A Connection With Myself

Sihing Ward shared some wisdom with me last night, as I was changing my belt, getting ready for the demo.  He asked if I was nervous.  I responded that no, I didn’t think so…well maybe a little, but more like “nervous excitement”.  He told me that made sense because feelings of nervousness and feelings of excitement are essentially the same thing, but that we often just process or react to them differently (maybe not his exact wording, but you get the gist).  

As I stood at the side of the stage, waiting for my turn, I felt my heart starting to beat a bit stronger..a bit faster…I felt anxiety starting to rise…and I found myself thinking “Okay…you just need to get through this one more time, and it will be over.”   The moment I had that thought, I felt sad.  I didn’t want to just “get though it”…or ”get it over with”.  I wanted to enjoy it…really soak it all in…be able to remember what I felt during it…and not have it go by in a flash, missing it all.   The brief exchange we had flashed in my mind.  And I consciously thought “No…this doesn’t have to be nervousness or anxiety.  This can be excitement.  Have fun with it.  Slow down, stay within yourself and just feel your form how it’s meant to be.”  And I stepped on stage and did just that…to the best of my ability anyways.  It truly felt like time slowed a bit for me and that I was in total control both inside and out.  And I know this might sound odd, but I felt really connected to myself in that moment.