Dragging Along

I find myself in a dark mental space today.  I don't want to be here...I don't really know why I'm here...and I probably really shouldn't be here..but here I am, nonetheless.  And sometimes the moment I hit "publish" on a blog like this, my mind suddenly clears and I feel silly for posting it in the first place.  Here's to hoping.

Overall I think I continue to progress.  In some things more than others, which is obviously normal.  There are probably even a couple things that I would say I'm pretty good at.  Things that I am somewhat strong in.  

But as we all know, strengths don't exist without weaknesses.

Kicks continue to be my main weakness.  My side heel remains poor.  My roundhouse not much better.  And I can't throw a decent spinning back kick to save my life.  Even my front thrust kick could be better at this stage.

There is a reason why I decided to pursue the hand form I have.  And that was to challenge my kicks.  Challenge this weakness.  And I understand that challenging myself in this way will come with dark days.  Days where I feel frustrated.  Days where things just feel crap.  Days where I wonder how, or if, I will ever succeed.

I know the advice I would give someone else..."Trust the process and keep going.  Even the smallest amount of progress is still progress."

Unfortunately my mind cannot align with that logic today.  Today, regardless of what progress I have or haven't made with my kicks...real, perceived or somewhere in between...I am simply not happy with my current skill level.  I feel that I am at a point where the gap between my kicks and everything else is so vast, that it's actually starting to pull me back.  I imagine I'm trying to run forward, but there's a bungee cord tied around my waist....the other end tied to my kicks.  I can only go so far before I get pulled back again.

And so here I am...trying to figure out how to drag these kicks along somehow.

More kicks I guess.