC goal).  Prior to August, I was then utilizing the weekly Saturday open training to work on anything that hadn't gotten any attention during the week.  Things like my non-IHC forms, additional kick repetitions, tai chi and anything else that we perhaps focused on in class.  I had also started taking the kids with me and was really enjoying that training time together.  I felt I had established a really good balance with this approach.

Since moving to monthly open trainings, my weekend training has taken a big hit.  That motivation I needed on the weekend to get up and moving is gone.  The opportunity to use the Kwoon to work on anything I wanted and to really spread out and move, without the confines of my smaller home space, is no longer available.  And I can see that my overall training has suffered.  Those Saturdays really stimulated my training, providing some much needed motivation and rejuvenation heading into the week ahead.

Day to day training can easily get stagnant.  Open training was my spark and kept things fresh.

The purpose of this blog isn't to complain.  I understand why the change was implemented.  But I can see now that this particular change was a bigger deal for me than I had initially thought.

Although I haven't quite figured out how to re-stimulate my Saturdays yet, I do recognize that I need to find a way to re-establish that balance I had.

Love/Hate? Or Hate/Love?

I hate these new circuit classes Sihing Csillag has started.  They are so frickin' hard!

I always try to start with the station that I find the most difficult....just to get it over with first, before I'm completely gassed.  This is typically the lateral jump.  I hate the lateral jump.  If the lateral jump isn't available (but it always is), I'd go for the kicking station.  This past Monday we ended up going through it twice.  Granted we got a short break.  But the second time through I really, truly hated the lateral jump.  By the time I got to the kicking station, I wanted to slowly crawl to a corner, curl up into the fetal position and quietly cry myself to sleep.

I love these new circuit classes Sihing Csillag has started.  They are so frickin' awesome!

I'm a glutton for punishment.  I know this stuff is good for me.  And I love that feeling of accomplishment and euphoria after a truly grueling physical endeavor.  I have a competitive desire to "beat" the tasks that I find truly challenging.  One of these days I'm going to kick the lateral jumps a#$.  And to be quite honest, I'm already feeling more confident with the kicking stations.  Not so much with my current technical ability, but with pushing myself to my limit and feeling good about my efforts.

When I recognize that it will be a circuit class, I feel both excitement and dread.  Exhilaration and apprehension.  So yes.  This seems to be a love/hate relationship I have.  But I like to think of it more as a hate/love relationship...it starts with hate, but if I truly push myself, it ends up as love.

If I only hate something like this, it probably means that I am not looking at it from the right perspective.  I'm not seeing the benefits and am only seeing it as a hoop.  Yet if I only love something like this, it might be an indication that I'm no longer pushing myself to the limit.  

So for something like this, I tend to think a hate/love relationship is the best kind to have.

Put Me In Coach

Step 2 of the black belt success cycle is to "Have a plan (and a success coach)".

Although the "coach" part is in brackets, it is a very important detail.

A goal I am currently working towards is improving my spinning back kick.  I have recruited Todai Burke as my success coach, and have met with her a few times to get feedback.  Unfortunately my fall break was filled with company and renovation work in my home.  And I found myself without much space.  Certainly not enough for spinning back kicks.  But without any classes or open training, I didn't feel all that worried about it since we wouldn't be meeting.  And so I left it off my radar.

It later turned out that Todai Burke needed some assistance one day near the end of the break.  And I was happy to help.  When I got to the Kwoon, the heavy bag was pulled out, ready for some spinning back kick work.  I had a brief moment of panic because I hadn't expected it; worried because I hadn't thrown any all week, but when you have a second degree brown belt offering you their time and knowledge, you take it.  Although this was not the main purpose of the meeting, she recognized the opportunity and threw it at me.

Finding the right person to coach you with a goal is an important part of finding success.  It's near impossible to consistently and continuously keep yourself on track with a goal.  A coach is there, not only for the feedback and experience, but to poke and prod; to push and to challenge you in ways you can't for yourself.

And now that I've written this blog, I can clearly see that the goals that I can't seem to get a handle on and seem to be failing at, are also the ones that I haven't made the effort to find a coach for.  Coincidence?  Doubtful.

"One way [to mastery] is to surround yourself with friends who ask more of you than you do.  Didn't some of your best teachers, coaches, parents, etc?" - Stewart Emery

I AM Connected

A compliment bestowed upon me from the Tim Horton's employee not only made me smile, but reiterated the power of this requirement and led to some interesting reflection.  

It was a simple gesture yes, but one I recognized she didn't have to make.  Remaining quiet would not have made her a bad or unkind person.  But in that moment, she chose to act and it made a difference.  Possibly a bigger difference than it might have on a different day or with a different person.

I could have just accepted the compliment, moved on, and let it dissipate behind me.  But today it stuck out.  And what stuck out was not just the act itself, but how I actively chose to receive it.

I think it's important that we not only perform acts of kindness in a thoughtful and mindful way, but that we are receiving them in this manner as well.  Every act of kindness we are given should be appreciated and acknowledged.  We are not entitled to these acts.  They should not be expected.  When we begin taking those acts of kindness for granted, we are keeping them from their full potential.  Each and every one is a special gift, so much more powerful than anything material.  When someone takes the time to gift me an act of kindness, they are actually gifting me with connection.  And that's a very special thing.

"I love those connections that make this big old world feel like a little village." - Gina Bellman

I AM Resourceful

My in-laws are visiting.  My usual training area is right outside their bedroom door.  I don't want to wake them at 6am.

Even if I didn't care about that, the kids' rooms are also getting new carpet and paint.  And so all of their belongings and furniture are scattered throughout the house....taking up what feels like every available inch.

The circumstances this week are trying, to say the least.  The house is a disaster.  My normal routine is a bust.  I feel out of sorts in my own home.  Mediocrity is trying to convince me to take the week off...justifying it by the fact that I really don't have any options or space.  But that would be a lie.  There are always options.

And so I am training in my bathroom.  If that's not being resourceful, I don't know what is.  😣

I AM Resourceful.

Lost Thoughts

I've realized recently that I've been missing so many opportunities with my blogging.  I have so many blogs started, that remain unfinished.  So many notes and details in my journal that never made their way to the keyboard.  And unfortunately, being that there are so many of them, they probably won't. 

When I look over all these bits and pieces scattered over the last couple years, I feel sad.  Sad that I didn't take the time to reflect on so many of them.  Sad that I didn't take the time to include them in my journey.  They are thoughts that are now lost to me because I can no longer recall the circumstances or context, although I know they were important, because I made a point of jotting them down for later.

These lost thoughts have inspired me to set a certain goal for this coming Year of the Rabbit.  That goal is to challenge myself to blogging every day.

My intent is not only to create a detailed record of my training, but also to inspire the daily reflection that I feel I am missing as a regular part of my day.

This will not be easy.  I recognize this.  Some days my reflection might be amazing and insightful....and others might simply be a record of how the day went and some of the random thoughts that may have popped into my head.  Either way that daily reflection, and that daily record, will hopefully paint an accurate, and invaluable, picture of my journey.

Kung Fu'ing My Kids Part 8 of...

Ever since my journey began with SRKF in 2019, I've always believed that there was something special about Kung Fu kids.  Right from the start I was in awe of all the amazing young people training there.  They were (are) so talented, confident, respectful, self-aware and driven, just to name a few things.  And what I saw in them is what I want for my own kids.

I recently had a small group of children in my care for Emma's slumber party birthday.  Half were Kung Fu friends.  Half were school friends.  And I have to say, the difference between the two was not lost on me.  I'm not saying that the non-Kung Fu kids were bad, by any means.  Emma has some great friends.  But those that practice Kung Fu not only struck me as more accepting and welcoming with people they didn't know, but also seemed more independent, confident and self-aware.

Perhaps because this was a small group I shouldn't make such conclusions.  Or perhaps with my own kids in Kung Fu, this was a biased observation.  But I really don't think so.  It certainly wasn't something I was looking for or anticipating and I didn't go into the situation looking for differences.  I simply noticed certain things in each of the kids, and found myself making this connection.

And although these Kung Fu kids were not my own, I found myself really proud of them, as if they were.

IHC Number Update - November 8, 2022

 

My November IHC Update - Year of the Tiger

Year of the Tiger - Feb 1, 2022 to Jan 21, 2023 (354 days)

Base Requirements

✅ Hand Form - Dou Ti  785/1000

✅ Weapon Form - Stick 1 and 2  786/1000

❌ Push-ups  39,022/50,000  60,000

❌ Sit-ups  38,589/50,000  60,000

❌ Sparring  646/1000 *I feel like I'm so far behind on this that I've just thrown it to the wayside.  I acknowledge that this is a poor attitude.  And I have a feeling sparring might be something I always struggle to prioritize.

✅ Kilometers 1475/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 812/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

➖ Mastery by Stewart Emery *Not memorized...but I have been reading this more consistently!

✅ Mend a Relationship

➖ Lion Dancing - Instructors call

❌ Tiger Challenge

✅ Public Performances

➖ Core Curriculum - Instructors call

✅ SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

➖ Learn how to reclaim my pottery clay

⭐ Establish a 15 minute/2km run time

⭐ Box Jumps

✅ Monthly date with Dan

❌ Lion Dance Drumming *I'm embarrassed that this is still a big red X

✅ Weekend Kung Fu Training with Kids

✅ Chi Development

❌ 3 x 1 Month "Clean Eating Challenge" -  This is obviously not a priority as it's Nov 8 and I missed it again.  I need to re-evaluate this goal.

✅ Record Numbers of all known forms.  There is no specific number I'm trying to reach.  My personal requirement is simply to record them.

• Awakening the Dragon = 30
• Broadsword 1-2 = 17
• Da Mu Hsing 1-5 = 74
• Hsieh Chien = 33
• Lao Gar 1-3 = 50
• Long 1 = 28
• Hung 1-2 = 44
• 18 Temple Motions = 19

❌  I AM Project 16/30 *For someone who likes blogging, it's frustrating that I continue to struggle with this.

What Happens If.....??

As per the recent recommendation that we poke our forms with a stick, and try doing them in different ways, I have so far attempted the following with my hand form.

Eyes closed

I experienced many of the same things that Todai Burke mentioned.  I was off balance and became disoriented with my sense of direction.  I also became hesitant, for obvious reasons such as bumping into something.  I learned that hesitating isn't the same as moving slowly.  At first my focus was still on the external and I was trying to replicate my form how I am able to with my eyes open.  But essentially that's not possible.  So instead I thought, what could I possibly gain with no vision?  So I turned my focus inward.  I paid closer attention to my chi and how it flows and moves when I do my form.  I moved slow and consciously, feeling my energy move in and out and around as I did each technique.  Without vision, I also tried to use my chi to "see" any barriers around me.  Sometimes I was right.  Sometimes I hit the wall.  Either way, it was quite interesting and I will play with this more.

Rotating my start direction between reps 

It's funny how we tend to always face the same way when we are in the same space.  But I was pleasantly surprised with this.  In the past, rotating my start direction would throw me off.  This time, however, it didn't.  I feel that's an indication that the form has become more familiar to me and visual cues are no longer needed, nor are my surroundings a distraction.

With a knife in one hand

The knife was an easier one to incorporate into a hand form since it's small and is used one-handed.  But it was interesting to adjust my strikes for the knife.  Punch to stab.  Knife hand to "knife" hand...lol.

With my stick

This was kind of neat.  The stick is such a balanced weapon so it wasn't too-too difficult to incorporate.  Harder than the knife I found, simply because of the length and that it uses both hands.  With so many kicks in my form I attempted to strike out with my stick at the same time.  I actually found that having both hands stuck to one weapon was helpful at times and made me more conscious of maintaining my center.  I think I tend to let my arms go rogue.

With a Kwan Dao

The Kwan Dao basically took over my form.  It was very interesting trying to figure out how to wield such a large weapon while maintaining flow.  I also became very aware of how important my center and posture are with such a large weapon to throw things off.  And if holding a bigger weapon can throw my stances off, then I would imagine an opponent actually trying to do just that, certainly would be able to.  

I've used a knife and stick so far in my IHC forms.  The knife can only turn in your hand when you want it to.  If the stick rotates in your hand, it doesn't matter as there is no edge or blade to be cognizant of.  The Kwan Dao is tricky because as you move, the stick rotates and the blade will turn.  And soon enough you realize, when you go to strike, that the blade isn't positioned properly.  So this weapon is certainly more complex than anything I've used.  Which if course, means a challenge.  Which I can't seem to turn down.

Tornado Warning

I began applying some specific focus on my spinning back kick a few weeks ago.  As always, not as much as I should, or that I could...but some nonetheless.  As opposed to just telling myself "be better at this damn it!"...and with Todai Burke as my coach, I've been working on a couple of specifics.  

The first is my eyes.  With anything we do we should be leading with our eyes.  We don't blindly strike out without knowing what is there...or block without seeing a need.  And so Todai Burke suggested that I try to lead with my eyes.  Make my eyes the first thing to turn...followed by my head...then my shoulders...torso...arms....hips....etc....like a coil or a spiral.  I don't have too many thoughts on this quite yet, but one thing I do know is that I am finding this really, REALLY difficult.  I truly have to psych myself up to get my eyes to make the first move.  And I find that interesting.

The other specific that I am focusing on is my center.  With a few reps, we noticed that I have a tendency to shift back before initiating the spin...and not for any purpose that I can tell.  I believe this was lending to some of the balance issues I was having because I was moving off my center even before the kick began.  So I've been trying to stay very conscious and aware of keeping my body centered...and not spinning like a tornado...tilting this way or that...leaving everything in my wake a complete disaster.  So far, what I'm noticing is that as I lift the weight off my foot in order to start my spin, and as long as I remain centered, my energy drives downwards into the ground....almost a counter balance of sorts.  I have this feeling of a contraction in a vertical direction during the spin, which then turns into a horizontal expansion as I throw the kick.  It's difficult to explain and I apologize if my verbiage is confusing.  Realistically I have no idea at this point exactly what's happening, so right now it just guesswork that I hope will lead to some insight.  It certainly feels good when everything is firing so I'm thinking I'm on the right track and will just keep playing with it.

There are so many moving parts to the spinning back kick.  And so many things to think about in order to achieve the desired result.  At present, it's impossible to think about them all.  One day, the goal will be that I don't have to.  That with practice, many of these things will become second nature.  But for now I'll just continue poking these things with a stick to see where it leads.

My Lifeline

My most recent blog was about how I had been feeling overwhelmed.  How I had some additional, non-kung fu, stressors put onto my plate that were sapping the majority of my mental energy. How I felt I was barely hanging on by a thread and how I was feeling badly about that.

After some further reflection my perspective has shifted somewhat.  That thread that I reference...that one that was keeping me sane...keeping me moving...keeping me from falling into total despair and oblivion....that thread was my Kung Fu.  Even though, on some days, I felt like I wasn't doing as much as I should...like I was failing.  I continued with as much as I could in the situation I was in.  Turns out that single thread was what I would consider to be my most essential components of the core requirements.  Push-ups, sit-ups, forms and blogging.  Amongst all the extra stressors, my Kung Fu was my lifeline.  Kung Fu was how I came back to myself throughout the day.

Looking back, my Kung Fu was working exactly as it should.

The Universe Is Listening

Where am I?  What am I doing?

As of late I just don't know.  I feel lost.  Tired.  No energy.  Sore.  Stiff.  Disconnected.

I haven't been doing many of the things that keep me balanced and grounded.

I should be doing my meditation.  Very little.

I should be working on my Chi.  Not much.

I should be experimenting with my spinning back kick. 😬

I should be drumming.  Nope.

I should be booking 1-on-1s.  Yikes.  I just checked, and my last one was 12 days ago.

I have had several external stressors beyond my control pop up that have taken most of my mental energy.  And all these things above have suffered.  With things on overload, I don't think it's a coincidence that I came down with a cold all last week.  One that progressively got worse as days went by.  Having to be online all last week did not help.  Missing my last 2 Tai Chi classes altogether did not help.  Missing teaching the kids classes did not help.

I felt like things were slowly unraveling and that I was barely hanging on by a thread.

And then I got a message from Todai Kohut.  He was wondering if I'd be interested in joining him and some others for some daily morning mini workouts.  I recognized that opportunity for what it was and grabbed it.  It was as if the universe felt my pain and had heard my silent pleas for help.

Throughout my life I have found that, in times of struggle, there are solutions all around me.  We are truly all connected and the universe is always listening and it's always whispering to us.  We just need to keep our minds open in order to hear what it's saying, or risk missing the help it offers.

IHC Number Update - October 12, 2022

 

My October IHC Update - Year of the Tiger

Year of the Tiger - Feb 1, 2022 to Jan 21, 2023 (354 days)

Base Requirements

✅ Hand Form - Dou Ti  710/1000

✅ Weapon Form - Stick 1 and 2  714/1000

❌ Push-ups  36,190/50,000  60,000

❌ Sit-ups  36,117/50,000  60,000

❌ Sparring  640/1000

✅ Kilometers 1305/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 719/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

❌ Mastery by Stewart Emery

✅ Mend a Relationship

➖ Lion Dancing - Instructors call

❌ Tiger Challenge

✅ Public Performances

➖ Core Curriculum - Instructors call

✅ SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

➖ Learn how to reclaim my pottery clay

⭐ Establish a 15 minute/2km run time

⭐ Box Jumps

✅ Monthly date with Dan

❌ Lion Dance Drumming

✅ Weekend Kung Fu Training with Kids

✅ Chi Development

➖ 3 x 1 Month "Clean Eating Challenge" -  I just realized October was supposed to be my 3rd month.  Crap.

✅ Record Numbers of all known forms.  There is no specific number I'm trying to reach.  My personal requirement is simply to record them.

• Awakening the Dragon = 25
• Broadsword 1-2 = 10
• Da Mu Hsing 1-5 = 64
• Hsieh Chien = 33
• Lao Gar 1-3 = 46
• Long 1 = 27
• Hung 1-2 = 44
• 18 Temple Motions = 19

❌  I AM Project 16/30

The 5 Second Rule

The 5 second rule...no...not for food.  Although it applies there as well....after a quick dog hair check of course.

I've been working from home this week, so this sort of came to be of it's own accord.  I found that, while sitting at my desk, or taking a break, I would suddenly think "I should do some pushups...or a form rep...or, or , or...".  I quickly came to realize that if I didn't actually do it the very moment I thought about it, it sadly only took a few seconds to convince myself otherwise.

After missing these opportunities a few times over, I started to just jump on it. I began to grab that small bit of motivation the moment it appeared, mentally stopping my train of thought before it sabotaged itself, and just did whatever came to mind.  Often times right where I was, rather than even allowing myself to walk through the house and go down to my training area...because surprisingly there are actually many distractions along that short trip.  And there's really no reason why I can't do a few things wherever I might be standing.  Even better was that more often than not, 10 pushups turned into 20....and maybe even into some situps too.

And so this week, the 5 second rule has found new meaning.  The moment I'm inspired to do a bit of training, I now find myself thinking "5 second rule" rather than a million excuses. 

They Will Someday Be Awesome

I did a kiln firing over the weekend.  I’ve been working on several things that I haven't had much success with so far.  When I opened it up, all the large pieces that took the majority of my time and efforts turned out beautifully.  Unfortunately, a few of the pendants I made, did not.  

And guess what I focused and based the overall success on?

Yup.  You guessed it.  The few little pendants that didn't quite turn out became the focal point.  And I found myself feeling disappointed.

Of course when relaying this disappointment with the pendants to Dan, he responds with "Wow Malinda, look at those bowls!!  You nailed it!"

He completely ignored the few pendants.  To him they were irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.  Granted he may not be as invested in the whole process and the time involved, but even when I pointed out my failures, he looked right past them and his focus went immediately to the success.

And when I said, again, that I wasn't happy with how some of the pendants turned out, he simply said, "Yeah...but I bet you learned some things for next time."

And immediately in my mind, something shifted.  That sense of disappointment dissolved, and turned into simple acceptance.  Yup, I suck at pendants right now…but he’s right, I do think I know what to do different.  And I will continue to work at it.  Plus, I really did nail those bowls.  Lol

I’m pretty sure I don’t need to explain how this relates to Kung fu.  But in that moment it suddenly clicked why it’s so important to measure success by how far you’ve come, rather than where you eventually want to be.  And why we shouldn't let a few sucky things outweigh all the good.

And so I will end my blog with both pictures of my awesome bowls, and my “someday will be awesome” pendants.

I AM...a Teacher

I've recently been given some more opportunities as an instructor with the kids' classes.  A couple weeks ago, I started leading the Young Dragons Level 1 & 2 classes on Thursday nights in a more permanent capacity.  

Although excited to be taking this on, it also brought about some feelings of inadequacy.  My physical skill level isn't all that much higher than these kids.  And I had doubts as to whether I was an ideal candidate.  There had to be more qualified people.

I decided to embrace the trust I have in my own instructors. There must be a reason why they felt I could do this.  Their number 1 priority is always the students...and so I doubt they would put someone in front of them, teaching, if they didn't see value.  There must be something of value that I bring to the table.

And so, instead of focusing on my physical shortcomings as a student, I started to think about the qualities I have as a teacher.

I have an ability to break things down into it's most basic components, and am able to explain them.  I am organized and creative.  I have a fairly decent understanding of most forms and techniques for this class level.  I have developed, or at least started to develop, a decent eye for detail.  

But more so, I have realized that I seem to have a knack for making connections with these kids.  And I think I've developed some pretty good relationships with the majority.  I can read them pretty good, knowing when to keep throwing more at them, and knowing when to pull back.  I am happy and willing to adjust my methods or direction based on their needs.

There have been a few times where I've called upon my fellow instructors to demo certain things, knowing that my own ability at present isn't quite at a demonstration level yet.  I don't want to NOT teach something in class, just because I can't do it.  I don't want to hold these kids back from their full potential because I'm scared to demo something.  Or because I'm scared to admit my weaknesses.  Ego aside, I have a personal desire to see each and every one of them succeed.   And my ability to do that has nothing to do with my own personal physical skill level.

As a teacher I don't need to be able to do everything perfectly.  I don't need to know everything.  I need to recognize what a student needs and then find a way to get them there.

I AM a Teacher

This Is Where I Am

Not to beat a dead horse, but my spinning back kick still sucks. Suuuuuuuucks.

For about a month now, I've been working on it daily. There are spots on my feet that have split and my knees have been hurting from all the spinning. But other than that, you'd never know that I was putting in any effort at all.

It's funny. For a long time I struggled with my side heel and I found the spinning back kick much easier. In fact, 4 months ago I was feeling really good about my spinning back kick. I felt it was becoming one of my stronger kicks. And now, when I've finally made some improvement on the side heel, my spinning back kick has fallen apart. Literally fallen apart. I suddenly cannot seem to connect all the moving parts. It is atrocious and it seems to continuously get worse, not better. And it is confusing how this has come to be.

In our recent IHC meeting, it was said that sometimes improvement doesn't quite match our efforts. Meaning there will be times that, even though we are putting in a tremendous amount of effort, we just don't see the results we would hope for. And it can be debilitating mentally. It can make you feel like a failure, a hack. It can make you question why you bother to put in any effort at all. This is where I am right now.

And so I recognize that I can't keep doing the same thing, hoping for different results. I need to change my approach somehow. I'd like to come up with some sort of "milestone" goal. I can't just keep throwing kick after flailing kick hoping that it will just suddenly come together. Maybe it would eventually work...but mentally, I doubt I will last much longer. I know that I still need to just get in reps, which I will continue with as well, but I'd also like to maybe re-focus some of my efforts on just one part of it. But what would be the first step? Mastering the spin? Spinning and getting into that crane with balance and control? Or maybe even just spinning and making visual contact with my eyes to start? And maybe bring my kick down low for now? Or maybe even a simpler focus on keeping that base leg bent or arms in control? Don't come out of my center? I'm not quite sure. I'm feeling disoriented and am not sure where to start because it all seems like such a muck mess. Truly I need to work on all of it. And it seems like all of these moving parts are so connected that it's impossible to just focus on one thing. I'm feeling disheartened because it's as if I'm starting from scratch again. And it's embarrassing that I seem to have to. But nonetheless, here I am. Now where do I go from here?

What To Do

There are a couple techniques in my IHC form that I am still struggling with.  As I continue to advance and improve my form, these particular sections have seen no, or very little, improvement, to the point that they don't seem to fit anymore.  They have become weak spots.  And this far into the year, I feel like my form should be fairly solid.  And it's not.

I knew, when I developed this form, that this could possibly happen.  When I invited the team to submit their favorite sequence of techniques, every single person was at a much more advanced level than I.  So I knew there would potentially be techniques that would be more difficult for me.  So perhaps I just don't have the skill (or strength or flexibility) yet to perform these at a satisfactory level.  

When I put my form on display, I want to be proud and confident in what I'm doing. So on one hand I am tempted to modify these sections to suit me better.  

On the other, I don't want to simply give up because it's hard.

The Journal of Universal Rejection

I read Seth Godin’s recent blog about “The last 1%” today.  More or less, he talked about a publication called “The Journal of Universal Rejection”.  This is a journal that promises to reject any and all submissions.  It’s absurd, yes.  But he goes on to explain that the point is that a writer need not worry or stress or become fixated on the outcome (they already know it will be rejected with 100% certainty), and instead they can just focus on the work itself. 

Now I’m not actually sure if this is a real thing.  But the message struck a cord with me.

As I mentioned recently, I had fallen into a motivational trap where I was only focusing on my numbers…on reaching that end goal.  The numbers were driving everything and I was slowly becoming resentful of the requirements.  Then, in a “wise old master” kind of way, Sifu Rybak upped my goal.  By a significant amount.  An amount that is, in my opinion, somewhat absurd considering we are more than halfway through the year.  The strange part is that since then, my perspective seems to have shifted.  Not only am I still recording good numbers, but I’m also somehow finding ways to work on some of the extras that I had felt the requirements were getting in the way of.  And honestly, it doesn’t seem like I’ve made any drastic changes…I truly haven’t.  Instead it seems to simply be a slight mental shift.

Even as of this morning, I hadn’t really figured out why or how.  But when I read that blog today, I wondered if there might be a correlation here.  My new 60,000 goal is just so absurd (to me anyways) that it may have possibly severed my fixation on the end number.  As a result, my focus has shifted back to the work itself, which is exactly where it belongs.  To be clear, the numbers still play an important role. They still need to be tracked to monitor and assess progress, or lack there of.  And they still help to set a basis for consistent action.  But they are an instrument to aid in success...and should not be confused with success itself.

The final outcome doesn't need my attention...the work I'm doing today to get there does.

Back To Basics

The one requirement for which I continue to let my numbers slide little by little is sparring.  Although I've had a couple opportunities to work on this at open training, I still have very little experience.  And I'm sure I've mentioned previously that I can't really seem to get myself hyped up to do this at home.

The biggest failure with my approach thus far is that...well...I don't have much of an approach at all.  I'll typically just say, "ok...I need to do some sparring"...and because I have no plan of any kind, it turns out to be pretty dull...the times drags...and I tend to do more thinking about what to do, then actual doing.  My motivation towards it continues to lessen and I really don't feel I'm getting much out of it.

I recently decided I needed to just come up with a plan and start making sparring a priority.  I've also decided to go "back to the basics" and start simple in order to generate some momentum.  I think part of my issue is I threw myself into an arena where I didn't really know what I was doing, or how to approach things...and found myself lost and confused.  And so I think the best thing for me is to start at the beginning and sort out the things I know versus the things I don't and build from there.

My "Beginner" Plan is as follows,

3-5 minutes of footwork....During this set I'm working on projection stepping, forward/back, side to side, diagonal movements and changing direction.  I'm not doing much with my hands here except keeping my guards up and keeping shoulders down and relaxed.

25 Jabs (left and right)...I'm remaining stationary for these, but relaxed and loose in a fighting stance.  I'm focusing on hip rotation, equal/opposite, keeping shoulder down, staying relaxed, resetting between, proper guard placement, overall timing and getting my upper/lower, left/right to work together.

25 Reverse (left and right)...same focus as above

25 Hooks (left and right)...same focus as above

25 Uppercut (left and right)...same focus as above

I'm going to continue with this daily for a couple of weeks.  At which point I will re-evaluate and then start to combine the footwork and striking together.  I will also eventually add back in the kicks and combinations as well as progress to visualization, bag work, etc.  But for now I will allow myself to progress little by little, slowly building both my physical skills and my confidence.

I like having a plan.

The Commas In Between

I was given some great feedback on the struggle I continue to face with my kicks.  

The observation was that I seem to be stuck between having developed the proper technique and making that leap to incorporate speed and power.

The four phases to technique mastery are 1) Form, 2) Speed/Power, 3) Accuracy, 4) Realism.

I've reached a point where my form is decent enough to start pushing further and moving to that next step.  In fact, I can feel that my body wants to be faster.  But when I do that, things immediately fall apart.  And instead of continuing to push, and just allowing things to fall off the rails for a time, I pull back to a safer place.  A place where I slow down and focus, once again, on form.  A place where I feel safe and comfortable.  And so I'm caught in this constant struggle of wanting to improve and get to the next phase, yet also wanting to play it safe.

It's taken me a long time to get to this place with my kicks.  And I'm not even at a place of confidence with them yet.  So it scares me to have it all fall apart.  I worry I won't be able to bridge the gap, and that the work I've done will be lost.  I worry about looking foolish.  I worry others will see me struggling and that they will feel I don't deserve this belt.  If I could switch back and forth quickly and easily depending on my situation, that would be great.  "Safe" kicks in class.  "Risky" kicks at home.  But that doesn't seem to be the case...at least for me.  Nor am I convinced it would be ideal to do so.  So I either spend my efforts pushing myself...pushing my comfort zone, trusting that I will eventually be able to connect my form with my speed...and accepting that things are going to really suck for a while.  Or I pull back, and re-establish my form, once again, in a slow manner.  But then I'm back to the start.  And so I feel that, thus far, I've been wasting my efforts....getting myself caught in an endless loop without ever really getting anywhere.

And so the advice that accompanied the observation was to just let it fall apart.  And commit to letting it fall apart until my form and speed are able to connect.

I have decided to move forward with this advice.  But it has not been pretty so far.

Saturday afternoon was a disaster.  But I accepted it as it was.  Sunday...also a disaster.  But I continued to throw them anyways, just simply trying to do the best I good in the moment...attempting to make tweaks here and there to see what would happen.  This morning....yup...still a disaster...BUUUUUUUTTT....with a couple good ones mixed in here and there.  Soooo....here's to hoping.

We've been told again and again to expect things to fall apart when we make any type of change.  That it's a normal part of the process.  But it’s one thing to know that everything will fall apart.  It’s another to truly embrace it and let it happen.  

Once again, the four phases to technique mastery are form, speed/power, accuracy, realism.  But those commas in between are proving to be just as significant as the phases themselves.

Not So Decent-ish At The Moment

Why can I not seem to establish consistency with my kicks?

There are days (or weeks) that things are going just fine.  Things feel good.  No major issues.  And I'll really feel as though I'm making some headway.

Then BAM...I suddenly can't do a side-heel without stumbling...a roundhouse without flailing...or a spinning back kick without falling over.  And I've been working on my spinning back kick, specifically, pretty regularly since August 15 (yes, I know the date...lol) and it's been feeling decent-ish.  Then suddenly, for no apparent reason, it all falls apart.  This morning I felt like it was my first ever attempt at one.  Nothing worked.  I was all over the map and couldn't pull myself back.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling frustrated.  But I'm trying to also convince myself that I'm getting there.  That this is part of the process.  That there will be backs and forths, ups and downs, the whole entire journey, forever and ever.

For now I will just stop and breathe and accept that this is where I am right now in the process.  And I'll go at it again tomorrow.  Hopefully I can make it decent-ish again.

I AM Unencumbered

This past weekend was one I really needed.  I spent it dabbling in this or that, without that nagging feeling to hurry up because there are a million other things on my to-do list.

I didn't care.  I ignored that feeling.  I disconnected from my phone.  I did not follow a plan, but instead let my inner voice guide me.

I spent the early chilly mornings sitting outside, warming my hands with my coffee and listening to whatever nature wanted to say.

I canned some salsa with ingredients from either mine, or a friend's garden.

When I was tired, I rested.

I dug in the dirt, moving things around, cleaning things up, getting ready for snow.

I made friends with some very big spiders.  I accidentally destroyed someone's web...I truly hope they are not a vengeful sort.

I did a form here, I did a form there, whichever form happened to speak to me in that moment.

I hummed contently even while organizing and tidying the kitchen.  My children also hum when they are happy and content. As does my mom.

I hand-built some bowls, embedding them with leaves, ivy and flowers from my garden.  

I had special little moments throughout the day with both my pets and my humans.

This is how life should be always.  This is what I am striving for.

I AM Unencumbered...or at least I know I can be.

IHC Number Update - September 7, 2022

My September IHC Update - Year of the Tiger

Year of the Tiger - Feb 1, 2022 to Jan 21, 2023 (354 days)

Base Requirements

✅ Hand Form - Dou Ti  614/1000

✅ Weapon Form - Stick 1 and 2  618/1000

✅ Push-ups  31,523/50,000  60,000

✅ Sit-ups  30,883/50,000  60,000

❌ Sparring  565/1000

✅ Kilometers 1174/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 637/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

❌ Mastery by Stewart Emery

✅ Mend a Relationship - This has been really good.  My siblings have been reaching out recently to initiate one of our group zoom meet-ups.

➖ Lion Dancing - Instructors call

❌ Tiger Challenge

✅ Public Performances

➖ Core Curriculum - Instructors call

✅ SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

➖ Learn how to reclaim my pottery clay

⭐ Establish a 15 minute/2km run time

⭐ Box Jumps

✅ Monthly date with Dan

❌ Lion Dance Drumming

➖ Weekend Kung Fu Training with Kids - I need to start making this a priority again.

✅ Chi Development

➖ 3 x 1 Month "Clean Eating Challenge" -  1 more month to go in October

✅ Record Numbers of all known forms.  There is no specific number I'm trying to reach.  My personal requirement is simply to record them.

• Awakening the Dragon = 24
• Broadsword 1-2 = 10
• Da Mu Hsing 1-5 = 48
• Hsieh Chien = 33
• Lao Gar 1-3 = 45
• Long 1 = 23
• Hung 1-2 = 44

❌  I AM Project 14/30 - I didn't do any in August.  Yikes.  So I'm behind a few.

 

But What If You Did?

I have been feeling very bound by the IHC requirements.

As my abilities and knowledge expand, as my goals and interests increase, there are more and more things providing me with excitement and stimulation on my journey to Mastery.  In class, we will work on new things...or maybe old things with a different perspective, and I want to race home with it, and explore it further.  But instead, I find myself pushing these things aside because, first and foremost, I have a commitment to my IHC requirements.  And more often than not, once I have fulfilled those numbers for the day, I have no time or energy...or quite honestly, even interest...for more.  The spark that was ignited by something outside the requirements, has been stifled and has passed.  And I start to feel resentful.  Each day I do my allotted number, and that is it.  Rarely do I get other training in.  My focus is towards that 50,000 mark...or that 1000 mark...and it is a perfectly straight line...no ups...no downs...just a perfectly straight, boring line. 

I know that these requirements serve a purpose.  I've both seen, and reaped the benefits of this plan that has been laid out for us.  But I have lost sight of it's true purpose and value.  My vision has shifted to a complete focus on the numbers.  Fulfill the numbers, fulfill the numbers, fulfill the numbers.  Although I try to blame the requirements, I am here by my own volition. 

I've used a couple of 1-on-1s now to talk about and brainstorm this struggle.  And some really great advice and strategies have come from both.  But I would like to share with you, the outcome of one, in particular, because...well...it's both awesome and hilarious.  Please keep in mind, this is the short version and has been paraphrased.

Me:  I'm struggling with my IHC requirements.  I'm feeling really tied down.  Day after day I'm just doing my daily number of reps...basically just staying afloat.  But not really working on the things I want to work on.  I know it will sound immature, but I just want to do what I want.  And I feel like all I ever have time for are the IHC requirements.  I know I'm just focusing on the numbers....just putting in the effort to reach a daily quota.  And I'm not sure how to adjust my mindset.

Sifu:  I can make a suggestion but I don't think you'll be happy with it.  Do you want to hear it?

Me:  Of course I want to hear it!  (Secretly hoping I'm told to scrap all my requirements and just work on whatever I want).

Sifu:  Make your goal 60,000.

Me:  $#@!$!!....

Sifu:  You might not understand right now why I'm challenging you to this....but hopefully you will figure it out one day.

Me:  I'm never going to reach that goal this far into the year.

Sifu:  Maybe not...but what if you did?

And so here I am.  So far behind that the numbers don't even seem to matter at this point.  I am completing my "base" number of 180 during my morning training time and then am utilizing bits of the day to do 10 here or 20 there in an attempt to claw my way to this new goal.  I honestly don't even know where I stand.  I can see the gigantic number that I'm behind on my app...but I have no idea how many, specifically, I should be doing each day in order to reach that goal.  And honestly, I don't want to know.  My problem initially was worrying about that number...and only working to achieve that number...the bare minimum, each day.  The "bare minimum" is the birthplace of mediocrity.

So do I suddenly have more hours in the day?  No.  Have I cut anything from my day?  No.  

Yet, not only am I sneaking in some extra push-ups and sit-ups, but also am finding some opportunities for spinning back kicks...or a couple reps of a non-IHC form (or whatever else ignites a passion that I want to run with at the moment).  I can't explain the mind shift.  But I do feel better....I feel rejuvenated.  Although I might mutter various curses under my breath while pumping out a few extra reps here and there, it is mixed with laughter and I am feeling the (self tied) binds that were holding me down, slowly loosen.  

And yes...as Sifu said...hopefully I will figure it out one day.

Energy Split

I've been very unhappy with the portion in my form where I throw a side heel from a high back stance, followed by a spinning back kick, followed by a 180 degree turn on that same base leg into a pose.  I essentially end up in the same spot, except my high back changes to a pose.

This sequence has consistently felt weak and is probably the most difficult portion of my form.  Probably the biggest concern has been my ability to maintain my balance and slide gracefully into that pose.  And there are many different things I've been working on since it's inception, in an attempt to bring it all together.  Foot position, finishing the kick before going to the next step, reconsolidating back to crane stance, stepping into my pose rather than falling, maintaining my alignment...to name a few.  Nothing, has ultimately, solved my problem.

I've actually become somewhat scared of performing in class or in public, because I never really know what's going to happen.  I have not been in control of this portion of my form.  It has never been up to me how it turns out.

Last night was one of those incredible moments of understanding.

After several stumbles...and after recognizing that I was essentially pulling myself off balance with that kick because the rest of my body basically wanted to follow....I finally told myself that once I planted my foot, getting ready for that spinning back kick, I no longer wanted it to move.  It needed to stay put because that foot, that pivot point, is what transitions the kick to the pose.  It needs to turn, yes...but it shouldn't release, if that makes sense.  And although I may have thought I was already doing this, once I made that my specific intent, with the next rep I felt a huge difference. This time, I specifically forced my energy to my planted foot, rather than throwing it all with the kick.  That base foot stayed connected.  It did not release.  It did not allow my leg to straighten and extend.  Although it turned, it remained grounded.  Or at the very least, it "re-grounded" very quickly.  And when I threw that spinning back kick, I not only felt that power go out with the kick, but I felt that connection back to the earth with that opposite leg.  Two separate forces of energy, going two separate ways, yet connected at my core.  At least that's what it felt like.  I did not feel off balance.  I did not stumble.  Because I was stable and grounded to the earth.  And I remained that way as I carried through to the pose.  

Now, of course, I'm very excited about possibly finding this solution for this specific portion of my form.  Obviously I still need to work on this more to ensure that this discovery is repeatable.  And so far so good.

But I'm finding myself curious about much more.

In that moment I thought to myself how that energy going to the earth was just as strong as the energy in my kick.  How it was just as important...perhaps even more so.  I realized that "splitting" my energy in these two directions didn't weaken my kick, but instead strengthened it.  And that "splitting" isn't really splitting, but more like multiplying.  And...and...and...many other thoughts marinating.

Very curious to see where this all goes.  

It Could Be About Anything

Time after time, I was unsuccessful.  Years of work...hours upon hours of time....so many failures...so many disappointments.  I found myself frustrated....wanting to quit.  But I wouldn't let myself.  I knew at the start it was a big goal to have.  I knew it would be challenging.  And so with each failed attempt I tried to learn something.  With each fail I gained just a little bit more insight...a little bit more knowledge...a little bit more experience.  I remained persistent...I remained patient....I kept trying.  Confident (or sometimes just hopeful) that eventually I would get it right.

And eventually I did.

What am I talking about?....specifically, this blog was initially inspired by a recent success with a grant application for which we will receive over $115,000 for the new playground at the kids' school. Woohooo!!!!

But as I wrote, I realized that if I removed the words specific to this event (which I did), it could pretty much be about anything I might aspire to achieve.

Put in the effort.  Learn from the mistakes.  Put in more effort.  Be patient.

A Green Ninja

I don't know if others have felt certain things with different belt levels, but for some reason I feel a real connection with this Green belt that I don't recall feeling with others so far.

I found myself thinking of the movie, LEGO Ninjago.  (Really fun movie if you haven’t seen it.). I recalled how most of the Ninjas had special powers like lightning, fire, earth, water and ice.  And then there was Lloyd.  Whose element was "green".  Of course this didn't make sense to him at the time...and seemed very underwhelming in comparison to all the other more impressive elements the others had.  But eventually he came to understand his true inner power.  And how important it really was.

Lloyd:  "Green is the colour of life. It flows through all living things... connecting them all. The way I connect the ninjas....or the way I connect my family...whether we're together or not.”

Wu: "Some powers are ones you cannot see, but those are the most important powers of all."

Obviously I’m no ninja with powers of any kind.  But Green definitely is the colour of life.  And something tells me this next phase of my journey is going to be really important.  A place where I will really start to grow. A place where I will start to make some key connections.  A place of exploration.  A place where the external and internal start to come together.

Or perhaps it will be an utter disaster.  Either way it will all depend on me and I look forward to my time as a Green Ninja.  

To Be Bold

I still struggle to practice my Kung Fu in front of certain people.  While some will encourage and support me, others find it strange and foolish.  For me, this is one of the reasons training, while away, can be so difficult.  I can tell it makes some people uncomfortable, and so then I feel uncomfortable.  I can tell that some people are judging me, and so I begin to doubt my ability.  I will find myself hiding away, often in very cramped spaces, trying not to make any noise or bring any attention to myself…ultimately sacrificing the quality of my training.  

I’d like to be confident and bold and am hoping, in time, this will be something I can change.

Ps.  Look who I bumped into here on the island!  

Help Needed...Apply Within

Normally I am pretty good at challenging and motivating myself, but recently I've felt a bit lost.  Foggy even.  Disconnected.  Struggling to find validation in my efforts or in quantifying my progress.  I know it's there, but I'm mostly relying on faith and trust.

Where I continue to feel elated and confident is in teaching.  I am consistently challenged by those kids in so many different ways.  But I want to get that feeling back in my own training.

I can recognize that I’ve been feeling like this for too long and so this blog is my cry for help.  I will be away this coming week, and so will be without my regular training and teaching schedule, and outside of my space.  And I feel like now is when I need it most.  And so I ask for a challenge.  Give me something to think about....something to ponder...a puzzle to work at.  Perhaps it's something you, yourself, are currently thinking on...perhaps it's something you've already solved...perhaps a particular part of a form that you have found to be particularly enlightening.  Throw something at me (not literally).

I need to wake up my brain.