What To Do

There are a couple techniques in my IHC form that I am still struggling with.  As I continue to advance and improve my form, these particular sections have seen no, or very little, improvement, to the point that they don't seem to fit anymore.  They have become weak spots.  And this far into the year, I feel like my form should be fairly solid.  And it's not.

I knew, when I developed this form, that this could possibly happen.  When I invited the team to submit their favorite sequence of techniques, every single person was at a much more advanced level than I.  So I knew there would potentially be techniques that would be more difficult for me.  So perhaps I just don't have the skill (or strength or flexibility) yet to perform these at a satisfactory level.  

When I put my form on display, I want to be proud and confident in what I'm doing. So on one hand I am tempted to modify these sections to suit me better.  

On the other, I don't want to simply give up because it's hard.

The Journal of Universal Rejection

I read Seth Godin’s recent blog about “The last 1%” today.  More or less, he talked about a publication called “The Journal of Universal Rejection”.  This is a journal that promises to reject any and all submissions.  It’s absurd, yes.  But he goes on to explain that the point is that a writer need not worry or stress or become fixated on the outcome (they already know it will be rejected with 100% certainty), and instead they can just focus on the work itself. 

Now I’m not actually sure if this is a real thing.  But the message struck a cord with me.

As I mentioned recently, I had fallen into a motivational trap where I was only focusing on my numbers…on reaching that end goal.  The numbers were driving everything and I was slowly becoming resentful of the requirements.  Then, in a “wise old master” kind of way, Sifu Rybak upped my goal.  By a significant amount.  An amount that is, in my opinion, somewhat absurd considering we are more than halfway through the year.  The strange part is that since then, my perspective seems to have shifted.  Not only am I still recording good numbers, but I’m also somehow finding ways to work on some of the extras that I had felt the requirements were getting in the way of.  And honestly, it doesn’t seem like I’ve made any drastic changes…I truly haven’t.  Instead it seems to simply be a slight mental shift.

Even as of this morning, I hadn’t really figured out why or how.  But when I read that blog today, I wondered if there might be a correlation here.  My new 60,000 goal is just so absurd (to me anyways) that it may have possibly severed my fixation on the end number.  As a result, my focus has shifted back to the work itself, which is exactly where it belongs.  To be clear, the numbers still play an important role. They still need to be tracked to monitor and assess progress, or lack there of.  And they still help to set a basis for consistent action.  But they are an instrument to aid in success...and should not be confused with success itself.

The final outcome doesn't need my attention...the work I'm doing today to get there does.

Back To Basics

The one requirement for which I continue to let my numbers slide little by little is sparring.  Although I've had a couple opportunities to work on this at open training, I still have very little experience.  And I'm sure I've mentioned previously that I can't really seem to get myself hyped up to do this at home.

The biggest failure with my approach thus far is that...well...I don't have much of an approach at all.  I'll typically just say, "ok...I need to do some sparring"...and because I have no plan of any kind, it turns out to be pretty dull...the times drags...and I tend to do more thinking about what to do, then actual doing.  My motivation towards it continues to lessen and I really don't feel I'm getting much out of it.

I recently decided I needed to just come up with a plan and start making sparring a priority.  I've also decided to go "back to the basics" and start simple in order to generate some momentum.  I think part of my issue is I threw myself into an arena where I didn't really know what I was doing, or how to approach things...and found myself lost and confused.  And so I think the best thing for me is to start at the beginning and sort out the things I know versus the things I don't and build from there.

My "Beginner" Plan is as follows,

3-5 minutes of footwork....During this set I'm working on projection stepping, forward/back, side to side, diagonal movements and changing direction.  I'm not doing much with my hands here except keeping my guards up and keeping shoulders down and relaxed.

25 Jabs (left and right)...I'm remaining stationary for these, but relaxed and loose in a fighting stance.  I'm focusing on hip rotation, equal/opposite, keeping shoulder down, staying relaxed, resetting between, proper guard placement, overall timing and getting my upper/lower, left/right to work together.

25 Reverse (left and right)...same focus as above

25 Hooks (left and right)...same focus as above

25 Uppercut (left and right)...same focus as above

I'm going to continue with this daily for a couple of weeks.  At which point I will re-evaluate and then start to combine the footwork and striking together.  I will also eventually add back in the kicks and combinations as well as progress to visualization, bag work, etc.  But for now I will allow myself to progress little by little, slowly building both my physical skills and my confidence.

I like having a plan.

The Commas In Between

I was given some great feedback on the struggle I continue to face with my kicks.  

The observation was that I seem to be stuck between having developed the proper technique and making that leap to incorporate speed and power.

The four phases to technique mastery are 1) Form, 2) Speed/Power, 3) Accuracy, 4) Realism.

I've reached a point where my form is decent enough to start pushing further and moving to that next step.  In fact, I can feel that my body wants to be faster.  But when I do that, things immediately fall apart.  And instead of continuing to push, and just allowing things to fall off the rails for a time, I pull back to a safer place.  A place where I slow down and focus, once again, on form.  A place where I feel safe and comfortable.  And so I'm caught in this constant struggle of wanting to improve and get to the next phase, yet also wanting to play it safe.

It's taken me a long time to get to this place with my kicks.  And I'm not even at a place of confidence with them yet.  So it scares me to have it all fall apart.  I worry I won't be able to bridge the gap, and that the work I've done will be lost.  I worry about looking foolish.  I worry others will see me struggling and that they will feel I don't deserve this belt.  If I could switch back and forth quickly and easily depending on my situation, that would be great.  "Safe" kicks in class.  "Risky" kicks at home.  But that doesn't seem to be the case...at least for me.  Nor am I convinced it would be ideal to do so.  So I either spend my efforts pushing myself...pushing my comfort zone, trusting that I will eventually be able to connect my form with my speed...and accepting that things are going to really suck for a while.  Or I pull back, and re-establish my form, once again, in a slow manner.  But then I'm back to the start.  And so I feel that, thus far, I've been wasting my efforts....getting myself caught in an endless loop without ever really getting anywhere.

And so the advice that accompanied the observation was to just let it fall apart.  And commit to letting it fall apart until my form and speed are able to connect.

I have decided to move forward with this advice.  But it has not been pretty so far.

Saturday afternoon was a disaster.  But I accepted it as it was.  Sunday...also a disaster.  But I continued to throw them anyways, just simply trying to do the best I good in the moment...attempting to make tweaks here and there to see what would happen.  This morning....yup...still a disaster...BUUUUUUUTTT....with a couple good ones mixed in here and there.  Soooo....here's to hoping.

We've been told again and again to expect things to fall apart when we make any type of change.  That it's a normal part of the process.  But it’s one thing to know that everything will fall apart.  It’s another to truly embrace it and let it happen.  

Once again, the four phases to technique mastery are form, speed/power, accuracy, realism.  But those commas in between are proving to be just as significant as the phases themselves.

Not So Decent-ish At The Moment

Why can I not seem to establish consistency with my kicks?

There are days (or weeks) that things are going just fine.  Things feel good.  No major issues.  And I'll really feel as though I'm making some headway.

Then BAM...I suddenly can't do a side-heel without stumbling...a roundhouse without flailing...or a spinning back kick without falling over.  And I've been working on my spinning back kick, specifically, pretty regularly since August 15 (yes, I know the date...lol) and it's been feeling decent-ish.  Then suddenly, for no apparent reason, it all falls apart.  This morning I felt like it was my first ever attempt at one.  Nothing worked.  I was all over the map and couldn't pull myself back.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling frustrated.  But I'm trying to also convince myself that I'm getting there.  That this is part of the process.  That there will be backs and forths, ups and downs, the whole entire journey, forever and ever.

For now I will just stop and breathe and accept that this is where I am right now in the process.  And I'll go at it again tomorrow.  Hopefully I can make it decent-ish again.

I AM Unencumbered

This past weekend was one I really needed.  I spent it dabbling in this or that, without that nagging feeling to hurry up because there are a million other things on my to-do list.

I didn't care.  I ignored that feeling.  I disconnected from my phone.  I did not follow a plan, but instead let my inner voice guide me.

I spent the early chilly mornings sitting outside, warming my hands with my coffee and listening to whatever nature wanted to say.

I canned some salsa with ingredients from either mine, or a friend's garden.

When I was tired, I rested.

I dug in the dirt, moving things around, cleaning things up, getting ready for snow.

I made friends with some very big spiders.  I accidentally destroyed someone's web...I truly hope they are not a vengeful sort.

I did a form here, I did a form there, whichever form happened to speak to me in that moment.

I hummed contently even while organizing and tidying the kitchen.  My children also hum when they are happy and content. As does my mom.

I hand-built some bowls, embedding them with leaves, ivy and flowers from my garden.  

I had special little moments throughout the day with both my pets and my humans.

This is how life should be always.  This is what I am striving for.

I AM Unencumbered...or at least I know I can be.

IHC Number Update - September 7, 2022

My September IHC Update - Year of the Tiger

Year of the Tiger - Feb 1, 2022 to Jan 21, 2023 (354 days)

Base Requirements

✅ Hand Form - Dou Ti  614/1000

✅ Weapon Form - Stick 1 and 2  618/1000

✅ Push-ups  31,523/50,000  60,000

✅ Sit-ups  30,883/50,000  60,000

❌ Sparring  565/1000

✅ Kilometers 1174/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 637/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

❌ Mastery by Stewart Emery

✅ Mend a Relationship - This has been really good.  My siblings have been reaching out recently to initiate one of our group zoom meet-ups.

➖ Lion Dancing - Instructors call

❌ Tiger Challenge

✅ Public Performances

➖ Core Curriculum - Instructors call

✅ SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

➖ Learn how to reclaim my pottery clay

⭐ Establish a 15 minute/2km run time

⭐ Box Jumps

✅ Monthly date with Dan

❌ Lion Dance Drumming

➖ Weekend Kung Fu Training with Kids - I need to start making this a priority again.

✅ Chi Development

➖ 3 x 1 Month "Clean Eating Challenge" -  1 more month to go in October

✅ Record Numbers of all known forms.  There is no specific number I'm trying to reach.  My personal requirement is simply to record them.

• Awakening the Dragon = 24
• Broadsword 1-2 = 10
• Da Mu Hsing 1-5 = 48
• Hsieh Chien = 33
• Lao Gar 1-3 = 45
• Long 1 = 23
• Hung 1-2 = 44

❌  I AM Project 14/30 - I didn't do any in August.  Yikes.  So I'm behind a few.

 

But What If You Did?

I have been feeling very bound by the IHC requirements.

As my abilities and knowledge expand, as my goals and interests increase, there are more and more things providing me with excitement and stimulation on my journey to Mastery.  In class, we will work on new things...or maybe old things with a different perspective, and I want to race home with it, and explore it further.  But instead, I find myself pushing these things aside because, first and foremost, I have a commitment to my IHC requirements.  And more often than not, once I have fulfilled those numbers for the day, I have no time or energy...or quite honestly, even interest...for more.  The spark that was ignited by something outside the requirements, has been stifled and has passed.  And I start to feel resentful.  Each day I do my allotted number, and that is it.  Rarely do I get other training in.  My focus is towards that 50,000 mark...or that 1000 mark...and it is a perfectly straight line...no ups...no downs...just a perfectly straight, boring line. 

I know that these requirements serve a purpose.  I've both seen, and reaped the benefits of this plan that has been laid out for us.  But I have lost sight of it's true purpose and value.  My vision has shifted to a complete focus on the numbers.  Fulfill the numbers, fulfill the numbers, fulfill the numbers.  Although I try to blame the requirements, I am here by my own volition. 

I've used a couple of 1-on-1s now to talk about and brainstorm this struggle.  And some really great advice and strategies have come from both.  But I would like to share with you, the outcome of one, in particular, because...well...it's both awesome and hilarious.  Please keep in mind, this is the short version and has been paraphrased.

Me:  I'm struggling with my IHC requirements.  I'm feeling really tied down.  Day after day I'm just doing my daily number of reps...basically just staying afloat.  But not really working on the things I want to work on.  I know it will sound immature, but I just want to do what I want.  And I feel like all I ever have time for are the IHC requirements.  I know I'm just focusing on the numbers....just putting in the effort to reach a daily quota.  And I'm not sure how to adjust my mindset.

Sifu:  I can make a suggestion but I don't think you'll be happy with it.  Do you want to hear it?

Me:  Of course I want to hear it!  (Secretly hoping I'm told to scrap all my requirements and just work on whatever I want).

Sifu:  Make your goal 60,000.

Me:  $#@!$!!....

Sifu:  You might not understand right now why I'm challenging you to this....but hopefully you will figure it out one day.

Me:  I'm never going to reach that goal this far into the year.

Sifu:  Maybe not...but what if you did?

And so here I am.  So far behind that the numbers don't even seem to matter at this point.  I am completing my "base" number of 180 during my morning training time and then am utilizing bits of the day to do 10 here or 20 there in an attempt to claw my way to this new goal.  I honestly don't even know where I stand.  I can see the gigantic number that I'm behind on my app...but I have no idea how many, specifically, I should be doing each day in order to reach that goal.  And honestly, I don't want to know.  My problem initially was worrying about that number...and only working to achieve that number...the bare minimum, each day.  The "bare minimum" is the birthplace of mediocrity.

So do I suddenly have more hours in the day?  No.  Have I cut anything from my day?  No.  

Yet, not only am I sneaking in some extra push-ups and sit-ups, but also am finding some opportunities for spinning back kicks...or a couple reps of a non-IHC form (or whatever else ignites a passion that I want to run with at the moment).  I can't explain the mind shift.  But I do feel better....I feel rejuvenated.  Although I might mutter various curses under my breath while pumping out a few extra reps here and there, it is mixed with laughter and I am feeling the (self tied) binds that were holding me down, slowly loosen.  

And yes...as Sifu said...hopefully I will figure it out one day.

Energy Split

I've been very unhappy with the portion in my form where I throw a side heel from a high back stance, followed by a spinning back kick, followed by a 180 degree turn on that same base leg into a pose.  I essentially end up in the same spot, except my high back changes to a pose.

This sequence has consistently felt weak and is probably the most difficult portion of my form.  Probably the biggest concern has been my ability to maintain my balance and slide gracefully into that pose.  And there are many different things I've been working on since it's inception, in an attempt to bring it all together.  Foot position, finishing the kick before going to the next step, reconsolidating back to crane stance, stepping into my pose rather than falling, maintaining my alignment...to name a few.  Nothing, has ultimately, solved my problem.

I've actually become somewhat scared of performing in class or in public, because I never really know what's going to happen.  I have not been in control of this portion of my form.  It has never been up to me how it turns out.

Last night was one of those incredible moments of understanding.

After several stumbles...and after recognizing that I was essentially pulling myself off balance with that kick because the rest of my body basically wanted to follow....I finally told myself that once I planted my foot, getting ready for that spinning back kick, I no longer wanted it to move.  It needed to stay put because that foot, that pivot point, is what transitions the kick to the pose.  It needs to turn, yes...but it shouldn't release, if that makes sense.  And although I may have thought I was already doing this, once I made that my specific intent, with the next rep I felt a huge difference. This time, I specifically forced my energy to my planted foot, rather than throwing it all with the kick.  That base foot stayed connected.  It did not release.  It did not allow my leg to straighten and extend.  Although it turned, it remained grounded.  Or at the very least, it "re-grounded" very quickly.  And when I threw that spinning back kick, I not only felt that power go out with the kick, but I felt that connection back to the earth with that opposite leg.  Two separate forces of energy, going two separate ways, yet connected at my core.  At least that's what it felt like.  I did not feel off balance.  I did not stumble.  Because I was stable and grounded to the earth.  And I remained that way as I carried through to the pose.  

Now, of course, I'm very excited about possibly finding this solution for this specific portion of my form.  Obviously I still need to work on this more to ensure that this discovery is repeatable.  And so far so good.

But I'm finding myself curious about much more.

In that moment I thought to myself how that energy going to the earth was just as strong as the energy in my kick.  How it was just as important...perhaps even more so.  I realized that "splitting" my energy in these two directions didn't weaken my kick, but instead strengthened it.  And that "splitting" isn't really splitting, but more like multiplying.  And...and...and...many other thoughts marinating.

Very curious to see where this all goes.  

It Could Be About Anything

Time after time, I was unsuccessful.  Years of work...hours upon hours of time....so many failures...so many disappointments.  I found myself frustrated....wanting to quit.  But I wouldn't let myself.  I knew at the start it was a big goal to have.  I knew it would be challenging.  And so with each failed attempt I tried to learn something.  With each fail I gained just a little bit more insight...a little bit more knowledge...a little bit more experience.  I remained persistent...I remained patient....I kept trying.  Confident (or sometimes just hopeful) that eventually I would get it right.

And eventually I did.

What am I talking about?....specifically, this blog was initially inspired by a recent success with a grant application for which we will receive over $115,000 for the new playground at the kids' school. Woohooo!!!!

But as I wrote, I realized that if I removed the words specific to this event (which I did), it could pretty much be about anything I might aspire to achieve.

Put in the effort.  Learn from the mistakes.  Put in more effort.  Be patient.

A Green Ninja

I don't know if others have felt certain things with different belt levels, but for some reason I feel a real connection with this Green belt that I don't recall feeling with others so far.

I found myself thinking of the movie, LEGO Ninjago.  (Really fun movie if you haven’t seen it.). I recalled how most of the Ninjas had special powers like lightning, fire, earth, water and ice.  And then there was Lloyd.  Whose element was "green".  Of course this didn't make sense to him at the time...and seemed very underwhelming in comparison to all the other more impressive elements the others had.  But eventually he came to understand his true inner power.  And how important it really was.

Lloyd:  "Green is the colour of life. It flows through all living things... connecting them all. The way I connect the ninjas....or the way I connect my family...whether we're together or not.”

Wu: "Some powers are ones you cannot see, but those are the most important powers of all."

Obviously I’m no ninja with powers of any kind.  But Green definitely is the colour of life.  And something tells me this next phase of my journey is going to be really important.  A place where I will really start to grow. A place where I will start to make some key connections.  A place of exploration.  A place where the external and internal start to come together.

Or perhaps it will be an utter disaster.  Either way it will all depend on me and I look forward to my time as a Green Ninja.  

To Be Bold

I still struggle to practice my Kung Fu in front of certain people.  While some will encourage and support me, others find it strange and foolish.  For me, this is one of the reasons training, while away, can be so difficult.  I can tell it makes some people uncomfortable, and so then I feel uncomfortable.  I can tell that some people are judging me, and so I begin to doubt my ability.  I will find myself hiding away, often in very cramped spaces, trying not to make any noise or bring any attention to myself…ultimately sacrificing the quality of my training.  

I’d like to be confident and bold and am hoping, in time, this will be something I can change.

Ps.  Look who I bumped into here on the island!  

Help Needed...Apply Within

Normally I am pretty good at challenging and motivating myself, but recently I've felt a bit lost.  Foggy even.  Disconnected.  Struggling to find validation in my efforts or in quantifying my progress.  I know it's there, but I'm mostly relying on faith and trust.

Where I continue to feel elated and confident is in teaching.  I am consistently challenged by those kids in so many different ways.  But I want to get that feeling back in my own training.

I can recognize that I’ve been feeling like this for too long and so this blog is my cry for help.  I will be away this coming week, and so will be without my regular training and teaching schedule, and outside of my space.  And I feel like now is when I need it most.  And so I ask for a challenge.  Give me something to think about....something to ponder...a puzzle to work at.  Perhaps it's something you, yourself, are currently thinking on...perhaps it's something you've already solved...perhaps a particular part of a form that you have found to be particularly enlightening.  Throw something at me (not literally).

I need to wake up my brain.