Energy Split

I've been very unhappy with the portion in my form where I throw a side heel from a high back stance, followed by a spinning back kick, followed by a 180 degree turn on that same base leg into a pose.  I essentially end up in the same spot, except my high back changes to a pose.

This sequence has consistently felt weak and is probably the most difficult portion of my form.  Probably the biggest concern has been my ability to maintain my balance and slide gracefully into that pose.  And there are many different things I've been working on since it's inception, in an attempt to bring it all together.  Foot position, finishing the kick before going to the next step, reconsolidating back to crane stance, stepping into my pose rather than falling, maintaining my alignment...to name a few.  Nothing, has ultimately, solved my problem.

I've actually become somewhat scared of performing in class or in public, because I never really know what's going to happen.  I have not been in control of this portion of my form.  It has never been up to me how it turns out.

Last night was one of those incredible moments of understanding.

After several stumbles...and after recognizing that I was essentially pulling myself off balance with that kick because the rest of my body basically wanted to follow....I finally told myself that once I planted my foot, getting ready for that spinning back kick, I no longer wanted it to move.  It needed to stay put because that foot, that pivot point, is what transitions the kick to the pose.  It needs to turn, yes...but it shouldn't release, if that makes sense.  And although I may have thought I was already doing this, once I made that my specific intent, with the next rep I felt a huge difference. This time, I specifically forced my energy to my planted foot, rather than throwing it all with the kick.  That base foot stayed connected.  It did not release.  It did not allow my leg to straighten and extend.  Although it turned, it remained grounded.  Or at the very least, it "re-grounded" very quickly.  And when I threw that spinning back kick, I not only felt that power go out with the kick, but I felt that connection back to the earth with that opposite leg.  Two separate forces of energy, going two separate ways, yet connected at my core.  At least that's what it felt like.  I did not feel off balance.  I did not stumble.  Because I was stable and grounded to the earth.  And I remained that way as I carried through to the pose.  

Now, of course, I'm very excited about possibly finding this solution for this specific portion of my form.  Obviously I still need to work on this more to ensure that this discovery is repeatable.  And so far so good.

But I'm finding myself curious about much more.

In that moment I thought to myself how that energy going to the earth was just as strong as the energy in my kick.  How it was just as important...perhaps even more so.  I realized that "splitting" my energy in these two directions didn't weaken my kick, but instead strengthened it.  And that "splitting" isn't really splitting, but more like multiplying.  And...and...and...many other thoughts marinating.

Very curious to see where this all goes.