Broken

Why is my blogging so broken?

Words and writing have always come easily to me.  I’ve never found it hard to sift through my thoughts, organize them and then articulate them onto paper.

And now it’s become the opposite.  It’s no longer easy and I’m finding it extremely hard.

Even worse is I can’t figure out how to change this.  I’m actively working at turning this back around but have so far been unsuccessful.   I’ve tried just writing organically.  I’ve tried giving myself a topic. I’ve tried reading old blogs. I’ve tried finishing old blogs that were left half done.

It all ends up a jumbled mess of nothingness.  Half done attempts that really go nowhere. Making no sense.  Without much meaning or relevance.

I remember being told in past meetings that if we don’t have anything to blog about, it’s likely because we aren’t training.  Is this me?  Is this the reason?

I want to say it’s not.  I think I have things to say.  Things I’m working on.  Things I’m thinking about. No, my training doesn’t look the same as it has in the past. My regular mornings are no longer what they were.  But I’m still training.  I’m still moving forward.  I’m still progressing. 

Aren’t I???

I’m really frustrated with this because I know exactly what a powerful tool blogging is and for over a year now it’s just been a hoop.

I feel like the answer is simple.  A small shift in perspective. But I just can’t seem to find it. 

Maybe I just need to accept my blogging as it is. Messy.  Half done.  Confusing.  No direction. And post them anyways. Maybe the problem isn’t my blogging.  Maybe it’s that I’m hiding it, thinking it should be better. Maybe blogging the messy jumbles is as important as the insightful and articulate ones. 

And maybe it’s a good thing that blogging has become more difficult. If something is just always easy, perhaps we don’t ever realize a true appreciation.  Maybe the lesson here is that it’s simply not always going to be easy.  That I will go through phases, just like anything else.  And the point it to accept that, continue working hard and eventually persevere and come out the other side better for it.