In Good Company

Camera On

I attended class tonight.  Via  Zoom. In uniform.  Camera on.  Utilizing my scooter.  

I was amazed by how much I was able to participate without my lower half.  

During warmup, for any kick reps I worked on 7 Knife Hands and 6 Elbows.  Used some weights for the pushups and sit-ups portions.  For Lao Gar I focussed on my upper half only.  Which got a bit tricky in 2 and 3. But I managed.  In fact, since my lower half was out of the equation, I really focussed on making my strikes and blocks nice and crisp and solid.  They were feeling pretty good by the end.  And then during the partner work, I let my heavy bag have it.  

I finished class just as sweaty as normal and feeling like a million bucks.  

I've Won...For Now

This past Wednesday was a bad day.  I just could not see past everything I wanted...but that I couldn't have. 

I logged in for Tai Chi class...and I immediately felt angry and annoyed that I wasn't there in person.  Every little thing made it worse.  In my core class all I saw was missed opportunity after missed opportunity.  A takedown that I haven't yet learned or kick reps that I always need.  I attempted to do some ab reps and overhead presses while watching, but eventually felt ridiculous because it just seemed so worthless and a waste of time....because it wasn't what I WANTED to be doing.  It was made worse having my video off.  I felt so disconnected.  Yet at the same time, I didn't want to make everyone in class uncomfortable with me just staring down at them.  So I kept it off.  And I couldn't help thinking that it wouldn't even matter if I wasn't even there at all.  I felt worthless and hopeless.  And the thoughts continued to spiral downward.  Even once healed, it would take a long time to adjust to the reconstruction.  It would be like starting from scratch.  It took 3 1/2 years to get to where I was before surgery.  Does that mean it would take that long again to get back to where I left off?  My blue belt, brown belt, black belt all seemed so impossibly far away.  It felt like I was being left behind.  All of these grand plans and ideas I had to stay engaged and keep progressing suddenly seemed so utterly stupid.  What was even the point?  Why did it even matter if I did anything at all if I have to start all over anyways?

As incredibly powerful as all of these thoughts were, there was a small part of me trying really hard to fight back.  Intellectually, I knew all of this was hogwash.  I knew I was being silly.  I knew that days of discomfort, sleepless nights and boredom had taken their toll, and simply put, I was feeling sorry for myself.  And to be honest, this wasn't at all unexpected.  I knew going in that these days would appear and I expect plenty more as I continue on this road to recovery.  Nobody said this would be easy.

It took some time, but the rational part of me finally won.  Everything I'm doing is better than nothing.  Every press, instead of a pushup.  Every leg lift, instead of a situp.  Every mental rep of a form.  Every review of my form videos, looking for the smallest of details.  Every 1-on-1.  Every watched class.  All of it is "worth it".  And I won't be "starting over".  I will be relearning and redoing, yes...but this time with all the knowledge and understanding that I already have.  I already know what I want to achieve.  And I have a pretty good idea of the steps needed to get there.  So there will be a difference.  

All of this keeps me moving forward.  If I'm "left behind", it will be because I stood still and allowed it to happen.  So I will carry on, doing all the things I planned to do...adapting and evolving as I go.  Because these are my circumstances.  And Mastery doesn't care...nor does it wait.

And perhaps, just perhaps, I will come out the other side better for it.

Big Wins

My big wins today...

I got myself to our basement.

I managed to put on actual pants.

Digging

After a much needed 1-on-1, I decided to get myself outside to enjoy some fresh air.  My original intent was to just sit, or maybe go for a short walk with my knee scooter.  Instead, I found myself digging in my garden for an hour.  That’s, by far, the most exercise and the most sun and fresh air I’ve had in 9 days. 

Gardening was one thing that I did NOT expect to be able to do at all, never-mind just over a week post-surgery.  But here I was, digging away.  I was able to lower the seat on my scooter, and even had it pivoting.  So after managing to (slowly) push myself through dirt into a section of my garden, I then proceeded to simply dig and pivot, vanquishing all weeds in about a 5 foot radius.  And there were plenty.

Granted I ended up exhausted and had to lay down afterwards with my foot elevated.  And I have a nasty blister on my hand.  But I did it and I felt great.

There is always a solution if we want it bad enough.

The Foot Of Frankenstein

Today was one week post surgery.  And that meant my first check in with the doctor and a dressing change.  When he removed the original bandages I was a bit shocked.  I was not expecting that large of an incision.  Dan looked at me and said "well, now we know why it hurt so bad".  Lol.  I suppose he thought I was maybe faking.  Or at least milking it a little.  I was not.

So if anyone likes seeing that kind of stuff...click on the link below.  I didn't want to blast you all with a picture that you wouldn't be able to un-see....so click at your own risk!  But honestly...it's not that gory...just kinda looks like the foot Frankenstein would have had.  lol

Foot Surgery 1 Week Post-Op

Catch The Strike

I was watching some sparring videos yesterday and one of the instructors said something that has since stuck.  He used the term "catch" when referring to blocking a strike.  It immediately took me back to my baseball days. "Catching the ball with the bat" was a strategy that helped me add bunting to my skillset.  It was a way to get my mind, eyes and hands to work together in the right way.

It was interesting to hear this in relation to sparring and is something I'm going to follow a little bit to where it might take me.

In Real Time

Firstly, thank-you to Todai Bauer and Todai Raw for kindly moving in front of the camera for me in last nights class.  It was very helpful and I gained much from watching you work with each other.

I am one of those people that is hesitant to actually “hit” my partner too hard.  But I noticed something, as a third person viewer, right after Sifu Brinker was very direct that we should be using some actual force.  I noticed that the flow in the technique was very different once a person committed to that initial strike to the face.  With a hesitant strike….it was “strike THEN push face and turn opponent”.  Once the intent changed, it became “strike AND push face and turn opponent”.   Even the trajectory changed.  With a more hesitant strike, it almost pushed the opponent back and away…resulting in the need to then reach for them and pull them back.   When striking became part of the intent, somehow the technique became more circular where everything worked together, flowing from one thing to the next.

So when we work on a complete sequence as part of a particular technique, each individual component needs to maintain its intent (or maybe I should say each component needs to have intent, since intent can change on a dime) or the technique as a whole doesn’t quite work.

It was really interesting to watch how this particular technique changed and evolved throughout the class as Todai Bauer and Todai Raw worked together.  I was literally watching them progress in real time.  Very cool.

Mental Reps

Over yesterday and today, finally having a clearer mind to do some mental form reps for both my Kwan Dao and Tai Chi Short Form, I've noticed a few things that will require some more thought and analysis.

1.  When doing my form mentally, I can "feel" the movements of my body.  I'm also noticing that in most areas I can feel both my upper and lower half moving together.  But there are a few areas where I'm noticing that one or the other gets lost.  What I mean by this is that while doing a certain portion in my mind, my lower body will suddenly disappear...catching up later on.  Mentally speaking, I can't quite make these particular sequences work.  This makes me wonder if these are portions, in real life, where I am out of harmony and this is how it's translating in my mind.

2.  In my Kwan Dao form I've found a couple spots where I want to make some changes.  A couple ideas just sparked where I thought an adjustment could make a world of difference.  Unfortunately, in our mind, sometimes things work ultra smooth, and not realistically, so I will likely call upon some people to try a few things out for me.

Manageable

Well 24 hours later and I am doing much better.  There is still pain, but it is finally manageable. Dan commented that today is the first time I’ve smiled in 3 days…so there must be improvement.

With feeling a little better today I even did some Kung fu!  I’ve done a couple mental reps each of my Kwan Dao and Tai Chi and I have my dumbbells sitting next to me for my “pushups”.  I also went through the videos I took Wednesday of all forms and got them organized for future reference.

Much better day.

No Light Yet

Today has been rough.  I’ve been dealing with a lot of pain that won’t seem to subside.  I’m doing my best to get through. There’s gotta be a light at the end of this tunnel.

Apologies.  My focus is limited for a blog. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. 

Placeholders

I took the time Wednesday morning to take videos of all my forms and kicks.  I wanted a “placeholder” of where I am prior to surgery.  I am very curious to see how things change once I’m back on my feet.  Hopefully it will be for the better.  Even though I have become so accustomed to the pain that’s it’s just a normal thing, I can’t imagine there won’t be positive changes once it’s gone.

I will also be using these as “training” materials.  I plan to review each one over the next while and makes notes of anything I notice that needs to be worked on, while also developing my eye for detail.  This will be one way I plan to get some “reps” in.

IHC Number Update - June 1, 2023

2023 Year of the Rabbit

Year of the Rabbit - January 22, 2023 to February 9, 2023 (384 days)

Base Requirements

Hand Form - Tai Chi Short Form  339/1000

Weapon Form - Kwan Dao  338/1000

Push-ups  16,911/50,000

Sit-ups  17,003/50,000

Sparring  327/1000

Kilometers 604/1609

Acts of Kindness  425/1000

Blogging/Online Presence - yup

Unexcused Absences - yup

Mastery by Stewart Emery - 😬

Mend a Relationship - 👍

Lion Dancing - not yet

Tiger Challenge - complete!

Public Performances - Tiger Challenge

Core Curriculum - hope so

SRKF Projects and Initiatives - Children's Class Weekly Recaps, Spring Break Mad Minute Challenge, Earth Day, Dragon Dance organizing

Personal Requirements

Monthly Movie/Game Family Night  4/12

Lion Dance Drumming - 👍

Chi Development - little by little

Establish online presence for pottery - hopefully have some more progress here soon.

Daily blogging  131/384 *12 of these are "I Am" blogs

Weekly Kick Assessment - got some videos.  Recently did a comparison of my side heel.  I see some progress.