Time Still Well Spent

Although it's been less than 10 days since my last formal class, it feels like I've been on this break for about a month.  Lol.  I got together with my partner on Friday and it was clear that my body was not moving as per the norm.  That's not to say I've been doing nothing.  I've done a few reps of this or that, here and there, but mostly just for the sake of moving, rather than working on anything in particular.  Obviously there is the hustle and bustle of Christmas that throws a wrench into routine...but I also find it difficult to do any training when I have extra people in my house.  

But to be quite honest, I'm actually feeling okay about it all. I'll be ramping things up again soon enough.  And the time that I shifted from my Kung Fu to family has been time well spent and not anything that I have any regrets about in the least.  

Shuffle Shuffle

Once again, I learned the lesson that working with a partner adds a whole different dimension of challenges.

Going through our demo on Thursday, our first run through had my partner "falling" off the stage.  Next go around, as we approached that portion I thought "oh right!!  I can't let her fall off the stage this time!".  And so I simply shuffled a bit over, thinking "ok, crisis averted".  Haha.  Nope.  I shuffled, but now she was completely in the wrong position for our roll.  Whoops.

In years prior, it's been easy (not really...but now in comparison it was...lol) to switch my stance, take an extra step, take one less step...whatever I needed to do to make the space on the stage work.  I can't do that with a partner.  With any change made, we affect each other.

Having said that...I don't think that puts us in a place where we just say "oh well...nothing I can do".

What it means is that we have to be hyper-aware...in real time...of any adjustment or misstep that might occur with our partner, and then adjust ourselves accordingly.  Seems to me that this will be a very transferable skill.

A Little Less Fluff

As we continue to work on our fan form in preparation of the upcoming banquet, we’ve been looking at the length and trying to determine which portions we really want to showcase. Good news is that there actually aren’t very many bits that we don’t like and to me that means we actually like our form. Lol.  Bad news… Actually, there really isn’t any bad news. We started to take a really deep look at the different sequences in our form. The first thing we looked for was duplication of techniques. Those were easy spots to remove to reduce our time. From there, we started to look deeper at our stepping and our transitions. We found a few spots where we were able to become a bit more efficient, shaving a second here and a second there. We tried it out yesterday to the section of the music that we’ve been assigned for now, and I am so excited to say that it works perfectly. I’m also really happy with some of the little tweaks we made because it does feel better for flow. 

This exercise of trimming down our form was really insightful and I started to wonder how much fluff we sometimes have in there just filling space. And I don’t mean that every little move has to be applicable. But everything should have intent. And sometimes that intent is just to pose and look awesome.  

So don’t worry.  We kept those parts in. 

Besties

Sihing Burke asked on Thursday whether the team had kept in touch with their "besties" that were initiated at the start of the year.  The answer for me is "yes" and she just so happens to be one of mine.

I think my group has worked for a few different reasons.  For one, we created a WhatsAp group to communicate immediately following that class where we check in, share, poke, etc.  I am also quite connected to my group outside of our "bestie" group with things like lion dancing, the fan and teaching.  So there's really nowhere to hide.  Something else that stands out to me is that it hasn't fallen on just one person to maintain the connection.  As I look through our thread, we've all stayed active, both responding to and initiating communication.  And when it's gone quiet for a bit, someone pipes up.  There were even occasions where we attempted to participate in each others requirements to try and generate some momentum for the other person and to try and share in why their goal was important to them.

We have all sputtered and drifted off track....but then suddenly there's been someone pulling us back.

As an example, I was recently tasked with implementing a plan to get back on track with my notes.  How did they know I had fallen off?  Well...because someone knew to ask.  And so I agreed that I needed to do something.  I was then asked to set a deadline.  Damn, ok....getting specific now.  And so I did.  And THEN it was agreed that if I didn't meet my deadline, that my besties would be allowed to come up with an appropriate consequence, but that I wouldn't know what it was in advance.  And to be quite honest, I didn't want to find out.  And so did I meet my deadline?  You bet I did.  And would I have gotten this going again on my own?  Probably not.

So for me, personally, my bestie group has definitely added value to my year.

A Mish Mash

There have been so many good things happening!  So many that I need to jot these all down so I don't forget.  Hopefully this will be enough to come back to another time and expand.  And apologies if these little tidbits don't make much sense for the reader, but they are just snippets for myself to return to.

Here we go...

1. I love teachers that are able to just sit back and let you come to all the wrong conclusions.  To some, this might seem like an uncaring teacher...but I see this as someone who really wants you to work through it and figure it out on your own...knowing that this will then stay with you, rather than jumping in to make every little correction, and ending up with a student that really doesn't understand why they are doing what they're doing.  I want to try and do this more in my own teaching.

2.  The biggest thing that I took from the kindness project is awareness of how connected (or not) I am to the individual members of the IHC team..and vice versa.  It made me wonder how I can get to know some of my team-mates better and how they can better connect with me.  And that's through my blogs.  We don't otherwise see each other in the same social circles, nor work circles.  This was an eye opener for how important my blogging is for both my team mates and my instructors.

3. Working on progressing with my 6 Harmonies has been difficult.  I think I've gone from one extreme to another, both, oddly enough, resulting in the same chunky effect.  But working on a particular part of DMH (step into open X with snap punch) I suddenly found myself expanding my "vocabulary".  I was doing a "1. 2. 3."  But then I started doing a "1 aaaand 2".  The "aaaaand" was my transition.  Why this verbalization helped, I don't know.  But it suddenly felt like I was doing the techniques, flowing through to the next, feeling harmony, etc.  Finally, a blue belt, and I think I maybe figured out 1 single 3 step section.  At least for now.  I'm pretty sure it will break again at some point.  Hahahahaha.

4.  I want to stop saying "I've been doing it all wrong".  I haven't been.  I've been doing it just fine for my level, ability, understanding, brain capacity, etc, etc.  It's just that now, for whatever reason, I can see how to do it different.  This is progression.

5.  Demo Prep.  I'm calling our fan form attempt on Thursday a "delightful disaster".  🤣  Working as a team with a partner has really brought with it many challenges that have been really beneficial.  Thursday brought some new ones.  Walking onto the "stage" on your own can be difficult enough...trying to find a spot to start where you have enough room to finish...not running into anyone or having them run into you.  Add a partner and you suddenly can't enter how you normally would want to.  I can't speak for my partner, but I felt like what I thought was good, wasn't, because I hadn't really considered my partner and where they would end up moving.  At times I recall feeling like everyone was right on top of us for some reason.  Lol.  I also didn't consider the fact that all these people moving around, with weapons swinging, would cause all kinds of breezes and winds....that we've learned are not conducive to a successful fan toss.  Even while at the Kwoon, as soon as the furnace kicks in, we need to be mindful of where we are because any little current will sweep our fans away when we are tossing them.  Hahahaha....well...lesson learned.  We can only improve from here.

6. Lion dance in the cold.  This was today.  The stick did not slip out of my mittened hand, to Sifu Rybak's great disappointment.  But I did learn that mittens are actually kind of heavy when thunder drumming and they got in the way of my clicks at times.  And don't ask me why, but drumming causes your touque to slowly slide off your head.  Just food for thought to all the drummers.  But a fun dance as always!

It's Been Good

So I was having a hard time maintaining consistency.  So I reached out to a team-mate to see if they wanted to have some scheduled morning training times together. And the last few weeks have been awesome.

We've been making alot of headway with our weapons form and I'm really starting to feel like we'll be ready come the banquet.  We are connecting dots and finding things in other forms and techniques as well.  And having this huge accomplishment under our belts right at the start of the day has made me feel like I've already conquered the day and everything else is icing on the cake.

And having some set days and times pre-planned is definitely holding me accountable.

So yeah, things have been good.

Nov 16, 2024

This past week flew by on me.  Even though we didn’t have any formal classes, my dad was here visiting and suddenly it was today. We spent the day driving to Saskatoon to bring him home and now I’m finally settling in for the night at my Aunts.   This is just a quick checkin, but I am actually feeling really good this week. 😁

Strides

So the inevitable happened. I’ve been using an app called Persistence ever since I joined the I Ho Chuan as a yellow belt. It's been a great tracking tool where I can set my goals with rep numbers and what not, and I can easily add numbers throughout the day as I do them. It tracks them how I want them tracked...meaning a daily total that was also added to a yearly total. It would also indicate whether I was behind on numbers or ahead. All in all, it's been a really advantageous tracking tool.

But disaster struck when I recently upgraded my phone. At the kiosk, I told the rep that I would set up all my apps and transfer my data later on. Turns out that some apps do not get backed up in that matter. And once you "skip" that in the setup, you can't easily go back. So I found myself having to manually add certain apps. Not a big deal really. Except for when it came to Persistence. It turns out that somewhere along the line the app discontinued it's availability in Canada. I was only able to continue using it as long as I had because it was already on my phone and I was sort of “grandfathered in “. But now that I was starting as a new download, I couldn’t access it. My numbers were gone. And not just from this year, but from the previous three years as well. Damn.

Good news is that I had a recent record in a blog.
Bad news is that it wasn't 100% current.
Bad news again was that I would still have to figure out how to track moving forward.
Bad news again, again...once my app was gone, I was randomly recording, or not recording, numbers all over the place. A real muck mess. But I've accepted the fact that I was less than diligent during my search for a new method, and those numbers are gonzo.

I won't dwell on it....and will instead, continue with my story.

In terms of tracking, I knew I wanted to continue using an app. Although I do love a good spreadsheet...it isn't my ideal platform. I became accustomed to a certain lifestyle with an app, and I wanted to find something that would give me the same benefits I had previously.

My research had me reviewing many, many different tracking apps. The list that I reviewed and tried is as follows,

Clickup
TickTick
Google Tasks
Todoist
Habitica
Habit
Trello
Way of Life
ATracker
Coachme
GoalsonTrack
Hive

None of these made the cut for various reasons. Some were far too pricey. Some didn't offer any flexibility. Some were more akin to a To-Do list. Some wouldn't allow exporting. Some could only be accessed on a phone and wouldn't sync between devices. Etc, etc.

I finally settled on an app called Strides. So far it is giving me all the features that I am looking for. And a few that are icing on the cake...one being that it syncs with my watch and I can quickly add reps on there as well. Another being that it predicts my end number based on my current pace.  Kinda cool.  The only downfall I can see right now is that it isn't free. But it's still on the lower end than the other paid ones.  And I do like that it offers a one-time lifetime payment as well...rather than paying monthly/yearly forever and ever. So for now, I've paid for a month (roughly $6) and will give it a good test. If I like it, I will likely do the lifetime purchase, which works out to 2 years of the annual anyways.

Anyhow...I thought I'd share all this as I know it's a struggle to find a good tracking system and we all seem to want something a little different.

I'll let you know how it's going at the end of the month.

Also, my numbers below are just a screenshot from the app.  Easy peasy.

Big Changes

Not many of you know this, but I'm going through a pretty big life change at the moment.  My current employer is entering retirement, and the business, as it stands, will not continue in its current capacity.  

As of Monday I have transitioned to working from home, as the offices are downsized.  My final day as an official employee will be November 29.

I am so grateful for the time I've spent at Interlab.  The owners have been the probably the best employers I've known and have become close to me like family.  Their philosophy has always been "family first".  I recall them, at one point, telling Suncor that they'd "just have to wait" when Nathan was sick as a baby.  The opportunity to work for them came at the exact moment I needed them.  And they allowed me to pursue a fulfilling career, without having to sacrifice being a mom.  And I wish them all the best.

Having said that, I've decided not to pursue future employment in this same capacity.  I intend to spend more time on teaching, Kung Fu, my home and my family.  It's a bit scary, but also very exciting.

I'm looking forward to spending more of my time on the things that really matter.  And I'm so grateful that I'm fortunate enough to be able to do so.

Meet Margaret

I'd like you to meet Margaret.

She came to be during the Break-a-thon on Monday.  From one of the wooden boards broken by Todai Raw.

It may sound funny, but I think I might just take as much pride in holding a board for a successful break as I do when breaking the board myself.  Holding a board is a big responsibility and the holder can make or break (haha...get it?) the attempt.  It requires proper technique just like the strike would.  Proper stance, locked arms, strong grip, perfectly still....a checklist of things that I go through while getting set up and placed.  When that board breaks, I feel that excitement.  And when it doesn't, I accept some of that responsibility and feel that disappointment.

So when someone asks me to hold their board, it's not only a big responsibility, but also a huge compliment that they trust me enough to do so.

Break-a-thon 2024

I was quite pleased with how my board breaks went last night.  In fact, the Break-a-thon is turning out to be a real indicator of progress over the previous year.  I recall just last year having some difficulties with the orange board.  And I don't even recall attempting the green...maybe once.  But this year, I found the orange to be a non-issue...and even the green with the majority of techniques.  And I recall thinking to myself that I could feel major improvement from last year.  So yay!

Leading up to last night my main focus with board break practice has been acquiring my target.  I realized in class a few weeks ago that we spend way too much time and attention setting up our boards (or shields).  We tend to move our holders a fraction of an inch this way or that.  And it's really irrelevant because once you actually get into the sequence, things change.  Perhaps you don't recover quite how you intended.  Maybe you step a bit off.  Turn a bit wide.  Whatever.  And I was finding that I was just rolling into the next technique with the expectation that my board was where it should be.  I wasn't really looking and verifying before I started to move....which meant I was often moving incorrectly.  So as I worked on this, my strategy was to pretend, somewhat, that the second break was somewhere "unexpected".  As soon as I recovered, I would specifically have to look for that second target, and then move and step as needed to get there.  I changed my thinking from "set up the target for how I want to move" to "move as needed for where the target is set up".

Last night was a perfect test for this.  As I set up my 4 boards, I did so quickly and with a general approximation.  I was about to "tweak" everyone a bit further and then thought, "nah...close enough, let's just go for it".  At the forefront of my mind I just told myself to do what I've been practicing...after each break, just look for the next one and do what needs to be done.  And I did it!  I'll be honest with you...it wasn't perfect by any means.  There were a couple little hippity-hops I had to make, but the breaks themselves were successful.  And there are a few things I know I want to work on moving forward....the biggest one being that I need to take my time a bit more to ensure my recovery is solid before setting out for the next one (this relates to expansion and contraction as well!).  I think this, in itself, will rectify the stutter steps when I need to adjust and will make the flow between breaks more fluid and even more intentional.  I have to remember that the recovery is still part of the technique...and we need to finish the first one, before we move on to the next.  

Anyhow, errors aside, this will mark my first successful 4-board break.  And I love firsts.  Lol.

October 19, 2024

 IHC Numbers To Date

Pushups = 21104
Situps = 20418
Fan = 473
Long = 322
Sparring = 279
Km's = 785
AOKs = 637

Partners

Working with a partner for my IHC weapon form has been both challenging (in a good way!) and very rewarding.

In addition to all the normal things that we encounter while developing a form....incorporating a variety of techniques...trying to find flow and harmony...maximizing speed and power...looking super cool...showing off your skills...incorporating things you need to work on......

...well...in a double form, you now have another person and a complete second form to consider along with all of these same things.

When working alone, the tweeks, the adjustments, the additions, the deletions....are all fairly straight forward (the process that is).  You find something that needs fixing...you figure out the problem...you come up with a solution...and voila!!! (kidding....I know it's not quite THAT simple...lol).

But it DEFINITELY isn't that simple when your form is intertwined with someone else's.  There are occasions where I might want to make a "simple" tweek here or there....or maybe I want to just delete a particular step that isn't really working for me....but doing that might actually cause a waterfall of problems for my partner.  One little "fix" for me might mean that, as a pair, we are no longer aligned properly...or our timing is off....or, or, or....so not so straightforward. 

We are also noticing that we seem to have different "stubborn" spots.  The things I am finding difficult are things my partner doesn't seem to have any issues with...and vice versa.  This is important because it is challenging us to not give up so easily on different techniques or transitions.  We know it's possible...because our partner has figured it out...and we just have to figure out the way for ourselves.

Working with a partner has added a completely new level of "eye of detail" for me.  And to be honest, it's really kind of exciting.

Old Friend

I was doing some training and I was suddenly inspired to pick up my Kwan Dao. Of all the weapons I’ve used, my Kwan Dao is my favourite.  It was one that I really felt challenged by, but that I also felt a real connection with.  My understanding and knowledge of using a weapon to its fullest advantage came with my Kwan Dao. It taught me how to turn a weapons “weaknesses” into strengths. I’m pretty sure I will return to the Kwan Dao someday, but for now, it’s a friend I can turn to when I need to ground myself. Both literally and figuratively. Lol

I Promise

As we were working on our forms on Thursday, I found myself thinking about the complexity of the "simplest" movements.  

With the first challenge, I happened to find an exact example of what Sifu had been talking about with pivoting while in a crane stance.  How you need to lift your weight without lifting your body, or center.  I have been struggling with a particular transition for quite a while.  I go from a super deep pushed in horse (more or less) to a cat stance 180 degrees the other way.  I've been trying relentlessly to figure out how to make this work for quite some time now.  I might have chalked it up as being impossible and changed my form....but with a partner, who isn't struggling with it like I am, I know that it's possible.  I ended up applying some of the things Sifu had said earlier (lifting my weight, but not lifting my whole body...which I think I've been doing and it's been leaving me struggling with my balance) and, although it's not fixed, I think I know the problem and finally have a plan of attack.

For the second challenge, I found myself at exactly the same spot. *sigh* When we discussed expansion and contraction, I realized that this was also a contributing factor to my trouble in this particular spot.  In the preceding pose I am fully expanded.  As I transition, I don't think I've been contracting before following through to the next move.  I'm pulling in, but not fully, and so again, I think this has also contributed to the imbalance I've been experiencing.  I'm not consolidating and so my harmonies are sort of still "hanging out there"...if that makes any sense.  When I actively contracted, fully, during the transition, there was definitely some positive results.  So again, I'll continue working with that strategy as well.

Anyways, back to my main point.  As I was working on this.....basically one single transition...for the entire class....I thought to myself...

"Nobody* is ever going to realize how much work and effort I put into this tiny little single move."

I thought of being up on stage at the banquet, the audience watching, and not truly recognizing that these tiny little "insignificant" moves are sometimes even more difficult to master than the big flashy ones that the audience will likely appreciate more.

And so I have made a vow that when I am watching my fellow classmates do their forms, I am going to really pay attention to the tiniest of details and I promise to give them the recognition and credit they deserve.  

I will see them and I will appreciate all the hard work.

*When I say "nobody" I don't really mean "nobody".  I realize that those that have truly developed their eye for detail, or those that struggled with similar things, would recognize and appreciate the process.

Oh Sleep...How I Have Missed You So

 

Well.  So far so good with the changes to my diet.

I took some advice given, and decided to just focus on one thing to start.  And because my sleep was also being affected, I decided to work on my suppers/evening eating first.  

So far what I'm doing is the following,

Monday/Wednesday - on these nights I do actually have time to eat before class.  However, I was either eating too much or the wrong stuff, and it was sitting heavily in my stomach during class.  So this past week I've kept my portions on the lighter side.  This seems to be working as I have felt that I have energy, but without feeling sluggish during class.  

Tuesday/Thursday - I truly don't have any time to eat a meal prior to classes on these days.  I've made sure to have a bigger lunch in anticipation of this.  After classes, I've made sure I also have decent options in the fridge ready to go.  Dan has assisted here in having it ready when I get home.  

The biggest change is what I'm eating late at night right before bed.  Any snacks, if needed, have consisted of an apple and tea.  I've been very consistent with no indulgences before bed.  I also find I don't crave these things typically during the day, so although I'm not tracking, I am fairly sure that my overall sugar/fat intake is down.

I'm letting myself have Saturdays as my day to indulge.  I don't worry about what I eat too much and I'll enjoy whatever treats I might have declined throughout the week.  Being that it's Saturday, I also don't have to worry about getting up early in the event the food messes with my sleep.

I'm also happy to say that I've slept better this week than I have in a very long time.  At first I was still waking up, but I wasn't "awake-awake" and still felt cozy and comfy and was able to go back to sleep.  And the last couple of nights I even slept right through to my alarm.  That is very rare.

I don't have any other changes I'm going to implement quite yet.  I'm happy with what I'm doing so far and what to solidify this into my "norm".

But so far so good!

....Dan tells me this is what I look like when I sleep well....

Holy Forking Shirtballs

One little piece of feedback from last nights class and it's seeming to be a gamechanger for me.

To paraphrase...."Everything physically looks good.  You're doing the right things. But you are too in your head thinking about all the things you are currently working on.  I can tell that you are focused within, trying hard to do everything right, rather than focused outwards, at an actual target.  Being in your head while you are at home training and working on things is good.  But here, in this type of situation [performance or demo], I want you to be in the moment and I want you to convince me that there is actually a threat.  Right now I'm not convinced."

I made this adjustment last night after we got our individual feedback.  And I immediately recognized exactly what Sifu was talking about.  As soon as I projected my focus (my intent) further out, there was a correlating, and dramatic, shift in my intensity.  I also noticed slight changes in my tempo, phrasing, release and even flow.  Super, super exciting.

And although I was working specifically on Long, I decided to apply this quickly to Lao Gar 1 as well.  I was curious and wanted to see if I noticed these things there too.  And all I have to say is "holy forking shirtballs".

This teeny tiny little bit of feedback is huge and I'll be applying this alot more moving forward.  

I felt really good leaving class last night.

No Excuses

There was an incident before class last night.

In the process of making supper (a veggie chili dish that was super delish and on par with my eating goals moving forward), I was tasked with chopping the vegetables.  This meal was one ordered from GoodFoods, and so I didn't directly do the shopping.

One of these vegetable was green peppers.  After chopping, I noticed that the cuticle of my thumb was hurting and was red and swollen.  I thought maybe some onion juice had gotten in there and irritated it...since that was sort of what it felt like.  I ended up sucking my thumb to relieve the pain (I know that might sound weird but that's what we tend to do when we injure a finger...I swear!!)....and HOLY TOLEDO, my mouth was on fire!!!  It took me a moment to realize that those green peppers were NOT green peppers, but were, in fact, poblanos.  Which are described as a "mild" pepper by google.  Yeah right.  I like spicy but these were insane!!  I hadn't even eaten a piece....and my mouth was on fire from trace amounts left on my thumb AFTER already washing them with soap and water!!  Needless to say, I was a bit worried about supper.  But it turned out that they were much milder in the dish.

Later on, as I was getting ready to go to class, I went to put my contacts in...and had forgotten about the peppers.  I thought I was going to go blind.  My eye was burning!!!  There was STILL residual pepper on my hands!!  I couldn't open my eye and had to pry it open...with the same fricking tainted fingers that had caused this in the first place.  I'm pretty sure those contacts are toast....like burnt toast.

Even today, I've "tested" my thumb and it is still making my mouth burn.  This is crazy.

Anyways, long story long...

When I realized that I wouldn't be able to wear contacts to class, my first thought was not going.  I was a bit annoyed at my circumstances and I absolutely hate wearing my glasses during physical activity.  In case you haven't noticed...I tend to sweat alot.  And they end up sliding down my face and fogging up all the time.  It's very aggravating and distracting.  Unfortunately, I'm basically legally blind without them, so going without isn't an option.  So in my head, it feels like I just CAN'T do things under those circumstances.  Which is obviously not true....it's more that I just don't want to.

So I quickly thought better of it and came wearing my glasses anyways.  What a silly excuse that would have been.  If my eye doctor suddenly told me that I couldn't wear contacts...would that mean I wouldn't practice Kung Fu anymore?  Or if I was sneak-attacked on a regular day in a back alley, while wearing my glasses, would I not be able to defend myself??  Come on....

It was actually that last thought that got me thinking about how there could potentially be value in training outside of our "ideal" circumstances.

If I can't wear my contacts for some reason...maybe this will help me learn what might happen with slippery/foggy glasses as a limitation or hinderance...

If I am running late and don't have time to get home to get my uniform....maybe this will help me learn how things might be different in regular street clothes...

If I am simply tired or rundown...maybe this will help me learn how my abilities and focus might be affected and how I might handle that...

These are all akin to training with an injury or during recovery.  There is value in training with limitations or under circumstances outside our norms.  Instead of making these excuses to not train...we could make them a reason to train differently.

So even if there seems to be a "valid" reason for not attending class....I'm going to start asking myself...

"Could this circumstance actually offer some insights if I attempt to train anyways?"

I have a feeling the answer will always be yes.

On a side note...here's what I found with my glasses...

• As expected, they started fogging up right away.  This became a challenge when trying to acquire my target during spinning back kicks.  
• I found myself frustrated when they began sliding down.  There always seemed to be a little bit of my focus pulled towards that and away from what my intent should have been.
• Sounds silly, but they were definitely a distraction.  I don't think it's the worst idea to simply train with them so that eventually they aren't.

A Second Opinion

I find it funny how even though we might have already recognized a problem ourselves, it still takes someone else pointing it out before it actually "clicks" to start doing something about it.  Almost like we subconsciously need a second opinion.

So when Sifu Brinker mentioned at the last meeting that no sleep is linked to poor diet...and that focusing on our health is the key to everything else falling into place....

And when Sifu Rybak just happened to want to check in to see how I've been doing...

It reiterated what I've been telling myself over the last few weeks.

My diet sucks...its affecting my sleep...which is affecting everything else down the line.

Here's what I know is going wrong.

1. Poor planning.  I've been successful numerous times (so that also means I've failed numerous times...lol) in developing a sustainable plan when it comes to food and diet.  Plan and prep are always key.

2. Less eating opportunities.  Or maybe I should say different opportunities available that I haven't gotten myself accustomed to yet...not necessarily "less".  I find that eating before my own classes isn't great.  I can feel my meal sitting in my stomach while I'm trying to train, and it's not ideal.  Most especially when it's a high-intensity class.  And when teaching, I leave work at 4, get to the Kwoon to run through my lesson plans, and then get into teaching classes.  I then don't get home until at least 8pm, or sometimes 9pm.  So basically, the "normal" window for eating is no longer available. I need to figure out a new "normal" that will work.

3. Food choices.  Ugh.  As a result of numbers 1 and 2 above, the food I'm eating is...less than ideal.  I won't lie, on occasion I've been known to eat a handful of M&Ms or a bowl of chips for supper and call it a night.  On these nights, I will wake up and not be able to get back to sleep.  Makes sense when I'm hitting a sugar rush an hour after going to bed.  😒  Even on the nights where I come home to a cooked meal waiting for me, I still end up not sleeping because it's maybe either too much or not the right stuff for right before bed.

4. A vicious circle of pain.  Lack of sleep is affecting my training.  Both because of low energy and increased injuries.  The more tired I am, the weaker I become, the more injuries I get, the less I train, the weaker I get.... And round and round we go.

This seems like a lot going on...and it is.  My it's really one thing causing a lot of different symptoms.

Better diet = better sleep = more energy = quality morning trainings = less ailments/injury = progression = balance = sustainability....and so on.

So for the next bit this is going to be my primary focus.  Everything else is going to take a wee bit of a back seat. Not forgotten, just secondary for a bit in terms of focus.  If I can get a handle on my diet, both with the choices and a proper schedule, I have a feeling that everything else will rectify itself.

I am going to set a reminder for 1 month to blog specifically about how this is going.

Let's See Where It Goes

I think I did one of the best reps of Awakening the Dragon that I've ever done.

I was actually doing my morning meditation.  And I started to use my hands to play around with my chi a bit.  As I did this I happened to find myself doing similar motions to our form.  So I went with it.   

I find Awakening the Dragon very difficult at times.  When we do it in class, typically after some high intensity drills, I find that I can never manage to regulate my breathing to the form.  I'm mostly going through the motions, because my breath is just too quick and irregular.  So my harmonies are very disconnected...nonexistent to be honest.  Other times I find that I am too in my head, counting the number of reps for each part, unable to really immerse myself into the form and utilize it in the way it should be.  And I learned from this one particularly "perfect" repetition that the number is arbitrary.  I wasn't counting and I couldn't even make a guess as to how many times I did each part.  I simply moved on, and changed course, when it felt right.  

In this particular moment, I just felt like everything came together.  My breathing, my movements and my chi was all perfectly in sync.  And I cannot say that has ever happened before.  At least never to this degree.

I'm now trying to figure out how to apply these insights to other forms.  Being an internal form, it will be difficult to replicate this in an external form like Da Mu Hsing, but I don't think impossible!  I intend to start with some bits that, on their own, seem more internal, and then expand from there.  I'm excited to see where this takes me.

August 24, 2024

IHC Numbers To Date

Pushups = 20329
Situps = 19508
Fan = 416
Long = 305
Sparring = 259
Km's = 681
AOKs = 549

Paddleboarding

We are out camping and service is very poor and sporadic and I haven’t been able to get onto the blog site at all the last couple days.  Which is actually totally fine.  Lol.  So I’m trying to write something here and am going to attempt to post this directly to WhatsApp and hopefully it will eventually go through!!

We were out on the paddle boards this afternoon.  The water was glass and I found myself just drifting and watching below.  I found myself thinking about how there was this vast unknown world right below me full of all kinds of little creatures.  There’s just so much life all around us that we are barely ever aware of and so today I spent some time trying to be really present and mindful of that.  In doing so, I actually ended up feeling connected to those little worlds rather than just an observer.

Double Blam

Last week we were given an assignment.  We were to explore the piece in Lao Gar 1 where we step back into an elongated bow with 2 backfists directed behind us.  This is also known as "Double Blam" in the Young Dragons 1 class.  lol.

As I've been playing with this, it dawned on me how this sequence is an obvious example of how the external harmonies work.  

Hands-Feet...Elbows-Knees...Shoulders-Hips

And when I say "obvious" I mean obvious now that I've been directed to actually pay some close attention.  

As I did this sequence over and over, while applying my eye for detail, I noticed that I could easily recognize each of these connections.  It starts with the shoulders-hips as the motions are initiated.  It flows down to the elbows-knees and then finally ends with the hands-feet at "impact" or completion of the strike.  These connections and flow were always there...I just never acknowledged them specifically.  

To be honest, this hasn't been a part that I've ever really paid alot of close attention to.  I tend to focus on the parts that give me serious trouble.  And in an effort not to overload my mind too heavily, I often tell myself that if it feels ok, then I should trust my body is doing what it needs to do and not overthink it too much.  Overthinking can sometimes get me in trouble or lead me down the wrong path.  But in my attempt to not overthink, I've also stopped being mindful.  Whoopsies.

After diving deeper into a portion that I feel fairly good about, I can see that understanding what IS working in one area, or what IS obvious, can be very useful in troubleshooting the areas that I'm really struggling with.

IHC Numbers To Date
Pushups = 19574
Situps = 18668
Fan = 400
Long = 299
Sparring = 222
Km's = 627
AOKs = 498

Aug 3, 2024

 I’m out camping this weekend enjoying the outdoors but not a lot of electronic time!!

IHC Numbers To Date

Pushups = 19078
Situps = 18245
Fan = 399
Long = 296
Sparring = 222
Km's = 571

A Parent, Not A Friend

When I returned from my holidays in Saskatchewan, I was greeted with enthusiasm by the Young Dragons students.  One, in particular, was even more excited to see me back than the others.

“You’re back!!”

“Yes I am!”

“Where were you?”

“I was in Saskatchewan visiting my mom.”

“I’m glad you’re back. I missed you!”

Any kid noticing my absence would have made my day.  But this one in particular had greater meaning.  This particular student is one that has required a lot of my focus and efforts.  And I don’t mean that they are a bad kid!  Not at all.  They are smart and kind and quite talented.  But they crave attention and they tend to do what it takes to get that attention.  And so they are one that requires a lot of redirection and I have to be on them constantly in order to keep them from derailing both their own learning and the class as a whole.

So to learn that they not only noticed I was absent, but that they missed me and were excited to see me return…well…it was hard proof that we are developing a report and that they recognize that the reason I am on them so much is because I care.  It reiterates how I approach being a parent with my own kids.  I’m their parent…not their pal.  And that’s exactly what they need from me at this stage in life. So even when we argue…or there is a need for discipline…they recognize (even if it’s later and not in the moment) that I do it because I want them to grow and to learn and to be successful and to be happy.  I do it to maintain structure and to establish boundaries so that they can eventually establish and maintain these things themselves. And although I’ve known this to be true intellectually…and that all the experts say that kids need a parent, not a friend…you still always wonder and question if you’re doing the right thing for them. Having this student value my presence, even though I happen to also be the hardest on them, shows me that I’m doing the right thing and taking the right role in the relationship we are developing.

This also opens my eyes as a student myself.  When I am being corrected again and again. When I am being advised to do this or try that.  When an instructor always seems to be pointing something out. When I am being told again and again to blog, to do my pushups, to utilize the tools set out for me…..they do it because they have a vested interest in my success.  They want me to improve.  They want me to progress.  They care.  And I am grateful.

Ouch

Things have been a little slow the last couple weeks.  My quads have prevented me from doing too much.  Although I’ve stayed fairly safe in class (probably thanks to being forbidden to do certain things…lol), small day to day things continue to sabotage my healing.  Kneeling down to take a measurement at work.  Tripping over the door threshold at Safeway. Hopping up on to the back of the truck.  Things that I typically wouldn’t think twice about.  But unless I wanted to lay in bed and do nothing, I’m doing the best I can and hopefully I will find things back to normal shortly.

IHC Numbers

Pushups = 18478

Sit-ups = 17445

Long = 287

Fan = 376

Kms = 571

AOKs = 450

Sparring = 221

Injured But Still Learning

Since I’ve been dealing with an injury the past couple weeks, I’ve shifted my focus to a couple different things not requiring the ol’ quad muscles at 100%.

The first is the initial move in Long, with the tiger strike and thrust punch.  These two techniques have always felt really awkward “side-by-side”. I say “side-by-side” because I know they are moving at the same time, but are completely separate techniques.   I’ve worked on driving the tiger with my hips as I turn into my cat.  But my punch tends to come out at a curve as well, kind of following the path of the tiger claw, rather than its own trajectory.  So right now I’m working on the tiger strike as a circular motion and the punch as linear.  It makes sense as an application, but I still can’t quite get it right in the form.  This move sort of reminds me of the “knife/punch/open roundhouse/spinning back kick” in DMH2.  These techniques also go from circular to linear.  Different techniques following different trajectories, yet flowing together.  I just haven’t quite been able to make these things click in Long yet, but I will continue exploring.

The other thing I focussed on this week was getting centred and staying centred in my forms, even when not able to get as deep into my stances as I normally would.  This was interesting because my initial thoughts were that I simply wouldn’t be able to ground myself with my injury.  But I didn’t feel that was the case.  I have no idea what I looked like from an outside view, but I felt surprisingly good.  Again, this is something that will need more time to explore, but so far I’m finding it very interesting.

A Series Of Unfortunate Events

As part of the July 1st event in my hometown, there was a slopitch tournament.  Ball is big where I’m from. Basically because it was the only sport available to us growing up. lol.  The population when I moved away in 1997 was about 475 people.  That number remains fairly close to today’s.

Anyhow, my mom is a councillor for the town and the planning fell to her.  She asked my sister and I to form a team, and so we tracked down some old friends and put one together.

I never gave it a thought.  I joked that I’d be rusty…not having swung a bat for probably 12 years, but I was still confident it would be like riding a bike.  Skills-wise, yes.  It all came back.  But what I failed to plan for was how I’ve changed physically.  I’m not in terrible shape, but I’m certainly older.  And I realized too late that I haven't run, in any capacity really, since my surgery.  And when I say run, I mean full on sprinting around those bags. After game 1, I could feel that I tweaked my left hip and pulled my right quad.  But, with age does not always come wisdom, and I continued to play and push myself well beyond my limits.

In the following days I was struggling pretty good physically.  But again, I took for granted I could keep going and started digging in my garden as soon as I got home.  I had brought lots of new plants home from moms and needed to get them in the ground.  They can’t wait that long out of the ground.  And so all that up and down eventually resulted in a re-injury of that pulled muscle.  It took my breath away and it was many moments and some creative movements before I could stand up.  I made it into the house, took a bit of a break and did some massage work to try and ease the pain.

Sadly the story doesn’t end there.  Again, wanting to get back out to my garden, I told myself I’d take it slow and easy.  Which I did!  Until I witnessed Nathan hit a bump on his quad and took a good tumble.  On instinct, I launched into a run.  That quad muscle screamed, but I kept going until I reach Nathan and could see he was okay.  Once I knew all was good, the pain exploded almost beyond coping.  I hobbled inside, and with Dans help, was able to get onto my bed and start icing.  

I still have plants to get into the ground, but they will have to wait.  I have already made too many errors in judgement. 

I’m struggling with recognizing limits that come with aging.  I don’t feel old.  I still have the same drive and motivation I’ve always had.  More even.   But when I hurt myself, where I could once push through, knowing recovery would be simple, it now takes so long.  And I just don’t have that kind of patience.  There are so many things I want to do.

On a positive note, we won the tournament.  lol.

Broken

Why is my blogging so broken?

Words and writing have always come easily to me.  I’ve never found it hard to sift through my thoughts, organize them and then articulate them onto paper.

And now it’s become the opposite.  It’s no longer easy and I’m finding it extremely hard.

Even worse is I can’t figure out how to change this.  I’m actively working at turning this back around but have so far been unsuccessful.   I’ve tried just writing organically.  I’ve tried giving myself a topic. I’ve tried reading old blogs. I’ve tried finishing old blogs that were left half done.

It all ends up a jumbled mess of nothingness.  Half done attempts that really go nowhere. Making no sense.  Without much meaning or relevance.

I remember being told in past meetings that if we don’t have anything to blog about, it’s likely because we aren’t training.  Is this me?  Is this the reason?

I want to say it’s not.  I think I have things to say.  Things I’m working on.  Things I’m thinking about. No, my training doesn’t look the same as it has in the past. My regular mornings are no longer what they were.  But I’m still training.  I’m still moving forward.  I’m still progressing. 

Aren’t I???

I’m really frustrated with this because I know exactly what a powerful tool blogging is and for over a year now it’s just been a hoop.

I feel like the answer is simple.  A small shift in perspective. But I just can’t seem to find it. 

Maybe I just need to accept my blogging as it is. Messy.  Half done.  Confusing.  No direction. And post them anyways. Maybe the problem isn’t my blogging.  Maybe it’s that I’m hiding it, thinking it should be better. Maybe blogging the messy jumbles is as important as the insightful and articulate ones. 

And maybe it’s a good thing that blogging has become more difficult. If something is just always easy, perhaps we don’t ever realize a true appreciation.  Maybe the lesson here is that it’s simply not always going to be easy.  That I will go through phases, just like anything else.  And the point it to accept that, continue working hard and eventually persevere and come out the other side better for it.  

June 22, 2024

IHC Numbers To Date

Pushups = 16153
Situps = 15299
Fan = 365
Long = 271
Sparring = 202
Km's = 451

Alberta Beach Farmers Market

Well I did it.  I attended my first market with my pottery.  I wouldn’t say things were flying off the shelves.  But a lady did buy one of my big hand painted bowls.  What was most special about this was how excited she was about it. She spent hard earned money on something I made with my own hands.  It was a pretty cool feeling.  

This also means I’ve successfully completed one of my personal goals for the year. 😊

HC Numbers To Date

Pushups = 15473
Situps = 14849
Fan = 359
Long = 269
Sparring = 202
Km's = 414

July 1, 2024

I've been really working on maintaining balance in my life and establishing something that will be sustainable for the long term.  Recently this has meant making a choice between an IHC commitment and family.

My "little" sister called me a few weeks ago to let me know she'd be visiting my Mom in Saskatchewan with her family.  I haven't seen my sister in about 8 years.  And I've never met my nephew in person (now 1 1/2 years old).  We talk and facetime, but it's not the same.

Unfortunately, it turns out the visit will take place over the July 1 weekend.

It's not necessarily a decision I wanted to make, but truth be told, the decision itself was easy.  I know exactly when there will be another July 1st. What I don't know is when I'll get the next opportunity to see my sister.  Having said that, there is still some guilt for missing this IHC commitment.  And I want the team to know and understand I wouldn't be without a very good reason.

Easy Out

I hate to say it...but I think the requirement to post our numbers, if nothing else, is actually working against me.

After blogging straight for 221 days last year, I ended up breaking my blogging rhythm, rather than enhancing it.  Ever since then, blogging has been a struggle.  What was once easy and natural, is now difficult and often forced.  I can't seem to put words together anymore and often start and restart a blog 10 times, never really knowing what I'm trying to say or where I'm trying to go.  But I still always made myself do it.  I scratched and scraped bits and pieces together...no matter how haggard...and continued to fulfill the base blogging requirement of once a week.

Being handed the numbers topic has become a bit of an "easy out" for me and I think I need to [grudgingly] admit that I am using this more than I should.  Too hard to blog...just post the numbers...running out of time...post the numbers.  I'm not proud of it...but having this "fall back" has actually become an excuse not to push for something more.

I wouldn't consider myself a "bare minimum" type of person and I really wish I could get myself out of this blogging funk I've been in for almost a year.  Hopefully if I just keep going it will eventually sort itself out.

IHC Numbers To Date

Pushups = 14513
Situps = 14319
Fan = 322
Long = 259
Sparring = 202
Km's = 348

Maybe Not Fully Prepared...But I Think I'm Ready

I'm not sure I feel fully prepared for the Tiger Challenge.  But I remember feeling this same way last year, so I think this may just be a normal feeling for me leading up to any event where I need to put my skills on display.  I don't know if anyone feels 100% ready.  At some point you just have to say "Ok.  I've put the effort in.  Now I just enjoy the day and see what happens!"

I had a solid plan for a while for what I would be doing.  As it's gotten closer, certain things just haven't felt quite right and I've made some changes to the forms I'll be doing.  I remember last year, I changed my Hand Form about 30 seconds before it was my turn to perform. I'm glad I did, as my intended form just wasn't feeling right in the moment.  I'm also glad I maintained my other form to the point that I was able to do it with both confidence and competence.

That has sort of been my general philosophy this time around.  Make a plan, but make sure to keep up with other forms at the same time.  This will allow be to make last second decisions depending on my mood the day of...ensuring that my spirit is aligned with what I'm about to do.

Obviously there are some events where this isn't possible.  Anything with a partner...and the musical form...are probably pretty much set in stone.

But should the mood strike, I have several hand forms and a few weapons ready to go.

So no...I don't really feel fully prepared...but I still think I'm ready.

Doing Something Even While Doing Nothing

I had a really terrible day a couple weeks ago.  Really, really terrible.

I had been sick all week.  So hadn't been at the Kwoon.  Nor had I been able to train at home.  Eventually on the Sunday, after a few rounds of antibiotics, I felt I was feeling up to some training.  It did not go well.  My forms fell apart.  I was off-balance. I was still feeling tired and weak.  Zero harmony.  I was totally disconnected, not just from my Kung Fu, but from myself.

From there I became frustrated and impatient.  Becoming short with my kids....spiraling into more guilt from there.  Feeling like a failure as a student, instructor, mom, partner.  Dan was working, so I didn't have that support while in the thick of it.  But once he got home, during a conversation, he said "do you think this has anything to do with not being at Kung Fu all week?".  And yeah...now that it was said out loud, I think this was a big factor.

In hindsight, it was inevitable that things were going to fall off the rails.  While sick, I just laid in bed...which was needed for sure.  But I had zero connection to my Kung fu.  I didn't think to read a book.  I didn't think to just go sit quietly in my training area.  I didn't think to just breathe mindfully.  My thought was "I'm sick.  I need to rest and do nothing."  But even in doing nothing, there are ways to stay connected.  My Kung Fu is how I take care of myself, both physically and mentally.  It's how I ensure that I am happy, healthy and aligned...again...not just physically, but mentally and spiritually.

The Kwoon is a very special place, yes.  But I don't want this to be a thing where I spiral if I'm not at the Kwoon.  My Kung Fu is with me all the time and I want to be able to maintain that connection no matter where I am or what my circumstances are.  Now that I recognize better why this happened, I can do better should...when...it happens again.  And there is no doubt it will...for some reason or another.  But next time I will be better prepared to do something even while doing nothing.

May 18 Numbers

IHC Numbers To Date

Pushups = 12963
Situps = 12984
Fan = 295
Long = 254
Sparring = 200
Km's = 317

This Week

 IHC Numbers To Date

Pushups = 12103
Situps = 12564
Fan = 266
Long = 241
Sparring = 200
Km's = 300

A Week Lost

Last weekend I was feeling pretty off.  I had aches and chills along with head congestion.  But Tuesday I was feeling better!!...or so I thought.  Come Wednesday things took a nose dive.  I had extreme pain throughout my sinuses, forehead and ears.  And nothing I did was relieving the pain.  I tried everything.... steam...nasal mist...medication.  Nothing worked.  And so I endured 2 straight days with no sleep.  I finally dragged my sorry butt to a walk-in clinic Friday morning and got the official diagnosis of a sinus infection.  I am now a few doses into a round of antibiotics, and feeling soooooo much better.

Needless to say my week was a bust.  Numbers suffered greatly.  No Tiger Challenge progress.  Missed both my classes.

But I'm still here.  And now you all know why I was MIA this week.

I will be needing some support to make up on some of the numbers I missed out on this week.  So you might see some random "spur of the moment" mini challenges.  Not today though.  I tried a couple reps of Long and got very dizzy very quickly.  Funny how something as simple as sinuses can wreak such havoc when they aren't working right.

IHC Numbers To Date
Pushups = 11403
Situps = 11342
Fan = 260
Long = 226
Sparring = 200
Km's = 277
AOKs = 238

Where My Besties At?!?!?

With these recent questions regarding our commitment to the IHC team and the requirements that go with it, it got me thinking about my besties.  My IHC Dragon besties.

A few classes ago, we randomly paired up (in my case it was 3...and then we ended up adding a 4th that had been online that class and needed a group).  We were tasked with sharing at least 1 of our personal goals with each other.  We were further tasked with agreeing to support each other in those goals for the duration of the year.  I took this to heart.

And I'm really proud to say that my bestie group has utilized this as a tool.

We immediately formed a WhatsApp Bestie group chat.  We've kept in touch and reached out randomly just to check in on each other...especially when we've noticed someone stalled out with their requirement(s).  We've issued challenges and spurred each other on when we see each other struggle.  In fact, I might still be struggling with my "100 Notes" requirement if not for my bestie group getting me going.

So I ask you....where are your besties and what are they doing?  And if you can't answer that, I would encourage you to find out.

And having said that...I need to go poke one of mine right now.

IHC Numbers To Date
Pushups = 10758
Situps = 10602
Fan = 254
Long = 199
Sparring = 190
Km's = 248
AOKs = 220

Accountability

This blog is in response to a suggestion made by Todai Thelwall in regards to blogging.  I've linked her blog here as well for reference. 

https://knightofpentacles2.blogspot.com/2024/04/blog-metrics.html

I actually had an in-depth conversation about this over the weekend and so have had lots of thoughts spinning about.  My response became so lengthy I decided to record it as a blog.

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I did something similar to your [Kat's] spreadsheet after the meeting for 2 reasons.  One, I wanted to look deeper at my own blogging to ensure that I was fulfilling that requirement and not off in La-La land only THINKING I was nailing it, but really wasn't.  Two, my personal perception was actually that the blogging this year has actually been MUCH BETTER than previous years, and so I was somewhat surprised that the subject of this surprise meeting was blogging.  In my first couple years on the team, there was only a small handful of people blogging consistently.  So I wanted to see if my perception was accurate and to maybe even "stick up" for the team a bit and say "it's actually better than ever!".  And even though my perception was accurate...and yes, more people are blogging regularly (or very close to) than previous years...it was quickly and clearly pointed out that this doesn't change the fact that this requirement has been made SO super simple, that there are really no excuses anymore for EVERYONE not to be fulfilling it 100%.  And I honestly couldn't find any way to disagree with that.

We are already supposed to accurately track our numbers in such a way that we should always know exactly where we are, at any given moment.  And we are already supposed to blog each week.  These 2 requirements have now been COMBINED to kill 2 birds with 1 stone.  If we have nothing else to include in our blog, we simply post the numbers we should already have.  And even if we HAVEN'T been tracking...or HAVEN'T been completing our numbers...we simply write 0.  And BAM, blog is done.  It's literally that easy.  Sure, our numbers may not look great...and a person might be embarrassed to post them so they choose not to...but that just means we've failed with 2 requirements.  At least posting a zero fulfills the blogging requirement and we can still at least feel good about that.  NOT blogging is a simple choice of doing it or not.  We can't say we didn't have time...we can't say we have nothing to blog about...we can't say we are bad writers.  It's laid out now in such way that answers any reason we can come up with.  And I think this is why the Master instructors are so concerned that they felt they had to hold a special meeting.  If we can't fulfill this requirement at such a simplified level, how will we ever progress to a Master level? 

I had a few ideas myself to try to help people remember, or be more accountable...or have a topic....or, or, or...but any way you look at it...these ideas just ADD another step...another requirement.  And the blogging is already set out to be as simple and easy as anyone could possibly make it.  A super simple subject is already set out and all we have to do is copy/paste/revise and hit "publish".  

Having said that, all ideas are potentially good ideas and can often spark others.  So it's awesome that you [Kat] have taken the time to try and come up with something to help the team.  You are always ready and willing to take on more to help the rest of us, and you have no idea how it feels to have a team-mate like that.  So keep that shit up.  Lol.

However, I would be hesitant with this particular approach.  Although you are absolutely correct, this info is technically already public and we shouldn't be opposed to having it displayed, I could see it causing more guilt (as Todai Bauer mentioned) and maybe even resentment rather than a means of support and accountability as intended.  The problem for me would be knowing that a fellow team-mate was specifically keeping tabs on my numbers in the background...and then shining a light on them for all to see and saying "this person is doing good"...and..."this person is not".  Although it's pretty clear who is or who isn't, this public spreadsheet almost makes it a blatant comparison between team members...which is a very slippery slope, as we all know.

One of my first thoughts when Sifu Brinker asked us for input on how to fix this was "Well, there's really no accountability when people don't fulfill a requirement.  People need to be more accountable."  (And please note that this thought includes myself as there are requirements that I am behind on as well). I brought this up in a conversation later, as feedback...but I really didn't have an answer on what that would mean or look like.  After thinking on it alot more afterwards, I realized that there are a couple different ways to approach "accountability".  A person can be HELD accountable by someone or someones.  Or they can BE accountable for themselves.  The difference is akin to "Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime."  We often say (and hear) that being part of a team makes us accountable.  And being accountable can often provide motivation.  But I realize now that this accountability isn't (and can't be) set by the team.  It needs to be set by the individual.  The team can't make us accountable.  We CHOOSE to make ourselves accountable to the team.  I found the following quote and it really brought it all together for me.

"Accountability is the attitude and practice of willing individuals to take responsibility for themselves and to communicate with others about their choices and behavior so they can show their integrity and grow in maturity." - unknown

As a team I think we continue to provide suggestions, support, challenges and encouragement.  We can pick each other up, offer hugs, cheer and clap.  But "to do" or "not to do" needs to be left to the individual in order for them to truly grow.

IHC Numbers To Date
Pushups = 10508
Situps = 10402
Fan = 253
Long = 197
Sparring = 190
Km's = 248
AOKs = 209

Fingers Crossed

For the first time in over 4 years, I am not practicing my Tai Chi in a formal capacity. Meaning, although I am still practicing on my own, I am not attending classes.  This was a decision that was difficult to make, and that I didn't take lightly. Tai Chi is a benefit not only to my Kung Fu training, but to me and my overall well-being in general. It worried me that if I didn't continue with formal classes to hold myself accountable, it would end up falling to the wayside.  I also didn't want to let down my instructors that have put so much time into my training and been so important in my Tai Chi development.  Nor did I want to give a false perception to other students that Tai Chi isn't worth doing.  I strongly believe in leading by example and I feared (and still do) that stepping back could possibly lead others to think it would be no big deal if they did the same.

But I was missing time with my kids during the week.

Sure we still had weekends. But I felt like the weeks were flashing by and I was missing it. From Monday to Friday...between my workday, Kung Fu class, teaching, helping at Adult Level 1, etc...I was literally seeing them (not counting me teaching their Kung Fu classes) for a total of 4-6 hours over those 5 days. And I didn't feel good about that. There will come a day where the opportunity to spend time with them won't even be an option. Who knows where life will take them. My opportunity to be with them, to connect with them and to ensure that our relationship lasts far beyond when they venture out on their own...is now.

So I made the decision to pull back on Mondays and Wednesdays, attending my core class only on those days, which works well because as I am leaving the house, they are starting to wind down and get ready for bed. This has opened up quality time to connect and share our days, help them with homework, have supper together, just hang out...and even more recently, practice our Tiger Challenge stuff together.  And it's been really good.

Kung Fu is all around me all the time. It's in my day to day. A set class time might not always work for me...a formal setting might not always be possible....but I feel I'm in a place where I am strong enough in my discipline and my training that I can shift my priorities without totally sacrificing any. I hope I can anyways.

Unexpected Ripple Effect

In last night's class, as we worked on Lao Gar, Sihing Lindstrom noticed that I was slightly off-center with one of my stances. Not a huge deal, just something to correct. During the next rep, I made sure to fix that alignment and BAM!...another minor tweak along the way to mastery.

BUT WAIT! As we held that pose (we were going step by step at this point) he noticed that my hand positioning was totally wrong! Instead of my right arm up with a forearm block and my left striking out with a palm heel, I was opposite! What the heck? Have I been doing it wrong all along? I find it odd that nobody would have pointed it out by now if that was the case. Plus, I know what the positioning is supposed to be. I've seen it. Taught it even!! Hadn't I?? But suddenly I was feeling vey confused. So I tried to figure out last night what my "norm" was and I found that I just couldn't. They both felt fine....probably because I was overanalyzing by that point. And I found myself thinking,

"I wonder if that correction to my stance has caused a glitch down the line?"

Well, it just so happens that I try and take progress videos of all of my forms now and again. And I was able to look back to find my answer. In all the past videos I was, in fact, doing it correctly. So the only thing I can think of is that tweak to my stance caused an unexpected ripple effect. And I find that very interesting. It's dawned on me suddenly that it could be beneficial to have my forms reviewed in full, and in person, once in a while to ensure that I haven't just suddenly made something up along the way without even realizing it.