Changes

My work has been very busy lately.  A co-worker has gone on to his dream position, and his tasks and responsibilities have been left to myself and another co-worker.

As I shift to my new combination of roles, my boss has essentially given me cart blanche to implement whatever changes and processes I feel would be of benefit for myself, the company and our clients. And although it will be alot of work in the beginning stage, I think I'm up to the task. Eager really.

Anytime a big change like this happens, not only in work, but in any area of my life, there is a tremendous opportunity for progress and growth.  An opportunity to do things different...and in most cases, do things better.

Bummer

Bummer training today.  Nothing seemed to work.  Felt almost jittery and completely disconnected with my Tai chi.  My Kwan Dao was totally in control of me.  I had been feeling better and better about my side heels and spinning back kicks, but today they were a total disaster.  And I couldn’t remember a portion of Hung.  

Having said that, I haven’t been sleeping well the last couple nights and I wonder if that may have some bearing on this.  I think I often take for granted the value of sleep and the impact it has on both our physical and mental self.

So I’m going to go hammer out my Mad Minute with the kids and finish the day on a good note.  

And then hopefully get a good nights sleep and start fresh again tomorrow. 

Yippee!

I think I've finally figured out how to end my Kwan Dao form.

I remember how excited I was when I sorted out my opening bow.  It wasn't even really all that great and wonderful, but it just felt right to me.  This is giving me the same sort of feeling.

I've got to work on it a bit more before I really write it down in pen, but I'm feeling excited about it!  It's the little things in life, you know?? 😉

Hint:  There is a very, very cryptic clue in my blog as to what I plan on doing.  Let's see if you can figure it out. 😂

Creating Habits

I happened across this article and thought there were all kinds of interesting tidbits in here.  Rather than trying to paraphrase or sum it up for you, I thought it would be better just to share the whole thing.  Plus, the original writer should get the credit.  Enjoy!

https://jamesclear.com/three-steps-habit-change

Up Before Dawn

Today was a good day.  

Nothing overly special about it.  I was home with the kids today, since they are out of school for Spring Break.  I was up well before dawn to load my kiln and start a bisque fire.  Once that was going I did my pushups and sit-ups.  Then settled into my big chair for coffee and read a few chapters of my Jose Silva book.  Reviewed a couple videos of my Kwan Dao form and made note of some things to work on.  Did the Mad Minute Challenge with the kids.  Fired up my computer and did my work.  Chatted with my Mom.  Did a couple reps of the Tai Chi Short form.  Helped the kids sort some lego.  Watched an episode of The Office.  Did another 2 reps of the Tai Chi short form.  Made supper.  Hung out with Dan once he got home.  And mixed throughout the day were snuggles with the dogs and little conversations with the kids.  Now I sit here, writing this blog, having a tea.

It was definitely a full day. But not busy or rushed.  Everything sort of just fit together with ease. These are the kinds of days where, although I still have responsibilities to fulfill, I tend to let my intuition lead me rather than forcing myself one way or another.  Everything still gets done, but without any stress or pressure.  Unfortunately not every day allows this.  But I try to take advantage of the opportunity when I can.

Yup.  It was a good day.

Some Takeaways

I was up early yesterday for my 1-on-1.  My chi work was the topic.   I usually read through my notes right beforehand so they are fresh in my head and I’m ready to go.  Often times they spark an internal conversation.  Yesterday was no exception. 

One thing I had written down was that I really hadn’t been doing much chi practice in terms of healing or alignment. I started to wonder why that was.  I had been making lots of advances in this area and had really been exploring.  And then I think I just got to a place where I had plateaued and didn’t really know where to go from there.  My next thought was that maybe I don’t go anywhere. Maybe a plateau is a sign that I am supposed to settle in for a bit, right where I am. That I should just go with the basics for a while…let things marinate and just be in the moment.  But if I stop pushing…stop reaching…if I settle in, isn’t that the start of mediocrity?  Well….no.  Not necessarily.   The simple fact that I know where I am and what I am doing…and I am content and happy where I am and with what I am doing…is a sign that it isn’t mediocrity.  In fact, if mediocrity were to sneak in, the moment I recognize it, it’s really no longer mediocrity...it’s opportunity.  Sort of like the paradox that Sifu Brinker wrote about regarding effortless effort.  Except when we recognize mediocrity, the path to mastery opens back up.  Alternatively, when we claim effortless effort, we stumble off unknowingly towards mediocrity.  In fact, it may not be a bad thing to just always assume I’m living in mediocrity.

I just realized this isn’t “sort of like” the paradox Sifu Brinker refers to.  It’s the same one.  I’ve just expanded on it a bit and am seeing it as a circle. A never ending cycle.   And awareness, or lack there of, is what shifts us from one phase to the next. 

My takeaways…..

Plateaus are good.  They are a means to settle in and explore deeper.

Self awareness is essential.

Mediocrity is a necessary part of the process and we shouldn’t fear it. But we do need to learn to recognize it in order for it to be useful, rather than harmful.

Duh-Ha!

Ah-ha moments are what we are constantly striving for in our training….and I suppose in life really.  Those moments where everything finally comes together and makes sense.  Where our minds are blown.  Where we are so proud and excited about our discoveries that we can’t wait to share them with others.

I don’t know about anyone else.  But my Ah-ha moments are few and far between. Not because I don’t work hard and put the effort in.  But because they are just so special that they simply don’t happen on a regular basis.

The moments that I tend to have alot of are what I like to call “Duh-ha” moments.  And I think that maybe these moments don’t quite get the credit or attention they deserve.

Let me share an example.  I’ve been working pretty diligently on a sequence in the Tai Chi Short Form (and Long form) called “repulsing the monkey”.  I’ve really struggled with this section for a long time but recently, due to a 1-on-1, I knew it needed some dedicated focus and I became invested in improving it.  I knew already that I tend to rush through this portion…as much as you can rush Tai Chi that is.  So I made my first course of action to slow down and really start listening to my body.  Repetition after repetition after sloooooooow repetition.  And then suddenly, in a rare moment of true awareness, I literally felt the exact moment that my right femoral head (the ball) turned in my acetabulum (the socket) and initiated the next step… (yes I looked that up to get the proper terminology, lol).  It wasn’t my hips that initiated the move and the rotation.  It was that very precise point in my right hip.  Again, not my hips…not plural.  And in my head the thought was “Oooooooooooh…..so thaaaaat’s my hip”.  And yes…even while I write this, I want to say “duh”.  Lol.  But I had always sort of considered my hips as one thing.  And so perhaps, subconsciously, that’s how I attempt to move them. But I have two. A left and a right.  Just like I have a left and right elbow.  A left and right knee.  A left and right shoulder.  I think because they are the center of my body…the center of my power, I just always thought of them as one thing..as that whole section really.  

Upon this realization, my initial reaction was “holy crap this is awesome!”(Ah-HA!)….immediately followed by…”oh gawd I am such a dummy…this is obviously so obvious.”(Duh).  And so when I get a double reaction like that, there’s my Duh-Ha moment. 

I also experience a lot of Duh-Ha moments while I blog.  I typically will start off thinking I have something so insightful and NEW to share…and then suddenly by the time I get to the end, I realize this is something I already know..that everyone likely knows…and that it is so very obvious. Sometimes I’ve even been tempted to scrap the blog altogether…delete it quickly and never publish it to the team, in fear of looking silly.  Instead, I typically end up sharing these moments with someone privately, and realize through discussion that these aren’t stupid moments at all. Rather, they are moments of clarity.  They are moments where something suddenly clicks.  Where obvious knowledge becomes just a little more obvious.  

Most importantly, they are proof that, even between the bigger Ah-Ha moments, I am boldly moving forward on this journey, where my understanding of things, my definition of things, is ever changing and constantly evolving.  Always good.  Never dumb.

Duh.

A True Reflection

I haven’t blogged yet today. Well…I suppose if you’re reading this, then yes, I finally have.

I have a few blogs in progress right now where I’m really working some things out.  And I didn’t want to publish them just for the sake of getting a daily blog in.  I want them to be fully finished.  But suddenly I found myself almost panicking to get one of them done.  When I realized what I was doing…I took a step back and started a new posting.  This one.

Daily blogging.  One of my requirements this year.  When I first considered this, I had listed out all the benefits I anticipated…..Daily reflection…A constant and complete record of my journey… Ensuring that I don't neglect to record the little things that may one day be of importance…and yes…perhaps just a smidge of a challenge to see if I could even do it.

But as many positives as there are, as with any other tool we have…the wrong mindset will turn it into a hoop.  

Recently I have had this feeling of being rushed and pressured.  Completely self induced mind you.  I’ll have begun a writing…felt very excited about it…but then started to panic because it isn’t really fully formed….lots of ideas mulling about that require some time to marinate. Yet I’ve made a commitment to daily blogs, and so I will either publish something that might only be partially developed, or I have to come up with something else, even though I’ve already spent my time that day on the other.  And then, if the “backup” blog isn’t that great, it feels like a cop out.  In either case I feel as though I’m putting something out there that isn’t really all that readable and not truly worthy of posting.   

I was quite happy at the start of the year.  Content simply blogging my thoughts…just as they were.  And somehow I’ve ended up here…second guessing…feeling like the simple days with the simple thoughts aren’t good enough.  Like I’ve got to have it all figured out before I share it.  Feeling like none of it is really worth sharing at all.  Feeling like I’m just forcing mindless drivel on everyone.

And so I need to remind myself how the daily blogging serve me.  Serves ME, being the key word.  These are for me.  If they spark something for someone else, great.  But that’s a happy byproduct and not the goal itself.

So once again…the reasons that I am doing this are…Daily reflection…A constant and complete record of my journey…Ensuring that I don't neglect to record the little things that may one day be of importance.

I think as long as these blogs reflect my day and where my mind is…whether that be insightful…happy…sad…frustrated…fully formed…confusingly incomplete….or maybe very simple and uneventful….as long as they are a true reflection…THAT is how they will serve me best.  

Really no different than they always did, daily or not.  

Just A Couple Little Heart Warmers

I have a few things in the works at the moment..and don’t want to rush them. So todays blog features…..TaDa!  a couple more snippets from “Big Panda and Tiny Dragon”.  This really is one of my favourite books of all time.  Up there with “The Stand”.  Yes, I know….totally different genres…but alas, I like variety.

The more I read this book, the more I feel like our Sifus and Sihings wrote it.  It really is quite surreal.  The words might be slightly different, but the messages are the same.  And so I feel compelled to share these little heart warmers once in a while..because who doesn’t need a little extra heart warming? 😊

Dou Ti - Start To Finish

This is a video of my hand form from the Year of the Tiger comparing it from the start of the year to the end.  I made several changes from the beta version.  For the better I think.  I do tend to think the differences in my technique and skill are extremely subtle, but they’re there.

Mr Lee Is Free

After being kenneled in the garage for 2 weeks. Mr. Lee has officially moved outside.  I’ve sat with him every evening in an attempt to make him comfortable in his new surroundings and to help him get used to me being around.  I wouldn’t say he “likes” me per se.  But at the very least, the frequency of his hissing and swatting has lessened.  I managed to release him into the cat house (no small feat) where he is currently hiding out.  We have a pretty nice setup, and being the free spirit that he is, he’s going to be much happier out there.  I believe I’ve done my best to show him that he’s safe and wanted, and hopefully he knows that.  It’s funny how, although he’s fought me, both figuratively and literally, he’s managed to win a place in my heart.  He’s an outside cat, and would never be domesticated...some cats just aren’t suited to live indoors.  But that doesn’t make him any less important to me, or to the world, and I'm hoping he finds a good life here with us.

The video below is of the first time he felt comfortable enough with me there to come out of his little cubby and move to the top. ❤️

I AM Connected

It was mentioned in one of our team meetings how Blogger has many different statistics that it keeps.  So I decided to go have a look and found the section where it tracks the hits to my blogs based on the viewer's location.  

What surprised me the most are the views from outside of Canada.  The only place outside the country that rings a bell to me is Bahrain. I'll chalk the hits from Mexico up to anyone on the team that's gone there on vacation 😂.  But quite honestly, I don't even know who in the US would be reading my blog, nevermind places like Italy, Russia and Japan.  Granted, I've been blogging since 2020...so 2 hits from Japan isn't that large a number...but even those 2 are completely unexpected.  

I find this all pretty shocking to be quite honest. We truly are in a world where our reach is near infinite and we are connected by a simple click of a button.  I'm not even a grain of sand in the vast ocean of online influencers.  So I can't even imagine the reach some of those people have.

But the big question here, for me, is how does a person utilize this in a positive way?  How can we take this incredible resource and change it from something that so often spreads fear, stress and hate to something that can connect us with kindness, compassion and empathy?  No really, I'd like to know...

No...I'm In Charge!

Between my Kwan Dao and my pushups daily...and then anything else that class throws at us...my arms and shoulders are really getting worked hard.  My upper body as a whole really.  Having said that, I'm trying to be conscious of any undue strain I'm putting on my body with my Kwan Dao.  Often the momentum that builds due to the weight could potentially be harmful if my technique isn't quite right.  So far it's been okay, but I will sometimes feel that strain specifically in my elbow or shoulder.  I've made some adjustments, because I'm pretty sure I know where it's happening...but still something to keep an eye on.  As I continue to train and develop my form, I want to focus on utilizing my body as a whole, rather than muscling it with just my upper half...or worse...one joint on it's own.  I want to control this weapon...rather than it control me.  And this is going to take alot of work.  In the meantime, I'm trying to utilize a longer stick when I'm trying to puzzle something out...a lighter weight when I might be doing something over and over and to give my arms a break.  And then move to my Kwan Dao for full reps.

But overall...I'm really starting to bond with my Kwan Dao and I'm excited to keep going.

A Swing And A Miss

It’s kicks like these that make the good ones so much sweeter.   What’s the point of anything if you can’t laugh.  😂

My Great Week Of Pain

This week really did a number on me.

Monday began with about a million situps, courtesy of Sidai S Csillag.  I'm not complaining (much), because it padded my numbers.  But I don't normally do 100 full situps in a row, so I definitely felt it the next day...and the next...and still today even.  Add a sore shoulder from all the shoulder rolls and a bruised shin from sparring.  I also have some sort of rug-burn on my arm from the hip throws and I only added to that shoulder fatigue with last night's Kwan Dao practice. I had to really push through with any demonstrations for the kids classes this week...they can smell weakness.  

So I am working with a very tired and sore body today.  But a good sore.  The kind that proves to me that I had a great week.

Hulk Smash

I had been feeling really good about my Kwan Dao form.  I would have said it was probably 85% complete as of yesterday.  But tonight, I went and broke it…1 week away from Beta Day. 

I wasn’t happy with some of the directions I was ending up in nor with the distance I was travelling.  With such a large weapon, I need to consider how much space I’m taking up because, at some point, I will end up on a stage with someone.  So I started picking apart some of the segments…adding some transitions and steps to get me where I need to go…but without sacrificing intent.  And now I seem to have all these little segments that I can’t quite piece back together.

Speaking with Sihing Burke after class, she likened it to having a nice little glass ornament and then just smashing it on the ground. Yes, I have to piece it all back together, but in the end I’ll have a beautiful mosaic work of art.

A lovely analogy that I hope foreshadows what’s to come.   Lol.

Posture

I utilized a guided meditation this morning called "5 Minute Body Scan".  Right off the hop the host had me establish a good seated position, roll my shoulders back, tip my chin, lengthen my neck and elongate my spine.  More simply put...proper posture.  What I wasn't expecting was the difference this made with my breathing.  I could really feel my breathe flow unencumbered in and out.  I typically try to sit with good posture in my meditations, but obviously I was missing the finer details.  Even this morning, as soon as I would notice my breathing become even a little bit constricted, I also noticed I was no longer sitting with proper posture.  A quick re-adjustment and my breath was flowing freely once again. That quick initial run-through to establish true posture and alignment was a gamechanger that I will be adding to my own self-led meditation practice....as well as to other things.

Blind Again

So I attempted my Tai Chi short form with my eyes closed again.  Knowing what to expect and preparing myself mentally is half the battle I think…but it was still far from perfect.  This go around I was definitely able to center myself better.  I didn’t feel so off balance.  And there was no extreme disorientation and dizziness like last time.  I still felt compelled at times to “reach out” with my other senses…but that immediately threw me off.  As long as I could stay grounded and centred, both physically and mentally, I was able to stay balanced…at least better than the last attempt.  I’m not going to lie.  It was still very difficult.  But I can see how this exercise, over time and with lots of practice, will be very beneficial.

The “Natural” Break Fall

I find backwards break falls really difficult when we do them in a drill format.  I can never seem to get the timing right.  They feel very awkward and un-natural and I have to really think about them. But when someone is actually throwing me, it’s completely different.  Any time I’ve worked with anyone that was practicing any sort of throw or take down, the break fall just happens naturally. My body just does what it’s supposed to do in that moment.  My mind doesn’t overthink it.  It just reacts.

Hmmm.  A thought just popped into my brain.  I’m wondering now if this “natural” instinct for a break fall in a more realistic situation has actually developed from all the practice in these drills…and maybe isn’t all that natural after all.  Even though I don’t feel that I’m doing them quite the same in our drills, that doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t the same ones.  Or that, at the very least, their practice is the reason I can do them in a more realistic situation at all.  Perhaps it’s simply the realism of the throw or attack that gives them that extra flow that I’m feeling.

Well isn’t that interesting. Lol. 

Time For A Tea

I decided to take today off from training.  At least in a formal sense.  I still did some pushups and sit-ups throughout the day…I still ran through a few ideas for my Kwan Dao in my head…but I didn’t set aside any time specifically.  

I haven’t really found time for my pottery lately.  So I wanted to spend the majority of the day doing that. 

Unfortunately my attempts were total disasters.  Every cup collapsed. My clay refused to work with me. Most of it went into the recycle pail.  And now I’m left with this sense of not really accomplishing anything today.  Like my day was a total waste.  Nothing to show for it.

I will likely just make a cup of tea and read now.  It’s not like that can go sideways…right??

I AM Blessed

I have been a part of many sports and many teams.  I have been involved in numerous groups, organizations and clubs.

Not one even comes close to Silent River.

Nowhere, in my 43 years, have I found the support and encouragement that I have found here. Nowhere, have I seen every single member, at one point or another, put aside their own personal goals to assist and help another with theirs.  As much as we each want to succeed and reach our own aspirations, we just as much want the student next to us do the same.  And one of the best places to see this in action is at open training.  I can say with absolute certainty that every single person on those mats today both benefited from someone’s generosity with their time and knowledge, and gave some of their own.  And I speak of the highest ranking to the youngest of students with that statement.  

This is really something special that I’ve been so blessed to become a part of.

I am blessed.

Dum-Da-Da-Dum-Dum-Dum

I've been trying to grab any opportunity I can to drum at the Kwoon.  I have my own little drum at home, but obviously the big ones are much different.  And I had an opportunity a little while ago to take a video of myself.  I tried to run through as much as I know, but I do know I am missing a few portions....waking up, the lettuce and the end bows, to name a few.

Anyhow, I wanted to have a record of some early stuff so I can compare it later and laugh at how terrible I used to be!!  Lol.  Lots of work to do yet, but I think I'm slowly getting better.

If you decide to have a listen, just remember...I'm new and trying.  Lol

And Again, And Again

Things have really been lighting up with my Short Form over the last while.  I had learned the whole thing, and was starting to really cement the sequence through repetition.  It was feeling pretty decent.  And now, through both feedback and my own findings and discoveries, I'm seeing lots of areas that need to be adjusted and re-worked.  All kinds of spots are popping up that I'm realizing I'm not doing correctly…and haven’t been for a long time.  Lots of areas where I'm sort of starting over.

I could look at this a couple of different ways.  On one hand I could be discouraged that I'm having to "start over" with things.  I could feel disappointed that I thought I knew something, only to discover I don't.  I could feel like I've wasted a bunch of time doing something "wrong" all this time.

Or I could view this all as the normal process towards mastery.

I've improved physically, and I've improved mentally.  And sometimes that will mean that the way I've been doing certain things suddenly no longer fits.  It means that I can be doing it better.  Often this progression will happen naturally, without even seeing or noticing it.  But sometimes, we'll just get a random thought that says “hang on...this doesn't feel right anymore".

And I don't think that's an indicator that I'm doing something wrong...but rather an indicator that I've been doing something right.  It's telling me that something needs to be re-evaluated and adjusted to suit the progression I've made.  That whatever I’ve been doing is no longer good enough.

Surprisingly, I don’t feel worried that this has happened.  Even more surprisingly, I feel somewhat at peace because I know it will happen again.

Loosey-Goosey

I've been trying to establish a presence for my pottery and my first order of "business" was coming up with a name.  Second was a logo.  I think I've settled on Ferris Wheel Pottery...which I think is both clever and contains meaning. I've also been playing with some logos.  This is a favorite right now.  

This team is essentially a group of my trusted advisors that I get for free (😂), but that I also know will be both gentle AND honest.  Lol.

And yes....the "loosey-goosiness" of it is intentional.  The dots are just a grid within the program I was using.  Minus the name at the bottom, I would also make this into a stamp that I could "sign" all my pieces with.

Let's hear the feedback.  I can take it.  It can't hurt as much as getting punched in the face.

I AM Curious

I took a page out of Sihing Burke's playbook this morning and did my Tai Chi Short Form with my eyes closed. It was horrendous!!! My balance was the biggest issue. I couldn't even pivot with both feet on the ground without feeling off balance. Nevermind when I had to lift one leg up. One inch off the ground and I was wobbling and falling over. In fact, I was feeling really dizzy and disoriented by the end.

I don't truly know why I found this so hard. But I almost felt like because I took away my sense of sight, my other senses almost shot out, in an attempt to compensate for that loss. But they went out reactively, in a panic, without any control. And ultimately I kept pulling myself out of my center.

I'm going to try this again moving forward on a regular basis. I think this might be a really good exercise in maintaining my center and staying grounded. Once (if) I establish that, then I might try playing with my other senses more, still with my eyes closed, but in a controlled way. Or perhaps I'll stumble upon something completely different that explains it all.

I have no idea if this is anything relevant to anything. But ideas pop into my head all the time and I like to just run with them and test them out. I like to follow my thoughts.  Learn things.  Figure things out.  Solve problems.  Think outside the box.  Make discoveries.  All of these things...because I AM Curious

I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious. – Albert Einstein

A Wee Sprout

I really enjoyed the sparring drill we did last week.  Keep in mind that liking it and being good at it are two different things.  Lol.  

When I’m thrown into a ring with a black or brown belt, it can be very overwhelming.  Very beneficial, for sure. But overwhelming nonetheless.  Often it can feel like a cat toying with a mouse.  And I’m the mouse, in case you didn’t catch that analogy.  Lol.  

And so I really enjoyed the structure and the way it progressed.  I was able to slowly, one opponent after the next, fine tune things a little more each time. And the repetitions really helped develop the motions and the rhythm of my body, while still being challenged to make adjustments each time we changed partners. 

I felt really good after that class and even noticed a wee bit of confidence grow. Everyone be careful not to step on it.  

The Rotating Title Of "The Worst"

It's funny how we are the "worst" at something, until we aren't.

When I first started drumming, I feared Thunder Drumming.  I referred to it as being the part I was the "worst" at.  That was only until 5-star entered my repertoire.  Then I felt like the Thunder Drumming wasn't as bad anymore, and the 5-star took over the title of "worst".  Then I spent time on my 5-star, and started to get the hang of it more...developed both some skill and confidence.  And once again, my Thunder Drumming was my "worst" again.

And I see this happen in all areas.  Kicks...forms....anything really.  We focus on our "worst" so it's not our worst anymore.....but something else takes its place.  Something has to be the worst...and something has to be the best.  And if those titles always seem to be rotating....switching from one thing to the other...I think that's a pretty good sign of both balance and advancement.

First Day On The Job

Mr. Lee arrived today. He has been very well behaved so far.  No fuss. No aggression. But you can tell he’s scared and unsure. He’s in a kennel in the garage for now.  He needs to learn that this is home and he is safe before we let him wander out.

Everyone has been coming out here every so often to sit with him.  Either reading or just talking to him nicely.   I tend not to say anything.  I feel like we bond better without words.  I had an inclination today to sit out here and meditate.  For some reason I had the idea that he would sense my energy better and know that I wasn’t a threat.  I focused my thoughts on feelings of calm and peacefulness as I breathed.  I typically close my eyes while meditating, and when I opened them I was a little surprised, but also pleased, to see that he had dozed off.  As soon as I moved he was back on high alert, but for a moment at least, he seemed to trust me.  It’s been a big day for him. And I’m glad he’s here.  

This One Almost Didn’t Make The Cut

Unfortunately I find myself exhausted, distracted and worried today.  I’ve been dealing with some conflict as a parent and it’s really been sapping my energy. 

I tried writing a couple blogs and it's just not working.  And I honestly have been sitting here much too long trying to put something together that I feel good about.  I think it's just time to throw in the towel because I really need to try and get back to work....as inefficient as that will probably be.

I also missed my morning training.  So yeah.  Really nailing it today so far.

Worrying about my kids is the number one thing that derails me.  I can normally push past almost anything else and carry on.  But when this kind of worry sets in, I cannot focus on anything else, no matter how hard I try.  But I also know that the only way I am able to alleviate worry is with a plan.  I have to look at things in a logical manner...take control of the things that are controllable.  There's always a solution.  But I'm currently struggling with that too.  I'm sure I'll get there...just maybe not as quickly, and cleanly, as I'd like. And there’s always this nagging feeling that I’m failing my kids. Which is a hard one to shake.  I mean let’s face it. I really have no idea what I’m doing. 

If I am 100% honest with everyone, this blog barely made the cut. I first published it earlier, with no intent of posting a link to WhatsApp.  Fingers crossed nobody would find it. Then I quickly deleted it altogether, hoping I could come up with something better and more positive. Then some of the discussions from last night regarding blogs came to mind, and I felt guilty for trying to hide my fails today. And so here it is again.  Published and link posted.  Apologies to anyone reading. This one, very literally, is garbage. But I made a commitment to blog daily, and this is all I have today.  

Plus…like was mentioned in last nights meeting...at least I'll have done SOMETHING for today. So I’ll mark this down and carry on I suppose. 

Mr. Lee

This is Mr. Lee.  He is a working cat who has been searching for a permanent gig.  He's been having a hard time finding one because he's a bit ornery and set in his ways.  He is constantly fighting management and refuses to conform to traditional workplace rules and procedures.

Our recent discussions at class surrounding Acts of Kindness and "big ticket items" inspired me to offer Mr. Lee a permanent position on our acreage.  He'll be working closely with "Swiper", who is our resident Senior Security Advisor.  Their role is to keep any riff-raff out of the house by any means necessary.

This is a 24/7, life-time appointed position.  It pays in kibble, heated accommodations, treats, medical benefits and love.  Treats and special meals are provided on holidays.  Only the toughest of the tough are considered for this position.  Domesticated kitties need not apply.  

I anticipate a rocky start to our professional relationship, but just as I eventually won "Swiper" over (she only swipes on rare occasions now and I don't think she really means it), I intend to do the same with Mr. Lee using empathy, patience and kindness.  I'm also fairly certain Mr. Lee will be a large contributor to my AOK numbers this year...so win-win.

He starts Saturday.

IHC Number Update - March 1, 2023

 

2023 Year of the Rabbit

Year of the Rabbit - January 22, 2023 to February 9, 2023 (384 days)

Base Requirements

Hand Form - Tai Chi Short Form  102/1000

Weapon Form - Kwan Dao  103/1000 *Still working on developing Part 2.

Push-ups  6064/50,000

Sit-ups  6088/50,000

Sparring  106/1000

Kilometers 186/1609

Acts of Kindness  217/1000

Blogging/Online Presence - yup

Unexcused Absences - yup

Mastery by Stewart Emery - trying to read it in the morning when I sit down at my desk

Mend a Relationship - this is rocky at present.  But I'm definitely putting in effort.

Lion Dancing - not yet

Tiger Challenge - not yet

Public Performances - not yet

Core Curriculum - hope so

SRKF Projects and Initiatives - Children's Class Weekly Recaps

Personal Requirements

Monthly Movie/Game Family Night  1/12 *I'm going to mark this as only 1 per month even if we do more.  We ended up watching Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 and 6 this month.  Kids had never seen them.  Now Nathan wants to be a Snowtrooper.  He always likes the bad guys better.  Should I be worried?

Lion Dance Drumming - I think this is going really well!  I'm getting the hang of all the different portions except for 5 star.  I am still struggling with that one for some reason.

Chi Development - yup.  Going really well at present.

Establish online presence for pottery - not yet...I'm leaning towards Ferris Wheel Pottery and have been playing around with a logo of sorts.

Daily blogging  39/384 *4 of these are "I Am" blogs.  Yay!

Weekly Kick Assessment - I've only done one.  I was tempted to remove this requirement initially.  I had a feeling that it would be the one that got left behind.  Likely it's just that mindset that is setting me up to fail.  I already expected to fail at it, and so I am.  Let's see if I can change my attitude.