FWAAAAAAP!!!

I was feeling really poorly a couple weeks ago about my side heel. Really poor. It had been building up little by little until it eventually broke me.  And so I finally just bit the bullet and blogged about it. Sometimes I feel a bit silly blogging about things like that because it can come off as just a bunch of complaining or a "poor me" attitude.  But I feel like the first step for me in solving something is to literally just say it out loud and get it off my chest. And when I finally acknowledged it, I immediately felt a certain amount of relief and a sense of determination to finally move forward, rather than continuing to skirt the issue and pretend all was well.  Once I said it out loud, publicly, I had nowhere to hide.

Although this "simple" step brought an immediate sense of relief, there was ovbiously still more to do.  Sometimes we fail to take any actual steps to move forward, changing nothing, and we often just end up back in the dumps.  Surprisingly, I often find that it really doesn’t take a whole lot to turn things around.  But there needs to be some sort of plan.  Any plan really.  The plan phase is organic and can change and evolve.  So really, to start, anything is better than nothing.  What was important here was not to lose the momentum that was initiated with the acknowledgment.  If I let too much time pass, I'd end up back under that glass rock.  So I made a commitment to myself to simply work more consistently on my side heel by, at minimum, doing at least 25 reps per leg every day.  I know that doesn't seem like much...and it's not really.  But I thought that maybe this would at least develop some daily consistent attention to this kick AND provide the potential to expand and go deeper if the opportunity arose.  So for all intents and purposes, I just wanted to make a simple plan that would promote consistency and sustainability.  

As I was doing these reps one morning, I was offered some advice to just speed up.  I was told that all the pieces and parts are there, I just needed to connect them and the only way I'd be able to do that would be with speed.  So I did.  And all I can say is "holy crap".  It feels like it went from,

"Okay, crane, then pivot, thrust out, don't forget foot position, woah, watch your balance, pivot back, don't forget the crane, careful now, okay back to bow stance, good, reset, get ready for the next, and..."

to

"Okay, SIDE HEEL, BAM!"

I’ve been so timid of my side heel that I thought the best approach was to take it slow and be really meticulous.  Keep things simple and broken down.  But in actuality, that wasn’t keeping it simple at all. Quite the opposite actually.  I was overcomplicating it by continuing to (slowly) analyze each step.  And I don't mean that all the work I've done up until this point has been for naught.  Not at all.  There’s definitely value in doing things slowly. Obviously to start with we have to in order to figure out all the bits and pieces involved.  But eventually you hit a plateau continuing to use that same approach.  And you have to add the next element.  For me, right now, that seems to be speed.  I think until you speed it up, everything is still slightly disconnected no matter how much you think you have it tied together. When you go slow, there is no way that your body can actually do all the components properly in sequence while getting that full range of motion, full muscle application, full extension, full expansion.  You have to kick with speed to make all of that stuff click and come together how it should.

It feels good to have something tangible to be working on that I believe is taking me to the next level with this kick.

But my story doesn't end there.  

With such a huge potential for progress with implementing speed into my side heel, I started thinking about my front thrust.  Although not a kick that I shied away from, I felt like I was still doing it the same old way.  Slow.  Meticulous.  Calculated.  SAFE.  And so I thought..."hmmm...I wonder what would happen if I applied this speed approach there as well."  And once again, "holy crap".  I took a video for "posterity's" sake.  The first comparison is of today and from 2021.  The second is from today and 2023 and is pretty much where it has stayed until now.  Yes, there is still lots to work on, and always will be (if I'm lucky).  But the element of speed is certainly taking things up a notch.  And yes, I know that I should also apply this to other kicks, the roundhouse for instance, but that's for another day.

But again, my story doesn't end there.

Taking this knowledge even further, I'm applying speed to my kicks in my forms.  I'm noticing that my kicks tend to get a bit "safe" in my forms.  I'm not sure why.  Perhaps because there is a lot more going on, a lot more to think about.  But I've decided to stop playing it safe and just go for it.  And I am loving that "fwaaap" sound that many others always seem to have.  It's not very loud...but it's there!  And it's something that I've always wanted for myself but just never thought I would be capable of, yet here I am.

Exactly where I am supposed to be.

Project Kindness

First off, thank-you to Todai Bauer for putting "Project Kindness" together.  This was such a lovely idea and keepsake.

Secondly, thank-you to everyone for submitting their kind words.

This project was valuable to me in many ways.

As I read through the comments that others made about me, I found it interesting how many of them followed a common theme, many people even using alot of the same descriptors.  And it made me feel good to hear these things from several people.  They can't all be liars...😂.  But it was also somewhat curious how there were a few outlying comments.  Things that I don't really see in myself and so it was interesting to have some of those things pointed out as well.

Something else I found really interesting was that I could almost hear a specific voice in certain comments...as if I could hear the person speaking to me.  I think this might be due to becoming familiar with how people "talk" through their blogs.  When I felt I could hear a voice, it seemed to have an even greater impact.  And sure, I might have had the wrong voice, since they were all anonymous...but even so.

As I wrote my own comments for my fellow team-mates, some of them came very readily to me, while others I found more difficult.  It's easy to say nice things about people, generally speaking.  Especially about the people in this group.  But as I tried to really pinpoint something truly unique about each of them, I became very aware of which of my team-mates I had obviously created bonds with, and those that I need to get to know better.  Oddly enough, for certain people, this realization came as a bit of a surprise.  So above an beyond the original intent, this project has inspired me to try and make some deeper connections and to reach out more to my team mates.

Once again, thank-you Todai Bauer for organizing this initiative.

2 Minute Blog - Topic #1 - Superpowers

Whenever I think of superpowers I always think of that show Heros.  There were so many interesting powers that they had.  I mean, the obvious one would be the one where you absorb other powers.  But if I recall...you could only have one at a time.  So that's not as cool.  Lol.

I think the superpower I would choose would be healing.  A close second might be breathing under water.  Although I'm not sure I'd ever go deep in the ocean because it's dark and you never know what's lurking.  But still, I think

Times up!

A Revisit to My Achilles Heel

We talked about this quite a bit in class tonight, but I need to recap and also add some of my more personal thoughts...frustrating as they might be.

So I looked back, and I have no less than 45 blogs (since I started blogging in July of 2020) that are about the side heel.  Most are about my struggle with this kick.  The odd one is about how I think I might have figured something out.  But then it typically reverts back to a struggle.  In any event, the side heel has, historically, been a big challenge within my kung fu. In fact, the very second blog I ever wrote was titled "My Achilles Heel" and was about...you got it...the side heel.

I still don't feel confident or competent with my side heel.  I think, at most, I have the pieces lined up.  I know what I'm supposed to do.  But I still haven't yet been able to connect it all.  And I think that sounds pretty sad at a brown belt level.  There are times where I think I might be getting close, usually when just throwing them in the air...but then you put a target in front of me, and everything I thought I knew, or had figured out, changes.  Everything is just slightly off.  I can't feel that release of energy....or that nice full extension.  I always feel jammed.  Technique seems to have disappeared.  Just all in all really poor.  

And what's more frustrating, is that my partner, or an instructor, will say..."that one looked good"...or..."that one felt strong (on impact)"....or.."yup that was a good one"....but to me....none of them "feel" that way.  They all feel disconnected....choppy...weak...soft....incomplete.  And because I can't seem to determine which ones are good...I also can't seem to develop a baseline to work with or something to aim for.  And I've been feeling stuck here for quite some time....bascially since that very first blog.

"See Ya"

Although the road to the banquet is tremendously busy, frantic, tiring and demanding...as is the day OF....the day AFTER (or even at home that same night to be honest) always sends me into an immediate feeling of sadness, longing and nostalgia.  And to be quite honest...I feel a little lost and alone.  It seems funny, I know.  But there is this crazy sense of purpose...along with this intense team atmosphere in the last couple months of the year...everyone working together towards this huge goal.  And then...Poof...everyone goes their separate ways..on to new things.  Okay, okay...I know it's not that dramatic....but I have big feelings sometimes.

In fact...this clip here pretty much sums it up.  And I'm Elaine.  Lol.

I know it's silly.  I'll basically see you all again tomorrow.  And we carry on essentially the same as we have been.  But that feeling remains for a time, nonetheless.

Having said that, the night itself was amazing.  I am tremendously proud of my partner and I.  For one, her Student of the Year Award.  Well deserved for so many reasons.  And I'm not too proud to ride her coat-tails a bit.  Then there was the finale of our fan form.  Did I have some bloops?  Yes.  Unfortunately, my fan got stuck on me during our nunchucks.  Boooo.  So I had to abort the last one.  Then I had to adjust the catch a bit...and it caused a bit of a blurp in my steps following.  It was a bit humorous though.  It's funny how your mind works so fast in the moment.  I remember thinking "Hmmmmm....I don't think this is the right stance I'm supposed to be in for this particular move....hmmm...so that means, in order not to screw up the next bit, I have to STAY in this stance for this next fan opening.  Yup...okay...this is right now....Aaaaaaand...carry on".  But seriously...I truly remember those thoughts...even the Hmmmmmmms.  Yet when I watch the video, it's incredible to know that this internal dialogue occurred in about a half a second.  AND we didn't drop it...and that was the biggest win of all....lol.

Then there are my own students.  I always make a point of going around the room to chat with all of them.  I want to make sure they are happy and excited and that they belong. I try to alleviate any nervousness.  It's not easy getting up in front of a crowd.  It's not easy as adults!  And so I just think these kids are so brave and amazing every single time they put themselves out there like that.  And I'm so very proud of them for this huge accomplishment.  And my hope is that when they are in the IHC, it will be a non-issue.

The lion and dragon dance was spectacular as well.  Everyone did a fantastic job.  As a mom, I'm crazy proud of Emma.  As an Instructor, again, I'm so proud of my students.  And as a team member, I'm in awe of the rest of the team.  AND we pulled off the drumming.  Lol.  I'm not sure if anyone, aside from my drumming counterpart, truly understands the difficulty with all the different patterns...going in and out...drumming against the other drum....etc, etc.  I recall, when getting back into a typical 3-star, after maintaining the 3 1/2 for quite some time, my brain was on overdrive convincing my hands not to go back...while also telling my ears not to listen to the thunder drumming across the way because it's easy to get pulled into that other rhythm as well.  My arms feel kinda weak and jelly-ish today...as does my brain. Can't seem to pinpoint why....lol....Although on a serious note, I'd never get any better without Sihing Lindstrom pushing us to the brink of sanity.  Now we know we can and I can't wait to see what's in store for next year.

So yeah.  All in all...a pretty amazing night.  No wonder the nostalgia hits so quick.

Ps.  A big, giant, huge thank-you to Sihing Sharida Csillag for recognizing my distress call during the eye-dotting ceremony.  Not sure if anyone else noticed...hopefully not....but I started off with a "cheater" technique.  I did it last year and it was super easy to maintain, while also giving me a free hand to hold the dampening mat on the drum.  I don't know if it's that I am now just accustomed to long durations of thunder drumming, but the "easy" way was making my arm and wrist burn and I couldn't maintain it!  So I switched to regular.  BUT then I could no longer hold the mat and so it started to slide.  I attempted to hold it with one leg sort of against the drum.  But then it just started to slide more the other way.  So I attempted to hold it with both legs and ended up in this weird position where I was kinda standing like a hockey goalie.  Omg.  I wanted to burst out laughing.  I didn't know what to do!!!  Thank goodness I was able to catch Sihing's eye and "talk" to her with eye and head movements.....while desperately trying to maintain the thunder drumming.  Thank goodness she came to save me.  Hahaha.  This was one of the funniest moments of the night that I just had to share.  

The Spear

Here are some tidbits about the spear that I think are interesting.  Some you might know, but maybe you'll learn something new!

• Primarily used for thrusting and jabbing while also very useful for blocking.
• Used both in war and hunting.
• Main advantage is reach and having the ability to remain a safe distance from your opponent during combat.
• Most have a tassel at the base of the blade.  I already knew that a function of this tassel was to blur the opponent's vision and distract...but I did not know that it is also intended to stop blood from running down the shaft and making it slippery or sticky.  Ew.
• The lengths can vary from about 8ft to 20ft.
• Under 8ft are commonly referred to as "spiked staffs".  From 8-13ft are known as "short spears".  And over 13ft as "long spears".
• Spears used for war were made of hardwood.  Wushu spears are typically made of wax wood, making them more lighter and flexible, and thus suitable for performance.  These performance spears are sometimes called "flower spears".
• Chimpanzees have been known to make and use spears as well!!!
• Known as "the King of Weapons" in Chinese culture.

Let me know if you learned anything you didn't already know!

Knock-Knock

Tuesday training brought some major challenges for my partner and I.  We experienced 3 major fan failures...in the span of about an hour.  This inspired some discussion about what we would do, if this were to happen during a performance.  First and foremost, inspecting our weapons is a must.  But even when regularly inspected, there is still a possibility of failure.  We had already put into place some caveats in case it is dropped in some of our more "high risk" moves.  But we realized that any spot where we open and close the fan is a potential spot for it to fail structurally.  Those openings have a lot of force behind them.  And in fact...the spots where things are most likely to go awry, are those that you are unprepared for.  Murphy's Law.  So we decided to experiment....and went through our form in full with no fans at all.  

It was quite a fun and interesting experiment that I think will serve us well.  We were able to adapt the fan movements to include many different strikes and blocks, without sacrificing how we move or interact with each other.  It was actually quite easy...which showed us just how many possible scenarios there could be in a single technique within a form, simply by adjusting your intent a little.

I really can't imagine how we can be any more prepared than we are (knock on wood...lol).

Just Let Go

As we near the banquet, I'm trying to refocus more towards enjoying the ride rather than trying to fix anything more.  My first year in the I Ho Chuan, I found the final month quite stressful.  With each practice there were more and more things that I noticed....and more and more things that I was panicked about correcting.  The actual night went by in such a blur, that I felt sad at the end that I hadn't really soaked it all in.  I eventually realized that at some point you need to just let go and trust that all the hard work over the course of the year will pay off.

Amicable Accountability

Many of my requirements and goals didn't make it too far off the ground this year, but there was one focus from which I achieved results and benefits far beyond what I ever anticipated.  It has advanced my Kung Fu in so many ways, some of which I have only scratched the surface.

So why?  What made this one thing different from the others?  Why did I feel so invested in it over anything else?  How did I stay motivated in a consistent way?  How did it stay exciting and inspiring to me throughout the whole year?

The answer is Accountability.

Although we are part of a team, we are still working as individuals.  Yes, the team is counting on us to fulfill our obligations...they are offering support and encouragement...ideas and recommendations for success...BUT the individual is still responsible for taking the steps and actually doing the work.  And if the individual chooses not to do the work, the individual suffers.  Sure, the team may be disappointed but technically speaking, the individual's failure doesn't directly cause anyone else to fail.  Me not doing my form reps doesn't make Sihing Burke's form terrible...or me not doing my pushups doesn't give Todai Bauer wimpy arms.  As examples...lol.

By choosing to work as partners on the Fan, we created real and direct accountability.  

We relied on each other to show up.  We relied on each other to practice.  We relied on each other to be prepared and ready.  We relied on each other to push, inspire and motivate.  We brainstormed ideas and provided lots of feedback...all specific and applicable because we were in it together.  We forced each other to truly make an effort...not allowing an easy quit.  We had to fight for any change...pleading our case and offering alternatives.  Everything we did, directly impacted someone else.  Simply "not wanting to" wasn't good enough.  We worked hard when training together, and just as hard when we were on our own, not wanting to let each other down.

I had someone relying on me.  If I failed, it wouldn't just be me...but I would also be causing my partner to fail.  And that was never an option.  Even if I had wanted to quit or give up...even just for a bit...I couldn't have.  

If you can create this kind of amicable accountability, you really can't fail.

Balance

I really took advantage of this time off.  Sometimes when I have flexible time, I can spread myself out too thin.  I feel this sense of obligation to use the "extra" time for things that "need" to get done.  And I can feel that sense of obligation pulling me all different ways.  What typically happens is that I don't really get anything accomplished in full.

This year, I mindfully chose to focus on family and friends.  I not only made them A priority, I made them THE priority.  I chose morning coffee with my mom over morning training.  I chose afternoon games with the kids over house obligations.  My relationships with those around me were my priority.  If they wanted to spend their time with me, I said yes, even if that meant postponing something else.

As Shing Ward said (and I really liked this expression) this holiday season was filled with Mindful Mediocrity.  I've said before that I think we often ONLY view mediocrity as a bad thing.  And I don't think it is, necessarily.  If you acknowledge and accept its presence...If you are making the decisions consciously...then the mediocrity is a choice.  And when it's a mindful choice, it sort of takes the sting out of it and it can actually have some benefit.  

Balance. There needs to be a balance.  And I used these last 2 weeks to balance some things out.  I actually feel like I'm getting better at balance and recognizing when it needs to be restored....regardless of which way it might be out of whack.

Time Still Well Spent

Although it's been less than 10 days since my last formal class, it feels like I've been on this break for about a month.  Lol.  I got together with my partner on Friday and it was clear that my body was not moving as per the norm.  That's not to say I've been doing nothing.  I've done a few reps of this or that, here and there, but mostly just for the sake of moving, rather than working on anything in particular.  Obviously there is the hustle and bustle of Christmas that throws a wrench into routine...but I also find it difficult to do any training when I have extra people in my house.  

But to be quite honest, I'm actually feeling okay about it all. I'll be ramping things up again soon enough.  And the time that I shifted from my Kung Fu to family has been time well spent and not anything that I have any regrets about in the least.  

Shuffle Shuffle

Once again, I learned the lesson that working with a partner adds a whole different dimension of challenges.

Going through our demo on Thursday, our first run through had my partner "falling" off the stage.  Next go around, as we approached that portion I thought "oh right!!  I can't let her fall off the stage this time!".  And so I simply shuffled a bit over, thinking "ok, crisis averted".  Haha.  Nope.  I shuffled, but now she was completely in the wrong position for our roll.  Whoops.

In years prior, it's been easy (not really...but now in comparison it was...lol) to switch my stance, take an extra step, take one less step...whatever I needed to do to make the space on the stage work.  I can't do that with a partner.  With any change made, we affect each other.

Having said that...I don't think that puts us in a place where we just say "oh well...nothing I can do".

What it means is that we have to be hyper-aware...in real time...of any adjustment or misstep that might occur with our partner, and then adjust ourselves accordingly.  Seems to me that this will be a very transferable skill.

1-on-1 AI Recap - December 14, 2024

*Remember - AI recaps are not perfect or exact representations of the conversation

Quick recap

Malinda and Jeff discussed the refinement of their form, focusing on efficiency and intent, and the potential loss of hidden value if too much was removed. They also discussed Malinda's recent promotion and the importance of staying focused on the forms and techniques, rather than getting caught up in the applications. Lastly, they discussed the upcoming class on Thursday and Malinda's appreciation for Yitzik's teaching approach.

Next steps

• Malinda to continue refining and optimizing the form with her partner, focusing on efficiency and intent.

• Malinda to practice Lao gar form for enjoyment, without focusing on technical corrections.

• Jeff to attend Thursday night demo practices when his schedule allows.

Summary

Refining Form for Efficiency and Intent

Malinda and Jeff discussed the process of refining their form, focusing on efficiency and intent. They analyzed each step to determine the best way to achieve their goals, leading to the removal of unnecessary steps and the retention of essential ones. Malinda emphasized the importance of understanding the intent behind each step, not just its application. They also discussed the potential loss of hidden value in the form if too much was removed. Malinda shared her recent achievement of receiving her brown belt, which made her realize she still had much to learn.

Balancing Promotion and Teaching Techniques

In the meeting, Malinda and Jeff discussed Malinda's recent promotion and the challenges that come with it. Jeff emphasized the importance of staying focused on the forms and techniques, rather than getting caught up in the applications. Malinda expressed her desire to enjoy the form without worrying about specifics, and Jeff encouraged her to take care of her motivation and enjoyment. They also discussed the importance of self-awareness and recognizing when feedback is not aligned with one's intent. Malinda shared her appreciation for Yitzik's patient and understanding approach to teaching.