Old and New

This is one of those blogs that was difficult to put into words and may be even harder to understand.  I was hesitant to publish this, but decided to in case there are others that feel, or have felt, the same.

I've been struggling a bit internally with whom I can share my journey and to what extent.  

I rarely initiate a conversation about my Kung Fu.  But when asked, I try to be as honest as I can.  Some people will respond with interest or excitement and have even learned from my journey and have made fantastic changes to their own lives.  But most tend to scoff.  They can't comprehend why a person would work so hard at something with minimal benefits...or so it seems to them.  They can only seem to understand Kung Fu as a physical endeavor, and nothing more.  And so my commitment to it and my passion for it almost makes them uncomfortable…and they find it odd or different.  And I start to feel odd or different.  So more and more often I find myself hesitating or offering short answers without much substance.  I choose my words very carefully and tiptoe around anything that feels too personal.

As I progress...as I grow...as I change...the people that seem to understand me, are becoming fewer and fewer.  I will always have a small number of people that will continue to support and encourage me…Dan, my mom…but as non-martial artists, they don’t truly understand this journey.  The people that I can confide in and truly share my experiences with are diminishing, simply because they don’t get it.  I'm becoming more and more selective and am finding myself further and further removed from people I was once close with.  They haven't changed.  I've changed.  I envy those that found Kung Fu early on.  I almost feel like I’m in a place where I’m split in half right now.  Half old, half new.  Half trying to stay the same so I don’t lose connections with family and friends.  Half working hard at mastery, evolving and being better every day…but this means leaving some people behind.  I’m trying to maintain both…blend them…balance them.  But I’m not sure how, or if it’s possible.