I've never really questioned this particular requirement. And it's never really bothered me to keep track. I don't share these numbers outside of the team, so I've never felt like it was boasting, since we are all doing the same. Keeping a record has always been more about reminding myself of the importance of this requirement and to keep myself honest with my efforts.
My normal process for recording my acts of kindness is to take some time each day and reflect on the different things that I've done. While doing this, I am able to come up with an honest number to record. I likely forget about some...but I'd rather record a number too low, than too high. During this thought process, I also like to think about the good things others have done for me. This will often spark things in my mind that I could also be doing...and give me appreciation for how good it feels when someone does something nice for you. And this, of course, motivates me to do more and to continue spreading that kindness further.
I'll be completely honest...I've never really reflected upon my jerkiness, but since speaking with Sifu Brinker on the subject, I've incorporated that into my process as well over the last couple of days. And wouldn't you know it...I can be a real jerk.
I was reflecting on my acts of kindness last night, and was specifically thinking about the provincial grant that I prepared for the playground revitalization project at the kids' school. This is volunteer, and I spent 6 hours on Saturday and 4 hours on Sunday completing the application and organizing all the necessary documents. What a good deed, right?!??! Wrong. As I was about to mark this down as an AOK, I caught myself. Reflecting on both good AND bad prompted me to remember how I had felt while working on the grant. I felt resentful. I wanted to be spending time doing absolutely anything else....yet I couldn't, because I had this other responsibility to deal with. One I felt had been shoved upon me. This was not something I willingly wanted to do...but instead, felt obligated to because nobody else stepped up. And so this was not an act I was doing with a happy heart. This attitude permeated further into my interactions with the kids, every time they wanted to engage with me. I found myself annoyed and frustrated...and justified my response, telling myself they were at fault for interrupting me. But ultimately, it wasn't them...it was me....and I could have handled things altogether differently. This was basic jerkiness at it's finest.
And so I see now, that the acts of kindness requirement needs to be held to a higher standard. Sure, from the outside, technically this was a good thing that will hopefully benefit others. But that's not really the point, is it? How can it be an act of kindness if it had a negative impact on both myself and others? Am I really a kind person if my acts of jerkiness outweigh the ones of kindness?
Maybe my acts of kindness should be more of a plus/minus record. "Add" for acts of kindness and "deduct" for acts of jerkiness. I wonder if I could still get to 1000.
No comments:
Post a Comment