I AM Struggling With This

I have to admit.  I am struggling with the I AM project.  I find myself overly focused on this list of words...so much so that my regular blogging is suffering.

Typically I would write whenever I was inspired to do so, and about whatever topic was currently marinating in my mind.  And my journaling would just flow.  Now, however, I find myself trying so hard to incorporate the I AM requirement that I can't seem to maintain my focus.  I will try to take the current topic in my mind and adjust it to suit one of the words....but then suddenly realize that my original thoughts have become completely distorted and even lost altogether.  Or, I will look at the list of words, and try and choose one that I think applies to me....but then I can't seem to come up with anything that supports it.  At first glance these are just a list of words...but then when I actually think on their true meaning, they suddenly seem very big...very significant.  And I can't quite fit them to myself.  I have also tried to just journal, and once done, try to fit one of the words to it, but that never seems to quite line up either.

And to be honest, none of this is really surprising.  I felt an apprehension the moment this requirement was announced.  So much so that it became a topic of discussion during a one-on-one.  I sensed that this was going to throw a wrench into my journaling.  Journaling, to this point, has been my best tool, and probably the single most thing that I feel confident with.  And I feared that adding a requirement to it would change it.  Instead of just journaling, I've become too focused on these words.  This requirement has become a hurdle for me...a hoop.

Having said all that, I do understand and appreciate why this requirement was added.  I can see that many on the team have been able to embrace this requirement and these additional blogs have been really advantageous for many.  And I'm glad that many have been able to use this as it was intended...as a tool.

For the time-being, I am going to step away from the I AM requirement, and just journal as I normally would.  Once I feel like I'm back on track I will re-look at this requirement and figure out a way to incorporate it so that it serves me.  I’m hoping all it will take is a shift in perspective.