Sssssh...Don't Tell

This blog contains some thoughts I've been thinking for quite some time...but was doing my best to ignore.  I'm sharing them now because they continue to get louder and I either need to just blog and work my way through it, or if that doesn't work, have someone help me readjust my mindset.  I'm fully prepared to be schooled.

I find myself questioning some of the IHC requirements.  Let me rephrase.  I find myself questioning the value of some of them for me.

Pushups and situps.  The requirements that I would rather do without and that I fail to see how they support my progress.

There I said it. *nervously looking around*

Ok, now that nobody has whacked me over the head....let's continue.

Firstly, don't misunderstand me.  On paper...on an intellectual level, I understand their benefits.  The most obvious is building strength.  And I can see that they also support discipline, being that the simple process of committing to them and following through, contributes to building that particular characteristic.  I know these things.  I promote these things to others.  But it turns out I'm a bit of a hypocrite.  Specifically to myself, I feel as though there are a million other things I'd rather do to support my strength and discipline.  Things I'd enjoy more, and probably be happier doing.

So here is my issue.  I cannot seem to get the most out of these requirements as I currently have them laid out.  They have become hoops I jump through each day.  I do them because I said I would, and that's pretty much it.  I fail to see improvement and I fail to see the benefit to my physical self.

Again and again, I will try to slowly build up to full pushups and full situps, but eventually (and it never seems to fail) I will slowly  (excruciatingly slowly) work my way up to a certain point and then, BAM, my shoulder is injured, my back is injured...and then I'm back to recovery and maintenance mode where I am back to modifications.  And repeat.  I never seem to make headway...I never feel any stronger.  It's become a vicious cycle and I find myself sitting in a modified "prevention" mode, scared to repeat the same injuries over and over.

And so here I am.  Day after day, simply ticking off a box.  As I said, I continue to fulfill these requirements, because I made a commitment to do so, but because I fail to see their real value, because I fail to see improvement, because I fail to push harder (due to injury or fear of said injury) I can't help but question whether my time would be better spent on other things, such as forms, or kicks, or anything else.  And I find myself resentful, feeling that I'm wasting my time.

Having said all that, and knowing that this program has been laid out as such to deliver success, I will challenge my poor attitude with the following,

Is this just my innate human nature of laziness peaking it's head out?  Maybe
Am I looking and finding any and all excuses to convince myself that I, specifically, don't need to do these particular requirements?  Perhaps
Is it a coincidence that the requirements I don't feel are serving me also happen to be the ones I dislike the most?  Probably not
Is it a coincidence that the requirements that I dislike the most are also the ones I'm no good at?  Damn it

Am I just looking for someone to tell me it's okay if I don't fulfill these requirements?  That would be nice, yes.

I think this is where most of us struggle.  It's not that we don't intellectually understand the benefits of something.  It's that we are convinced that it's different for us somehow.  We can tell someone else in one breathe "yes this is the answer"...and then tell ourselves in the next "it's not right for me because of [insert excuse here]"

Aaaaaaand I’ve come full circle.