Conversations with Dan

This blog is a compilation of some brief conversation tidbits I've had with Dan with regards to Kung Fu.  Some make me laugh...some make me roll my eyes...and others make me want to throw a spear hand somewhere soft.  

Either way, I thought you might enjoy these....some of you might recognize the first one.

Dan: [After overhearing the IHC team meeting]

You should go get me some popcorn.

Me:  No, I'm comfy.

Dan: huh...Jeff seems to think we have a good thing going...but now I just don't know.

Me:  [makes popcorn]

Dan:  Are you jealous that I can call Jeff "Jeff" and Khona "Khona"?

Me:  No.

Dan:  You should be.  It means they like me better.

Me:  [eye roll]

Me:  [laughing because I am beating both him and my mom at cards]

Dan:  I don't think this is how a black belt would act.

Me:  I'm not a Black Belt.

Dan:  Well not with that attitude.  Do I need to call Jeff?

Me:  [scowls and stops laughing]

Me:  [training at home, early morning]

Dan:  I'm going to run out.

Me:  Ok, can I make you a coffee to go?

Dan:  No, no.....you just carry on with your Kungfoolery.

Dan:  We should think of something you can do to end your day with Kung Fu on a positive note.

Me:  Why?  I'm fine.  Just a bit tired.

Dan:  Really?  You're sure?  You're not feeling even a little bit down because your side heel is total garbage and you biffed real hard on your plyo box this morning?

Me: [dead faced stare]

This is what I have to deal with Team. Every. Single. Day.  😉

Hoya Carnosa

One of my plant cuttings that I’ve been propagating finally sprouted some growth.  It’s been over three months of no visual change.   Without seeing any evidence of growth, I was sure it was a goner.  But at the same time, the last single leaf left on the cutting was still green!  So even though there was no new growth, it hadn’t died.  Sifu advised me (on more than one occasion) to be patient…these things take time.  And so I continued to care for it diligently, until suddenly…growth!  Something I could see.

Of course, with plants, we know that the initial, most important growth, happens in the soil, where it can’t be seen.  The root system….the foundation the plant will need in order to become strong and to ensure it’s development, and survival, above.  This needs to be established first, before it can promote the further growth of stems, leaves, flowers or fruit. 

As I sat and reflected on this, I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of “root system” I need to develop before I will see any of the more obvious growth on the exterior.  It can be hard to stay positive and trust that there are still important things going on without visual evidence.  I need to trust that, as long as I continue to work hard, growth is still happening beneath the surface.  Perhaps not as fast as I’d like…but it’s happening nonetheless.  And one day, like a plant, I’ll just suddenly sprout a new leaf.  🙂

Why Do I Blog?

Blogging is probably the single most positive tool that I have at my disposal.  It doesn't matter what injuries I'm dealing with...how old I get...what my cue belt level is.  It helps motivate me.  It helps me track my progress, keep me organized and develop strategies and plans.  It helps me reflect, on both the good and the bad.  It helps me vent frustrations.  It helps me reach out when I didn't even realize I needed to reach out.  It helps me quash any negativity before it festers into something more.  It serves as a reminder of what worked and what didn't.  It helps me both establish and maintain connections with my teammates and my instructors.  It helps me relate with those that have experienced the same struggles…and the same success.  It helps me correct my perspective when needed…even if it’s the people reading that are doing the correcting.  I could go on.  There are too many benefits to count.

Having said that, it's not always easy.  There are times that I feel embarrassed about the challenges I'm facing or the things that I'm struggling with.  There are times I struggle with how to put things in words or that I'm exposing too much of myself and opening myself up to judgement.  Sometimes what I'm trying to say comes across how I intended, and sometimes it doesn't.  Sometimes what I write seems irrelevant or just plain dumb.  But once I get past worrying about how it will look to others, that's when the words start to flow.  My blog is for me.  The most important thing is that I understand it, that it's relevant to me and that I am getting something out of it.  If others can take something from my blogs, that is just an awesome bonus.

There was a time that I held back.  I feared that others would start to feel overburdened or even annoyed with reading them.  Or that they would become a source of contention for anyone that struggled with blogging.  I wanted the things I shared to be helpful, not overbearing.  I had several un-published blogs that sat hidden away.  But I was quickly reminded that I should be publishing everything, all the time.  That this is my journey and I should embrace that this particular tool has been so advantageous to me.  And so I’ve continued in that manner.

The more I blog, the more I seem to be able to maintain a steady flow of progression.  I am able to express my thoughts, evaluate them, release them and then move forward.  Often, a blog that starts out as something negative, will change as I write it and become something positive.  As I write the words down, I tend to see things differently and can even come full circle from a place of confusion or frustration, to one of understanding.  And so I find blogging to be therapeutic in a way.  I feel like if I were to keep everything in, especially the struggles, then I would never be able to sort them out into something manageable and would never be able to move on.  As though, at some point, my mind would become so full that there would be no room for anything else.  My internal, mental and emotional self would be so bogged down it would just stall out, and then my physical self would eventually do the same.

Blogging, for me, is like taking a big butterfly breath.  Breathing in, I record and share my journey.  Breathing out, I reflect, learn and move forward.

Warning! Negative Blog.

WARNING!!  This blog is all kinds of negative.

I'm feeling both frustrated and despondent this morning.  It's funny how our perspective and demeanor can change so quickly.  Not funny "ha-ha".

I was working on my side heel again this morning.  As you all know it's been a constant struggle for me with this kick.  And I had thought that I was getting pretty good at just taking it in stride...and just accepting that it's difficult for me and that I will get there eventually.  But this morning I just found myself getting frustrated and then angry.  Because seriously....how am I still so brutal at this?  I can't even venture a guess as to how many of these kicks I've thrown since last July (July 9, to be exact, was the day I decided I was going to really focus on this kick).  And except for a short break last December, I have maintained that focus.  How do I know this?  I can establish a timeline from my blogs.  I also searched "side heel" in my blog and I have 16 postings that refer to working on my side heel in some capacity since then.  Twelve months...16 blogs.  So I know that there has been effort.

I'm not expecting mastery in a years time.  But I would think I should have established some sort of consistency in my ability by now.  But that's just not the case.  I'll feel really great for a day or two...like things are really starting to improve.  I'll feel like I've figured some things out....made some positive adjustments...feel more confident...and then...💩...back to the same as before.  And I don't mean "2 steps forward, 1 back"....I mean "2 steps forward, 2 or 3 back".  I don't believe my perception is tainted...I've got video.

So here's where I'm at this morning.  I am asking myself today, what's the point?  If in a years time I haven't made noticeable improvement, then wouldn't my time be better spent elsewhere?  Wouldn't it be better to just stop focusing on something that consistently brings such a negative vibe to my training?  I find it hard to celebrate the things that are going well when I have this cloud of frustration always hanging over my head.  And it's become apparent that my other kicks have been neglected and are now suffering.  What's even more frustrating is that this isn't lack of effort...but instead that what I've been doing just obviously isn't working.  But I can't seem to figure out what does work.  And it's starting to feel like a waste of time.  So at what point do I just forget about it altogether and just resign myself to the fact that this is just something I can't do?  I don't know the answer.

Even though this was where I ended with my side heel today...I don't like to finish my training on such a low.  So I decided to do some box jumps and end on a positive note.  Boost my spirit.  I was going to aim for 4 in a row, with 3 being my personal best so far.  But I cracked my hands on the box, caught my foot and then fell.  And I couldn't work up the courage to try again.  So I may be back to 0 on that as well.

So yeah...here we are.  A bruised and sore hand and an even more bruised and sore spirit.

The Ripple Effect

I am starting to realize just how much our journeys can permeate into the lives of those around us.  And honestly, it is becoming one of the most fulfilling rewards for my efforts.  Every day, I'm seeing more and more signs of influence on my friends and family.

My kids are incorporating Kung Fu into their lives more and more, just on their own.  They wanted to bring their sticks on this last camping trip.  And I overheard them teaching friends the crane stance while balancing on logs.

Dan has started doing push-ups and sit-ups (of his own accord) and has joined me on occasion with my hip opening stretches.

My mom, 73, who has apparently always had a fear of jumping with both feet off the ground, was inspired with my box jumping and actually jumped.  The excitement on her face was priceless.

A friend has been making efforts to heal his relationship with his sister.

Another friend, has become noticeably more empathetic to those around him.

Obviously I don't take credit for the choices that these people have all made.  Their decisions to take action, and to make changes, are their own.  But I tend to think there was at least some influence there...just as I have been influenced and inspired by others around me.

Like ripples in a pond, tiny changes within ourselves will impact those around us.  And then those around them.  And so on.  Although we are just tiny individuals in an infinite universe, our reach can be great.

Let's make some ripples and see what happens.  😉

Learning To Steer

I’ve been experiencing some really great moments in Da Mu Hsing recently.  Specifically with feeling much more aware of my center.  When it’s low and strong. When it’s elevated and fragile.  When everything seems to flow from, and around, it.  Or when everything feels somewhat disconnected.  

The progress I’m experiencing isn’t necessarily with being more consistently centered, but instead, is with my awareness, in real time, that it’s shifting.   I can feel whether that shift is appropriate, or whether I need to adjust.  And I’m able to do this more quickly and without interrupting my form.   

I’ve started to feel like I’m the one in control of this.  Like I’m finally learning to steer the ship, rather than just bobbing along letting the waves take me where they will.  

IHC Number Update - July 8, 2021

 My July IHC Update

✅ = achieving/exceeding my numbers or generally on track where numbers don't really apply.  

❌ = behind on my numbers, things aren't going well or I haven't taken any steps to complete the goal yet.

➖ = unsure of progress, the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet, it may take the full year to properly evaluate, or it's something I would need my instructors to determine my success/failure.  I've decided to still list these things here just as a reminder that they are still requirements.

Base Requirements

✅  Hand Form - Da Mu Hsing I-V  419/1000

✅  Knife Form - Goju-Shorei Talon  415/1000

✅ Push-ups  21655/50,000

✅ Sit-ups  21658/50,000

✅ Sparring  416/1000

✅ Kilometers 823/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 417/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

❌ Mastery by Stewart Emery...I've been neglecting this...

➖ Mend a Relationship - This is hard.  But I'm still working at it.

❌  Lion Dancing - haven't really focused on this recently

 ❌ Tiger Challenge

✅  Public Performances - Participating in virtual demo

✅  Core Curriculum - I'm assuming

✅  SRKF Projects and Initiatives - currently assisting Sifu Ward with virtual demo video.

Personal Requirements

✅  Weekly Dharma Talks - I'm running short on these.  I've substituted some reading of Thich Nhat Hanh books for this.

❌ Pottery - Not much happening hands on lately.  But my moms husband was here and got my kiln wired up properly so I should be able to do my first bisque fire!!!

✅  Box Jumps - This is proving to be very difficult.  I thought that after I worked past that first one it would be smooth sailing.  Not so.  I'm up to 3.  But progressing nonetheless.

✅ Learn how to change my car tires  - Complete.

❌ Learn how to change Oil  - I gave up waiting for Dan and took it in...lol.  This will have to wait until next time.

✅ Indoor Plant - I thought I was down to 1 lemon tree.  But I left the other (that seemed to be dying) and low and behold it suddenly had some new growth!!  My main lemon tree is doing very well (picture in comments).  Things were touch and go for a bit when Tank knocked my whole plant stand over and I even had to replant some things that were knocked right out of their pots.  But it looks like it's all survived that for now!  And my Kwoon spider plant is doing amazingly well and is producing all kinds of babies (picture in comments).

❌ Save for Family Getaway - I have to start over.  We needed a new roof.  😥

✅ Compliment Dan, Emma and Nathan at least once a day.

✅ Children's book - Complete.

Side Heel Month of June - Recap

I have completed my “Side Heel Month of June”.  I’m proud to say that I didn’t miss any days and I have another 3000 kicks under my belt.  

My main focus for this challenge was to identify major issues that are holding me back from improvement. The following are what I noticed,

1.  I need to keep my body more upright. I’m leaning far more than I need to and causing a disconnect. 

2.  I need to define my crane more, both initially and at the end.  Almost like I need to consolidate everything before kicking and then reconsolidate again before stepping back (controlled).

3.  I need to incorporate my arms.  It’s almost like they have nothing to do with this kick and are just an afterthought.  They tend to just flail and end up adding to the problem rather than helping.

4.  I need to really work on opening up on my left.  I think this is the major difference I’m feeling between sides.   When I kick with my right, things feel much better than my left, which tends to feel constricted and “tight”.   This is with all kicks and exercises. 

5.  I need to maintain that connection between my energy and intent.  Even when all the other things above are working, if I’m missing this, everything is just weak and feels sort of pointless...for lack of a better way to describe it. 

As I wrote the above, I was reminded of the 6 harmonies.  The connection between our upper and lower halves.  Our left to our right.  Hands-feet, elbows-knees, shoulders-hips, spirit-intent, intent-chi, chi-strength.  I’ve always considered my issue with the Side Heel as a problem with balance. Yes, I become off balance, but I think that’s a symptom, rather than the cause.  Now that I see these things in writing, I am noticing the correlation to the 6 harmonies and I think my main issue is having several disconnections at the same time.

I did take a video at the end and compared it to one from March.  You’d think after that many kicks there’d be something that improved, even if it was small.  Unfortunately I can’t say anything has improved.  In fact, the March one looks better.  

I’ll keep moving forward. Although right now I’m not sure what to focus on first.  There are so many things that need work.  And they all seem to be connected.  I'll likely focus first on the precision in my crane.  It's both the start and the finish to this kick, and others, so seems like a logical place to start.

Fitting It All In

I asked, in a one-on-one a few weeks ago, how you fit everything in...and the answer was "you don't".

And I get that.  It makes sense.  Although I hoped there would be some special secret, it was the answer I expected.  As a martial artist there are so many things we'd like to work on because we are dedicated to mastery and improvement.  But the simple fact is that we can't be working on everything at once.

So my next question gets a little more specific.  

How do I keep up with my minimum requirements of the IHC AND still move forward with the extraneous things I also want to work on?

The benefits of the IHC requirements are obvious.  As an example, the pushups and situps (or modifications of these) have become like making the bed in the morning.  Not only are they making me stronger, little by little, but they start my day with an accomplishment.  They set my day up for success.  So first and foremost, my focus starts with the IHC requirements.  They are the basis upon which I can build everything else.  

Having said that, it seems that by the time I complete my daily requirements, I don't have much time left over for some of the other things I'd really like to fit in.  Long I has been on a livestream video since February 19.  And although this is one that I really want to learn, and that I think would be really helpful with my breathing, I haven't even started.  Broadsword 3 has also been on video since March 26.  Again, haven't touched it.  There are various kicks and combos that rarely get practiced.  And my stick is starting to get cobwebs..and that makes me sad because my stick makes me so happy.

And when these things I've neglected come up in class...I feel guilty because I haven't spent any time on them.

So how do I make it all work?  I don't have a complete answer to this dilemma yet.  But I have come up with a few things.

One thing I've started doing is what I call "double dipping".  For instance, this past month I wanted to really concentrate on the Side Heel as an additional personal goal.  So on some days, I found myself incorporating this into sparring so that I could also count that time towards my sparring numbers.  Sparring has been a great way to "double dip" and get those kicks and combos in that have been demo'd in the livestreams.

I've also started implementing shorter "snip-its" of my forms throughout the day that I can apply towards my IHC requirements.  I previously viewed this requirement as having to be done in full, in order to count as a rep, but I've since altered my stance on this.  It's tough to complete a full Da Mu Hsing 1-5 (my hand form focus this year) at work.  For one, the space limitation is an issue.  Second, even just one full-on Da Mu Hsing leaves me somewhat sweaty.  But I can manage doing 1 section here and there, and I have started counting these as .2 towards my numbers.  Doesn't seem like much, but by breaking the pieces down, I can often end up doing 2 full sets throughout the work day.  These little segments tend to add up, and it leaves my morning training a bit more open for some of the "extras".

At the start of the IHC year, I had been using my One-on-One's to finish learning Da Mu Hsing, since it was my hand form for the year and I didn't quite know it in full at that time.  This seemed to work really well.  Although the videos were also available, the one-on-one's were great because I could also clarify the movements right away.  Since then I've mostly been asking questions that accumulate throughout the week.  As I've been progressing, I'm finding that if I give myself a bit of time, I can often answer many of my questions myself.  On top of that, the live classes now offer that opportunity for more questions as well (sometimes it was tough to ask questions online just because of the time factor with muting/un-muting/etc).  So I think, moving forward, I may utilize my one-on-one's again to learn and work on these new forms that I haven't been able to get to.

Another opportunity is while I wait outside the Kwoon during the kids' classes.  This could be a biggie.  I wish I wasn't self conscious about training in public and I wish I could just get out there on the grass and start swinging my stick.  But I'm just not there yet on a confidence level.  This is something I need to work on because it really is a perfect opportunity.  This would be another 2 hours of training every week!  I need to figure out a way to use this time more productively.

So although there is no way I will ever fit everything in, if I can get a little creative, I can at least try and keep those things that really feed my spirit and keep that motivation alive.

Why

Typically when I am corrected by a Sifu, I will take the information, make the correction (to the best of my ability) and move on.  Sometimes it's obvious why the correction is necessary.  Sometimes it's not.  But I've always had complete faith that these corrections are necessary, and that if it doesn't make sense at that moment, it will later on.  Primarily I've wanted to ensure I've got the steps right and that I'm doing the techniques properly.

Recently, my mind has wanted to venture a little bit further.  Instead of just making the correction and moving on, I find myself wondering "why".  I will often repeat the technique over and over, first the way I was doing it...then the corrected way.  Typically when I compare them, "my" way and the "right" way only seem to be a hair different.  But there must be a reason why I'm being corrected.  There must be a reason why these ever so slight details are important.

  

Why is the "right" way the right way?

Why does "my" way not not quite get me the result I want?

This has changed the game a bit for me.  I feel like I've hit a point where I'm starting (just starting) to see details in the details.  Simply correcting isn't enough anymore.  I also need to understand why.  Understanding "why" not only helps me reinforce the correction...because when I understand why I'm doing something, it's much easier to do it naturally and with consistency.  But I think the "whys" are also going to be integral with being able to make conscious choices in the moment...in being able to support my intent in order to achieve a desired outcome...in being able to change my intent a hundred times as a situation unfolds.

I'm not sure if I'm ready to start asking "why".  Blind acceptance is so much easier and hurts my brain much less.  But it's hard to hold back thoughts and this is where they seem to be going.

That's Not A Knife....This Is A Knife...

As part of my training with the knife, Master Wieczerza has instructed that I learn the Talon form with both a fixed blade and a folding blade.  A few weeks ago I received the folding blades that she recommended I get.  They are exactly the same except one is a trainer, which I will use while training so I don't inadvertently maim myself.  The other is very real, very sharp and somewhat intimidating.  But I'll tell you more about that one in another blog.

I'm having 2 challenges with the folding knfe.

Firstly, it's much smaller than the wooden blade I've been using for the past (almost) 5 months.  It's also much lighter.  It doesn't feel the same in my hand, nor can I hold it the same way.  I also can't release it the same way in the portions where I need to change my grip.  These transitions have become very slow and methodical once again.  Yet in the sections that require a single continuous grip, the blade just seems to fly.  It's so much lighter it's as if I don't even have anything in my hand.  It can seem almost invisible at times, except for the flash of the blade.

The other challenge is with the folding feature itself.  When using a folding blade, the form has portions that require me to open and close the blade, as well as open and close it one-handed.  These parts are intended to be quick and seamless.  Currently they are not.  And if not for the trainer, I'd have already lost some fingers.

I'll get there, I know.  Repetition and practice.  And when I do get there, more repetition and practice.

2 Minute Blogging Challenge Day 7 - My Favourite Thing

If I had to choose just one thing I would have to say stick.  It has become something I really enjoy doing. Not just the form.  But all of the manipulation techniques as well.  There something about it that just makes me feel in control.  Powerful maybe?  Not sure if that’s the word.  Either way, I already know what wearing I’ll be doing next year. 

2 Minute Blogging Challenge Day 6 - "Physical Challenge"

I think my biggest physical challenge, right now, would be my dynamic flexibility.  I think it lends to many of the difficulties I face with several techniques.  I'm working on it...and am slowly (so slowly) seeing improvements.  I think a root cause is hips.  My hip stretches really help.  Speaking of which...I've fallen off the wagon with those and need to get back at them.