Call For Help

I missed Sihing Kohut’s challenge this month.  And it’s one I could have really used.  My push-up and sit-up numbers continue to fall behind.  

So, having said that, I plan to participate as part of a “1-man team” on Sunday, July 2 (only a month late, no biggie…lol). 

I’m posting this publicly to,

1) keep myself accountable, and 

2) initiate a call to help from my team mates.  It was inspiring how Todai’s Thelwall, Bauer and Vogt updated each other with numbers throughout the day to spur each other on.  And so, if you find you have the time, and want to help keep me motivated, send me a quick message whenever you do some of your normal daily push-ups/sit-ups and I’m going to try and use those reminders as motivation to stop and do some right then and there AND also try and match each of your numbers to hopefully hit a personal goal of 1000…keeping in mind that I have to modify.  To be clear, I’m not asking you to each do 1000 with me, rather just to do your typical sets, with me tagging along with each of you.

Let me know if you are able to answer my call for help and I might create a group message for the day.

I Was Being Lazy

I accidentally put weight on my foot today.  I have been extremely diligent this far.   But I was too lazy to drag my scooter back downstairs today for the umpteenth time and instead, used my crutches…that I’m terrible with because I never use them.  I ended up losing my balance and briefly used my right foot to catch myself.  I was expecting pain.  But there wasn’t any.  Instead it was like a bunch of pins and needles through my whole foot.  And it was very fast.  I’m thinking at 4 weeks, although I’m still under “zero weight bearing” orders, I’m most likely past the point where it would have done a lot of damage.

It’s been 4 weeks since I’ve used this foot.  Another week and a half and I should get the ok to walk in my boot and start driving again.  And a couple more weeks after that I should be walking without the boot at all.

And then the real work starts.  But honestly, right now, I am eagerly looking forward to the real work.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

I attempted to wield my Kwan Dao today.  I haven’t actually been using it for a full repetitions of my form.  I’ve done the odd technique here or there just to try and work things out in my head.  But otherwise it’s proven too large to use right now.  Even with the scooter, the handles get in the way.  But I dragged over a stool today for Tai Chi, and I thought, why not?  With a stool I should be able to stand, with no obstructions around me, and at least do the movements even if I stayed in one direction. 

I’ll be honest.  It wasn’t pretty.  Without my lower half it was definitely in control.  I may have taken for granted the overall body strength it takes to really maneuver and extend a weapon of that size.  

I have a new appreciation for my Kwan Dao.  I also learned today just how much I miss her.

The Other Side

Yesterday’s class was my first attempt at many of our forms using only upper body and no directional turns.  Up until then I’d been focussing on Lao Gar and my Tai Chi mainly.  

Although I lost my place near the end of Da Mu Hsing 5, that one went better than I expected.  Without the lower half it can be easy to lose momentum.  But I ran through it again later, 5 only as recommended by Sidai S Csillag, and it was fine.  So at least I know I haven’t lost it and it was just a glitch.

Long went well, as did 18 Temple motions.  These ones actually felt fairly decent given the circumstances.  I was able to find some flow of energy and focused more on my breathing, especially for Long. I really struggle with my breathing pattern for this form.  So by removing the lower half, it’s like I have some extra brain power to devote.  Nothing solved, but it’s a work in progress.

The one that was, surprisingly, the most difficult was Hung.  This is a very short form, and I know the steps.  So it’s not that I’ve forgotten.  But for some reason I couldn’t seem to separate the upper from the lower.  Without the lower half moving, I just couldn’t maintain the upper movements.  So this seems to be one form that I really need both halves working together.  I don’t have any answers “why” at this point, but I did find this really interesting,

I also attempted doing some kicks from the ground, focussing on chambering and foot position.  By the end, I even had a little bit of hip rotation for the side heel.  It was kind of cool how even doing this modified version, I was seeing some progression from start to finish.  I also attempted the kicks with my right foot (surgery side).  I’m worried about that leg getting weak, so I’m trying to do what I can.   I had my boot on, so everything was fairly stabilized.  But if I attempted to kick fast, or with any sort of power, I immediately wanted to blade or pull my toes back automatically.  And any toe movement is a big no-no right now.  So I slowed that side down to avoid any temptation.  Made it more of a strengthening exercise on that side.  However, later on, in the middle of the night, I awoke to pain in my foot.  It was my arch and my ankle.  And it was bad enough I had to get up and take some Tylenol.  I have a feeling that the number of reps I did, combined with the weight of the boot, was too much for my weakened foot to handle.  It doesn’t seem like I did much, but between the trauma that foot has been through, plus the inactivity, I think it was overworked.  So I’ll need to heed that warning.

I continue to feel like I’m not doing very much.  Like everything I do is incomplete, and therefore inconsequential.  But the intellectual part of me continues to push me forward.  It’s equivalent to those phases in my training where I lack motivation or direction…where I’d like to stop…but where I continue to train anyways…knowing I will eventually get to the other side.

Use The Difficulty

I came across this and just really liked how he put it.  Thought I’d share.

Pushing It

I might be overdoing it a bit.  I ended up spending most of the day back in bed with my foot elevated and frequent icing.  It just seems to be swelling up really easy.  

But at the same time I can’t seem to just take it easy. As soon as I can do something, I want to push it a little more.  And then I end up having to pull back.  It’s a bit of a rollercoaster.  And I hate rollercoasters.  Lol

In Memory Of Ryan Coughlan

I spent the day at Dan’s shop for a car show.  This is the second year they’ve done this.  Bouncy castles for the kids.  Lots of  prizes to be won. BBQ. Rides in the big equipment. All kinds of stuff.  Everything going to various charities. 

They started this last year in honour of the mechanic that was killed in a workplace accident at Dan’s branch and they plan to do this every year going forward.  

Although Ryan is no longer with us in a physical way, I certainly saw him everywhere today.  

17 Minutes

The theory of 10,000 states that it takes 10,000 hours of purposeful practice to become an expert in any given field.  Research has shown that this takes most dedicated people about 10 years and can seem daunting and unattainable to most.

But I recently read about another rule that was “discovered” during this same research called the 100 hour rule.  This rule states that if you dedicate 100 hours over the course of a year to any discipline, after that year, you will be more proficient than 95% of the rest of the worlds population in this discipline. That’s only 17 minutes a day over the course of a year to be in the top 5% IN THE WORLD.

I just found this interesting.  And very familiar.

FOMO

I’m not going to lie.  It did not feel great just sitting and watching the Canada Day prep tonight.  First the demo.  I wanted to be wielding my Kwan Dao.  Then the Dragon.  I wanted to be running.  

As nervous as I can get prior to performing, I would take that over the lost feeling of sitting on the sidelines any day.

Having said that, everyone is looking good up there and you are all going to be great.  Keep up the hard work.  😊

Pumping Iron

Tonight was a kick heavy class.  So I felt a bit ridiculous at times just pumping my iron.  I wish there was a good way to modify.  I’ve attempted kicking a little bit from my scooter.  The biggest challenge is stability and I’ll be in BIG trouble if I take a spill.  And I can’t pivot or anything.  But I suppose I could still work on foot position?  Maybe from the ground somehow?  If anyone has any ideas, lay ‘em on me.

It’s funny how suddenly now that I CAN’T kick, I WANT to.  But like a typical human, I bet this desire will change the moment I can again.

So once I’ve recovered, I want everyone to remind me just how much I wanted to practice kicks.  And then make me.

Routine And Structure

I don't like that my numbers are slowly, and consistently falling behind.  I'd like to say that, because of my surgery, that this is to be expected.  And that it's ok.  But it's really not.  I can't think of any real good reason why I shouldn't be attaining my numbers.  I've got several creative modifications for pretty much everything.  The only requirement that I would truly expect to see decline would be my km's.

If I'm completely honest, I think I'm simply getting lazy without my normal routine.  I need to establish some structure in my day rather than just flying by the seat of my pants.

Flair

First class back live.  And it felt good. Never mind being in the Kwoon itself, but being able to interact and talk to everyone face to face is a game changer.  I’ve come away with both new exercises and new tools that I’m looking forward to utilizing.

Funnily enough, the main topic that continues to arise in all of my conversations is the lack of decoration on my scooter.  Everyone seems to have all kinds if different ideas of how to make it more badass.  So, I will do my best to make this thing more impressive…but would gladly accept help as well.  Because you’re all right.  This thing could use some flair.  

Live

Last weeks efforts at joining class via zoom were successful.  And so I intend to attend class in person, moving forward, as long as I can physically get there. I still have the limitation of not being able to drive, but between Dan (when not working) and some generous offers by others to give me rides, I should be able to get to most classes.

I will still need to utilize my scooter.  And I will try and stay isolated in the back somewhat, to stay out of everyone’s way.  My scooter is definitely not a “zero turn” and I now know what it feels like to have a foot run over by one of its wheels, and I’d hate to accidentally run over one of my classmates.  

But even though there will be some challenges, I am someone who always advises that if you can get to class, then get to class.  And so I intend to heed my own advice.  Although Zoom is a great resource when needed, we all know that being at the Kwoon is the ideal.  The space has been created specifically to support and enhance not only our physical training, but also our energy, our mood and our mental state.  I can’t think of a better place to be that will aid my healing and recovery.

I will see you all, in person, tomorrow.

Watch your toes.

I AM Loved

My mom has been here since May 30.  She came to help me during recovery, and although she told me from the get-go that she would stay as long as I needed, it’s almost been 3 weeks and I can’t, in good conscience, keep her here any longer. 

She has been an amazing help and it’s going to be an adjustment once she goes.  But she got me through the worst of it, and I am so grateful she was able and willing to be here. 

If Nothing Else

This evening I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated with the limitations of my scooter.  As handy as it is, it certainly isn’t the same as walking on two feet.  I think I’ve gotten a small (very small) glimpse into the lives of those that require mobility aids and equipment on a permanent basis.  I can understand some of the challenges they face daily, simply to get around.  There are the obvious things like curbs and stairs.  But I now see other “hidden” challenges like large transitions in doorways, limited space in aisles, cracks in pavement or even just rocks on sidewalks.  Not to mention the challenge with how much more time it takes me to maneuver from point A to point B.  And heaven forbid I forget something in the first trip.  

If I learn nothing else during this, I have most definitely developed a greater empathy for anyone with reduced mobility.  This will be something I watch for in future so I can do whatever possible to make their travels easier…or, if assistance is not needed, I will at least be cognizant in not adding to their challenge.

Feeling Tired

As I attempt to do more, I am also tiring myself out a lot faster.  It’s not that I’m doing anything over and above what I used to, but the simple task of getting myself around is simply harder to do. In and out of bed. Cast on and off.  Transfer from scooter to chair. Up and down stairs.  In addition, as I move more, and even though I’m very careful to protect my foot and have adhered to the zero weight bearing, I still tend to flex and move it out of instinct.  Those movements can cause pain that will last.  I’m also finding that my increased activity comes at a cost of pressure and swelling.  So icing and elevation has been increased again in the evenings. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not complaining.  I think this is all indicative of progress.  

Upper Body Only

Tonight was my first “upper body only” class for Tai Chi. I thought it went fairly well.  It helped to close my eyes and envision the leg movements as well as turning and changing direction.  Although there were a couple spots where I got mixed up and had to get some clarification.  Spots where, typically I just do the moves automatically, but where suddenly I couldn’t recall what lead I should be in.  

There was some interesting internal rotations that I was feeling as well that I don’t recall from before.  Perhaps it was hidden by physical rotation.  I’m not quite sure but I’m going to pay attention to this more. 

In Good Company

Camera On

I attended class tonight.  Via  Zoom. In uniform.  Camera on.  Utilizing my scooter.  

I was amazed by how much I was able to participate without my lower half.  

During warmup, for any kick reps I worked on 7 Knife Hands and 6 Elbows.  Used some weights for the pushups and sit-ups portions.  For Lao Gar I focussed on my upper half only.  Which got a bit tricky in 2 and 3. But I managed.  In fact, since my lower half was out of the equation, I really focussed on making my strikes and blocks nice and crisp and solid.  They were feeling pretty good by the end.  And then during the partner work, I let my heavy bag have it.  

I finished class just as sweaty as normal and feeling like a million bucks.  

I've Won...For Now

This past Wednesday was a bad day.  I just could not see past everything I wanted...but that I couldn't have. 

I logged in for Tai Chi class...and I immediately felt angry and annoyed that I wasn't there in person.  Every little thing made it worse.  In my core class all I saw was missed opportunity after missed opportunity.  A takedown that I haven't yet learned or kick reps that I always need.  I attempted to do some ab reps and overhead presses while watching, but eventually felt ridiculous because it just seemed so worthless and a waste of time....because it wasn't what I WANTED to be doing.  It was made worse having my video off.  I felt so disconnected.  Yet at the same time, I didn't want to make everyone in class uncomfortable with me just staring down at them.  So I kept it off.  And I couldn't help thinking that it wouldn't even matter if I wasn't even there at all.  I felt worthless and hopeless.  And the thoughts continued to spiral downward.  Even once healed, it would take a long time to adjust to the reconstruction.  It would be like starting from scratch.  It took 3 1/2 years to get to where I was before surgery.  Does that mean it would take that long again to get back to where I left off?  My blue belt, brown belt, black belt all seemed so impossibly far away.  It felt like I was being left behind.  All of these grand plans and ideas I had to stay engaged and keep progressing suddenly seemed so utterly stupid.  What was even the point?  Why did it even matter if I did anything at all if I have to start all over anyways?

As incredibly powerful as all of these thoughts were, there was a small part of me trying really hard to fight back.  Intellectually, I knew all of this was hogwash.  I knew I was being silly.  I knew that days of discomfort, sleepless nights and boredom had taken their toll, and simply put, I was feeling sorry for myself.  And to be honest, this wasn't at all unexpected.  I knew going in that these days would appear and I expect plenty more as I continue on this road to recovery.  Nobody said this would be easy.

It took some time, but the rational part of me finally won.  Everything I'm doing is better than nothing.  Every press, instead of a pushup.  Every leg lift, instead of a situp.  Every mental rep of a form.  Every review of my form videos, looking for the smallest of details.  Every 1-on-1.  Every watched class.  All of it is "worth it".  And I won't be "starting over".  I will be relearning and redoing, yes...but this time with all the knowledge and understanding that I already have.  I already know what I want to achieve.  And I have a pretty good idea of the steps needed to get there.  So there will be a difference.  

All of this keeps me moving forward.  If I'm "left behind", it will be because I stood still and allowed it to happen.  So I will carry on, doing all the things I planned to do...adapting and evolving as I go.  Because these are my circumstances.  And Mastery doesn't care...nor does it wait.

And perhaps, just perhaps, I will come out the other side better for it.

Big Wins

My big wins today...

I got myself to our basement.

I managed to put on actual pants.

Digging

After a much needed 1-on-1, I decided to get myself outside to enjoy some fresh air.  My original intent was to just sit, or maybe go for a short walk with my knee scooter.  Instead, I found myself digging in my garden for an hour.  That’s, by far, the most exercise and the most sun and fresh air I’ve had in 9 days. 

Gardening was one thing that I did NOT expect to be able to do at all, never-mind just over a week post-surgery.  But here I was, digging away.  I was able to lower the seat on my scooter, and even had it pivoting.  So after managing to (slowly) push myself through dirt into a section of my garden, I then proceeded to simply dig and pivot, vanquishing all weeds in about a 5 foot radius.  And there were plenty.

Granted I ended up exhausted and had to lay down afterwards with my foot elevated.  And I have a nasty blister on my hand.  But I did it and I felt great.

There is always a solution if we want it bad enough.

The Foot Of Frankenstein

Today was one week post surgery.  And that meant my first check in with the doctor and a dressing change.  When he removed the original bandages I was a bit shocked.  I was not expecting that large of an incision.  Dan looked at me and said "well, now we know why it hurt so bad".  Lol.  I suppose he thought I was maybe faking.  Or at least milking it a little.  I was not.

So if anyone likes seeing that kind of stuff...click on the link below.  I didn't want to blast you all with a picture that you wouldn't be able to un-see....so click at your own risk!  But honestly...it's not that gory...just kinda looks like the foot Frankenstein would have had.  lol

Foot Surgery 1 Week Post-Op

Catch The Strike

I was watching some sparring videos yesterday and one of the instructors said something that has since stuck.  He used the term "catch" when referring to blocking a strike.  It immediately took me back to my baseball days. "Catching the ball with the bat" was a strategy that helped me add bunting to my skillset.  It was a way to get my mind, eyes and hands to work together in the right way.

It was interesting to hear this in relation to sparring and is something I'm going to follow a little bit to where it might take me.

In Real Time

Firstly, thank-you to Todai Bauer and Todai Raw for kindly moving in front of the camera for me in last nights class.  It was very helpful and I gained much from watching you work with each other.

I am one of those people that is hesitant to actually “hit” my partner too hard.  But I noticed something, as a third person viewer, right after Sifu Brinker was very direct that we should be using some actual force.  I noticed that the flow in the technique was very different once a person committed to that initial strike to the face.  With a hesitant strike….it was “strike THEN push face and turn opponent”.  Once the intent changed, it became “strike AND push face and turn opponent”.   Even the trajectory changed.  With a more hesitant strike, it almost pushed the opponent back and away…resulting in the need to then reach for them and pull them back.   When striking became part of the intent, somehow the technique became more circular where everything worked together, flowing from one thing to the next.

So when we work on a complete sequence as part of a particular technique, each individual component needs to maintain its intent (or maybe I should say each component needs to have intent, since intent can change on a dime) or the technique as a whole doesn’t quite work.

It was really interesting to watch how this particular technique changed and evolved throughout the class as Todai Bauer and Todai Raw worked together.  I was literally watching them progress in real time.  Very cool.

Mental Reps

Over yesterday and today, finally having a clearer mind to do some mental form reps for both my Kwan Dao and Tai Chi Short Form, I've noticed a few things that will require some more thought and analysis.

1.  When doing my form mentally, I can "feel" the movements of my body.  I'm also noticing that in most areas I can feel both my upper and lower half moving together.  But there are a few areas where I'm noticing that one or the other gets lost.  What I mean by this is that while doing a certain portion in my mind, my lower body will suddenly disappear...catching up later on.  Mentally speaking, I can't quite make these particular sequences work.  This makes me wonder if these are portions, in real life, where I am out of harmony and this is how it's translating in my mind.

2.  In my Kwan Dao form I've found a couple spots where I want to make some changes.  A couple ideas just sparked where I thought an adjustment could make a world of difference.  Unfortunately, in our mind, sometimes things work ultra smooth, and not realistically, so I will likely call upon some people to try a few things out for me.

Manageable

Well 24 hours later and I am doing much better.  There is still pain, but it is finally manageable. Dan commented that today is the first time I’ve smiled in 3 days…so there must be improvement.

With feeling a little better today I even did some Kung fu!  I’ve done a couple mental reps each of my Kwan Dao and Tai Chi and I have my dumbbells sitting next to me for my “pushups”.  I also went through the videos I took Wednesday of all forms and got them organized for future reference.

Much better day.

No Light Yet

Today has been rough.  I’ve been dealing with a lot of pain that won’t seem to subside.  I’m doing my best to get through. There’s gotta be a light at the end of this tunnel.

Apologies.  My focus is limited for a blog. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. 

Placeholders

I took the time Wednesday morning to take videos of all my forms and kicks.  I wanted a “placeholder” of where I am prior to surgery.  I am very curious to see how things change once I’m back on my feet.  Hopefully it will be for the better.  Even though I have become so accustomed to the pain that’s it’s just a normal thing, I can’t imagine there won’t be positive changes once it’s gone.

I will also be using these as “training” materials.  I plan to review each one over the next while and makes notes of anything I notice that needs to be worked on, while also developing my eye for detail.  This will be one way I plan to get some “reps” in.

IHC Number Update - June 1, 2023

2023 Year of the Rabbit

Year of the Rabbit - January 22, 2023 to February 9, 2023 (384 days)

Base Requirements

Hand Form - Tai Chi Short Form  339/1000

Weapon Form - Kwan Dao  338/1000

Push-ups  16,911/50,000

Sit-ups  17,003/50,000

Sparring  327/1000

Kilometers 604/1609

Acts of Kindness  425/1000

Blogging/Online Presence - yup

Unexcused Absences - yup

Mastery by Stewart Emery - 😬

Mend a Relationship - 👍

Lion Dancing - not yet

Tiger Challenge - complete!

Public Performances - Tiger Challenge

Core Curriculum - hope so

SRKF Projects and Initiatives - Children's Class Weekly Recaps, Spring Break Mad Minute Challenge, Earth Day, Dragon Dance organizing

Personal Requirements

Monthly Movie/Game Family Night  4/12

Lion Dance Drumming - 👍

Chi Development - little by little

Establish online presence for pottery - hopefully have some more progress here soon.

Daily blogging  131/384 *12 of these are "I Am" blogs

Weekly Kick Assessment - got some videos.  Recently did a comparison of my side heel.  I see some progress.