#s

 

Don't Wait

It's been a rough go for me sticking to a regular schedule over the last bit.  Things just keep popping up, causing me to have to reschedule.  Just seems like one thing after another.

I even tried revamping my schedule altogether...and bam...another wrench.

Late Monday evening....with still some time before class...I found myself pondering not going.  The day had been a gong show.  I was tired.  Mentally exhausted.  But I made myself go.  I recognized that it wasn't that I couldn't go...I was just feeling tired and didn't want to go.  But I knew....I just knew...that if I chose not to go...come time for next class...something real would come up and I'd be missing again.

This is similar to that feeling of sudden motivation and drive when I CAN'T train.  Not training, not training...then suddenly an injury...and NOW I have this incredible desire.  And really, it's regret.  Regret that I didn't train when I was able.  Regret that I didn't get to class when I could have.

I don't want regret.  Not that I will ever eliminate it altogether.  But I think I'm pretty self aware.  I know when I can vs when I don't want to.  But if the choice is doing something today, even if I don't want to....or regretting not doing it, when one day I really can't...the choice is pretty clear.

So if I can, I will.

Numbers

 

Intentional Rest

This time off has been really beneficial.  It wasn't so much time needed for my body...but more for my mind.  My mind is always going.  I'm a planner.  And like to be organized.  So my mind is typically sorting  (and re-sorting as things change) everything from kids, to activities, to meals, to teaching, to the school...and everything else in between.  

So during this time off I sort of gave myself permission to just turn my brain off and take some time to rest.

That doesn't mean I just sat here staring at a wall.  I was still "active" but just in different ways than normal.  I did alot of puzzles, built alot of Lego (finished my Gringott's!!), played alot of games, and did alot of sitting by the fire with a tea....all with Dan and the kids.  And even though I had allowed myself the "time off" I still found myself thinking about my Kung Fu; worked in a couple trips to the Kwoon, some reps here and there, along with a few pushups and situps.  Not at all what our daily numbers require, but I also didn't wake up today thinking..."Holy Crap....I've done NOTHING in the last 2 weeks and didn't even realize it!"  

For me this was going to be a rest time where I intentionally removed any commitments, schedules or deadlines.  But even with that intention...my Kung Fu was still present and I still felt a desire to incorporate some training.  Not because I felt I had to...but because I wanted to.  And that makes me kinda happy.  

Just Numbers

 

Still Stuck...But Maybe Not As Bad

Awe man.

Well...a rough start to the weekend so far.  I was moving some bales and one happened to be frozen.  I fought with it quite a bit and WON!!!!  Buuuuuuut...hurt my back in the process.  I was laid up for the remainder of the day pretty much....and found myself feeling really anxious with all the little things that need to be done this time of the year.  

I'm feeling better today...but still tender.  And very gun shy.  So any training today has been pretty slim.  Having said that....the reps I've done of Da Mu Hsing....although low intensity, have been high in the energy work.  When not focusing on a bunch of other things...and when forced to slow things down...I can really feel my energy.  Especially in the transitions and in how it flows from my core to my hands.  Very "tai chi-esque".  And honestly....a nice change up.  I've been feeling kinda stuck in some monotony.  Realistically, it should be easy to switch things up.  But when you're stuck....you're stuck...and sadly, knowing the answer isn't always the solution....as backwards as that may seem.

So although this little back tweak didn't do any wonders for numbers (or getting chores done for that matter) it did force a small change for [hopefully] the better.

An Illusion

So something really interesting came out of this past Thursday's class that has made me feel alot better about my spear form.

All year I've been trying to speed up my articulations.  To no avail. It feels painfully slow and looks the same when I would watch myself in the mirror.  In speaking with Sihing Lindstrom, he asked "Well how much faster do you want to be?  Because you look pretty fast already."  I was shocked at this statement....because Sihing Lindstrom has some pretty high standards of us.  He asked that I do my articulation and watch myself in the mirror. Which I've done plenty before so I wasn't expecting anything miraculous to happen. But when I started, he said "no...watch yourself from a side view."  And from the side, my spear was MOVING.  I finally saw the speed that I see others producing.  And I realized that the perspective I have in doing, is not the same as what people see.  I also discovered that, in the form, all of the articulations are positioned so the audience has the side view....which was by design...I just didn't realize it until now.  Lol.

I Can't Breathe

Something I really struggle with in my forms is feeling really gassed by the end.  So a recent focus of mine has been my breathing.  I recognize that I tend to do a hard exhale with every strike.  It's been part of how I really release that energy and maximize my power.  But I also do this with blocks, because I see these as an opportunity to strike as well.  And now that I'm actually dedicating some focus to this, I can that there's a lot of exhaling happening, and not a lot of inhaling.  So it's clear why I feel so gassed.  I'm simply not getting enough oxygen.

I've attempted a few times now to really control my breathing.  Where I'm breathing in.  Where I'm breathing out.  And I've realized I basically don't know how to breathe.

I don't have any answers or solutions here quite yet.  I'm trying a couple of strategies that Sifu Rybak has suggested.  But it's a whole lot trickier than I'd like.  Much of the advice is "don't think about it"....but if I don't think about it, I just do what I was doing.  And that wasn't working.  So I think this is one of those times where I have to think about it....thereby breaking things a bit...and then hopefully I'll piece it back together and not have to think so hard anymore.  

But that's definitely not today.

A Week Gone

This past week was pretty rough for me.  I found myself feeling under the weather on Sunday and as it progressed, I ended up being away all week...both from my own classes and the ones I teach.  Thank goodness I have an awesome team that was able to step in and handle everything with the kids.  Thankyou!!!!

Missing an entire week feels pretty devastating.  I had gotten back on track with my training over the Fall break...and stayed consistent after that.  And then, bam....I'm down and out...with nada to be added to numbers.  Granted, I did manage to maintain most everything non-physical that happens in the background.  I continued to lesson plan, correspond with parents, etc...and finished up planning and organizing for the Kids Night.  Thank goodness I was feeling better by Friday because it was a blast.  So I guess the week wasn't a total loss.  But still...missing that week of physicality feels like I haven't done anything for months.  And it's not a good feeling.

But I'm geared up to get back to class tomorrow!  Even though it will be interesting to see what sort of hit my body has taken with a full week of nada.  Who wants to bet something gets pulled?  😬

Reverse Psychology

I had the opportunity to work with one of the black belts at the seminar yesterday and it sure gave me a lot of insights.  Methods and techniques that had "been fine" with other partners, suddenly were not ideal.

For instance, in one of the first drills, I wasn't planting my foot solidly for the takedown, and so I wasn't able to trip him like planned.  Against other partners, I found I was able to just hook that foot and trip, not truly establishing that solid connection to the ground, without too much trouble.  But against someone bigger and much more advanced in their grounding, I couldn't.  I HAD to get that foot planted.

As we moved through more drills, I found more things like this where I would often cheat a bit, but couldn't with him.  With him I had to make sure that my technique was pure.  And if I wasn't in a position to make it pure, I needed to figure out how to get there.

This was a reminder to me to make sure I am really practicing as true to technique as I can.  I think I sometimes cut corners, because subconsciously I feel I can...or I hold back because I'm looking out for my partners, but at the detriment of the technique.  In real life, I'm only going to get one chance to make it work...and in order to make that natural, I need to practice it that way.  

It was also interesting how we discovered the odd thing where my shorter stature made the technique more difficult for him.  While we worked on that last drill, where one of us was trying to do the duck/project/grab/takedown and the other was trying to withdraw and push them down, we realized it was harder for him to take me down than me for him.  Because he was so much taller, he had to get so low, that it was near impossible for him to keep his head up...which was one of the key points in that technique.  There just didn't seem to be room!  It was also difficult, once he was ducked so low and all scrunched up, to establish his foot behind mine in order to finish that takedown.  Even if I couldn't push him down, I was able to stay on my feet, buying myself time, and eventually I would find myself in a good position to grab him around the neck or some other way to defend.  The longer it took him, the better it was for me.  Eventually he worked it out...but again...it came down to pure technique and very fast movements.  And even though he worked it out, he still felt that taking someone bigger down in that way was much easier than someone smaller.

After class I spent a lot of time analyzing everything and digging deeper.  One of the biggest light bulbs that went off for me was just in my way of thinking and how I tend to think and analyze things based on how they will or won't work for ME.  Everything from my perspective.

I'm shorter, so I shouldn't do [this] against someone bigger.

I'm bigger, so I shouldn't attempt [that] against someone small.

And I carry forward thinking certain techniques aren't applicable and I push those aside as "non-options".   But it's not just about the things I CAN DO that will work against this particular opponent.  It's also about all the things THEY SHOULDN'T DO against me.  And then of course, and how do I get them to do them and turn it into my advantage?

I'm not saying this is an easy thing to do....but this little shift in thinking feels like it opens up a whole other arsenal of options.

A Good Sore

My upper body is killing me today!  Not injured...just sore from use.  Mostly in my triceps and the muscles that connect my shoulder to chest...I'll call them my "shest" muscles for the purpose of this blog....or perhaps "choulder" works better.  Either way, I'm not sure what we did yesterday at the seminar that would have caused it...maybe lots of break falls?  I suppose it could also be from Friday.  I was doing a lot of work on my double articulation in Spear.  Regardless....yowzers.  

This type of soreness makes me feel good though.  It shows me that I am using my muscles in ways that I probably tend to neglect...and that I was pushing myself beyond the norm.  Which is good.

It's actually been my mind that's been in need of a push...but sometimes the body needs to lead the fray.  

I'm really glad I took advantage of Fall Break in the way that I have.  It was an "active" break that I really needed.

A Good Week

This week has been fairly productive.  I made a commitment to gain traction with my mornings and have been successful so far.  By doing so, I have had more motivation to work on my IHC forms again as well.....and have done quite a bit of work on the others as well.  I challenged myself to some of the leg/hip strengthening drills that I use in the kids classes sometimes....and needless to say, I'm pretty sore.  Lol.  But in a good way.

I've also been plugging away during this "free" week at the Zenplanner system, which we will be integrating soon as the means for students to access information.  There have been a few roadblocks...but I've always been the type that enjoys troubleshooting and solving problems....so that's actually been kinda fun.  

By the end of my days, both my mind and body have felt satisfied, for lack of a better word.  So yeah...it's been a good week.

"I Want To Improve" Isn't An Intent

I've been feeling very un-motivated lately.  Specifically with my forms.  My body, and mind, both feel so tired, weak and just off.

For many months I was feeling really great.  Whenever (for the most part) I did my forms I felt strong and confident.  Then suddenly, while training, I would almost feel like I wouldn't even be able to get through the whole thing...would lose balance....rising out of my centre frequently...feeling too weak to hold proper stances...etc, etc.  The more this happened, the more I dreaded working on my forms.

For a while, I pushed through.  I know, from experience, that often I might not WANT to do something (circuit classes for instance) but once I finish, I feel great.  This wasn't happening here.  I would continuously feel even worse at the end.  Like I made no progress and ended up on the other side with even more issues.  And I have been feeling really deflated.  It has gotten to the point that I'm definitely not working on my forms as I should, because I am trying to avoid that feeling.  And if I'm completely honest, I find myself walking into class hoping we aren't doing form work that day...because I don't want anyone to see the disaster that I'm feeling.  This is not like me.  I love forms.  So this all just feels wrong...and honestly makes me a little sad.

After a recent meeting, it was suggested that I've lost my intent.  When our intent is too general, it's no longer pure...it has no directive.  And when asked, I couldn't place my intent anywhere except just doing my forms to improve them.  But improve what exactly?  I'm not sure.  I almost think that I was in a place where I was feeling pretty good with them, and so in saying "I'm just going to work on making them better as a whole"...that was me ACTUALLY just going into more of a maintenance mode.  Too long in maintenance mode...too long with no intent in my practice...and it all becomes dormant.  I think dormancy can eventually knock my trajectory into a downward direction...still forward maybe....but down....which I think it has.

So my first order of business will be to establish that intent.