A LEGO Christmas Tradition

One of my personal goals, that won’t be fulfilled, is taking the family on a surprise vacation.  Unfortunately, any funds I managed to save had to be used for some necessary home maintenance. 

Ms Kohut recommended that I re-evaluate this goal and determine the true intent behind it.  She suggested that there was perhaps another way I could still fulfill the intent, even if it was by a different means. 

After some thought, I realized that the true reason for this goal was to do something special for my family that would also result in some quality family time.  And, although the original idea of a vacation would have been fun, we don’t need to spend a lot of money or go far to make this happen.

Something all four of us enjoy is LEGO. And being the Christmas season, I found a Christmas themed set that we could all work on together.  I surprised the family with this on Christmas Eve, and we spent the day working on it, little by little.  Not only did we build LEGO, but more importantly, memories.  In fact, we decided, as a family, that this would be a tradition moving forward.  Each year we will add something new to our “LEGO Christmas Village” and will spend that time together every Christmas Eve.

There will always be obstacles in our path.  There will always be challenges in achieving our goals.  But if we are true to the spirit behind them, and if we are able, and willing, to adapt, we can still find success. So although I wasn’t able to fulfill the specifics of this goal, I did manage to fulfill the intent behind it.

Annoyed With Myself

I love the gravity yoga stretching.  I feel great doing them.  I feel great after them.  I've seen the long term positive benefits.

And I most certainly notice the negative effects when I'm not doing them.  Limited mobility.  Limited flexibility.  Limited range of motion.  Feeling tight and constricted.  More soreness.  More frequent pulls and injuries.

So why the heck can't I continue doing them the moment I'm not accountable to anyone?

Sifu Csillag and I finished the "happy back" stretching challenge in October.  And I haven't stretched since.

Is it because I don't have anyone to check in with?  Is it because I'm not accountable to anyone?

Whatever it is, it's ridiculous and I need to get past it.  If I make a commitment to myself I should be able to keep it.  Period.  I'm feeling really annoyed at myself that I can't seem to do that.

Dress For The Job You Want....

I was given a rare and incredible opportunity at a glimpse into the black belt grading recently.  And of course, I started to think about my own grading; what steps I need to take, what things I need to work and improve on, even ideas for my 5 applications and personal demo.  Yes, yes...I know...I've already played devil's advocate with myself and had the following internal conversation...

"Slow down there hot shot....you're an orange belt.  There's a long way to go before you need to worry about grading."

Followed by, 

"True.  But this isn't really about a specific day or a belt.  This is about who I want to be and how I want to live my life, so why would I wait to take action?"

I am not a Black Belt.  

But I don't think that's any reason for me not to act like one.

How It Looks vs How It Feels

Something we try to attain in our forms (and everything) is the 6 harmonies.  The connection between our upper and lower halves.  Our left to our right.  Hands-feet, elbows-knees, shoulders-hips, spirit-intent, intent-chi, chi-strength.

Although I have a long ways to go, I had thought I was starting to really embrace this.  When training at home, I don't have any mirrors, and so I typically pay more attention to how something feels, rather than how it might look.  And I had been feeling really good about the Tiger Claw portion in Lao Gar 3.  Yet when we practiced in class on Monday, I could see in the mirror how, physically, my heel was on the ground before my tiger claw finished.  This threw me a bit initially.  If I hadn't been in front of a mirror, I would have sworn everything was finishing at the exact same time.   Upon seeing this, I slowed it down and played with it a bit.  When I did this, I could certainly make the tiger claw and the heel connection end simultaneously....but it no longer felt the same internally.  

So here are the questions and thoughts now rolling around in my head,

Because this portion is circular in nature, rather than linear, will this change how I perceive "completion"?

Is this even something I should second guess?  Or should I just trust how I'm feeling and let it evolve naturally?

Is this something that changes as we progress?  Meaning, do we need to eventually allow our energy some influence and leeway?

And most importantly, can someone just give me all the answers?

Hold please....something just popped into my head.

Have a look at the attached picture.  The first one is how I've always "organized" my understanding of the 6 harmonies, because it just makes sense to create a list when we first get started.  But the second is what just flashed into my mind....and although it looks way more complicated...it actually makes way more sense.  It should probably actually be a 3D dynamic, rotating model....but I didn't have time to draft that up.  Lol.

It's Not You...It's Me

I'm going to be very honest with myself in this blog.  I don't know if it will serve a purpose other than feelings of shame...but we shall see I suppose.

A tremendous realization punched me in the face today when I saw Mr. Bauer's latest challenge.

If you haven't seen it yet, it is 25 reps of Da Mu Hsing.  As much as we know.  So being my IHC form, this means the full I-V.  And I almost had to laugh at the irony (almost) because my knee-jerk reaction was....What??  I have to do MORE Da Mu Hsing???

And so my confession is this....I'm just so tired of doing Da Mu Hsing.

Admitting this just now, by the way, did not make me feel any better.  Worse, in fact.  I feel shame and failure and I fear judgement.  This is my form!!  My beloved form.  I have worked so hard on this all year.  852 repetitions and counting.  I should embrace this form for everything it has given me...for all the progress I've made...but all I want to do is run off with Lao Gar...or Long...or Stick...or Hseih Chien...anything but Da Mu Hsing.

I need to re-ignite the spark.  How?  I don't know...but I better figure something out fast with the banquet fast approaching.

I'm so sorry Da Mu Hsing.  It's not you...it's me.

My Blogging Strategies

Sifu Csillag suggested in our meeting last night that we share our process when it comes to blogging.  I'm not sure I really have a specific step-by-step process, but I do have some different strategies...so here they are.

• I have a notebook that I bring to meetings to jot down anything that comes to mind during the discussions.  Sometimes these things end up being questions I ask in my 1-on-1s and sometimes they find their way into my blogs.  Sometimes both.
• I will use the "Notes" app on my phone in the same manner if it's more convenient.  Right after a class for instance.
• I have a large whiteboard in my training area as well.  Again, I will use this if it's more convenient.
• Every so often I compile all of these notes and ideas into a DRAFT blog (I use Blogger.com, but Word or a handwritten journal does the same thing).  This DRAFT blog currently contains about 12 partially started blogs, key words and/or ideas.  The reason I keep all of these things in one document to start with is because I often find that some of these things are related and they end up joining together (I do alot of cutting and pasting).  This also helps me keep all of my preliminary ideas in one place so that I don't accidentally lose one of them.
• Once I have formulated a decent start to a topic within my DRAFT, I will copy/paste that into it's own posting and continue to develop it there.
• I try to stay away from any kind of "deadline" and just write when the spirit moves me (when at all possible between work and kids).  As with any task, it's best not to leave it until the last moment.  Writing under pressure rarely works for me.
• If I don't feel like staring at a computer screen, I will dictate my thoughts verbally to my phone (using the microphone in the NOTES app).   It's a good way to get thoughts "on paper" that can be edited later.  This actually just sparked an alternative way to blog...with just an audio file.  Like a podcast (I think there are video podcasts as well, but I believe audio alone is more common).
• I try not to force a blog.  Those ones never turn out.  Sometimes a topic that I start will continue to completion at that same time.  Sometimes a topic is started, but develops over weeks or even months.  Another reason for the DRAFT.
• I initially just write.  Much of it is incomplete and often incoherent.  Most are just random sentences and thoughts.  But I worry about editing and putting it all together later.
• I don't worry about long or short, I just write.  When proofreading, I will delete extraneous or duplicated information or add more detail.
• I always edit and proof read for errors, grammar and spelling.  I don't catch it all, but I do catch most.
• I try to be descriptive for the reader, but my main goal is that my future self will understand it.
• I write what's on my mind even if I think it may not really be Kung Fu related.  It's all relevant to my journey.
• I will scroll through my blogs every so often and re-read the ones that seem to be relevant again.  Sometimes this sparks further ideas or insight.
• Every once in a while I will take the time to read the old blogs of the Sifus or current/past team-mates.  These date back a long ways and there is alot of content.  They say that a great way to develop writing is to read more.
• I write about everything, even if it might be really personal.  I have several finished blogs that I have never officially published, but that I wrote regardless.  They are still there for me and have provided valuable reflection.  Sharing is an important part of the process, but there will always be things I'm hesitant to put out there for everyone to see.  Maybe one day.  But even if I don't intend to share it, I still write it for me.  There are some that I've shared privately if I felt that I needed some feedback and perspective.

Blogging has been the most valuable tool in my arsenal.  It's not always easy, but the effort is well worth it.  It is the constant that continuously pushes me forward and keeps me engaged with my fellow students and instructors.

IHC Number Update - Dec 2

My December IHC Update

Base Requirements

✅ Hand Form - Da Mu Hsing I-V  831/1000

✅ Knife Form - Goju-Shorei Talon  832/1000

✅ Push-ups  41,608/50,000

✅ Sit-ups  41,692/50,000

✅ Sparring  828/1000

✅ Kilometers 1582/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 839/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

➖ Mastery by Stewart Emery

✅ Mend a Relationship

➖ Lion Dancing - I actually did my first lion dance yesterday with Mr. K Bjorkquist!  He did an excellent job.  Unfortunately I had no idea what I was doing most of the time...but it was fun!  I am thankful Sifu Lindstrom wasn't there as I'm certain he would have been constantly whacking me on the head with a stick to get down.  I was most definitely a camel.  Probably more like humpback whale.  😬

❌ Tiger Challenge

➖ Public Performances

➖ Core Curriculum - Instructors call

✅ SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

✅ Weekly Dharma Talks

⭐ Pottery - Complete

➖ Box Jumps - I have still been doing different exercises in an effort to become friends with my box. Yesterday I was doing some faster switch steps and cracked my toes hard enough one started bleeding.  My box hates me.  

⭐ Learn how to change my car tires  - Complete.

➖ Learn how to change Oil

✅ Indoor Plant - I have continued to expand this goal.  My mom and I have recently attempted to propagate a Christmas Cactus she's had for about 50 years.  And I think I see some growth! 

❌ Save for Family Getaway - with the unexpected expenses we encountered, this won't be coming to fruition this year.

✅ Compliment Dan, Emma and Nathan at least once a day.

⭐ Children's book - Complete.

 

My 50000+ Piece Puzzle

Something I like to do is pose the same question to more than one Sifu.  It's not that I don't like the first answer, or that I think it's wrong, but rather that there can be a variety of answers to any given question.  How it's asked, when it's asked, under what circumstance it's asked, who I am asking, how they interpreted it, how I interpreted the answer, etc, etc,.....these all have a significant bearing on the answer given in that specific moment.  And each different answer can provide some really valuable insight.

I also find this beneficial because each of the Sifus have a different approach and a different perspective.  None are "more right" than the other....just different.  All valuable.  And every bit of information and every answer that I get adds yet another piece to this giant puzzle that I'm working on.  One that, unfortunately, didn't come with a picture to reference, so I really have no idea what I'm building....but I do know it's big.

As I attempt this massive build, I can see right away that some of these pieces have an obvious spot where they fit.  Mostly corners and sides.  Some are not obvious at all, and so they sit to the side waiting for more clues as to where they might go.  Some of the more special pieces will end up fitting into several different spots.  And yes, some may not end up fitting for me at all.  But I'll hang on to these pieces anyways...I have a feeling they may belong to someone else's puzzle.

When feeling stuck, it can be fun to randomly "test fit" different pieces, just to see what happens...and sometimes I'm even pleasantly surprised to find that they fit!!  I must admit that I also sometimes try to squish and force them together in frustration, even though I can tell right away that it's not working.  Because in all honesty, it feels like I'm doing more collecting than solving right now.  But I suppose, as with any puzzle, sometimes the best approach is to assemble, sort and organize the pieces before really going at it.  Except the frame...I can always work on that.

Pottery Goal - IHC Year of the Ox - Success

I am officially calling my pottery goal for the IHC Year of the Ox a success.

Did I make 4 matching coffee mugs?  Weeeeeeeeeeell...technically no....but I did make 2 sets of 4 "un-matching" coffee mugs....as well as many other pieces!!  Lol.

Even though I wasn't able to get anything matching, alot of different things resulted out of setting this goal.

I built my pottery shed and got my kiln set up.

I successfully calibrated and fired my kiln for the first time.

I learnt a bunch about clay bodies and glazes.

I learned how to glaze and layer.

I expanded to pinch pots and sculpting.

And I did make those mugs, matching or not.

And BAM!!!  A realization just slapped me in the face.

The more I think about this, the more I see that perhaps these specific requirements that we set aren't necessarily our true goals.  But instead, they are more often the means to reach our true goal.  If I had written "get back into pottery" as a goal, what would that have meant?  How would I have done that?  How would I have measured that?  How would I have known I had successfully reached my goal?  It would have been so abstract a goal that I likely would have failed.  So instead, I think I chose a specific task.  Something on which to focus.  A reason to get back on my wheel.  A reason to dust off my equipment.  A reason to learn and expand this skill.  A reason to get back to doing something that I love to do.

Making these coffee mugs wasn't the real goal.  It was the tool I needed to reach my real goal.

The real goal was re-igniting my passion for pottery.  And it worked.

5 Applications Training

I've been working with Ms. Kohut now for a few months.  

When she first approached me about being her partner for her 5 applications, I was a bit hesitant.  Not because I didn't want to do it.  Not because I wasn't completely floored and honored that she had thought of me...

I was hesitant because I didn't think I was the right choice.  I thought she was making a mistake by not choosing someone with more skill and experience and my immediate thoughts were,

I wasn't good enough,

I didn't deserve this opportunity,

She would regret her choice,

And I would ultimately fail her.

These thoughts haven't dissipated completely...but irrelevant of whether they have substance or not, I am so glad that I chose to put them aside and say yes.  Not only have I had the opportunity to get to know her better, but I've been so fortunate to have direct access to her skill and knowledge.  She is always very patient with my questions and is always willing to share her experiences, both good and bad.  All of this plus my break falls have improved tremendously.  

Moving forward, I am going to make every effort to grab hold of any opportunity that presents itself.  Sure, there may be occasions where there are valid reasons to decline...but I don't want them to ever be based on self doubt or fear of failure.

Knock On Wood

I have found myself in a really great place.  

I wouldn't necessarily describe everything as "super duper awesome", but I feel as though I've established some sort of sweet spot.  I still suck at a bunch of stuff...and don't really understand a bunch of stuff...but there are also many things that I'm really pleased with.  I feel like I've entered this really great phase of just slowly plugging away, bit by bit...just doing Kung Fu.  No feelings of pressure or anxiety.  No frustration really.  I know it doesn't really make sense, but I'm in a place where I'm not just finding myself pleased with the good stuff...but with all of it, as a whole.  I think I just got to a point where I was tired of struggling against the bad...where I no longer wanted the bad to overshadow the good.  But I also didn't want to turn a blind eye and was still determined to overcome my challenges as well.  And so I told myself to just embrace that I will always have both.  Always.  And that's how it should be.

Good and bad.  Yin and Yang.  One only exists because the other exists.  Both are necessary for harmony and balance.

I really hope I didn't just jinx this all by saying it out loud.

Fall Break Livestream Challenge

I’ve really been enjoying the livestream lesson challenge (thank you Ms Ward!).  And just my luck that a few of the lessons have covered Da Mu Hsing, my IHC form.

Watching these videos, I’ve been seeing so many things I don’t remember noticing previously. At the time they were released, I was more focussed on learning the form, rather than understanding the form.  I was more focussed on the basics, rather than the details.  Now that I’ve got a handle on the basics, these little details are jumping out at me from all over the place…and essentially slapping me in the face.  I couldn’t believe how much more I was seeing…how much more I was noticing.  And I often find this type of mental progression just as exciting, if not more so, than physical progress.

In any event, this certainly wasn’t what I expected from this challenge.  And I see great value in revisiting these lessons on a more regular basis.

I Know Nothing....and I'm Okay With That

Thrust punch....one of the most "basic" techniques that we learn right from the beginning of our training.

This is one of those things that, as a new martial artist, seems pretty simple in your mind.  It's something you tend to think you "get" right from the start.  I thought I got it.  I was so wrong.

As part of my fine tuning with Da Mu Hsing, I've been working on really establishing that last second rotation in my thrust punch.  I was playing around with some different things, when I realized that my other hand, the opposite, yet equal hand, was an issue.  I was incorporating it initially, but it almost "petered" out during that last portion of snapping it to my waist.  As if it became irrelevant...or forgotten...or that I was already moving on to the next move in my mind.  Maybe all of these.

Either way, when I started to truly focus on making sure I was snapping back to my waist just as intensely as I wanted to strike out...it became a moment where I suddenly realized that I have never actually thrown a true, proper thrust punch.  And the clouds parted and the angels sang.  Two years, and I just now have felt what a thrust punch is actually supposed to feel like.  I was excited and humbled all at once.

I love these kinds of "discoveries".  They are usually things that I've done over and over...and that I've received instruction on over and over...and I think "yes, I know this".  But then one day I actually FEEL it, and I realize I knew nothing....and I'm okay with that.  😂

IHC Number Update - November 3

 My November IHC Update

✅ = achieving/exceeding my numbers or generally on track where numbers don't really apply.  

❌ = behind on my numbers, things aren't going well or I haven't taken any steps to complete the goal yet.

➖ = unsure of progress, the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet, it may take the full year to properly evaluate, or it's something I would need my instructors to determine my success/failure.  I've decided to still list these things here just as a reminder that they are still requirements.

⭐ = Complete

Base Requirements

✅ Hand Form - Da Mu Hsing I-V  749/1000

✅ Knife Form - Goju-Shorei Talon  750/1000

✅ Push-ups  37,518/50,000

✅ Sit-ups  37,512/50,000

✅ Sparring  758/1000

✅ Kilometers 1409/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 749/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

➖ Mastery by Stewart Emery *not memorized yet but understood

✅ Mend a Relationship

➖ Lion Dancing

❌ Tiger Challenge

➖ Public Performances

➖ Core Curriculum - Instructors call

✅ SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

✅ Weekly Dharma Talks - Back on track here.  I've revamped this a bit and have expanded to other speakers similar to Thich Nhat Hanh.

✅ Pottery - I've been spending consistent time with my pottery...which is always good for my mind and my spirit.  I'm waiting on some pieces to dry before I do another bisque fire.  I should have another full batch of glazed and finished pieces by the end of November.  Hopefully there will be 8 mugs that will have survived.  Although though 

✅ Box Jumps - I have been doing step ups or other exercise with my box every single day since October 7.  

⭐ Learn how to change my car tires  - Complete.

➖ Learn how to change Oil  - it's so cold out.

✅ Indoor Plant - I love all my plants.  It has become this perfect little space in my home.  I can't officially mark this as complete, since technically I need to keep these all alive for the full year, but it's looking like I'll be able to count this as a success.

❌ Save for Family Getaway - this keeps getting derailed with other needs in my house.

✅ Compliment Dan, Emma and Nathan at least once a day.

⭐ Children's book - Complete.

Sleepless Nights

I haven’t been sleeping well this past while, for various reasons. I was up last night at about midnight, last looked at my watch at 4:15am and then woke up to my 5:00am alarm. I could have forced myself to get up, but today, a little more sleep was more important. And so I missed my morning training for the second time in the last couple of weeks. Obviously, there are some things I need to address here, but there will always be these kinds of obstacles now and again. Knowing how to deal with them is the key to not letting them de-rail my efforts.

Although today won’t follow my ideal routine, I will still be able to get my reps in throughout the day at work. They will not be as mindful as usual, nor as intense…I’ll have to run through them a little faster, a little more compact, and I won’t be able to go too deep into my stances or techniques…but that’s okay. For today I need to adjust my mindset to simply maintain numbers. When my mind, my body and my physical space allows, I go as hard as I can. And that is often when some really great progress is made and insight is found. But there are also days where I just need to stay on top of my numbers and hammer out some reps. And even in these, there are benefits, if I pay attention and get creative. I will sometimes challenge myself to doing them fast, just to see how good I am getting at knowing the steps without having to think about them too much. I will face different directions to ensure that I’m not becoming too reliant on certain visual aids. I will also sometimes choose one “easier” thing to focus on, and slow things down just in those particular sections. And I won't lie...sometimes the rep might be completely mindless, but there is still success because I chose to do something, rather than nothing.

Sifu Brinker recently blogged about hoops versus tools.  Today's approach may look, to some, as though I am approaching my number requirement as a hoop. Something that I need to check off. But I disagree. Today's approach is about preventing it from BECOMING a hoop. Even though today will be more about maintaining numbers than making any great leaps and bounds with my progress...there will still be progress, just by the simple act of doing. The teams' number requirement has definitely been a tool for me. It's a reminder to take consistent action, in a measurable way, every single day. These small steps will then add up to great accomplishments...but only if I'm doing them. I refuse to let my numbers slide simply because I can't give 100% on a given day. Let's face it, there are many days when I can't give 100%...and that is no reason (or excuse) for me to do nothing. Maintaining those numbers, as a base requirement, is what keeps me going the next day, and the next. If I can keep up with my numbers, this requirement remains a tool that continues to provide benefits and will keep moving me forward. If I let those numbers slide, and I fall behind, I risk succumbing to the mindset of defeat and a "why bother?" attitude. And THAT is when it will become a hoop.

Full intensity and mindfulness are ideal, but just not always possible. First and foremost, I simply need to take some sort of action. Action is the first step. Getting those repetitions in, is the first step. The mindfulness, the insight, the intensity will always come…but not without action.

Some days, like today, are more about the numbers and not allowing myself to fall behind. And I’m happy with that goal for today and am confident it will serve me in the long run.

Something is ALWAYS better than nothing.

Break-a-thon 2021

I love board breaking!!!!!

My list of breaks from last night are as follows,

1. Thrust punch
2. Front Thrust Kick
3. Palm Heel Strike
4. Roundhouse
5. Combative Side Heel *2 attempts
6. Elbow
7. Spinning Back Kick
8. Cross Step with Back Kick *2 attempts
9. Knife Hand
10. Ridge Hand *lost count but there's a video...lol...5 attempts
11. Extra - Side Heel on green board

I always like to go a little outside my comfort zone for these.  What better place to push yourself than at the Kwoon?  Not one person in there is going to mock you or snicker.....at least not because of your board breaks. 😉  In fact, it always inspires me to see others trying more difficult techniques, regardless of whether it works or not....so I like to try and do the same.

Having said that, I'm really proud of my knife hand.  It's the first knife hand I've attempted on a board and it was soooooooo smooth (link below for a quick video clip).  

Knife Hand 2021

But I think the ridge hand was likely my favourite.  I knew I wanted to try one but I also knew that it would be the hardest, and so I left it for my 10th.   And although it took me 5 attempts, this is also the one from which I took away the most insight...proving that you learn more from your fails than from your successes.  Next year it will be my first break.

Confidence Shift

Generally speaking, we tend to feel confident only when we are good at something.  And we lose that feeling when we do something we are terrible at.  And I don't think this is right.

Am I awesome at everything?  Nope.  Am I terrible at many things?  Yup.  But what I'm good at and what I'm awful at shouldn't define my confidence.  My confidence should be defined by the effort I put forth and by how hard I work.  It should grow by trying new things and grabbing hold of ANY opportunity that may present itself; failing aside....rather than limiting myself only to the opportunities that I know I'll be successful at or that I'm already comfortable with.

This understanding has slowly been evolving in me for some time and I'm finding that my self confidence and self worth is starting to build on a deeper level.

I'd like to shift from being strictly confident in "things"...to simply being confident in myself.

One Step, Two Step...Red Step, Blue Step

One of the things I incorporate frequently into my training is the 2 and 3 step sparring.  I do the 1-stepping as well, but for this particular blog I'm speaking more to the forward and backward slide-stepping that are used for the 2 and 3 stepping patterns.

When slide-stepping in a bow stance, I've always found it easier to slide step backwards, rather than forwards.  

I will attempt to explain why I think that is.

In a bow stance, your front leg bares the majority of the weight.  For this explanation, I will call it the "stabilizing" leg.  When I am slide stepping backwards, the stabilizing leg is already connected to the ground, and remains connected for the duration of the movement.  When slide-stepping forward, the stabilizing leg is the one that is disconnected from the ground and moves.  Because it is disconnected, that stability is temporarily gone and needs to be re-established.  So, physically speaking, I think this is why it seems a bit more difficult to slide step forward, as opposed to back.  

Having said that, I've just recently started to try and take things that I'm discovering in one area, and apply them to others.  One of the concepts I've been trying to apply to other areas is really maintaining my center...maintaining my energy at my core as I move through my forms or applications.  Perhaps "re-consolidating" my energy to my core is a better way of putting it.  And so I found myself applying it here, while working on what I thought was a more physical issue, and stumbled onto something really great.

When it comes to this slide stepping, not only am I shifting my body (and my weight) forward or back in a physical manner....I'm also shifting my energy.  I know this seems obvious, but just bear with me...I'm new and trying 😉.  For some reason, when slide stepping back, my energy remains fairly balanced and centered.  My energy shifts with my body, anchored to my core, rather than shifting independently.  Perhaps maintaining the physical connection with that stabilizing leg (as described above) helps keep things in harmony somewhat?  Either way...with the forward stepping, this was not the case.  During the forward motion, I could feel a major imbalance.  It seemed as though my energy shifted forward all at once, and then I had to shift back and re-settle.  Although you probably couldn't see it physically, there was almost a rocking sensation happening internally.  Full forward, part back...full forward, part back.  The difference was so blatantly obvious once I took the time to "look".  

I'm starting to think that I sometimes take my energy for granted.  I tend to initially assume any issue I'm having is purely physical because I simply expect my energy to shift and move and just do what it's supposed to do on it's own.  Granted, sometimes it does.  But more often then not, my energy does NOT do what I think it should.  In fact, I would describe my energy as a bit wild and I find that I always have to reign it in, bring it back to my center and then direct it where needed...as if it needs to be trained.  And it can cause havoc if left unchecked or ignored.  Having said that, I do find it fairly easy to manipulate and harness my energy, once I acknowledge it's presence (or lack there of).  For me the hard part is recognizing, acknowledging, finding and diagnosing.....the fixing part is much easier.

Once I recognized this issue with my slide stepping, and made some adjustments, I also ended up finding that connection between pulling my fist back to my waist and really solidifying that connection to the ground with my back leg.  I think this is the "rotation" that Sifu Brinker has described.   I always interpreted this to mean a circular rotation on a horizontal plane.  But, for me, it feels more like a spiral rotation on an angle from my core right down to the ground.  It's very slight and subtle, but it's there.  So a side lesson here, for me, is to not take descriptions like this too literally.  For one, the way each person feels their own energy is going to be different.  And for two, I'm finding it can be very hard to accurately describe to someone else how your own energy feels and moves.  I need to be careful to not be too rigid with any pre-conceived notions I might formulate in my head prior to experiencing something first hand.

I'm finding myself really excited about all of this.  I've recognized issues with my energy and maintaining my center in the past with certain things and have made some really great discoveries.  But I've always treated these each as independent of the other.  I've never really consciously attempted to apply them to other problematic areas.  With every issue I try to address, I tend to start from scratch each time....re-creating the wheel.  But I can see how this particular discovery is likely going to apply to almost everything.  And I don't just mean  the obvious problematic areas.  Being consciously aware of my energy and my core in everything I do is going to be integral to...well...everything.

A posting that Sifu Rybak made about pins and bridges suddenly just popped into my head.  

Holy shit....did I just start building one of my bridges?

Pottery October 13, 2021

A quick update on my personal pottery goal.

I am so pleased to say that this has been going extremely well.  I'm not even close to my actual goal of 4 matching coffee mugs...but the progress I've made has re-ignited my passion for it.  Pottery was something I fell in love with right from the start.  There is a meditative aspect to it that requires being centered in both body and mind and is something that just seems to feed my spirit.

I've recently completed a full pottery making process.

Throwing the clay.  Drying.  Trimming.  More drying.  Bisque firing.  Glazing.  Glaze firing.

And I'm proud to say that I did not lose a single piece with this first batch.  Going into this, and based on comments and postings from a couple of pottery groups I am a part of, I was expecting to lose at least half.  I could chalk it up to good luck....and maybe there is some of that.  But I think I also need to allow myself a small bit of credit.  

I didn't cut any corners.  I didn't rush things.   I stayed patient.  I did not let myself say "good enough", but at the same time found peace with the imperfections.  I followed and trusted the process.

All things that apply to pretty much anything we may try to achieve.

Fine Tuning

Slowly but surely I am fine-tuning my knife form more and more.

There is a sequence where I stab my opponent and then drive the blade in further with my knee.  Or at least that's what I'm supposed to be doing.  This portion has always seemed weaker than it should...even a bit awkward.  Like it was more flourish than anything else and it didn't really seem to make sense.  It's just always felt odd.

Then yesterday, after doing it a few times I finally realized what I've been doing wrong.  After I stab, instead of driving my knee forward into the knife, I have essentially been pulling my knife back into my knee!  That makes no sense!  Why would I do that?  That would have no effect at all in an actual application.  The point is to drive the blade further into my opponent....not pull the blade free and then give myself a charlie horse.  

This realization, and subsequent adjustment, has made all the difference in this sequence.

But I'm still shaking my head that I didn't notice this before.  😂

I'm going to keep this in my mind moving forward with other forms and applications and ask myself,

Am I just running through a movement?  Or am I executing a genuine technique?

Be More "Kid"

I've recently been given the opportunity to start assisting regularly at the Tiny Tigers and Black Dragons Level 1 classes.  It's actually kind of funny.  When I was first developing my personal requirements for the year of the Ox, Dan suggested that one of my goals be to teach.  I remember scoffing at that suggestion, telling him that goal would be waaaaaaay out of reach for me.  Yet here we are.

My first classes were last Thursday.  And it was even more fun and amazing then I thought it would be.

Being my first day, and not really knowing what the heck I was doing, I sort of just jumped in here and there where I felt someone needed a bit of help.  There were a few newer kids near the back that I ended up navigating towards.  I would attempt to demo something for them, and when they started to catch on it was such a huge achievement for both of us!  It wasn't even that they suddenly did it perfectly....but the moment there was even a slight improvement, I couldn't help but celebrate with gusto.  And seeing the excitement and pride in their faces was absolutely priceless.

Kids are so much different than adults.  They have no fear, they aren't all that self conscious, they don't overthink things, they really don't care if they stumble and fall...they're just there having a good time, doing Kung Fu to the best of their ability....celebrating every success and really not worrying too much about the "fails".  In fact, I don't even think they consider anything to be a "fail".  And why should they?  It's not failing if you're doing...if you're trying.

So why do I let all of these things play into my own training?  Why am I scared to fall or stumble?  Why am I self conscious with how I look doing something?  Why do I overthink?  Why do I not celebrate every single, tiny, little improvement, rather than waiting for some very specific (often unrealistic) end result, in order to feel good about my progress?

I think I need to be more "kid".

Surrounded

On my way home from our team meeting last night I made some pretty cool (I think anyways!) connections.

I realized that with each of the amazing things that have happened for me this week, both were because of the people I am surrounded by.

"The first step to mastery is the removal of everything in your environment that represents mediocrity, removing those things that are limiting.  One way is to surround yourself with friends who ask more of you than you do." - Stewart Emery

And I realized that the key word here is "surround".  And I think this is exactly what Sifu Brinker was getting at when he said "If you're struggling, I want you front and center."  

I never saw myself as being withdrawn at all.  But I realized that withdrawing doesn't necessarily need to happen in full to be harmful.  When I keep quiet about something...when I push something to the back of my thoughts and pretend it's not there (ie. my box jumps...or the fact that I've felt something missing for a while)...that IS withdrawing.  That's me sitting on the sidelines where nobody can recognize that I'm struggling with something.  Where I, often, don't even recognize I'm struggling with something.  

I've previously recognized the value in sharing...in blogging...in staying engaged.  But this week shone some new light on even more advantages.  Not only are these things beneficial to my personal improvement and to my ability to reflect and grow, but they are integral to keeping myself surrounded by the people that are going to continually inspire me and challenge me and push me towards mastery. 

One on Ones

Over the last couple of months I've realized that I haven't been utilizing my one-on-ones as well as I normally do.  And I think the biggest reason why I'm feeling a disconnect is because I stopped booking them in advance.

Previously, I would book my appointments as far in advance as possible...regardless of whether I had a specific topic in mind at that time, or not.  By doing that, I always had a deadline...a goal.  I had committed to something specific and so I would be diligent with writing things down to discuss...and my mind was always active, ready to recognize the smallest detail as I trained.  It pushed me outside my comfort zone and added some pressure to make a greater effort in all aspects of my training.  I had some extra incentive to be prepared for a Sifu that was willing to spend some one-on-one time with me.

When I stopped booking them in advance, that incentive was gone.  I think my mind became a bit lazy.  I found myself not taking notes as often....not paying as much attention to the finer details.  And since I hadn't written much down to work on AND I didn't have a pre-booked appointment, I would end up just not booking one at all and skipping that week.  And I told myself this was okay, because I hadn't actually committed to anything.....Right??...

I suppose that's technically accurate in terms of a single one-on-one.  

But not so much if we talk in terms of mastery.

Officially scheduled or not, there is always a commitment to my Kung Fu...to my instructors...to the IHC...to this journey...to myself.  And that commitment includes taking advantage of any resource available to me whenever I possibly can.

IHC Number Update - October 4

 My October IHC Update

✅ = achieving/exceeding my numbers or generally on track where numbers don't really apply.  

❌ = behind on my numbers, things aren't going well or I haven't taken any steps to complete the goal yet.

➖ = unsure of progress, the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet, it may take the full year to properly evaluate, or it's something I would need my instructors to determine my success/failure.  I've decided to still list these things here just as a reminder that they are still requirements.

⭐ = Complete

Base Requirements

✅ Hand Form - Da Mu Hsing I-V  663/1000

✅ Knife Form - Goju-Shorei Talon  664/1000

✅ Push-ups  33,223/50,000

✅ Sit-ups  33,207/50,000

✅ Sparring  662/1000

✅ Kilometers 1258/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 669/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

➖ Mastery by Stewart Emery *not memorized yet but understood

✅ Mend a Relationship

➖ Lion Dancing

❌ Tiger Challenge

➖ Public Performances

➖ Core Curriculum - Instructors call

✅ SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

❌ Weekly Dharma Talks - Still off target...but working at catching up

✅ Pottery - This is going well!

❌ Box Jumps - 😭

⭐ Learn how to change my car tires  - Complete.

➖ Learn how to change Oil  - still waiting for an opportunity.  I did assist in bleeding brakes though!  Not sure I'll ever use that knowledge again. lol

✅ Indoor Plant

✅ Save for Family Getaway - little by little

✅ Compliment Dan, Emma and Nathan at least once a day.

⭐ Children's book - Complete.

If All Else Fails, Write About Your Friend's Panty Hose

My Grandmother kept a diary from the time she was 20 years old.  She passed away at 87.  So for 67 years she recorded something every single day.  That's, more or less, 24,455 diary entries.  Even during periods of time in the hospital, in her later years, the family would ensure something was written on her behalf.

One of her diaries recently fell into my hands.  I've mentioned previously that I had felt a connection to her through her handwritten cookbooks.  With her diary, this connection feels much greater because I am actually mentioned in many of these entries....my name on paper, in her hand writing.  This particular diary covers 1988-1990...so I was around 9-10 years old and it was really heartwarming to read through it.

I also found myself relating it to our own journaling requirement.

We all struggle at times with our blogs.  We can sometimes feel as though what we've done that day is relatively insignificant and not really worth noting.  That it won't be interesting to anyone else or that it's just not that important.

When these thoughts come to my mind, I will now and forever think of my Grandma's diaries.

Many of her entries included the weather that day.  Some were only a sentence or two, just briefly mentioning that she had gone for a walk, or chatted with someone on the phone.  For some reason these small moments were the ones that stood out to her, and were the ones worth noting.  Maybe not significant to anyone else...but significant to her.  And although each one, on it's own, might seem trivial....added together, they are someone's life...someone's journey.

Her diaries have served as a reminder that there is always something to make note of and to write down.  The significance of the small details may not be apparent right away, but perhaps over the course of a few days, weeks, months...added together, these things might spark some insight.  But if I'm not bothering to write them down, if I'm shrugging them off as irrelevant, they will be lost for sure.  

And even if I never do piece anything together with certain details, it doesn't mean they aren't important.  It just might take 30 years for them to become important to someone else.

*I had to share the following entry because it just made me laugh.

"November 12, 1988 - Charlotte and I picked up Louise and went shopping.  I bought two pairs of slacks, Charlotte bought a blouse and Louise bought two pairs of panty hose."

See?...there is ALWAYS something to write about.  😂

Yes, I Framed It

I am proud to say that I survived my very first Black Belt Fitness Test.  Well, the majority of it anyways.

Unfortunately, I was unable to do anything that would put too much strain on my shoulder.  So I refrained from doing the pushups, chin ups and flex hold.  But otherwise I went for it.  And let's face it...I already know what my number and time would have been for the last two...😆

I'm not going to lie.  By the time we got to the kicks, I wanted to curl up into a ball and take a nap in one of the scarce patches of sun and lick my wounds.  The only thing that kept me going was sheer will (aka stubbornness).

Throughout the testing I was pretty proud of myself.  I had no false notions that I had "aced" anything.  But I thought I did not too shabby.  I recalled doing a "mini" version in class, back when I first started.  If I remember correctly we did the bean bag shuttle (but only the width of the kwoon mats), horse stance hold , pushups, front thrust kicks, lateral jumps...and I think that might have been it.  And I was gassed THAT day!!!  Hahahahahaha.  So this time around, doing so much more, I felt really good by the end and that I had really accomplished something.

Then I sat down to input my scores from the CPRS guide.

Hold on....does lower mean better??...like golf??

Wait what?!...my super awesome 2km run time didn't even score???

Oh my that's alot of zeros....😬

But oddly enough, I did not feel discouraged.

I started to look through each test...picking out the things where I actually scored.  Looking at the ones where I didn't...and started coming up with a game plan.  There's no reason I shouldn't be able to get to a 10 on those situps when the time comes.  I should be able to improve the shuttle run and agility with some effort.  Same for horse stance.  Lots of work to do on my kicks, but that's no surprise, and I'm working at that.  Those, I think, are going to take me a while to really progress, but I trust they will come.  If I actually got back on my box jumps, those lateral jumps should improve.  I 100% intend to score a 10 on that 2km run by the time I am actually ready to test.  That will be a personal goal.  I will continue to work on my pushups, chin ups and flex hold...but I think anything shoulder related might end up being what brings down my average.  So I'm thinking I need to work on maxing out the things I'm a bit better at naturally, and then bring up the others as best I can.

The more I thought about it, the more positive I started to feel.

Sure these scores aren't pretty now....but I can work with them.

And yes, I framed it. 😆

My Magic Running Shoes

The number one thing on the Black Belt Fitness Test that I was NOT looking forward to was the 2km run.  I do not run.  I have never been a runner.  I hate it.  The last time I ran any kind of distance was likely high school in Phys Ed.  (Stop doing the math!!!!!  Let's just agree it was a "few years" ago).   I didn't even own a pair of proper runners prior to this boot camp.  I had to go buy a pair specifically for the day.  And I bought the ones under the sign that said "Running Shoes" assuming, of course, that they'd contain some sort of running magic.

As we gathered for this last test, I really had to psych myself up.  Just one last test and I could go home, lay on my couch and eat bonbons for the rest of the night.  And so I decided my goal would be to run the entire first lap without walking.  If I could do that I would be happy and then I could walk the rest of the way if I wanted.  So I started with a pace I thought I might be able to maintain....(look at me using "runner" strategies like a pro).  When we reached Sifu Y Csillag, I wondered if he would be open to bribery and if he might let me cut across.  But I kept running.  When I reached the second corner, I felt like my running pace was barely faster than a walk so what was the point, right?  But I remembered my goal and kept running.  Rounding the corner, I was again tempted to take a break, but I could see Sifu S Csillag by then and didn't want her to see me stop.  And so I kept going.  Ms Kohut then ran with me for a while, encouraging me as we made progress little by little.  And with her, I kept going.  When we reached the school, Sifu Lindstrom yelled at me so I ran a little faster in fear.

And then the first lap was done.  But I didn't stop as planned.

I decided I could go just a little more.  When I found myself back to Sifu Csillag, who reminded me I was now over half way done, I told myself I'd just go to the corner.  Then just the second corner.  And then just the third.  And then there was Sifu S Csillag again...so close to the end!  There was no way I could stop anymore at this point.  That opportunity had passed.  And so, as I passed Sifu Lindstrom once again (yelling at me to hurry up....and I'm pretty sure I saw a cattle prod in his hand) I felt rejuvenated.  Ms Dyble was in front of me...and so channeling my inner Sifu Lindstrom I yelled "Keep going Ms Dyble!!...or I'm going to catch up to you!"  And she immediately sped up again.  Hmmm.  This yelling thing kinda works.

And then I was done.  I had ran the whole thing.  Maybe the shoes were magic after all.  Or maybe not.

As I reflected on the day, I found myself wondering what would happen if I approached other things in the same way I approached this run.  Instead of reaching a goal and having that be the end, what if I pushed that goal just a little bit further out of reach.  And then when I reached that, I pushed it just a little further again.  How far could I actually go?

And maybe that's where the magic is.  Maybe that's where the mastery is.

I'll keep my shoes just in case though.

Boot Camp Meditation

To date, my meditation practice has always taken place alone.

Group meditation is completely different.  And boot camp was my first experience with it.

The walking meditation was amazing.  I felt so calm.  Except for the brief interruption from the big truck and trailer.  Even then, however, I still felt in the moment.  I remember thinking "Why are you moving so fast?"...but it was a gentle question in my head...more curiosity...not an accusation.  But I would guess he was likely thinking "Why are you guys moving so slow?!?!"....in frustration.  Lol.

As we walked, I found myself really hearing everyone's steps.  Although we all walked at different paces, it almost seemed that we were in sync.  Individually, we each had our own beat, but together we played a song.  At another point in time I heard a woodpecker, and oddly enough (maybe because I was so focused on his sounds?) I was able to look up into the tree and I found him immediately.  No joke!....I looked directly at him right away...way up and through all the brush.  It didn't seem odd to me at the time, but afterwards, I was surprised that I found him at all...never mind having my eyes go right to him.  Although it may have just been a fluke, it was a pleasant experience and I felt a brief connection with him.

On yet another occasion, we were walking towards a culvert.  I recall noticing every little detail of the grass, foliage and shrubs surrounding it.  The colours seemed so vibrant.  Everything so alive.  And as I looked closer, the culvert opening, amidst it all, was so dark and black.  Like a void...and I remember thinking how it was an entrance to a whole different amazing little world that I would never know in this life.

Upon returning, and as we went through the guided meditation, I became much more aware of all the different energies of everyone around me.  Typically, when I sit alone, the only source of energy I feel is myself.  So it's much easier to maintain focus and intent.  When surrounded by so many others, I found myself feeling a bit confused...almost pulled a bit.  So I decided to try something different, since I had so many others practicing with me, and I attempted to draw from the energy of the group.  I sensed it working and flowing into my own, (very cool), but then I suddenly felt like I was maybe taking it without permission and so I stopped.  Instead, I attempted to push (send?) my energy out towards everyone else.  I envisioned it flowing around the circle, available to whomever wanted it.  Or perhaps I should say for whomever needed it.  Whether this was successful or not, I would not know.

The portion on Feelings was the most difficult for me.  There are some things that have been causing me alot of pain lately.  And so I took the opportunity to look at them during this guided meditation.  It was not hard for me to find my feeling of joy.  In fact, I found myself smiling and wanting to laugh out loud.  Not because anything was funny.  Just because I found myself feeling really happy in that moment.  And not for any particular reason.  Again, just because I found myself feeling really happy in that moment.  And for me, smiling and laughter and happiness are often found together.  When we began looking for our pain and sorrow, again, it was not difficult for me to find.  And it hit me pretty deeply all at once and I began to cry.  But a good cry if that makes sense.  Not sobbing in anguish.  Just simple tears of sadness, recognizing that I am hurting.  And it's okay that I'm hurting.  And that I can take care of that hurt.

Describing my meditation is always so difficult.  It's such a personal experience and is often hard to put into words that don't come off as a little "coo-coo".  I tend to wonder if I don't just make these things up in my mind.  I often ask myself why I would be so "special" as to have these kinds of experiences.  But perhaps it's simply that I'm open to the possibility.  And that these experiences and possibilities are there for anyone who wants them.

Pottery Sept 19, 2021

So as indicated in last weeks' blog, "Pottery Sept 12, 2021", I managed to throw 4 viable pieces.

This weeks step was to trim my pieces and add handles.  I did another time-lapse video for funzies (below).  Trimming I'm not new to, but I have never attempted handles before.  I think mostly because I'm scared of making pieces that someone would actually use to drink out of.  And from what I can tell, even masters will experience problems with handles.  So this goal's purpose was essentially to get me out of my comfort zone and take some steps to further my pottery.

I have no idea if these will make it to the bisque firing.  They now need to dry completely for at least a few weeks.  In that time it's likely that the handles may crack.  But we'll see.  I will be ecstatic if 1 of the 4 makes it all the way to the end.  

Pottery is a bit of a process.  And often your efforts are "in the hands of the Gods" so to speak.  There are many steps that a piece needs to survive.  When they do fail, it's often not a failure that you can foresee.  You cannot be a potter if you expect things to always work out.  Having a step-by-step plan will certainly improve your chances, but it will not guarantee it.  Sometimes things just don't work out even if you did all the right things.  But with every failure I will learn.

"You must be able to correct yourself without invalidating or condemning yourself, to accept results and improve upon them." - Stewart Emery

Also, it never hurts to have a sense of humor with your personal efforts.  These are some of the ugliest, most oddly proportioned mugs I have ever seen.  The mitts on the person that would use that first one would have to be huge.  But in the flaws, I see the effort.  

Time to Breathe

Last nights meeting did not go as anticipated.  I was looking forward to it.  I was excited to hear everyone's shares and see how everyone is doing.  I had several things written down that I planned on sharing, none of which I did.  And what I did share, sent me into a very dark space.  It was something I had pushed aside and last night it just all came up.

I realized last night that many emotions have been building up for some time.

I am frustrated.  I am sad.  And I am tired.

I'm tired of hearing about it.  I'm tired of talking about it.  Yet I can't stop.

I want to argue and fight...yet I also just want to stick my head in the sand until it's over.

I want to claim I'm done caring....yet still find myself empathetic.

And if I am feeling this kind of turmoil inside, I'm no help to anyone.

I need to step back and breathe.

Pottery Sept 12, 2021

My personal goal of pottery has been left to the wayside for far too long.  It’s one of those things that always takes a back seat to everything else.  Today I shoved everything aside (don’t worry…I didn’t shove the kids TOO hard) and sat down at my wheel.  And boy have I missed it.

I’ve always felt like pottery has some significant similarities to Kung Fu.  I feel very grounded and centred when I throw.  Or at least that’s the goal.  And there are a lot of moving parts that need to come together just right in order to get the result you want.  Most definitely there is harmony.  

I’m also starting to learn that sometimes you need to just let things be. Try your best…do what you can…but if the results aren’t exactly as you hoped, take a deep breathe and try again another day.  Forcing a specific outcome tends to only guarantee failure.

I’ve included a video link below of a time lapse from today.  Kinda cool seeing it sped up like that.   The blog picture is of the 4 items I made today.  My official goal is a set of 4 matching coffee mugs.  Not quite there yet 🤣🤣🤣. These 4 will be trimmed and get handles next week.  Maybe not the last one…that might be a bowl…lol.   I definitely won’t be able to work any sort of magic that will somehow get them to match.   Lol.  But that wasn’t the point for today.

The point was that I took the time to sit at my wheel.  And I did.

This Moves This...That Moves That

It's truly amazing how our body works.  This moves this....that moves that.  This moves this so that that can move that.  Each part has it's own function, yet they all work together.  Sure it's possible to move just one body part.  For example, you can stand straight and stiff and simply throw a punch straight out.  But we know that throwing a punch like that, without incorporating anything else, does not result in a very good punch.  For any given intentional movement, there are several other supporting movements.  For ideal function, everything needs to work together.

So if we know that we ideally want everything working together to support one specific intent...what happens if we limit one of those supporting movements?  How much impact will that have?

Well, the answer is ALOT.  

I'm struggling right now with a shoulder injury.  I typically have a few ongoing injuries at any given time, but never anything super serious that has really limited me.  It's even often my shoulder.

Currently, however, it's in pretty bad shape.  And it seems to be affecting everything else down the line.  I noticed this morning that because I can't fully extend one arm, my other can't seem to finish what it needs to do either.  Because I can't fully complete the upper body techniques, the lower body movements seem incomplete as well.  I can't seem to fully sink into my stances.  I can't do the opening and closing bow properly and so my start and finish to my forms is pretty pathetic.  My flow is gone.  It's as if everything else is adjusting to suit the injury.  I'm only as good as my weakest link apparently.

As I was writing the above, a thought popped into my head.  Perhaps it's not just the physical injury alone causing the overall problem.  Perhaps the real issue with a more severe injury is that my original intent is no longer pure.  And maybe it simply can't be with the injury.  Although I'm trying to keep my original intent, it has changed anyways.  It is now to avoid further injury, to avoid the pain, and so everything changes to support that intent.

I wonder if that's why injuries can be so frustrating.  We adjust physically, because we have to, while desperately attempting to hold on to our original intent, which may just not be possible under the circumstances.

I'm thinking that in order to train (successfully) with an injury, adjustments will be needed physically, as well as with my intent, in order to find a balance.  Hopefully only temporarily.

IHC Number Update - September 7

 My September IHC Update

✅ = achieving/exceeding my numbers or generally on track where numbers don't really apply.  

❌ = behind on my numbers, things aren't going well or I haven't taken any steps to complete the goal yet.

➖ = unsure of progress, the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet, it may take the full year to properly evaluate, or it's something I would need my instructors to determine my success/failure.  I've decided to still list these things here just as a reminder that they are still requirements.

⭐ = Complete

Base Requirements

✅ Hand Form - Da Mu Hsing I-V  584/1000

✅ Knife Form - Goju-Shorei Talon  585/1000

✅ Push-ups  29,383/50,000

✅ Sit-ups  29,288/50,000

❌ Sparring  578/1000 *I'm just a hair behind on this but should be able to make up the rounds this week.

✅ Kilometers 1134/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 591/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

❌ Mastery by Stewart Emery *I haven't read this in a couple weeks.  As soon as something is introduced into my regular routine something always tends to fall off the rails.

✅ Mend a Relationship

➖ Lion Dancing

❌ Tiger Challenge

➖ Public Performances

➖ Core Curriculum - Instructors call

✅ SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

❌ Weekly Dharma Talks - I'm definitely off target on this.  My goal here is to get in an hour of reading or podcasts each week.  I'm behind about 5 hours.  😑

➖ Pottery - I have my kiln wired up now.  Need to get some insulation and concrete board up and I'll be ready for a bisque fire.

❌ Box Jumps - I'm at a complete standstill on this.  My box has become a table again.

⭐ Learn how to change my car tires  - Complete.

➖ Learn how to change Oil  - still waiting for an opportunity.  I did assist in bleeding brakes though!  Not sure I'll ever use that knowledge again. lol

✅ Indoor Plant

✅ Save for Family Getaway - little by little

✅ Compliment Dan, Emma and Nathan at least once a day.

⭐ Children's book - Complete.

Old and New

This is one of those blogs that was difficult to put into words and may be even harder to understand.  I was hesitant to publish this, but decided to in case there are others that feel, or have felt, the same.

I've been struggling a bit internally with whom I can share my journey and to what extent.  

I rarely initiate a conversation about my Kung Fu.  But when asked, I try to be as honest as I can.  Some people will respond with interest or excitement and have even learned from my journey and have made fantastic changes to their own lives.  But most tend to scoff.  They can't comprehend why a person would work so hard at something with minimal benefits...or so it seems to them.  They can only seem to understand Kung Fu as a physical endeavor, and nothing more.  And so my commitment to it and my passion for it almost makes them uncomfortable…and they find it odd or different.  And I start to feel odd or different.  So more and more often I find myself hesitating or offering short answers without much substance.  I choose my words very carefully and tiptoe around anything that feels too personal.

As I progress...as I grow...as I change...the people that seem to understand me, are becoming fewer and fewer.  I will always have a small number of people that will continue to support and encourage me…Dan, my mom…but as non-martial artists, they don’t truly understand this journey.  The people that I can confide in and truly share my experiences with are diminishing, simply because they don’t get it.  I'm becoming more and more selective and am finding myself further and further removed from people I was once close with.  They haven't changed.  I've changed.  I envy those that found Kung Fu early on.  I almost feel like I’m in a place where I’m split in half right now.  Half old, half new.  Half trying to stay the same so I don’t lose connections with family and friends.  Half working hard at mastery, evolving and being better every day…but this means leaving some people behind.  I’m trying to maintain both…blend them…balance them.  But I’m not sure how, or if it’s possible.