Group meditation is completely different. And boot camp was my first experience with it.
The walking meditation was amazing. I felt so calm. Except for the brief interruption from the big truck and trailer. Even then, however, I still felt in the moment. I remember thinking "Why are you moving so fast?"...but it was a gentle question in my head...more curiosity...not an accusation. But I would guess he was likely thinking "Why are you guys moving so slow?!?!"....in frustration. Lol.
As we walked, I found myself really hearing everyone's steps. Although we all walked at different paces, it almost seemed that we were in sync. Individually, we each had our own beat, but together we played a song. At another point in time I heard a woodpecker, and oddly enough (maybe because I was so focused on his sounds?) I was able to look up into the tree and I found him immediately. No joke!....I looked directly at him right away...way up and through all the brush. It didn't seem odd to me at the time, but afterwards, I was surprised that I found him at all...never mind having my eyes go right to him. Although it may have just been a fluke, it was a pleasant experience and I felt a brief connection with him.
On yet another occasion, we were walking towards a culvert. I recall noticing every little detail of the grass, foliage and shrubs surrounding it. The colours seemed so vibrant. Everything so alive. And as I looked closer, the culvert opening, amidst it all, was so dark and black. Like a void...and I remember thinking how it was an entrance to a whole different amazing little world that I would never know in this life.
Upon returning, and as we went through the guided meditation, I became much more aware of all the different energies of everyone around me. Typically, when I sit alone, the only source of energy I feel is myself. So it's much easier to maintain focus and intent. When surrounded by so many others, I found myself feeling a bit confused...almost pulled a bit. So I decided to try something different, since I had so many others practicing with me, and I attempted to draw from the energy of the group. I sensed it working and flowing into my own, (very cool), but then I suddenly felt like I was maybe taking it without permission and so I stopped. Instead, I attempted to push (send?) my energy out towards everyone else. I envisioned it flowing around the circle, available to whomever wanted it. Or perhaps I should say for whomever needed it. Whether this was successful or not, I would not know.
The portion on Feelings was the most difficult for me. There are some things that have been causing me alot of pain lately. And so I took the opportunity to look at them during this guided meditation. It was not hard for me to find my feeling of joy. In fact, I found myself smiling and wanting to laugh out loud. Not because anything was funny. Just because I found myself feeling really happy in that moment. And not for any particular reason. Again, just because I found myself feeling really happy in that moment. And for me, smiling and laughter and happiness are often found together. When we began looking for our pain and sorrow, again, it was not difficult for me to find. And it hit me pretty deeply all at once and I began to cry. But a good cry if that makes sense. Not sobbing in anguish. Just simple tears of sadness, recognizing that I am hurting. And it's okay that I'm hurting. And that I can take care of that hurt.
Describing my meditation is always so difficult. It's such a personal experience and is often hard to put into words that don't come off as a little "coo-coo". I tend to wonder if I don't just make these things up in my mind. I often ask myself why I would be so "special" as to have these kinds of experiences. But perhaps it's simply that I'm open to the possibility. And that these experiences and possibilities are there for anyone who wants them.
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