I'm feeling both frustrated and despondent this morning. It's funny how our perspective and demeanor can change so quickly. Not funny "ha-ha".
I was working on my side heel again this morning. As you all know it's been a constant struggle for me with this kick. And I had thought that I was getting pretty good at just taking it in stride...and just accepting that it's difficult for me and that I will get there eventually. But this morning I just found myself getting frustrated and then angry. Because seriously....how am I still so brutal at this? I can't even venture a guess as to how many of these kicks I've thrown since last July (July 9, to be exact, was the day I decided I was going to really focus on this kick). And except for a short break last December, I have maintained that focus. How do I know this? I can establish a timeline from my blogs. I also searched "side heel" in my blog and I have 16 postings that refer to working on my side heel in some capacity since then. Twelve months...16 blogs. So I know that there has been effort.
I'm not expecting mastery in a years time. But I would think I should have established some sort of consistency in my ability by now. But that's just not the case. I'll feel really great for a day or two...like things are really starting to improve. I'll feel like I've figured some things out....made some positive adjustments...feel more confident...and then...💩...back to the same as before. And I don't mean "2 steps forward, 1 back"....I mean "2 steps forward, 2 or 3 back". I don't believe my perception is tainted...I've got video.
So here's where I'm at this morning. I am asking myself today, what's the point? If in a years time I haven't made noticeable improvement, then wouldn't my time be better spent elsewhere? Wouldn't it be better to just stop focusing on something that consistently brings such a negative vibe to my training? I find it hard to celebrate the things that are going well when I have this cloud of frustration always hanging over my head. And it's become apparent that my other kicks have been neglected and are now suffering. What's even more frustrating is that this isn't lack of effort...but instead that what I've been doing just obviously isn't working. But I can't seem to figure out what does work. And it's starting to feel like a waste of time. So at what point do I just forget about it altogether and just resign myself to the fact that this is just something I can't do? I don't know the answer.
Even though this was where I ended with my side heel today...I don't like to finish my training on such a low. So I decided to do some box jumps and end on a positive note. Boost my spirit. I was going to aim for 4 in a row, with 3 being my personal best so far. But I cracked my hands on the box, caught my foot and then fell. And I couldn't work up the courage to try again. So I may be back to 0 on that as well.
So yeah...here we are. A bruised and sore hand and an even more bruised and sore spirit.
Be careful. Your perspective that you are not improving is an illusion. As you improve your kick, you are also improving your eye for detail. This makes mastery of a technique a moving target.
ReplyDeleteNow is a good time to remind yourself that mastery is not a destination. Mastery is a process. Trust me. Your side kick is improving.