Being The Tail

On top of all the others, another first for me this banquet was to be a tail in one of the lions that collected the red packets..  

If I'm completely honest, it was probably the biggest thing I was nervous about doing.  Yup, more so than the dragon dance....than the demo...more than speaking about the Liu Bei Leadership Awards...more than the 5 applications.

I was terrified of being a Casper.  Worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up with Sihing Lindstrom.  Scared I'd fall down the stairs.  Never to be asked again.....

Now that it's all said and done, I'm glad I didn't say no (not that I recall "no" being an option, mind you...lol).  It was a fun addition to the night and although I wouldn't say this is the start of any big lion dancing career....I WAS pretty proud of myself that I remembered to wag my tail.

A Glimpse

This year's banquet was the first true glimpse anyone from my family, outside Dan and the kids, has gotten into my Kung Fu.  My mom and her husband attended and I'm pleased to say how impressed they were.  Not with me per say (although of course I can do no wrong in my mom's eyes...lol), but with the entire atmosphere and community as a whole.  They could appreciate the hard work and effort that every student was making towards betterment.  They could see the intensity and comradery amongst the team.  They could recognize how passionate the instructors are with the success of their students.  

She has asked me before why I put so much time and effort into my Kung Fu.  Not in a facetious way, but because she really wants to know.  And I've always struggled to give a good answer because, as I'm sure you all know, it's hard to put into words.  Although it wasn't my intent, I can see now what an amazing opportunity this was for her to see and understand, at least a little bit, for herself.

A Connection With Myself

Sihing Ward shared some wisdom with me last night, as I was changing my belt, getting ready for the demo.  He asked if I was nervous.  I responded that no, I didn’t think so…well maybe a little, but more like “nervous excitement”.  He told me that made sense because feelings of nervousness and feelings of excitement are essentially the same thing, but that we often just process or react to them differently (maybe not his exact wording, but you get the gist).  

As I stood at the side of the stage, waiting for my turn, I felt my heart starting to beat a bit stronger..a bit faster…I felt anxiety starting to rise…and I found myself thinking “Okay…you just need to get through this one more time, and it will be over.”   The moment I had that thought, I felt sad.  I didn’t want to just “get though it”…or ”get it over with”.  I wanted to enjoy it…really soak it all in…be able to remember what I felt during it…and not have it go by in a flash, missing it all.   The brief exchange we had flashed in my mind.  And I consciously thought “No…this doesn’t have to be nervousness or anxiety.  This can be excitement.  Have fun with it.  Slow down, stay within yourself and just feel your form how it’s meant to be.”  And I stepped on stage and did just that…to the best of my ability anyways.  It truly felt like time slowed a bit for me and that I was in total control both inside and out.  And I know this might sound odd, but I felt really connected to myself in that moment.

Banquet Day

Banquet day.  

It’s been busy.  And a lot of fun.  Setup is done.  First dress rehearsal complete.

I doubt I’ll get another chance to blog today, so I took this chance at home to quickly write one. 

I also hammered out my push-ups and sit-ups for today.  

It’s been a good day so far.  And it’s only going to get better.

Feeling Good

I came into last night's IHC class feeling really nervous.  Up until that point I hadn't felt any nervousness at all.  Perhaps simply nearing the big day, and with it being our last practice, I was nervous as to whether everything would come together as we hoped...and whether I could remember and keep track of all the last minute changes and tweaks that we've been trying to implement and nail down.

When the music queued the first run through, all nervous feelings disappeared.  I was able to "turn off" all the extraneous thoughts and was able to direct and maintain my focus on the team, my form and the applications.  I felt as though nothing existed off that 7 x 4 square stage.  I felt confident and capable.  And not in a way where I thought making a mistake was impossible...that possibility is always present.  There were a few last night, in fact.  But I felt that I could handle and adapt to whatever happened.  That I'd be able to push through and keep going.  No panic.  No worry.  A feeling of calm and peace.

The only thing I'm nervous about right now is whether my mom will decide she needs to rush to the stage in my defense during the applications.  Dan is under strict instructions to hold her back.

Go Fish

I've always found it interesting how after I blog about something, it somehow seems to come up in class in some way, shape or form.  Whether it be something physical I've been working on, or whether it's the way I've been feeling mentally, it somehow seems to be addressed or touched on, even if it's just very subtly or briefly.

I always chalked this up to coincidence...or that maybe I was really reaching for a connection between the two.  But it dawned on me yesterday that this might not be the case.  

Our instructors use our blogs to monitor where we are in our training.  It gives them insight into what we're working on, what we're struggling with, how we're doing mentally.  But I'm starting to think that perhaps our blogs are not just being used as a reflection of us as individuals, but also as a reflection of the team as a whole.  If I am working on something specific, or if I'm experiencing certain struggles, chances are, some of my classmates are as well.  Although our journeys are different, often the challenges we face are very similar.  Understanding this, it only makes sense for instructors not to just give me, personally, feedback if they felt my blog required it, but to also offer that feedback to everyone, in the hopes they might not only catch one fish, but many.

Realizing this, I see just how powerful blogging can be.  Not only do our blogs speak for us as individuals, but they have the potential to give a voice to others as well.

Sssssh.....

This is my first year being a part of a live banquet.  I have realized there is a HUGE difference between preparing and planning for a virtual banquet as opposed to a live banquet.

This isn't anything I can't handle, but I do think I can be better prepared next year.  There are several things that I would have done differently, mostly in terms of organization and maintaining balance.  I found that some things, both personal and Kung Fu, have just been totally pushed to the side, simply because, at present, there is only time for the top most priorities...and nothing for the extras.  

Like my spinning back kick.....I don't think January has seen many of these from me.  Sssssshhh...don't tell Todai Burke....she's been beating on me enough.

My Kwan Dao

I have begun training with my Kwan Dao.  Now that I'm really swinging it around, I can see already that this is going to be a very difficult weapon to master.  It's long, heavy and unbalanced and can easily become out of control.  Any disconnect between upper/lower, left/right...or any of the 6 harmonies for that matter, and it begins to control me.  Add any bit of momentum to its size and weight, and if I'm even slightly out of my center, I'm chasing it.  Any bit of over extension, or handling it even somewhat off balance...and my shoulders scream.  Errors or missteps are magnified a thousand times.  There is no forgiveness with the Kwan Dao...no middle ground.

Yet I find myself eager and excited.  Every challenge I've listed above, if I can overcome it, is also going to be an essential asset to my overall training.  There is no way around it, this weapon is going to force me to develop proper posture, keep my shoulders down and maintain my center.  It's going to make strength training a necessity.  I will have no choice but to keep my eye for detail open...always looking.  It will demand that my 6 harmonies come together....that I always proceed with intent and mindfulness.

Although this weapon and I are currently at odds...fighting with each other...each of us trying to establish control...I feel that we will become good friends.

Year of the Rabbit - Personal Requirements

I have found that the best way for me to remain both accountable and motivated, and also true and honest, is to share. By putting my intentions, my progress, my successes, my failures...all in writing...all transparent...good or bad....my team knows exactly where I am...and more importantly, I know exactly where I am.

And so with that being said, here are my final, and approved, Year of the Rabbit requirements.

My “theme” for my forms is the harmony between chi/strength.

1. Hand Form – Tai Chi Short Form (school form) – Success Coaches – Sifu Dennis, Sihing Vantuil
2. Weapon Form – Kwan Dao (personal form)

Personal Goals

1. Once a month family game/movie night.
2. CARRY FORWARD - Lion/Dragon Dance Drumming - learn to play a full lion dance with the ultimate goal of playing for a demo. – I’m setting myself a goal of a minimum of 30 minutes per week. Success Coach - Sifu Rybak
3. Continue with my Chi exploration. This past year I found a lot of success by allowing my experiences to guide me rather than defining specific goals. I intend to continue in this manner, with an added focus of putting in writing some of the different things I’ve experienced and learned, in a manner that could possibly be used by others that are looking to develop more in this area. Success Coach – Sifu Brinker
4. Establish an online “store” or presence for my pottery.
5. Daily blogging. My intent here is to develop a detailed and accurate record of my journey and also inspire daily reflection.
6. Weekly “mini” kick assessment – 15 seconds of each front thrust, side heel, roundhouse, spinning back kick – from each lead – to be recorded – my intent is to more closely monitor my progress with my kicks.

IHC FINAL Numbers - Year of the Tiger

My FINAL IHC Numbers - Year of the Tiger

Year of the Tiger - Feb 1, 2022 to Jan 21, 2023 (354 days)

You might notice that I removed the checkmarks and X's.  I'm approaching this a bit different in that I don't want to necessarily determine my success in such a black and white manner.  I realized here at the end of the year that I had too much focus on what I hadn't done, rather than what I had and my potential to "still do". 

Base Requirements

Hand Form - Dou Ti  957/1000

Weapon Form - Stick 1 and 2  932/1000

Push-ups  43,690/50,000  60,000

Sit-ups  43,636/50,000  60,000

Sparring  858/1000

Kilometers 1812/1609

Acts of Kindness 1022/1000

Blogging/Online Presence - check

Unexcused Absences - check

Mastery by Stewart Emery - this could use more effort

Mend a Relationship - this went really well.  My siblings and I have been more consistently in touch all year and it's been really great.

Lion Dancing - Instructors call

Tiger Challenge - was not able to participate

Public Performances - check

Core Curriculum - Instructors call

SRKF Projects and Initiatives - check

Personal Requirements

Learn how to reclaim my pottery clay - nope

Establish a 15 minute/2km run time - check

Box Jumps - check

Monthly date with Dan - check

Lion Dance Drumming *I will be carrying this forward to the Year of the Rabbit, with a more defined plan and goal

Weekend Kung Fu Training with Kids - this went decently well I think

Chi Development - check

3 x 1 Month "Clean Eating Challenge" - nope.  

Record Numbers of all known forms.  There is no specific number I'm trying to reach.  My personal requirement is simply to record them. - check

• Awakening the Dragon = 33
• Broadsword 1-2 = 25
• Da Mu Hsing 1-5 = 89
• Hsieh Chien = 40
• Lao Gar 1-3 = 70
• Long 1 = 34
• Hung 1-2 = 50
• 18 Temple Motions = 44

I AM Project 19/30

I AM Grateful

I have had the tremendous privilege, this year, of being Todai Burke's partner for her five applications.  I have to say....if you are ever given an opportunity to be a partner, take it.  I repeat....take it...and absorb everything you can in the process.  The stuff I've learned, the things I've felt, the hits I've taken...the bumps...the bruises....have all given me just that much more insight into the martial arts.  And every bit of insight will make me just that much better than I would have been without it.  Every opportunity is a gift and a blessing. And I am grateful for every one.

Just Bare With Me

This is one of those blogs that I always worry will make no sense. When I speak or blog about energy, chi, the 6 harmonies, it can be very difficult to find the right words.  And I think we all have very different vocabularies.  I also worry that I'm at such a rudimentary level in my exploration of such things, that I'm likely completely wrong about everything anyways.  And from one day to the next I'll be changing my mind about what I know...what I think...or what I think I know.  Lol.  So please, just bare with me as I drag you along.

I’ve been working on a couple things in Tai Chi that I’ve recently been able to connect directly to my Kung Fu. 

The first is that I've been trying to consistently keep my center lowered.  Initially, this meant keeping myself physically lowered.  Meaning nice bent knees...nice relaxed shoulders.  And when doing this I noticed a tremendous improvement in my stability.  But I also started to notice that sometimes, even though I might have small physical shifts up and down, I can still often stay grounded.  I think I've mostly used the terms grounded and centered interchangeably, but maybe that's not quite accurate.  Sorry, I started off on a tangent there that I'm not quite prepared to go on yet.  So we'll just leave this here for now.

The other direction I had been given was to focus on driving a technique from my hips, rather than simply using my arms/hands.  Even though my hands are the completion of the technique, they are not what initiates it or drives it.  It was very enlightening when I made this shift.  I realized that I was very disconnected between my upper and lower halves.  In fact, I learned almost immediately that when I brought everything through my hips, I seemed to shift off, physically, on a diagonal for some reason.  When I stayed true to the course I had set, it just seemed to be where I wanted to go.  After some further exploration, I eventually realized my Toyu stance was too wide, and I had been countering that by simply redirecting everything with my hands.  I was basically forced to disconnect from my feet/knees/hips in order to get the end result I wanted with my hands/elbows/shoulders.  But then, of course, I lost everything in between.  Only when I focused on remaining true to the connections within the 6 harmonies, did I realize that something was off.  I wasn't getting the result I wanted, but by working back, I realized the error was right at the start, with my stance.  Now I don't think this means that you can't shift gears or make adjustments when needed, but I do think it means that a technique will be that much stronger, that much more pure, if you can remain true to it from start to finish.

Anyhow, these things above will take alot more exploration.  But my original point with this blog was that these things came firing into my mind while working on the ball throws, double knife hands and the tiger claws in Lao Gar 3.  When I utilized what I learned above from Tai Chi, everything started to come together a little bit better.

Little By Little

It struck me the other day, watching the kids’ classes, how much they’ve improved.  Even the “little” things like push-ups and sit-ups. There was a time, not long ago, that several of the kids needed us to hold their feet so they could actually manage a single sit-up.  Or we had to really encourage them to push themselves to keep going with a few push-ups, not letting themselves fall.  And suddenly, the other day, I realized that hardly anyone asked for, or needed our help.  Was their technique perfect?  No.  But they pushed themselves, without complaint, and I found myself feeling really proud of them.  

I find this improvement, over the last year or so, really exciting and encouraging, not just for them, but for myself.  If these kids are making this kind of improvement, simply by attending their classes and having the occasional 1-on-1, I have to assume that these little bits of improvement are also happening for me.  Get to class.  Do the work.  And little by little…

Me Thinks

I was looking up the Lao Gar livestream video for a student the other day.  When I found it, I didn't just want to reference the video, but also wanted to let them know approximately when the form started.

I'm so glad I did.  I ended up watching it myself, and I was flabbergasted at how different it looked to me than I remembered.  I was noticing tiny little details that I'm sure I hadn't noticed previously.  Watching the video I even found myself "feeling" the form.  Meaning, not only did I notice little physical details...but I found myself thinking "I think that part should feel like that".  Maybe a better way to explain this is that I felt like I could really see the 6 harmonies in action.  In a way that I can even try to apply this to my own forms.  Yea, I know that maybe doesn't make sense...but it does to me!  Lol.

And this was only Lao Gar 1.

Me thinks it's time to go and watch some more of these videos to see what new things I can discover.

Re-thinking

Last nights' class has got me thinking once again about my side heel.  I've come to terms with the fact that my kicks will always be something that I really have to work at.  I mean, I have to work at everything...but kicks will always need that extra attention.  But I was really starting to think I was seeing some improvement.  Last nights' lesson has me re-thinking that.  I think I might be someone that is kicking from the knee...starting with more of a roundhouse and changing it to a side heel.  I think maybe I had a false sense of improvement because I put more of a band-aid on it, fixing my stability somewhat, and was seeing THAT as progress.  But truthfully, I really don't know.  It's probably time for a video and a one-on-one.

Sharing Is Caring

One of the most challenging personal requirements I've made for the Year of the Rabbit is to blog every day.  My intent here is to develop a more detailed record of my journey and to also inspire daily reflection.  I know there are lots of little tidbits that are being lost because I'm not taking that moment at the end of the day to reflect on what I did and what I learned.  I do make a point of jotting down the things that I think are truly important, but I think there are many "little" things that are being overlooked.  Things that may not seem important today, but could be tomorrow.  Things that I might be taking for granted.

I don't expect every day to be Pulitzer prize winning material.  In fact, I would expect (and you should too 😉) that most of it will be drab and boring.  Because of that, I have not yet decided whether I will post everything to the team page, or if I'll only post the ones I think are worthwhile.  Perhaps I might just pick the one I think is the best for the week and just share that one to the team page.  Either way, every last one will be made public on my actual blog page, and so anyone that actually follows my blog will still be able to see everything I post on their reading list.

Having said all that, you will likely start to see some more frequent postings from me.  I want to try and get into a rhythm before the big day actually rolls around.  So if you find yourself wondering "why is she sharing THIS?"...well, it's because I'm about to start sharing everything.  And hopefully, overall, this will serve me in a positive way.

Nailed It

For the first time in a long time I managed to get up as planned for some morning training.

It looked a little different this morning than it used to.  But I've learned that as I evolve and progress, I need to let go of "used to".  So I didn't want to have a "checklist" of everything I HAD to get done in order for the morning to be a success.  I gave myself 30 minutes to do whatever I wanted, but also pushed myself to use that time to it's fullest.  It went well.  Some upper body weight training, crunches, a few forms, followed by some much needed meditation.  

But ultimately, the main goal for today was just to get my ass out of bed.

Nailed it.

Behind But Ahead

December was pretty dismal for me.  Embarrassingly dismal.  Which you'll see if you read my Number Update blog I've posted.  I found myself out of time, out of energy, out of momentum.  And my numbers suffered....badly.  

But the month was not a total loss.  I found myself making some important mental connections and having some really good internal conversations with myself.

There are a few thoughts, questions and realizations that came about that I thought were worth noting.

1.  Although I wasn't fulfilling my daily number quotas, I can be proud (at least a little bit) that I never succumbed to "why bother?" or "what's the point?".  I never allowed myself to do NOTHING.  However small, I always did at least one thing every day with intent and mindfulness.  Often more, because one sometimes became 2...or 3.  But even if that was all I could manage, it was at least one.  If this is something I can sustain on a regular basis wherever I might be, physically or mentally, literally or figuratively, then I will always be moving in the right direction.

2.  The classic "egg or chicken" dilemma.  Was I not keeping up with my training because I was tired and without any energy?  Or was I tired and out of energy because I wasn't keeping up with my training?  Food for thought.  And easy to test.

3.  I think I might finally understand why focusing on trajectory is more important than just numbers. I realized that when I look at our number requirements, I tend to look at "what I haven't done" rather than "what I have done".  Meaning, I will see the 4,000 pushups that I'm behind on, more clearly than the 40,000 pushups I've managed to accomplish.  And it became clear how this weakens me.  For example, if I manage only half of the pushup requirement every day for a week, by the end of that week, my focus is that I'm behind by 480 pushups (for those that like numbers, I'm using a 365 day calendar year in this example).  Two weeks...960.  A month...over 2000 behind!!  How do I catch up??  And if I can't catch up, then what's the point of doing any?  I eventually began to see how watching the negative number grow is debilitating.  It drags you down with it.  In actual fact, I should be looking at the over 2000 pushups I completed that month and simply work at getting THAT number grow.  There is no need to "catch up".  It's not a race.  It's betterment.  It's mastery.

I can acknowledge that this is likely the WORST training month I have had in the last 3 years.  And I felt myself getting down and feeling badly about all of it.  But by learning from others around me this past year, and taking to heart many of the team discussions we've had, I made a choice to put some conscious thought into what I was going through and what I was experiencing.  And that honest reflection resulted in some positive outcomes.

So although I'm "behind" I can now see that I've actually moved ahead.

IHC Number Update - January 6, 2022

 

My January IHC Update - Year of the Tiger

Year of the Tiger - Feb 1, 2022 to Jan 21, 2023 (354 days)

Base Requirements

❌ Hand Form - Dou Ti  928/1000

❌ Weapon Form - Stick 1 and 2  910/1000

❌ Push-ups  43,273/50,000  60,000

❌ Sit-ups  43,381/50,000  60,000

❌ Sparring  783/1000

✅ Kilometers 1737/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 985/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

➖ Mastery by Stewart Emery

✅ Mend a Relationship

➖ Lion Dancing - Instructors call

❌ Tiger Challenge

✅ Public Performances

➖ Core Curriculum - Instructors call

✅ SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

➖ Learn how to reclaim my pottery clay

⭐ Establish a 15 minute/2km run time

⭐ Box Jumps

✅ Monthly date with Dan

❌ Lion Dance Drumming *I will be carrying this forward to the Year of the Rabbit, with a more defined plan and goal

✅ Weekend Kung Fu Training with Kids

✅ Chi Development

❌ 3 x 1 Month "Clean Eating Challenge" - this goal is a fail.  What's worse is that I honestly don't really care or feel all that bad.  I'm going to look back at this to see if I even learned anything.  

✅ Record Numbers of all known forms.  There is no specific number I'm trying to reach.  My personal requirement is simply to record them.

• Awakening the Dragon = 33
• Broadsword 1-2 = 25
• Da Mu Hsing 1-5 = 87
• Hsieh Chien = 38
• Lao Gar 1-3 = 63
• Long 1 = 34
• Hung 1-2 = 50
• 18 Temple Motions = 44

❌  I AM Project 18/30

A Wave

“Picture a wave.  In the ocean.  You can see it, measure it…it’s height…the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through.  

And it’s there.  You can see it.  You know what it is…it’s a wave.  

And then it crashes on the shore and it’s gone.  But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be for a little while.

The wave returns to the ocean.  Where it came from.  And where it’s supposed to be.” - Chidi, The Good Place

This is probably the most beautiful way I’ve ever heard life, and death, described.  It’s also the one that seems to fit my spirit and allows me to be most at peace.