I AM...But I Am Also NOT

I continue to struggle with the I AM project.  Maybe struggle isn't the word...I'm not stressed or frustrated about it.  Perhaps it's just influencing me in a different way than it was intended.

Again and again I will choose a word that I think is suitable...that I think easily applies to me.  But as I dig deeper, I begin to question myself.  Over and over, I realize just how far I am from actually being the person I want to be and how much work I still need to do.  Can I claim to be something for one reason, when there are others that show I am not?

I began writing about how I am honest.  Yet there are so many things I've done that would prove otherwise.

I began writing about how I am patient.  But again, there are so many instances where I am impatient.

A leader?...in some ways maybe...in others not so much.

Tolerant?...am I really?

Charitable?...I should really do more.

Brave?...my life has been a cakewalk compared to many others and so my acts of bravery seem irrelevant to what some have had to face.

For every reason I can think of to support why I AM these things, I can think of another that supports why I am NOT.

Maybe I am being too literal.  Maybe I am missing the point.  Maybe I am supposed to focus on who I am right now in this moment, and not about who I used to be.  Maybe this is another instance where comparing myself to others defeats the purpose.  Maybe this project is just taking me in a different direction than it's supposed to.  Or maybe it's taking me in the exact direction I need to be going.

At the very least it is making me more aware of my true self and I have found it influencing many of my thoughts and actions day to day.  Perhaps I can't say I AM many of these things....but I certainly am TRYING to be.