Now I Know

Just a brief update. 

I had my MRI yesterday.  Results are already back in MyChart.

ACL has a complete tear.

The expectation was that we were dealing with a partial, so somewhat worse than expected.

I don't know what this means yet, since I haven't met with the doc yet.

In the interim I will keep doing what I'm doing.  

Camping

Out on my annual camping trip with a group of friends.  We spent the day hiking and playing games.  I always enjoy being out in nature. For whatever reason, things just slow down and I’m able to really be present.  The hiccups that will often upset a day just don’t seem to be as significant out here.

On another note, I hope everyone had a great day at the parade today!!

Stop Playing Around

I have a confession.  I still don't feel all that connected to my stick form.  

For one, I think alot of my focus and excitement has been surrounding our fight choreography.

And for two, I have kept myself in "development" this whole time.  There are a few parts where I just keep playing, looking for different/better ways.  I haven't been successful, mind you....but by not fully committing, I haven't really given these spots the attention they need to evolve and get better.

This is leaving me feeling disconnected from my form, while also lacking trust.  Not only do I feel this way...but it's also pretty obvious from an outside visual perspective as well.

Moving forward I've decided I'm just going to embrace what I have and go for it.  Fully commit.

We'll see what kind of shift I can make over the next bit.

Nothing To See Here!!!

I had a bit of an "enlightening" moment a few weeks back in Tai Chi.

It dawned on me while moving through the form that I don't consciously look before I move toward or strike the next target.  This is something we always try to do in our Traditional Kung Fu, so I asked if that same intent should still be there in Tai Chi.

The short and simple answer is yes, we still need to acquire our target.

The difference is that, because everything is moving so much slower, our eyes naturally move with the rest of the body.  There's no obvious "turn your head and look" moment.

BUUUUUUT...

That question took us down a little rabbit hole, and over and above the original question, something Sifu said has really stuck with me.

"I'm looking at nothing, but I'm seeing everything."

That one sentence has inspired me to look much deeper into what I'm actually doing with my eyes during forms.

As I'm moving through Tai Chi, I'm experimenting with not focusing my eyes on any one thing.  Instead, I'm trying to expand my field of vision as much as possible.  I'm seeing how much I can actually perceive if I don't lock onto a single target.

It's been quite eye-opening.  😉😜

I can definitely see a lot more around me when I remove that specific focus.

Out of curiosity, I tried the same thing while looking downward.  I think I now understand one reason (not the reason, but a reason) we're always told to keep our eyes up.  The moment I try to expand my vision while looking down, it's instantly limited by the ground.  My awareness just isn't the same.

Anyways, I'm continuing to play with this.

It's been much harder to apply in our traditional forms because of the increase in speed. It's surprisingly difficult not to focus on something.  And when I say that, I don't mean I was finding something tangible in the room to focus on.  I mean I was focusing on an imaginary opponent.

What I'm trying to do now is a little different.

I'm trying to acquire that target while it's still on the edge of my field of vision before I move.  Then, as I transition, the target naturally comes into the centre of my vision, but without collapsing everything else.  I still want to see the target clearly while keeping my awareness expanded enough to pick up any other possible threats around it.

This is really difficult to put into words, and I'm not even sure I'm explaining it properly.

But it feels different.

I'll keep playing with it, but it honestly feels like I'm onto something that could be very advantageous.

Numbers - Aug 1

Just some numbers this week.  I lost track of time and found myself and the end of the wire.  I'm not super proud of my numbers at the moment.  But I will keep at it.