Tai Chi Success

I had a small moment of success with my Tai Chi yesterday.  When I practice, in addition to focusing on individual parts, I also make sure to go all the way through the form as far as I know.  Yesterday I did it without stopping, without faltering and without having to think too much.  It took me over 14 minutes but it certainly didn't feel that long.  It all just seemed to flow out naturally and I felt truly centered and grounded throughout.

Something else that's been really interesting is how practicing to music generates a different feeling for me.  Not just any music...but the stuff that, for some reason, really resonates with me.  It's as if a certain song  can awaken an awareness that, in turn, enhances and amplifies my movements.  The current favorite is "Wake Me Up" by Avicii.

Ultimately I've been feeling really good about my practice.  I think I'm starting to really develop my flow and everything is really connecting.  My timing, my breathing, my energy and ultimately my 6 harmonies.

Half Empty

I do my best to focus on the positive.  I try to remind myself that it's a process and that every little bit of progress is moving me in the right direction.

But every once in a while I just can't seem to make the progress I want to make, regardless of the effort I put forth or the changes I make.

I've been feeling dissatisfied lately.  Specifically with my physical skill.  Yes I've made some progress with personal goals....energy....stretching...and I'm really happy with that.  But my technique and form...my actual physical ability in Kung Fu....really hasn't moved all that much for quite some time.  I took a couple progress videos over the last little bit and I honestly couldn't tell you which is better.

The saying is "2 steps forward, 1 step back".  For me, the past few months seem like "2 steps forward, 5 steps back".  I'll think I've figured something out....then lose it...find it....lose it....and so on.  I think it's this flip-flopping with my confidence that become so taxing on my spirit.

But I'll keep moving.  Any kind of movement will still be an opportunity to learn...and at least there's still a chance the movement will be forward, right?  Standing still will guarantee nothing at all.

This last bit just popped into my head and wasn't apparent when I starting writing.  But let's be honest...if my physical skill was on an upward trajectory...and my personal goals were in the dumps...then this blog, and my focus, would be on that.  So really this is probably more an issue with me focusing on what's not happening, rather than what is.  The glass appears to be half empty right now....which is sort of unlike me.  But reality is that everything can't always be on the upwards at the same time.

Life Skills 101

One of my personal goals for the Year of the Ox was to learn how to change a tire (and oil but that will come at a later date).  This has been something I've intended to do basically since I started driving.  It's terrible to admit, but I've always just had someone to take care of this for me, and so have never made it a priority.  But I'm a believer that everyone should have some basic knowledge about their vehicle.  In fact, I wish that the school system included a mandatory class called "Life Skills 101" where they taught everyone skills like this, as well as other basics like making a budget, doing your taxes, fixing a leaky faucet, etc.  Nobody should feel helpless or lost when it comes to these kinds of things.  My intention isn't to put the mechanics, accountants or plumbers out of business...but we should all still understand the basics.  And in the event we HAD to take care of something ourselves, we could. 

So here we are 25 years later....finally taking my own advice.

Dan was my teacher.  He took his job very seriously and felt it was important that I got the "full experience" (his words)...so I was also responsible for hauling the summer tires from the back shed (video clip below).  The "full experience" also included changing all 4 tires, even though my goal was to learn how to change A tire...not 4.  I learned about Pascal's law.  I learned about foot/lbs and torqueing.  I learned that Dan would make a very good Foreman...and a very poor photographer.  He promised he would take a few pictures for me.  The best of them are included in this blog.  The vast majority were of a gloved hand in front of a tire.  One actually showed my face...which is good so I have some actual proof that I did it I suppose...although if you look close you'll see it could have been better.

It's funny how when you first take on something new, it can be a little intimidating.  But it's mostly just the unknown that makes it that way.  Once you break it down and learn the steps....pretty much anything is doable.  

And although it wasn't a huge task...I have just a little bit more confidence in myself than I did yesterday.

Maybe

Some thoughts stemming from "Mastery" by Stewart Emery.

I've always considered myself normal.  Average.

I see others around me excelling in different things.  Sports.  Academics.  Arts.  There are just so many people out there with such incredible talent.  I've always been one of those people that is "good" at most things...but never really "great" at anything.

I've always thought of greatness as something that brought wealth, fame, prestige or accolades.  And I always thought you needed that legendary quality that eludes many of us called "natural talent".   Without it, greatness...mastery...wasn't even possible.  But maybe I was wrong.

Maybe I can choose what I want to be great at.

Maybe the whole "you can do whatever you put your mind to" is actually true.

Maybe mastery is solely determined based on where I started...what I've overcome...where I am and where I intend to go.

Maybe it's impossible to try and compare mastery.

Maybe greatness is the desire to keep going even when it's easier to quit.

Maybe it's the commitment, passion and effort put forth that determines greatness.

Maybe mastery is achieved within the work that goes towards a goal...and not in the actual end goal itself.

Maybe the actual "success part" is sort of irrelevant in terms of mastery.

Maybe declaring that success equals mastery means you've actually entered mediocrity.

Maybe in the past I accepted "good" as the only possibility available to me...and that was the only reason I never got to "great".

Maybe I can determine my own greatness.

Lots of maybes.

The Double Dip

So I blogged recently about a discovery regarding energy with my side heel.  Further to this, I'm realizing that generating that energy into my movements puts a much bigger strain on my stamina.  For example, 10 "purely physical" side heel kicks takes about the same out of me as maybe 2-3 when I'm really focusing on implementing my core energy.  This really applies to any of my techniques and forms, but has become more noticeable in the techniques that I already find taxing in a physical way....or in forms where I am trying to maintain that internal energy for the whole duration.  Some things are basically "double dipping" and leaving me gassed both externally and internally.

So now I'm curious as to whether generating and utilizing our internal energy will become easier with practice?  Just as with any physical training that we do...will our energy also build "muscle" and endurance?

We will see....

Surprise!

First live IHC class last night.

For those of you that don't know me, I'm the type of person that likes to be prepared.  I like to know what to expect.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I like surprises that involve balloons....gifts....puppies....cash....but otherwise I don't like to be caught off guard.  This is why you'll see me post questions about upcoming events or classes.  And if you recall....I specifically posted the following question recently...verbatim...

Hello Team! Tomorrow will be my first live IHC Formal Class. Is this an instructor led class or more like open training? Should I be bringing my knives? Is there anything else I should be prepared for?

Just for future reference, I feel like demo'ing our forms in front of the entire class of 30(ish) should have fallen under that last inquiry. 🤔😂  I won't lie....I was not expecting that last night....and I had a mild panic attack.  One good thing about the masks is nobody saw my jaw drop.  I literally found myself doing a quick head count....glanced at the clock....and thought to myself "oh Sifu Brinker will let me be last for sure....or maybe I won't even have to go because it's my first class..."  

I should know Sifu Brinker better by now.

If anyone heard that massive pounding sound...that was my heart.  I think I now know what the beginning of a heart attack feels like.  But what was I going to do?  Decline???  It's my choice to be there!...so I walked out there and just did it.  Well I think I did.  I actually don't remember much in detail now.  There's actually one spot where I switch my knife to my left hand and I need to be careful to turn my blade at that same moment.  I don't remember doing that...so I might have been attacking my opponent with the spine of the blade.  Thank goodness for fake opponents right??  But most likely nobody was watching anyways.  Oh wait...that's right....literally everyone was watching. 🤣

But honestly, and joking aside.....it was A-MA-ZING.  What a surreal experience to be training together with so many of the people that train me....that are my mentors.

I can't even fathom the stuff I'm going to be exposed to and the things I'm going to learn being a part of this group.  CanNOT wait until the next class.

IHC Update - March 8, 2021

I thought I would post a general progress update with my IHC requirements.  This is really more for me as a way to monitor my progress.  If you choose to read it, I won't blame you for nodding off.

✅ = achieving/exceeding my numbers or generally on track where numbers don't really apply.  

❌ = behind on my numbers, things aren't going well or I haven't taken any steps to complete the goal yet.

➖ = the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet, it may take the full year to properly evaluate, or it's something I would need my instructors to determine my success/failure.  I've decided to still list these things here just as a reminder that they are still requirements.

Like I have with the Knife already, I will be making a point of blogging a little more specifically about some of my requirements, including why I chose them, the difficulties I'm facing, etc, etc.

Base Requirements

✅  Hand Form - Da Mu Hsing I-V  69/1000 *Note:  I do not know section 5 in it's entirety quite yet.  I'm about half way through.  I'm counting my reps to the point that I know cuz I feel like it's long enough...lol.  I will likely make a point of noting at what point the reps are the full I-V.  Shouldn't be too long from now.

✅  Knife Form - Goju-Shorei Talon  73/1000 *Note:  I now know 2 out of 4 sections (these aren't official "sections"...it's just how I've broken it down).  I've also learned the strike and block set.  I'm counting my reps based on my work towards this goal.  So for example, I'm doing the 2 sections I know twice and counting that as 1 rep.  I hope this is still in line with the spirit of the requirement.

✅ Push-ups  4058/50,000

✅ Sit-ups  4090/50,000

✅ Sparring  71.5/1000

✅ Kilometers 126.15/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 74/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

✅ Mastery by Stewart Emery - I read this at my desk Mon-Fri before I start working.  I don't have it memorized yet, but I think I understand the content so far.

✅ Mend a Relationship - I'm technically on track with this.  But it's certainly causing me some stress.

❌  Lion Dancing - just realized that I don't have any time specifically dedicated to this in my personal training!

➖  Tiger Challenge

➖  Public Performances

➖  Core Curriculum

➖  SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

✅  Weekly Dharma Talks

✅  Pottery

❌  Box Jumps - uuuuuuhhhhhhh.....so far I've just piled more things on my box so I don't have to look at it.  

➖ Learn how to Change Tires and Oil - My oil light just came on so I think we're going to do the oil this weekend.  Tires will get changed once chance of snow is gone.

✅ Indoor Plant - there is still life so I'm counting this as "on track".

✅ Save for Family Getaway

✅ Compliment Dan, Emma and Nathan at least once a day

✅ I have one additional personal goal that is going pretty well.  I will share this in future but am not quite ready.

Overall things are going well I think!

Speaking of Change

Dan's shift changes this coming week to 7 days on, 7 days off.

This means schedule changes with the afterschool care program, bussing and the day home and involves the inclusion of 11 different people to ensure everyone gets to where there need to go on any given day.

This won't change anything with Kung Fu for the kids.  But it may mean changes for me.  IHC should be fine.  But I will likely miss every second Tai Chi class.  And right now I'm unsure about my regular classes.  I'm crossing my fingers that the timing works out and Dan will make it to the Kwoon to grab the kids before class starts....but Wednesday will be the trial run.  Pre-covid this wouldn't have been an issue because the kids could just sit on the benches and wait for Dan....or just sit and watch my classes.  Covid adds the complication.

This is minor compared to some of the things others have to adjust to. And we'll sort it out as needed.....roll with the punches so to speak.  *wink*wink*

But I'm certainly grateful for the continued availability of the online classes.

A Breakthrough

So I think I've had a pretty major breakthrough with my side heel.  And with my King Fu as a whole, really.

I realized recently that my approach to the side heel has essentially been purely physical.  Crane, pivot, drive from the hip, straight out, make contact with my heel, blade my foot, keep as upright as possible, guards up.  Every little thing I've been focusing on has been external.   Every time I would accidentally throw a really good one, I would evaluate these physical aspects, trying to figure out what was different. Turns out the physical aspects were pretty much good, for my level at least, and from an external viewpoint. What’s been throwing me off was my energy.

I am typically pretty aware of my internal energy.  My Chi. I'm not saying it's very strong.  I'm not saying I can channel or direct it very well.  I'm developing it all the time.  But my awareness of it comes fairly natural.  For some reason, I overlooked it here.

I'll try not to bog you down with every single tidbit of information that led me down this rabbit hole, but essentially what I discovered was this,

When my kicks are poor, it's as if I'm attempting to initiate my energy right at my heel.  

When they're “okay”, I'm trying to initiate at my hip and then it flows to my heel.  Somewhat better. 

But when they're really good, it initiates right in my core and flows all the way through...shifting and changing as needed.....and then the dark clouds part, the sun shines through and the angels sing....

If we look specifically at the 6 harmonies, we aim to harmonize our Chi and Intent.  And in this instance, my Chi and my intent were completely separated.  They did not manifest together and there was no harmony.

The side heel hasn’t just been a hard technique for me. It’s literally caused me distress...anguish even.  I think that maybe those feelings were actually my Chi anticipating this major disconnection.  A warning of sorts that something was wrong.  I figured it out eventually I guess.  And I will hopefully be able to recognize this disconnection in the future.  

Now by no means is my side heel miraculously perfect.  But that feeling of anguish is gone.  And I think that in itself is a huge step forward in my progress.

That and the fact that I think I’m understanding intent a bit better.  I know we get a lot of instruction on intent...but it’s soooooo much different when you make a connection on your own.  😊

*I apologize if much of this is nonsensical. I find it really hard to explain my personal feelings of energy because everyone is just so different.  I know what I'm feeling....I trust what I’m feeling...but I have difficulty putting it in words.  

Someone's Got a Case of the Mondays??

This morning was a bit of a train wreck.

I totally blanked in Lao Gar.  

Hseih Chien turned into Da Mu Hsing after the palm heel strike.  

I hit myself with my stick.  Several times.  Then lost my grip and it went flying across the room.  I haven't yet assessed the damage to Nathan's hot wheels track.

I tripped myself during Broadsword.  Seriously.

And let's just say it's a good thing I'm using a training knife.

Something is obviously out of balance.  Did I find myself frustrated?  Actually no.  In fact, I found myself laughing...good true laughs.  It was classic....I wish now that I had recorded it.  Just use that Kung Fu visualization you all have and I'm sure you'll find yourself chuckling too.....you're welcome. 😉

I can sometimes over-analyze things that don't warrant the necessity or effort.  And I'm learning that oftentimes things will re-balance on their own if we just let them be and give them the chance.

Sometimes things just are.  And sometimes they aren't.

ps. don't tell Nathan about the hot wheels