Breathe Deep

So I’m currently sitting in a Wainwright.  Surgery tomorrow morning.  Thinking about everyone at class this evening.  Hoping everyone’s killing it with awesomeness. 

I’m looking forward to having the actual procedure over and done with.  The biggest thing I fear at the moment is the general anaesthetic.  This forced “sleep” makes me extremely uncomfortable and nervous.  I have an irrational fear that I won’t wake up.  I don’t fear sleeping as a norm…because I feel that even in sleep I am “present”.  But when under general anaesthetic I am not in control of anything and am at the mercy of those caring for me.  And I know I’m in good hands…but even so.  Like I said…”irrational”.

Anyways, I will feel much better once it’s all done and I’m awake again.  Until then, I will breathe deep.

Troubleshooting In Distress

I was pleasantly surprised yesterday during the wrist escape portion of class.  Often we run through organized escape drills with very specific instructions and steps.  Last night, we had the opportunity to "troubleshoot" a little bit on our own.  And it was quite eye opening with how far I've come.

I recall as an orange belt trying to free myself from Sihing Csillag and I couldn’t.  Last night the basic “same side” wrist escape came easier and I was able to free myself fairly quickly from both Sihing Csillag and Sihing Lindstrom.  So progress with the technique part for sure.  However, they then added being pulled around to the scenario.  This made things harder.  There’s more happening, and therefore, more cause for panic and confusion. I knew I could get out, but the distress was preventing me from seeing the solution.  I was attempting to use the techniques I knew, but Sihing Csillag was just too strong.  I found myself able to calm down and apply some rational thought.  So I grabbed my fist with my free hand, and added a bit more strength to the escape technique.  And bam, I was free.  This is definite progress for me.  Yes I was in a safe environment the entire time.  But I can still see the difference from the panic I felt as an orange belt, to having the ability to act somewhat rationally now.  

Granted, this portion of class ended with me in a headlock by Sihing Lindstrom…so obviously still lots of work to do.  But I’m still seeing these little bits of progress that prove to me that this is starting to sink in.

I Am Grateful

I did it.  I broke my boards.  Not with any kind of flow, but regardless.  I know I can do them individually and now I’ll work towards flow.  It felt really good, and not to mention the things I learned. 

Boards aside, my heart is full.  Not only did I have instructors guiding me, and plenty of holders, but many people stayed to watch, encourage and cheer me on.  It felt like my success was everyone’s.

One way [towards mastery] is to surround yourself with friends who ask more of you than you do. Didn’t some of your best teachers, coaches, parents, etc.? - Stewart Emery

I AM so very grateful for this amazing group of people I have found.

Not Really Ready…But Prepared

Tomorrow will be my last in person class for a while.  And I am a little sad. 

But there are many on the team that have to train from a distance on a regular basis, so I will refrain from complaining too much.  In fact, I am trying to approach this as an opportunity to “put myself in their shoes” and perhaps gain a better understanding of the challenges that come with these circumstances.

My physical training itself will also be a challenge.  But I have my list of things that I intend to focus on that I hope will carry me through.  I have yet to get creative enough to figure out how to stay engaged with my Kwan Dao….

…and I just suddenly envisioned myself just sitting and practicing whatever sorts of articulations and movements I can.  One legged even!!  Just imagine the balance I will attain!  Lopsided maybe…but I’ll take it.

I won’t say I’m ready for this…but I think I’m prepared.

“The…..”

“The Switcharoo”.  I had been practicing my Da Mu Hsing leading up to the challenge.  It was feeling really good.  I’ve really been enjoying Da Mu Hsing as of late.  But for some reason it just didn't feel like it was “fitting” me for the Tiger Challenge.  And late Friday night, as I continued to ponder this, my hand form from last year popped into my head and I just knew it was the right way to go.

“The Shake-up”.  Of everything that I was going to be doing today, my Tai Chi musical form was the one I was feeling the most confident about.  So when my hands started vibrating the moment I began, I found myself almost disoriented.  We had already done both our hand forms and weapons forms and any nerves had lessened.  Then seemingly out of nowhere, I just couldn’t stop my hands from shaking!  My focus and timing were all over the place.  And I’m curious as to why this ended up being the event that shook me.

“The Pledge”.  Board breaking wasn’t really a surprise.  I didn’t expect to do well…which is likely WHY I didn’t.  BUT, having said that, I still want to break those boards before my surgery.  I NEED to break those boards or they will hang over my head.  At least that first one.  So I plan to do that yet.  I also made a pledge today to enter the board breaking every year from here on in.  I can do this and I will do this.

Big Ticket AOK

I spider charged me yesterday morning.  A big one.  I typically rescue spiders and release them into a planter outside the front door.  But this guy was BIG.  I could see him looking at me, planning to jump at me if I got too close.  

So I had a dilemma.  I didn't want to kill him.  But I also couldn't bring myself to approach him.

So I scared him so that he would run and hide underneath Nathan's LEGO table.

I'm counting this as an act of kindness.  Towards the spider that is....not necessarily towards Nathan.

Maybe Not Confident...But At Least Curious

As some of you may have read, I was feeling a bit "can't-ish" last night.

After some further reflection today, I have realized that it's the board breaking that is in my head.  My goal for the Tiger Challenge is not to win.  My goal is to showcase my ability.  I think where my fear comes with the board breaking is that I don't know what that is.  I've never broken a real board.  I've never done any in sequence.  I've never done any in a "competition" type atmosphere.  These "nevers" have made this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. 

A few things have managed to ground me once again.

• Even as I pressed "publish" for my blog last night, I felt a hint better.  The act of blogging, and writing out my negative feelings, was a step towards ridding myself of them.  They didn't seem to have as much power over me once I put them to "paper".
• Sihing Cosgrove's comment in the IHC chat group.  
• I was talking to a parent this morning.  Her son is feeling very nervous about the Tiger Challenge.  As we spoke...everything we came up with as reminders or strategies for her son to feel less nervous or worried also applied to me.
• The friendly and supportive comments from my team. Thank-you for pointing out that I am overthinking it and that I shouldn't worry about "failing" or not having things go exactly how I want.  It's rare things ever do.  All I can do is take everything I've learned and practiced up until now and put forth my best effort.

And so although I wouldn't say I'm back to feeling confident about my board breaks, I would say I'm at least feeling curious.  I'll take it.  Lol.

From One Moment To The Next

Isn't it funny how our attitudes can shift and change from one moment to the next without any real, true reason?

Not two days ago I was feeling really good about things...feeling confident going into the Tiger Challenge.    And now suddenly, my confidence has plummeted and I feel like everything I've planned and everything that I've been working so hard towards is all wrong.

I just don't feel ready.

And the shitty part is that whether I think I can, or I think I can't, I'll be right either way.  And right now my mindset is can't.

Small Improvement....But Improvement Nonetheless

I've been working alot on my side heel kick.  The focus has been on maintaining a consistent crane stance regardless of my kick...ie. not giving away too early what kick I intend to do.  I'm finding this difficult to do with speed.  In fact, I think this is where this habit initially came to be.  I got to a point where I wanted to get faster...and to do so, I started taking a short cut.  Whoopsies.

Anyhow, I took a video yesterday to see if I've managed to correct this bad habit.  Short answer is no.  And I was a little disappointed as I've really been working on this.  But I decided to look back at the original video from when I first started addressing this...hoping that I'd maybe see SOMETHING to be proud of.  And I think I did find some improvement.

When I looked at these in slow motion, I could see immediately that back in March, I really had no crane stance at all.  I was essentially pivoting right into the side heel.  I've included both a still shot and video showing the two side by side.  The still shot below (left) is as close to a crane as I got back in March. The one on the right is the recent one.  And even though the angles are slightly different, I think I can see that I actually do now have SOME semblance of a crane stance prior to the kick.  Granted, I think I'm still turning that leg in when, ideally, I want to launch that kick straight out from that crane.  But regardless, I think I'm still seeing some improvement.

Solid

My training has been feeling really solid lately.  And I think there are few reasons for this.

First, the Tiger Challenge.  This event, with it’s deadline, has really helped me direct my focus.  Day to day training can sometimes feel overwhelming.  There’s so much to work on.  So much content.  And sometimes it’s hard to sift through to find the priorities.  The Tiger Challenge essentially sifts through things for us and tells us exactly what our priorities should be…even if it’s just for a short time.

Second, my upcoming surgery. This event, also with a deadline, has inspired me to really get my training to the highest level I possibly can.  I know my physical training is going to take a nosedive.  And so I want to go into this on a high, so that hopefully it doesn’t take me as long to get back here.  

Third, I currently have so many other people tied to my training right now.  Whether it’s team mates for the Tiger Challenge, instructors that have become integral to my various goals or forms, or perhaps it’s a student I, myself, am trying to help.  Everywhere I turn someone is asking, offering, supporting and encouraging.   I don’t think I could fall if I wanted to.

Tired and Happy

My body is exhausted.  In a good way.

I did a whole bunch of training…dug in the garden for 2 1/2 hours…cleaned the house. 

And my body now is so, so tired.  And so, so happy. 

I’ve always found physical work to be satisfying both for the body and mind.

I’m not quite sure how I will fill this void once I have my surgery.   The physical work that I’m used to will not be possible.  And I’m not sure how I will find this balance I have now between my physical and mental being.

I’m not worried, per se.  But I do wonder how this will pan out.

Want vs Need

I began this blog feeling anxiety about everything I want to get done before my surgery.  For some reason it struck me that I said “want” and not “need”.  I found that interesting.  And so I quickly ran through my list of “to dos” and realized that none of them are actually “needs” anymore.   All of the actual “needs” have been dealt with and arranged.  And so suddenly, I am actually feeling somewhat blessed at the time I have remaining to fill some of these wants.

Stay Cool

I’m feeling the effects of lots of physical work and limited sleep today.  I haven’t done anything Kung Fu today except for listening to my demo song to really learn the beat so I can nail down my timing.  And so now I have nothing to really include here today.  And I know it’s only 7:12….but I think I might call it a day…don’t judge me!

Now let’s just hope that all kids, all dogs and all husbands sleep through the night.

Also, I saw this picture and thought it was fitting with all the changes I’ve been making for the Tiger Challenge.  I just need to stay cool.  Lol.

I Hope It Sticks

The last couple of classes we’ve been focussing on sparring again.  Some free-style sparring…and then some point sparring in preparation for the Tiger Challenge.

Although I wouldn’t say I’ve gotten much better in terms of skill…I did find myself surprised by one thing.  For some reason, I’ve been feeling much calmer.  Both in body and in mind.  

Maybe it’s because I’ve been hit so many times now that it’s an expectation, rather than a surprise. And so it doesn’t hold a lot of power over me anymore.  Or maybe I’ve done it a few times now so it’s just getting to be a familiar feeling.  Or maybe I’ve actually been able to finally apply the biggest rule of self defence…”stay calm”. 

I really don’t know.  But either way, this change was very noticeable to me.  And I hope it’s something that stays.

Please Sir…No More

I’ve been working really hard towards the upcoming Tiger Challenge.  But the closer I get, the less prepared I am feeling.  Original plans made need to be fixed and corrected.  Feedback is prompting tweaks and even full reworks. Changes and switcharoos are becoming a norm on a daily basis.

I mean, at some point I just have to call it and say “this is it..no more changes” or I’m going to completely forget what I’m supposed to be doing. My only worry is that this will be right before the moment I step into the ring for my first event.  But perhaps this is the norm.  Always striving for better…always trying to improve…right to the bitter end.

Three Thoughts

There were three thoughts that I wrote down recently that I intend to expand on at another time.  But often these little thoughts or ideas get buried further and further below even more thoughts and ideas.  And so I decided, why not just record them here and now anyways?  Even if they stand here alone, they still serve a better purpose than hidden away amongst all my other notes.  At least here, they might spark something for someone else.

• Putting something off doesn't mean it will take less time.  It only means there will be less time to do it.
• Sometimes the problem isn't conflicting information from two people, but rather conflicting interpretations by one.
• I would rather get it right than be right.

A Photo

I was searching for some lion dance videos the other day and stumbled across a plethora of photos from past banquets.  As I was browsing through them I found one that really stuck out for me.  The person in the photo was in the "holding the wind" technique of 18 Temple Motions.  And even though I immediately recognized it from the form, I also recognized that this is not how I have been doing this technique.  Something shifted in my mind and I find myself with a new perspective and a new intent.   I’ve implemented this into my form and it’s unbelievable what a difference this small shift has made.  This technique now actually feels like something.  It has a real purpose.  It’s funny the impact this single photo has made. 

Note: I would have shared the photo but I didn’t feel right posting a photo of someone without their knowledge.

Not Nothing

You’d think with it being Mother’s Day that I’d have had lots of quiet time to sit down and write my blog.  Quite the opposite…this day flew by.  At first thought there seemed to be nothing of substance that I accomplished today.  But upon further reflection, I realized I just hadn’t looked deep enough.

I made some discoveries with Emma about Grade 5 chemistry.

I worked with my hands and created some new pieces of pottery.

I connected with nature digging in my garden.

I sat quietly and listened to the frogs in the pond.

I enjoyed a cool down from the hot sun with a slushie with my family.

So yeah.  There was more there than I had originally thought.  Definitely not nothing.

What A Great Day

What a great day.

One on ones for the kids.  One on one for myself.  Open training...covered so much in the 2 hours and am feeling pretty good about almost everything.

Demolished the downstairs bathroom when I got home.

My body and mind are both exhausted, but also content and calm.

Now time for tea and a book.

What a great day.

Surgery

After last nights class it will be pretty apparent to the team that I will not be in the demo or dragon dance for July 1.  

Unfortunately (or fortunately if you look at it from a pain relief perspective..lol) I will be having foot surgery on June 1.  I have always had bunions.  And looking back, there has always been some pain and discomfort, but nothing that I wasn't able to live with.  It was the norm and so I never gave it much thought.  Since starting Kung Fu, and becoming so much more active on my bare feet, I began noticing frequent bruising, visible changes to my foot structure and increased pain, not only in Kung Fu, but just day to day as well. I decided it was time to do something before it got even worse so I went to the podiatrist and I was, indeed, a candidate for surgery.  Sadly, the recovery for this surgery is quite long and difficult.  I'll apparently be bedridden for 2-4 days.  Then zero weight bearing for 4-6 weeks.  No driving for at least 4 weeks.  And I'll be in an air cast boot for at least 8 weeks. Pain and swelling might continue well beyond that. I’m hoping to be all back to normal in about 12 weeks.  But all in all, I believe it is for the greater good.

Anticipating the large lapse in physical training that I'm going to face, I've been working hard at solidifying many things.  I've been really trying to nail down many of the finer details in my forms and also really working at eliminating any kinks in my Kwan Dao form so that I can hit the ground running again once I'm able.  I've also been trying to improve my kicks...although some might think this is a waste of time.  Post surgery, there is no ignoring the fact that my foot will be different.  I have no doubt this will have an impact on my kicks in a big way and there may be a bit of "starting over" that will have to happen.  But I think the better I can make my kicks now, the easier the transition will be later.  At least that's the plan.  lol.

Although the physical recovery will be difficult, it will be nothing compared to what I’ll be facing mentally.  I will be away from my training mates, my core class, away from Tai Chi, away from IHC as well as any demos or special initiatives that take place...and I'll be away from teaching.  And even once I can start driving and attending again, my participation will be limited.  This is the challenge that worries me the most and so I'm trying to prepare myself mentally as best as I can.

So...knowing that I do best with a solid plan...I've been getting things ready and wrapping my head around what I can do to make the most of this.  There will be lots of things I can still advance and progress in and so I’ve been generating ideas of how I can stay committed to my training even with physical challenges.

My plan so far is as follows…

Pre Surgery

- Take videos of all forms

- Take videos of the 4 basic kicks

- Move my training equipment upstairs to main level

- Setup a stand/system in my bedroom with weights, drum, books, etc. so I have everything within arms reach (I'm told I will spend ALOT of time in bed the first couple weeks with my foot elevated).

- Get computer/TV system ready in bedroom to login to classes.

- Set up some pre-written blogs for June 1-4 as I may still be groggy and out of it for the first few days.

Post Surgery

- Work on my online presence for Ferris Wheel Pottery

-  lots of drumming

- watch pre-recorded forms and work at developing eye for detail - make notes of thoughts and ideas or things to work on once recovered

- get creative with “practicing” my forms - upper body only, watching my pre-recorded videos, doing them in my mind (this is harder than you’d think!)…and anything else I can come up with.

- work on hand building - no wheel throwing if I can’t use the pedal

- work on my water colouring

- modify pushups with upper body weight training

- use the time to revamp my diet, incorporating and developing more healthy habits

- lots of reading

- renewed focus on my chi work - start to organize all my notes into something more legible

- come up with ideas for kids classes

- book lots of 1-on-1s….lots of 1-on-1s….I’ll apologize for this now…lol

Anyhow…this is what I’ve got so far.

I might have to be away from the Kwoon, but my Kung Fu is with me always.

Pushups

I am pleased to say that in last night's class I proved to myself that I am getting stronger.

Several weeks ago, Sihing Csillag incorporated pushups into the Level 1 Adult class.  Part of this was determining how many proper full pushups you can do consecutively.  And when I say "proper full" I mean elbows tucked in, body straight and chest to the ground.

Although it wasn't my class, I participated in this portion and my answer at that time was 5.

A couple weeks ago it became 7.

Last night it was 8.

Even more surprising was my improvement with additional sets.  Previously, with subsequent sets I could only do another 2 full pushups, and then did the remainder from my knees.

Last night I managed to do 5 in the second set!

So if you compare the initial attempt to last night (2 sets of 10 reps at each occurrence) I went from a total of 7 to 13!!

It still might not seem like alot as a total number...but it's most definitely obvious and significant improvement for me.

Equal And Opposite

Still working away at this kick section in my Kwan Dao form.  It's as if I can't stop learning from it!  So much detail in this one sequence.

I've recently adjusted my intent a little bit with the strikes preceding the kicks.  Previously I was launching my weapon out....everything going into the extension of the weapon.  But it came to me that I should perhaps be focusing on the pulling motion of the butt end of my weapon back to my hip instead...or maybe I should say "also".  At my hip is where my weapon is grounded.  Forgetting that seems to create a disconnection between me and my weapon....and I lose all harmony.

It's akin to our thrust punches.  It's not only about punching out....but also about the fist coming back to the hip.  Same as the stick.  The pulling motion back to our arm is as important as the strike going out.  In fact, the force coming back in enhances and supports the power going out.

Equal and opposite.

Anyways...so far I believe I'm taking this in the right direction.

A Couple More

 

Standing Sit-ups

As per my previous blog...I've decided to add a couple of new cues to remind me to do some more pushups and sit-ups throughout the day.  This should open up my morning time for other training.

However, since I'll now be doing the majority of my sit-ups at work, or outside of the home, I don't really want to lay on the ground to do them.  So I became curious as to what sorts of alternative exercises I could do in a standing position.

I found the following article, with video demos, of some alternatives that I'm going to try out and thought I'd share in case anyone else is in the same boat.

https://www.purewow.com/wellness/standing-ab-exercises

So Much Fun

Fight choreography.  This isn’t anything I’m great at.  But boy am I having fun with my partners.  

I took some videos today and it was about 5% serious and 95% laughter.  And we still got better with each take.  I’m glad I said yes to this.  I’m glad Todai Ward initiated it.  I’m glad Todai A Csillag reached out to join.

Will we take home gold?  I’m not sure.  But I’d be surprised if we don’t at least take it in the “had the most fun” category.  😉😂

How Many?

Since getting some feedback, I’ve made sure to specifically focus on the kick portion of my Kwan Dao form every day now for about 1 1/2 weeks.

And I still don’t feel like I’ve made any headway towards what I’m trying to achieve. 

To be fair, I feel that I understand intellectually what I should be doing…so I suppose that’s a start in the right direction.  But I just seem to be struggling to make any physical progress.

I feel like I can do this.  I don’t think it’s a matter of it being beyond my ability…perhaps just beyond my skill level at the moment.  But I suppose even if I’ve gone over this section 10 times every day for the last 10 days that’s only 100 times.  Huh….it seemed like a lot more before I actually did the math.

How many reps does it take again to master a skill?  

Cues

I'm currently trying to get my training schedule running smoothly again.  I'm a fairly structured person with a plan...and lately, starting with Thursday mornings, things start to unravel a bit.  By Thursday it becomes really hard to get up so early (Wednesdays and Thursdays are very full days with late nights)...and I find myself hitting the snooze button several times.  I still manage to get my pushups and situps in...but not much else.  Then I start my day already feeling "behind" with everything else and as though I'm playing "catchup" all day because I have it in my head that I should have already completed these things earlier that morning.  The full training every morning always worked well for me in the past....but I think my evening schedule has just changed too much to make that sustainable any longer.  So I simply need to make some adjustments, both to my plan and perspective, to suit this new normal.  It is what it is and I need to adapt, not fight.

So moving forward I think I'm going to try using cues to supplement my training.  Todai Lee had organized a challenge in the past using cues...and when Sifu Rybak mentioned using her dog as a cue last night, it triggered that memory and I recalled it working really well.  I will still do my early mornings, but I need to accommodate for a bit of sleep-in on Thursdays and Fridays.

I'm trying to think of things that happen consistently, but where I will also be somewhere that makes incorporating training feasible.  Simply setting a timer for every 2 hours doesn't really work because I could be driving, in a meeting, etc.  And the point of a cue is to use it right there and then.  And although I love the spontaneity of the dog barking, I think that one isn't quite "structured" enough for my liking.  Plus, Tankie barks at everything...and nothing...so it's also not sustainable...lol.  

I had the following ideas for cues so far.   

- Coffee time at work

- Showers

- Feeding the dogs

- Brushing my teeth

I'm going to give this a little more thought and establish a plan.  Maybe I'll even make a game of establishing a different cue each week!   

And if you have any ideas, let's hear 'em!

Learning Through Play

When we are young, we learn through play.

There is so much to learn from play.  That's probably why it's one of the main avenues of learning when we are young.  Many of the things that we do in the Lil Leopards and Tiny Tigers classes are primarily focused on play…with technique and skill coming second.  

When we get older, we learn through hard work.

As we get older, the reverse tends to happen.  Learning is done more with dedicated study and practice. Doing a technique over and over…taking consistent action.  And the focus on fun and play becomes less.  

Both methods have tremendous value.  

BUT…is there a way to do both?

Yes…it’s called the Tiger Challenge.   Hahahahaha.  Shameless plug!!!

If you haven’t signed up, get on it.  

Kung Fu'ing My Kids Part 9 of....

There are days (most days..lol) as a parent that it feels like nothing you do is working...that everything you're doing is wrong.  That everything is a constant battle.  That you have to constantly push and plead and remind and force.

And then there are days like today.

When you tell your child that it's time to go practice their Kung Fu.  And when they come back upstairs they tell you (with excitement, mind you) how they remembered that Sifu Rybak told them to make sure their punch was coming from the hip..and not from the chest.  And so they started over because they wanted to make sure they practiced it right.

These are the days that prove to me we're moving in the right direction.

I Love To Laugh

Don't you love when you find something that makes you laugh so hard that you end up with tears running down your face?  And no matter how many times you see it, you laugh just as hard every single time?  

Me too. 

I love this duck and had to share.  

Perhaps you will laugh at this just as hard as I do.  Or maybe you'll laugh at me for laughing so hard at something so simple.  Either way, enjoy the laugh. 🤣

IHC Number Update - May 1, 2023

2023 Year of the Rabbit

Year of the Rabbit - January 22, 2023 to February 9, 2023 (384 days)

Base Requirements

Hand Form - Tai Chi Short Form  256/1000

Weapon Form - Kwan Dao  259/1000

Push-ups  12,936/50,000

Sit-ups  12,853/50,000

Sparring  265/1000

Kilometers 437/1609

Acts of Kindness  341/1000

Blogging/Online Presence - yup

Unexcused Absences - yup

Mastery by Stewart Emery - 😬

Mend a Relationship - 👍

Lion Dancing - not yet

Tiger Challenge - entered and training

Public Performances - not yet

Core Curriculum - hope so

SRKF Projects and Initiatives - Children's Class Weekly Recaps, Spring Break Mad Minute Challenge, Earth Day

Personal Requirements

Monthly Movie/Game Family Night  3/12 *I took the kids to the new Mario movie.  It was so cute.

Lion Dance Drumming - I'm still trying to improve my thunder drumming

Chi Development - been doing more reading this past bit

Establish online presence for pottery - some progress with setting up an online space

Daily blogging  100/384 *11 of these are "I Am" blogs

Weekly Kick Assessment - I have a few accumulated.  Haven't done any comparisons yet.