Not my best year for numbers. I fell behind with my surgery and then never did manage to find my way back.
But I’ve started strong so far for the year of the dragon.
I also did well tracking all of my other forms.. I try to ensure that I am at least touching on every one at minimum) once a week. I’m proud to say that I achieved numbers beyond that.
Final Rabbit Numbers
AOKs = 1012
Kms = 1548
Kwan Dao = 775
Tai Chi Short = 808
Pushups = 34160
Sit-ups = 34160
Sparring = 775
Having said that, everything I have on my plate is positive. No negative stressors at present...and that is definitely something I'm grateful for.
I am also noticing that before I can get overly worked up about any one of them, I need to direct my energy to another. So rather than being over-stressed about one single thing...I have several that I'm only able to get a little bit stressed about. Lol.
Either I literally don't have time to get too worked up about any of them individually....
OR...maybe.....just maybe...I'm learning to focus and be in the moment with one at a time.
IHC Numbers To Date
Pushups = 34080
Situps = 33920
Kwan Dao = 767
Tai Chi Short = 798
Sparring = 760
Km's = 1538
AOKs = 1002
It’s proving hard to describe the experience in a formal fashion and keep it true to how it felt, so instead I think I will share the inner monologue that occurred. I want to remember all these things that went through my mind and what better way than in a blog.
To give some context, the lions were led into the library by the Buddha while I drummed. Once they got in, Sifu Brinker was to give a bit of an intro before we did the actual dance.
There’s the signal. Let’s go.
[7 star drumming commences]
Hm. Why doesn’t it sound as loud as normal? Am I hitting the right spot?...yup....is it because the floor is different?....I don’t know. Just nevermind! You’re gonna get distracted.
They’re looking really good! Audience is loving them so far.
Hmmm...they’re dancing for quite a while here. Is this right? Did I miss something?
Uh oh. Did Sifu just give me a look from around the bookcase? Was that a nod? Was that “good job” or does he want me to close? I thought they were supposed to actually lay down and then I’d close?? Oh man. Now I’m not sure. I’m gonna keep going for a bit. I’m sure he’ll look at me again more aggressively if he wants me to close.
Yup. There’s the look! No mistaking that one. 😬 Ok. Let’s close.
[insert Sifu’s presentation here]
Okay. They’re ready. Starting the wake-up. Don’t forget the pauses!
Going good so far. Why are my legs shaking? We’ve barely started. Nerves? I wanna stretch out more but my foot is caught in the corner of this bookcase. Damnit I should have moved the drum more. Pay attention! Forget your legs! They’ll be fine!
Oh shit. Was that the salute?? Damn it. I’m not sure!! I’ll keep going. Noa’s still dancing so I’ll assume it’s not for now.
SHIT! Was that it again! Omg pay attention Malinda! Hmm. I think they’re kinda stalling out in the middle here. Seems like they’re waiting. Oh man I don’t wanna do the waves if they’re not.....
[DO THE WAVE!...whispered from behind me]
Oh shit. That’s Sifu Brinker. Okay those were for sure salutes then. Let’s do this! Into the wave we go!
Boom, click, boom-boom, click....hey my 5 star ain’t sounding too bad today...boom, click. boom-boom....
Okay. Lettuce is down. Let’s close.
Ready for the stalking. Don’t forget the pauses.
This is going ok I think.
Ahahaha...I love how Shira is pushing Noa away. Too funny.
I need to work on my softer 8 counts. They sound terrible. Hopefully nobody else notices.
These kids are starting to crowd me. Did someone just step on my heel?
Okay...1 more toss.....damnit...those kids ran in. I can’t start the last toss with them all there. Can Shira and Noa see them? No idea. I’m holding. I don’t want anyone getting run over.
Okay, most of them are out. I see a couple more starting to come in so I better get going before they do!!
Boom! Final toss is done. Final stretch!
[free-style 7 star]
This is going well! Crowd is loving all of them.
Okay. Maintain the trill. Volley. Good. Stack. Darn! Ok stack again. I can’t see now! Do they have the banner?? Uh oh. Oh wait. Aviva is moving away. They must have it. Ok. Close quick. Shit I was too late! I gotta do another round. Rrrrrrr. Ok close. Sorry Sihing 😬 (for context...there may or may not have been a small threat regarding this part and me taking too long.
Okay. Back to freestyling.
Oh wait. Here comes Noa. Squish over! The kids wanna come in closer. Ugh, who put this bookcase here??
Yup! There’s the head toss! Oh shit. I don’t think I drummed properly. Oh well. We’re closing.
Bow 1...good.
Bow 2...good.
Bow 3....done! Wooo!
Ow. My ankles are sore. And my legs hurt. And I’m hungry.
I shouldn’t have worn a sweater.
I feel great.
In an effort to still progress with this requirement, I began to transfer my written journals for my Chi work to an electronic platform and have started using an app called Day One. It's essentially a journaling app. But what I really like are the simple features that also offer fantastic organization and referencing capabilities. I can easily enter text, voice, pictures, video or even a sketch. It also offers a "scan text" function. Which means I'll be transferring all of my written content over to the app (not just my Chi journals anymore). I can then tag the entry with things like "chi", "chi healing", "kids class idea", "blog idea", "Kwan Dao thoughts", "published blog", "motivation", "one-on-one", etc, etc. And with a click of a button, I can sort and filter as needed, seeing every entry pertaining to any given topic.
On top of all that, I can also set the app to remind me to blog (whether that be daily, weekly or just on certain days), have the app suggest a topic if needed and even talk to text using my smart watch!! I've used this several times now to get something down even before I hit the changeroom.
Just because it never made it to a written, published blog, doesn't mean it's not important to my journey. But if I can't reference it easily in the future, what's the point of even writing it down in the first place?
Pushups = 32632
Situps = 32720
Kwan Dao = 720
Tai Chi Short = 758
Sparring = 672
Km's = 1408
AOKs = 929
Pushups = 32492
Situps = 32467
Kwan Dao = 700
Tai Chi Short = 732
Sparring = 657
Km's = 1353
AOKs = 913
It was recommended that I take a bit of a step back from the things that seem to continue to aggravate my foot. Yes I want to push on and push through, but I also don't want to impede the healing so much that I actually end up causing long term damage that prevents me from recovering to the fullest degree possible.
Exercises, drills or techniques involving the ball of my foot, or that are full weight bearing on the one foot, or jumping or pivoting, all seem to be the ones that aggravate it in an extreme way. So even things like cat stance with all the weight on that one side, or open X with the twist and pressure on the ball, impact from kicking, unicorn stepping, etc. It's okay here and there, I think, to do these things, but when it's rep after rep, I can start to see and feel the swelling. To the point that it's taking quite a long time to settle down. The norm has been to aggravate it starting Monday, and not stop until the weekend. Then, when it starts to feel a little better by Sunday, I start all over. It was also pointed out that I still seem to be compensating on the outside of my foot (Thank-you Todai Bauer!). Which would make sense at the initial stages. Obviously I wouldn't have wanted to put alot of weight on the surgery side when I started walking again. But over time, this might have become a bit of a habit. This uneven distribution could also be a contributing factor in not getting that toe to the ground yet and still having balance issues...and maybe even to the continued aggravation. Who knows. But having said that, when I try to correct this, I can see that I need to consciously and actively think about distributing that weight properly. It's going to take thought and practice to correct that to the point it becomes the norm again. And if I'm "trying to keep up with the Jones'" in class, I immediately fall back to the habit I seem to have formed, because that's how I've become accustomed to doing it. And I don't think that will do me any favours in the long run.
I know that in recovery we want to push ourselves. If we don't, we will never get to that next level. But there is something to be said for finding a balance. Push until you see signs of "distress" so to speak. So maybe minor swelling, discomfort, soreness. These are all things to be expected. But when you hit that, pull back just a bit and see what happens there. Once you can maintain that level without the "distress", or if you see some progress, then start pushing further again. And so on.
But to be honest, my recovery strategy has been "if I can physically do it, then just do it". Regardless of whether it causes excessive swelling and discomfort. Regardless of whether I stop seeing improvement. Regardless if I feel like I've actually regressed back to the early stages of recovery. And I do also understand that there will be ups and downs with progress. But when regression lasts for an extended period of time, I don't think that's a good sign. I think rather, it's a sign that I'm maybe doing too much too fast.
And so I had decided I was going to minimize impact to my foot for a while and see if I might see that initial progress return. But then we started unicorn stepping, and to be frank, I feel like an idiot removing myself from the group. I have a fear that my recovery will end up an excuse to not do certain things. Or even worse (in my head) that those around me will think it's an excuse.
There will be things I can do, but probably shouldn't. And I know I need to check my ego at the door and make some smarter choices. But I am finding this really, really difficult.
