Quick disclaimer: The subject of “guilt” can be a touchy one. Before I start, I want to ensure everyone understands that this blog is about ME and is not directed at anyone else. We all feel things differently, and this is my own approach.
That lesson has been very important for me and I've carried it with me for roughly 30 years. When I feel guilty, it prompts me to really reflect and evaluate my current situation. And guess what...my Mom was right. Not often has my guilt come from external sources. I don’t want to say “never” because that’s so absolute. But I certainly can’t think of an example. The guilt is present either because I am not happy with something I've done, or I’m doing something that is not in alignment with who I am, even if, at the time, I think I might be doing the “right” thing.
This has become useful to me in my life, and now in my training, and I've gotten better and better at utilizing this feeling as a tool.
Upon making a decision not to train, I try to immediately search for signs of guilt. If I feel no guilt...I know that my reasons, and my approach, were both sound. They were honest and I was honest with myself about them and I can carry on with confidence.
If, on the other hand, I sense the presence of guilt, that tells me that something within the present situation isn't right. Something is out of alignment. My intent isn’t pure. If this is the case, I will re-evaluate and challenge myself on a deeper level. Sometimes I carry on, feeling better about my decision, either knowing that I made the right one or simply making a quick tweak to rectify the wrong. Other times I see right away that my reason has all kinds of holes in it…simply excuses…and I am swiftly able to change my course of action. And then other times, I might realize it was my overall approach…maybe someone was counting on me and I didn’t address that appropriately.
Whatever way you look at it, if I’m feeling guilty, there’s a reason….and there’s a way to rectify it. I don’t simply have to live with guilt…it can be fixed and corrected. And I don’t mean I can change past wrongdoings…I’m talking about utilizing the feeling of guilt as a tool, then acknowledging, accepting, and learning to do things better moving forward.
Oh I like this a lot! Unfortunately in my life there are some people that can make me feel quite guilty and sometimes it’s probably for a good reason but other times it’s not. Sometimes people do it on purpose sometimes not. However I like your approach and I think I have to dig into this more, as I struggle with guilt a lot!😊😉
ReplyDeleteOh for sure there will always be people that TRY to make you feel guilty because they simply want you to do things their way. But this approach has helped me not LET them. I can feel sorry (empathetic) about the way something I've done has affected someone, but I don't feel guilty if I know my decision was sound. It can get really complicated for sure. My approach above really only scratches the surface of how guilt can be managed! But that sentence my mom said to me always stuck with me and has certainly helped me alleviate alot of it by either showing me that I am not handling the situation correctly, or giving me the confidence that I am. Thank-you for taking the time to comment!
DeleteUtilizing guilt as a tool, brilliant!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure there's something about this in the book in reading next about emotional intelligence. Your mother is a wise woman.
Ooo...let me know!
DeleteI'm curious about that book too
DeleteThis is why control is so important for mastery. Taking responsibility is taking control.
ReplyDeleteI spend a lot of my time meditating upon guilt. I deal with guilt when it pops up. No one can make me feel guilt unless I have something to feel guilty about. I do not dwell on guilt. I acknowledge it, I understand it, and then I put it behind me as a lesson learned. I then boldly proceed.
I think that guilt is my subconscious telling me I need to fix what i am doing.
ReplyDelete