The Commas In Between

I was given some great feedback on the struggle I continue to face with my kicks.  

The observation was that I seem to be stuck between having developed the proper technique and making that leap to incorporate speed and power.

The four phases to technique mastery are 1) Form, 2) Speed/Power, 3) Accuracy, 4) Realism.

I've reached a point where my form is decent enough to start pushing further and moving to that next step.  In fact, I can feel that my body wants to be faster.  But when I do that, things immediately fall apart.  And instead of continuing to push, and just allowing things to fall off the rails for a time, I pull back to a safer place.  A place where I slow down and focus, once again, on form.  A place where I feel safe and comfortable.  And so I'm caught in this constant struggle of wanting to improve and get to the next phase, yet also wanting to play it safe.

It's taken me a long time to get to this place with my kicks.  And I'm not even at a place of confidence with them yet.  So it scares me to have it all fall apart.  I worry I won't be able to bridge the gap, and that the work I've done will be lost.  I worry about looking foolish.  I worry others will see me struggling and that they will feel I don't deserve this belt.  If I could switch back and forth quickly and easily depending on my situation, that would be great.  "Safe" kicks in class.  "Risky" kicks at home.  But that doesn't seem to be the case...at least for me.  Nor am I convinced it would be ideal to do so.  So I either spend my efforts pushing myself...pushing my comfort zone, trusting that I will eventually be able to connect my form with my speed...and accepting that things are going to really suck for a while.  Or I pull back, and re-establish my form, once again, in a slow manner.  But then I'm back to the start.  And so I feel that, thus far, I've been wasting my efforts....getting myself caught in an endless loop without ever really getting anywhere.

And so the advice that accompanied the observation was to just let it fall apart.  And commit to letting it fall apart until my form and speed are able to connect.

I have decided to move forward with this advice.  But it has not been pretty so far.

Saturday afternoon was a disaster.  But I accepted it as it was.  Sunday...also a disaster.  But I continued to throw them anyways, just simply trying to do the best I good in the moment...attempting to make tweaks here and there to see what would happen.  This morning....yup...still a disaster...BUUUUUUUTTT....with a couple good ones mixed in here and there.  Soooo....here's to hoping.

We've been told again and again to expect things to fall apart when we make any type of change.  That it's a normal part of the process.  But it’s one thing to know that everything will fall apart.  It’s another to truly embrace it and let it happen.  

Once again, the four phases to technique mastery are form, speed/power, accuracy, realism.  But those commas in between are proving to be just as significant as the phases themselves.