There has just been so much loss... heartache... conflict... anger... despair... frustration.... I can go on and on. My heart just feels so heavy with it all. And I've been very lucky through all of this so I can't even imagine how others must be feeling.
I can see everything starting to affect even the small kids now. They have been so resilient to this point. But I can see that Emma, in particular, seems lonely. She is missing the interactions with friends and she's been feeling segregated and left out. She's missing family more and more. Although most everyone is in the same boat, her perception is that she's alone. And perception can be very powerful.
I feel like my hands are tied and there's nothing I can really do. I see and hear people that just don't seem to care. Or perhaps I should say they only seem to care about themselves and their own hardships with all of this. Nobody seems to consider the person next to them. Nobody can see that their situation is far better than many others. Nobody can see beyond their own personal struggles. Everyone's decisions and choices are being made only for themselves. Nobody seems to be thinking about their neighbour, their colleague, their friend.
I'm no saint by any means. There are much better and selfless people in this world than I. But I do understand that what I might want, and what is best for those around me, can often be two completely different things. How would things be different if we had to make our choices based on what would be best for our neighbour? Or a stranger? Would our choices then be different? Would our perspectives change?
I don't know. I'm almost to a point where I can't even formulate a coherent opinion anymore. There's just so much coming from every direction.
What can I do? I wish I could think of something to do, that would make a difference.
Despite all of this emotional turmoil, my Kung Fu has remained strong. It's acting as an outlet and is definitely something positive to focus on amidst the chaos. When I find myself reeling, I have something to come back to. This blog itself has helped me re-set.
I also discovered this passage a while back. And I've been reading it alot lately in an effort to stay grounded. If I can keep myself calm and my thoughts clear, maybe I can think of something that might help.
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