"I Want To Improve" Isn't An Intent

I've been feeling very un-motivated lately.  Specifically with my forms.  My body, and mind, both feel so tired, weak and just off.

For many months I was feeling really great.  Whenever (for the most part) I did my forms I felt strong and confident.  Then suddenly, while training, I would almost feel like I wouldn't even be able to get through the whole thing...would lose balance....rising out of my centre frequently...feeling too weak to hold proper stances...etc, etc.  The more this happened, the more I dreaded working on my forms.

For a while, I pushed through.  I know, from experience, that often I might not WANT to do something (circuit classes for instance) but once I finish, I feel great.  This wasn't happening here.  I would continuously feel even worse at the end.  Like I made no progress and ended up on the other side with even more issues.  And I have been feeling really deflated.  It has gotten to the point that I'm definitely not working on my forms as I should, because I am trying to avoid that feeling.  And if I'm completely honest, I find myself walking into class hoping we aren't doing form work that day...because I don't want anyone to see the disaster that I'm feeling.  This is not like me.  I love forms.  So this all just feels wrong...and honestly makes me a little sad.

After a recent meeting, it was suggested that I've lost my intent.  When our intent is too general, it's no longer pure...it has no directive.  And when asked, I couldn't place my intent anywhere except just doing my forms to improve them.  But improve what exactly?  I'm not sure.  I almost think that I was in a place where I was feeling pretty good with them, and so in saying "I'm just going to work on making them better as a whole"...that was me ACTUALLY just going into more of a maintenance mode.  Too long in maintenance mode...too long with no intent in my practice...and it all becomes dormant.  I think dormancy can eventually knock my trajectory into a downward direction...still forward maybe....but down....which I think it has.

So my first order of business will be to establish that intent.