Whenever I make this trip back to my hometown, I'm always hesitant to venture out. I always fear I will run into someone from high school. My high school years are not ones I look back on fondly. I wish I had been better as a young person. To clarify, I wasn't a terrible person. I wasn't mean or a bully or anything. In fact, I can recall one incident where I went face to face with the the "bully" of my time after he sent a girl crying to the bathroom. Well, not really "face to face"....more like "my face to his chest". I remember him knocking my books to the ground when I called him out, but I stood my ground. First and only time I ever made a visit to the principal's office. So no, I was a "good" kid. But I certainly lived a life of mediocrity, wasting so much time...and worse yet, wasting so much potential. Perhaps that's a common thing with most teens. But today, I can't help but feel somewhat embarrassed by who I was. And so I always find it awkward to see people from that time.
This trip was different. This was the first time I've run into some old acquaintances, and not only did I not feel awkward and uncomfortable...but I actually found the interactions pleasant and nostalgic.
So why is this? Why the difference?
The only thing I can think of is that I've changed over the last few years. I'm in a place where I'm confident of not only who I am, but how I got here. I feel good about the life I’m living and, regardless of what choices I made "yesterday", I am trying to make better ones "today". I think I can look at my past now, own the things I did (or didn't do) and not be so hard on myself. Realistically, it all led me here. So perhaps that means I did exactly what I was supposed to. And without that nagging feeling of regret, I also no longer feel the embarrassment. And I'm pretty certain this growth has happened because of my Kung fu and the I Ho Chuan.
On top of this, this trip would also see me doing a "meet and greet" at my hometown library to showcase my pottery and my book. I did this for my mom. And just like running into old acquaintances from high school, I feared who would end up coming. Or worse, maybe nobody would. I always felt like an outcast growing up. My brothers and sisters were in the hockey community. Which at that time felt like the only community there was. And I was not a part of that. And so I always felt like the black sheep. Like nobody even knew who I was or that I even existed.
Twenty seven people ended up coming. This might not sound like a lot, but this is a very small town. Downtown was basically hoppin'. lol. Two of the attendees were some very close old friends that I hadn't seen in a a very long time. I hadn't told anyone about it. So everyone that came was there by choice. And every single one was interested in where I was and what I was doing. During my talk, many people brought up how they remembered me doing this, or that and how my interest in art and creating was evident even then. Things that I hadn't thought about or remembered for a very long time. But things that they saw and remembered. And I felt very connected, both with this group and with my past. And I found myself repeating words we've heard before. The fact that I was there, with all of those people in that given moment was a miracle.
This particular trip home was really valuable and I feel changed because of it.
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