For about a month now, I've been working on it daily. There are spots on my feet that have split and my knees have been hurting from all the spinning. But other than that, you'd never know that I was putting in any effort at all.
It's funny. For a long time I struggled with my side heel and I found the spinning back kick much easier. In fact, 4 months ago I was feeling really good about my spinning back kick. I felt it was becoming one of my stronger kicks. And now, when I've finally made some improvement on the side heel, my spinning back kick has fallen apart. Literally fallen apart. I suddenly cannot seem to connect all the moving parts. It is atrocious and it seems to continuously get worse, not better. And it is confusing how this has come to be.
In our recent IHC meeting, it was said that sometimes improvement doesn't quite match our efforts. Meaning there will be times that, even though we are putting in a tremendous amount of effort, we just don't see the results we would hope for. And it can be debilitating mentally. It can make you feel like a failure, a hack. It can make you question why you bother to put in any effort at all. This is where I am right now.
And so I recognize that I can't keep doing the same thing, hoping for different results. I need to change my approach somehow. I'd like to come up with some sort of "milestone" goal. I can't just keep throwing kick after flailing kick hoping that it will just suddenly come together. Maybe it would eventually work...but mentally, I doubt I will last much longer. I know that I still need to just get in reps, which I will continue with as well, but I'd also like to maybe re-focus some of my efforts on just one part of it. But what would be the first step? Mastering the spin? Spinning and getting into that crane with balance and control? Or maybe even just spinning and making visual contact with my eyes to start? And maybe bring my kick down low for now? Or maybe even a simpler focus on keeping that base leg bent or arms in control? Don't come out of my center? I'm not quite sure. I'm feeling disoriented and am not sure where to start because it all seems like such a muck mess. Truly I need to work on all of it. And it seems like all of these moving parts are so connected that it's impossible to just focus on one thing. I'm feeling disheartened because it's as if I'm starting from scratch again. And it's embarrassing that I seem to have to. But nonetheless, here I am. Now where do I go from here?
No comments:
Post a Comment