The Game of Strategic Conquest

At last night's IHC class we had the opportunity to practice a demo that we will perform at next week's Stony Plain Downtown Celebration.  Before we began, we were asked to choose what form we wanted to focus on and highlight in the demo.  Meaning our weapon form or our hand form.

I'm a bit opposite to everyone else on the team, in that I have chosen a school weapon form and have developed my own hand form.  Stick 1 and 2 for my weapon form and what I've named Dou Ti, for my hand form (pronounced "Dow Chee"....not "doodie" 😂...although the latter seems to be sticking...thank-you "you know who").  

In that moment, I found myself unable to choose.  On one hand, I've got more experience under my belt with Stick.  So it's more comfortable to me.  A little less intimidating.  A little less risk of messing up.  On the other, there's Dou Ti.  This form really challenges my kicks and has proven difficult, both physically and mentally.  When I go full-on intensity, it takes alot out of me.  And there are still times that I stumble.  Essentially, it's just a really hard form for me.  And I don't want to make a fool of myself.  Stick definitely isn't easy, but it would be the safer choice.

As I stood there humming and hawing...Todai Debbie Bjorkquist turned to me and said "Do your hand form.  I like your hand form."  And with that small push, deep down I realized it was the one I want to showcase.  

Yes it's really challenging for me.  Yes I still have alot of work to do.  Yes it's the scarier of the two to be performing in public.  But it also brings with it alot of pride and excitement.  It's mine.  I've put alot of sweat and tears into bringing it together.  And if I really want to do it justice, I need to just go for it.  And so I will.

"The greater the risk, the greater the reward"...right???

Or wait....is it "the higher the climb the farther the fall".....???

Oh crap.

Mr Stick

Last summer, my neighbour, knowing we do a lot of camping, gave us a very cool walking stick.  My first thought was, “I wanna use that as a weapon.”  And so of course, I tried using it as a staff. 

It did not go well.  

It was big, bulky and very unbalanced compared to my regular stick.  It was clumsy and awkward in my hands and was very difficult to maneuver.  Quite frankly, I didn’t trust myself with it.  And so I set it aside. 

Today, I decided to give it another go.  Surprisingly, it felt much better than what I remembered.  I was able to wield it fairly smoothly and found that I had much more confidence with it. I ran through Stick 1-3 a few times, and it actually started to feel pretty decent.  This exercise was very valuable in that it showed me some of the clear progress that I am making.  A year ago I was clumsy and unable to confidently do anything with this irregular, bulky stick.  Today was very different.  It actually felt good in my hands.

Of course I would probably still be “better” with my regular stick.  This guy will definitely require more strength to wield, simply due to it’s size and weight.  I also have to move a little slower with it, or risk really abusing my shoulder or damaging my foot, but I think once I figure it out, I will be able to speed back up again.  

Overall, I think throwing this guy into the mix will offer some interesting benefits to my training and I can see this really challenging my ability to make a weapon an extension of myself.  

I’m looking forward to getting to know him better. 

And I think he needs a name.

A Lesson

As I mentioned in my share last night, my mindset had taken a hit with the Tiger Challenge being postponed.  In my case, cancelled, since neither tentative date will work due to previous engagements that cannot be changed.  I had some really great momentum happening.  Between learning to spar, learning and practicing a new school form with my team, getting creative with board breaking, developing a fight choreography, working with the kids on their events and watching them get more and more excited...I had all kinds of things that were sending sparks throughout my training, and my life.  Of course I can still continue to work on these things.  But without that goal...that deadline...the spark went out. 

I completely understand why the decision was made and why it was important to do so.  And I appreciate we have leaders willing to make unpopular decisions when needed and I support them fully.  But sometimes rational thought and emotions don't quite line up.  And I can support and agree with something, while still not liking it.  In fact, I would imagine those that made the decision, didn't really like it themselves.

Something I did not share last night is that I have also been feeling some anger and resentment.

Throughout this pandemic, many have given up alot.  We stay home if sick...missing work...missing school.  We've missed visits and events with family.  We've missed beginnings and we've missed good-byes.  To date, Nathan has gotten Covid, as have I.  Each time we were diligent with our isolating, even within our own home.  Some have told me that I went overboard compared to what others were doing.  But in each case we were able to prevent anything spreading beyond our home.  At least that we are aware of.  But isn't that all we are asking of each other?  Be mindful, be aware and use common sense.  Every scenario won't be the same.  It isn't exactly black and white and the risk of Covid may have to take a back seat in some cases.  But too many are just acting with indifference and disregard for anyone beyond themselves.

And so honestly...I've been feeling angry.  And resentful.  I've been angry that we continue missing out because so many refuse to act accordingly.  I'm angry that this continues to drag on.  I'm resentful towards those that continue to make exceptions for themselves...justifying that their wants are necessities.  I'm resentful that while many are doing their very best, others are being flippant.  I know this dynamic has been happening the whole way through.  But everyone has a breaking point....a straw.  And I think missing the Tiger Challenge because of ongoing indifference is mine.  And it really took the wind out of my sails.

Having said all that, I am a Zen practitioner and I do follow the Zen approach to suffering.  A practitioner...not a master.  Lol.  And although I would have gotten there eventually, I am grateful for that reminder in last nights meeting because it got me there just a little bit quicker.  

In addition to meditation, laying my thoughts and feelings out in an organized and coherent way always helps me with awareness and acceptance.  I am aware of what I'm feeling, I acknowledge why these feelings are present and I accept them.  I don't need to ignore them or push them aside.  But I also need to accept that these feelings are mine.  Attempting to blame others for causing them, or projecting them onto others only waters them to grow.  I believe these feelings have served me as much as they will in this instance and, although I know this will sound hokey, I am grateful for the lesson.  I truly feel I have learned a great deal about myself from this small experience and this knowledge will serve me moving forward.

After the meeting last night I reached out to Todai Ward and we will continue working on our fight choreography.  I will continue to focus on sparring and advance by whatever means I can.  I will keep working with my team on our form in whatever capacity will serve them.  I will continue to develop a board break sequence and approach it as a personal side challenge.  And I will keep working with the kids and come up with something creative where they can showcase their efforts, even if it's not in person at the challenge.

I am feeling really good.

I AM Community

My community isn't just one particular place or group.  It's made up of people both near and far.  It's made up of family that I was born to, as well as family that I have chosen.   It's made up of people I've known all my life, and people that I may have just met, or maybe haven't even met at all.  It's constantly changing and growing.

Although many within my community might hold the same values and ideals...that's not always the case.  The true commonality is that all of these people want me to succeed...to be my true self and simply live a life of happiness.  And they are willing to offer their support, however big or small, to help me get there.

Being a part of a community does not mean that I'm unable to succeed on my own.  It doesn't mean I'm incapable or weak.  On any journey I take, I will falter and stumble.  That is a certainty.  Having a community is like having a safety net.  It might mean there will be people on which I can lean.  Or people that can gently turn me back in the right direction.  People to pull me back or push me forward.  Or maybe they will just sit with me until I'm ready to carry on.  They are ready when asked, but are also able to recognize when they are needed, even when I don't, or can't, reach out for help.  They do not compete, nor do they wish my failure to further their success.  They recognize that we can all succeed together.  And the more of us that do, the better for the community as a whole and the larger the community will become.

Although everything above clearly shows the benefits, I truly believe that what solidifies community is my participation within it.  My participation and my engagement are key.  The true value is not only in what I might gain, but more so with what I am willing to give.  

I AM Community.

IHC Number Update - May 5, 2022

My May IHC Update - Approximately 26% into the Year of the Tiger

Year of the Tiger - Feb 1, 2022 to Jan 20, 2023 (353 days)

✅ = achieving/exceeding my numbers or generally on track where numbers don't really apply.  

❌ = behind on my numbers or things aren't going well, where numbers don't apply.

➖ = unsure of progress, the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet, it may take the full year to properly evaluate, or it's something I would need my instructors to determine my success/failure.  I've decided to still list these things here just as a reminder that they are still requirements.

Base Requirements

✅ Hand Form - Dou Ti  269/1000

✅ Weapon Form - Stick 1 and 2  267/1000

✅ Push-ups  13244/50,000

✅ Sit-ups  13470/50,000

❌ Sparring  253/1000 *I'm short here by about 15.  Mostly because I lost motivation this week for sparring.

✅ Kilometers 459/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 283/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

➖ Mastery by Stewart Emery

➖ Mend a Relationship - I could be doing more here

➖ Lion Dancing - Instructors call

❌ Tiger Challenge - I am not available for either of the new tentative dates

➖ Public Performances

➖ Core Curriculum - Instructors call

✅ SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

➖ Learn how to reclaim my pottery clay

✅ Establish a 15 minute/2km run time - I'll do another timed run this month to see where I'm at

⭐ Box Jumps

✅ Monthly date with Dan

➖ Lion Dance Drumming

✅ Weekend Kung Fu Training with Kids

✅ Chi Development

➖ 3 x 1 Month "Clean Eating Challenge" - next one will be June.

✅ Record Numbers of all known forms.  There is no specific number I'm trying to reach.  My personal requirement is simply to record them.

• Awakening the Dragon = 0
• Broadsword 1-2 = 8
• Da Mu Hsing 1-5 = 33
• Hsieh Chien = 20
• Lao Gar 1-3 = 25
• Long 1 = 13
• Hung 1-2 = 38

➖  I AM Project 6/30

 

Kung Fu'ing My Kids Part 6 of...

One of my IHC personal requirements is to encourage the kids to practice their Kung Fu at least once a week, outside of their regular class time.  Initially my intent was to work with them at home, but instead I have been taking them to open training with me.

Emma has been really good at self-motivating herself while we are there.  She will sometimes get distracted, but she has many things that she can work on and I've been encouraging her to approach any of the Black Belts or higher queue belts with her questions.

Nathan will often grab an escrima and make up his own form.  Or he'll sometimes kick and punch the heavy bags between many, many mini-breaks.  Other than that, his "go-to" is to coerce Sidai or Todai Bkorkquist into showing him the weapons.  Although there isn't often alot of actual training happening, he's happy to be there and he's engaging on his own.

Slowly, over the last few weeks, I am seeing the benefits of making Saturday open training a regular event.  I am seeing them create some of their own opportunities.  I am seeing them take some control and initiative over their own Kung Fu training.  I am seeing them make personal connections with their instructors and fellow students and slowly find their place.

If I can continue to encourage them with this, I think everything else will fall into place.

A Taste Of Sparring

I got my first taste of sparring this week. 

It began with some basic drills...but quickly turned into a free-sparring match with judges and all.  Truth be told, I was expecting to start sparring in this class...but I envisioned it more as a gentle, gradual progression...and not a massive shove.  But sometimes without the shove, nothing happens.  And so I'm thankful for how this class played out.

Like the grappling, I think this is something that I could get on board with.  I currently suck....but it's one of those things that sparked an excitement that I'm eager to explore.

Thank-you to my very first sparing opponent, Toudai Smith.  I truly appreciate you pulling that shot to my eye.

Btw...the graphic I've included does not at all represent how our match went.  lol

I AM...Brave

Doing something, rather than nothing.

Trying something new and different, over what I've always done in the past.

Saying yes to opportunities rather than no.

Reaching out for and accepting help when I cannot do it myself.

Speaking and standing up for those that are unable to do it for themselves.

Continuing to try even after failing countless times before.

Doing what will serve others, over what might only serve myself.

Admitting when I have done wrong and facing the consequences to make it right.

Embracing fear and taking action in spite of it.

Doing what I believe is right, over what is easy.

All of these things, to me, are examples of bravery.  When faced with a choice, these are the things I think about.  I am certainly better at some, over others, but I consciously try to find a way to be brave in some way every single day.  As with anything, small incremental actions will add up to extraordinary things.

I AM...But I Am Also NOT

I continue to struggle with the I AM project.  Maybe struggle isn't the word...I'm not stressed or frustrated about it.  Perhaps it's just influencing me in a different way than it was intended.

Again and again I will choose a word that I think is suitable...that I think easily applies to me.  But as I dig deeper, I begin to question myself.  Over and over, I realize just how far I am from actually being the person I want to be and how much work I still need to do.  Can I claim to be something for one reason, when there are others that show I am not?

I began writing about how I am honest.  Yet there are so many things I've done that would prove otherwise.

I began writing about how I am patient.  But again, there are so many instances where I am impatient.

A leader?...in some ways maybe...in others not so much.

Tolerant?...am I really?

Charitable?...I should really do more.

Brave?...my life has been a cakewalk compared to many others and so my acts of bravery seem irrelevant to what some have had to face.

For every reason I can think of to support why I AM these things, I can think of another that supports why I am NOT.

Maybe I am being too literal.  Maybe I am missing the point.  Maybe I am supposed to focus on who I am right now in this moment, and not about who I used to be.  Maybe this is another instance where comparing myself to others defeats the purpose.  Maybe this project is just taking me in a different direction than it's supposed to.  Or maybe it's taking me in the exact direction I need to be going.

At the very least it is making me more aware of my true self and I have found it influencing many of my thoughts and actions day to day.  Perhaps I can't say I AM many of these things....but I certainly am TRYING to be.

Recognizing The Potential

Well....last night's class was a real eye opener.  And in a good way.

Prior to last night, if asked which kick is my strongest, I would have 100% said the front thrust kick.  In my mind, it's pretty much the only kick that I have any sort of actual skill with and can perform consistently.

But I have to admit, my spinning back kick surprised me.  

I have a few spinning back kicks in my form, and so I've been getting quite a bit of practice there.  I've also recently made myself stop planting my foot down for balance before throwing my kick and I've convinced myself to stop worrying about the little details and just go for it.   And last night I could see the progress that I've made.

As we worked on the heavy bag, I suddenly realized that maybe my front thrust kick isn't my best kick.  Or at the very least it's coming closer to losing that number one spot.  Not every time, but a good number of times, my spinning back kick felt really good.  I moved without hesitation.  I found my target.  And I kicked with confidence.  I don't know what it looked like, but it felt pretty good.  And based on the heavy bag, my spinning back kick is most definitely more powerful than my front thrust kick.

I still have alot of work to do.  I need to really firm up my foot position.  There were times I lost focus on my heel and blading.  And I certainly need to improve my consistency.

But I can really see the potential I have with this kick.

Maintenance Mode

Well, Covid finally got me.

I am currently isolating at home.  My training has required some serious adjustments.   I am mostly confined to my bedroom, and so I am missing the luxury of my training area.  And my main symptom seems to be fatigue and body aches.  I attempted to do some sparring the other day, and found myself winded after only a couple of minutes.

However, I'm still managing to keep up with my numbers by gearing down to maintenance mode.

I am focusing on smaller sections of my forms that I can complete in full (without running into a wall or bed), and am working on smaller details within those sections.  I'll do each section 3-4 times and by the end I've got my 3-4 full form repetitions for the day.

I am using this time to work on my opening bow.  Plenty of room for that.

I'm using my confined space to really keep my stick nice and tight to my body.  In the instances where I intend for my stick to extend out, I'm developing awareness of my surroundings in order to utilize the space I have for maximum effect of the strike or block.  Not ideal for the form itself, but still beneficial in developing spatial awareness.

I'm doing my pushup and situp reps in smaller bunches as to not overexert myself.  I was initially worried I wouldn't be able to keep up, but sets of 10-20 add up quickly throughout the day.

My body is extra tired, and so I've slowed down and am doing alot of slower, low intensity reps.  Lots of value here still.  I'm noticing alot with my foot movements and with recognizing those precise moments where energy is released.  I'm also working on harmony and establishing those moments where everything finishes together.

The one area that is suffering is my sparring because of my lack of stamina at present.  But it just popped into my head that the 1-step, 2-step and 3-step patterns could be an option.  I'll give those a go today.

No mind blowing accomplishments this week.  But I think I'm managing to maintain everything.

Hmph

Something just feels off lately.  Or maybe something's missing altogether.  Whatever it is I can't quite figure it out.

I have lots of things to work on, but can't seem to focus or set priorities.  I continue to train...I continue to maintain my numbers...because I know if I don't I'll regret it once this feeling passes.  But it feels like I'm just working on bits and pieces and nothing of real substance.  And if I do manage to accomplish something bigger, I'm still left feeling unsatisfied.  This morning I worked on my sparring for a good 15 minutes straight, and instead of feeling good about it, I felt like I should have spent that time on something else.  This feeling has become a regular occurrence as of late.

I'm typically a self starter...a self motivator...but right now I kinda wish I had a personal Sifu/Sihing that would just come to my house at 5am and tell me exactly what to do...exactly what to work on.  For some reason it just feels like I'm not making the right choices or taking the right steps to maximize my progress and potential.

IHC Number Update - April 5, 2022

 My April IHC Update - Approximately 17% into the Year of the Tiger

Year of the Tiger - Feb 1, 2022 to Jan 20, 2023 (353 days)

✅ = achieving/exceeding my numbers or generally on track where numbers don't really apply.  

❌ = behind on my numbers or things aren't going well, where numbers don't apply.

➖ = unsure of progress, the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet, it may take the full year to properly evaluate, or it's something I would need my instructors to determine my success/failure.  I've decided to still list these things here just as a reminder that they are still requirements.

Base Requirements

✅ Hand Form - Dou Ti  178/1000

✅ Weapon Form - Stick 1 and 2  178/1000

✅ Push-ups  8879/50,000

✅ Sit-ups  8890/50,000

❌ Sparring  167/1000 *I'm short here by about 10...not concerned...I'll catch up this week

✅ Kilometers 295/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 211/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

➖ Mastery by Stewart Emery

✅ Mend a Relationship

➖ Lion Dancing - Instructors call

➖ Tiger Challenge

➖ Public Performances

➖ Core Curriculum - Instructors call

✅ SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

➖ Learn how to reclaim my pottery clay

✅ Establish a 15 minute/2km run time - I went for a run on Sunday.  My last timed run was at the bootcamp and I clocked in at 17:20.  Yesterday I ran 2.13 kms in 16:09.  Improvement!

⭐ Box Jumps

✅ Monthly date with Dan

➖ Lion Dance Drumming

✅ Weekend Kung Fu Training with Kids

✅ Chi Development

➖ 3 x 1 Month "Clean Eating Challenge" - next one will be June.  But I've noticed I'm making some healthier choices on a more regular basis.

✅ Record Numbers of all known forms.  There is no specific number I'm trying to reach.  My personal requirement is simply to record them.

• Awakening the Dragon = 0 *yikes*
• Broadsword 1-2 = 8
• Da Mu Hsing 1-5 = 25
• Hsieh Chien = 9
• Lao Gar 1-3 = 14
• Long 1 = 11