Just Carry On

Over the past couple weeks I have felt that something's been slightly off with my forms.  And so I've sort of just been monitoring it to see if I could figure out the what and the why.  This morning, while doing Da Mu Hsing, it hit me.  I have let go of my center.  

A long while back (July 10, 2021 to be exact) I journaled about how I was starting to really make some great progress with being more aware and more in control of my center.  How I was starting to recognize and establish how everything seems to flow from and around it and how when I maintained that focus, it alleviated many problems I was feeling with balance and harmony.  I recall continuing to work with this for a long time, making it a consistent part of my practice.  Eventually, I think I got to a point where it was becoming more natural...easier...and so I slowly became less cognizant of my attention to it....and eventually let my focus shift to other things.

As with most things, when you stop paying attention and making a specific effort, progress that has built up can slowly dissipate.  When it occurred to me this morning that this might be the issue, I pulled that focus back and knew right away that this had been why things felt off.

In the past I would have been frustrated or disappointed for wasting this time, while feeling like I had to start over.  Instead, I found myself comparing this to meditation.  When I sit and focus on my breathing, it is inevitable that my mind will wander.  When I become aware that this has happened, I simply pull my focus back to my breathing and carry on.  I don't get mad or frustrated...there is no point in that.  It's natural that my mind will wander to other things.  

This is essentially the same here, except instead of a few minutes of not realizing, it was weeks....maybe even months.  Lol.  But with continued practice, my hope is that eventually it will happen less and less...and even when it does, I will be quicker to realize.

Either way....whether it takes me seconds, or if it takes me years....there is still no need to be frustrated or upset.  It serves no purpose.  I just need to pull my focus back and carry on.

Thay - 1926-2022

Thich Nhat Hanh passed away on January 22, 2022.

For those of you that followed his teachings, I'd be more accurate to say that he has continued on.

I have followed his teachings now for a couple of years.  Unfortunately, I have only known him through his past recordings and books, since a stroke in 2014 left him unable to speak and continue teaching, as he had.  Nonetheless, he has had a huge influence on my approach to many things.  

One of my requirements this past year has been to listen to his dharma talks on a weekly basis.  His approach, his way with words, his voice, his smile, his gentle spirit, his sense of humour...you can't help but be drawn in...even through a screen.  It was like he spoke right to you and you'd end up feeling just a little lighter, a little happier and as though things were just a little more clear.

My most favourite sessions are his questions and answers.  More specifically the childrens' questions.  The kids always seem to ask the most direct and straight forward types of questions...and I always love his approach.  I typically get more out of the kids' questions than the adults'.  And I think Thay understood that...and it was why the kids' portion was always so important to him.

The one that has resonated with me the most was when a child asked "what happens when you die?".  I recall the attendees chuckling at such a big question coming from a young child.  But the way he answered struck deep with me. 

"...when you look up at the blue sky you don’t see your cloud anymore. And you might say ‘Oh, my cloud has died’. In fact it hasn’t died....A cloud can never die. A cloud cannot become nothing. A cloud can become the snow, the rain, the ice...it can become my tea...but a cloud can never die..."

From this teaching also came my most favourite of his quotes "There is a cloud in your tea" and is what inspired my children's book.

I find that I am not sad about his death.  Yes, it is a sad thing, for sure.  And I feel sad for all of those that followed him and that are suffering from his death.  I feel sad for the world.  He did everything he could in the time that he had to make this world a better place.  But a teacher can only teach for so long.  At some point we need to become teachers ourselves.  I don't think he could have lived a better life, and for that I am happy.

I will forever and always think of him when I drink tea.......he is now the cloud....and that thought makes me smile.

Dietary Goal - Year of the Tiger

Over the past while, I've been feeling really sore.  And stiff.  And tired.  And slow.

I am active and train consistently, so yes, some of this is normal.  But, deep down, I also know that much of this is likely linked to my eating habits.  I tend to think my physical potential is being drastically hindered, and that if I could also make some changes with my diet, I will very likely see big advancements.

Hence, my dietary eating goal for the Year of the Tiger, where I have committed to "clean eating" for 3 separate months throughout the year.  I took this a bit further and also specified the months of February, June and October in my submitted requirements.  I felt it was important to commit to specific months in writing, or risk this goal being put off, and put off...and then forgotten.  And I'm glad I did that.  Because I've already had thoughts about how I can justify postponing....but alas, I cannot, because there is a document out there that someone can point to and say "tsk, tsk.....Ms Ferris...this clearly states February, right here in black and white."

And so here I am....attempting to get my head in the game.

Now I've tried all kinds of different ways of eating over the years.  To date, there has only been one that has worked for me, where I've seen results, felt great, been able to maintain long term and haven't felt starved.  I think one of the biggest reasons it worked for me is because it's simple, requires no tracking of points or calories and I still get a regular opportunity to indulge.

General Eating Guideline

Sunday to Friday - "Clean" Eating

- Natural proteins and Vegetables only - as much as I want

*Exception - Within roughly 30 minutes after training or workouts I will have yogurt, cheese, smoothie and/or fruit.

- Natural butter and oils are fine for cooking - no margarine

- I allow myself dips and dressings, but opt for the better ones like guacamole, tzatziki, hummus, oil/vinegar

- Coconut milk for coffee or just black 😭 This is the worst part of it all.

- Try, as much as possible, to choose items for which I can recognize and pronounce the ingredients.

- The general idea is essentially no sugar and no foods that will break down into sugars.

*Although I never made this a hard and fast rule, I also always tried to think about variety.  Meaning, red meat every day isn't the best....bacon everyday isn't the best.....potatoes as a vegetable at every meal isn't the best...a full container of nuts every day isn't the best... - I won't be eating meat this time around...but you catch my drift.

Saturday - Treat Day

- Eat whatever the heck I want.  These days are epic.  I usually make a list of everything I craved throughout the week and then try to knock them all off the list.  And I'm being dead serious.

The biggest challenge this time around is going to be doing this as a vegetarian and being more conscious of organic and sustainable choices. But I think this will just take some extra planning.  I'm doing these in 1 month "stints" so I think I might even meal plan the entire month in advance.  I also plan to incorporate at least one "full on" vegetarian meal each week that I will force feed to my family....because, well, sometimes I don't want to cook separate meals!

The idea with doing this 3 times throughout the year, is that it will eventually stick permanently or at least semi permanently.  In the past, as I realized the benefits, and because I just felt good, it simply became the way that I ate.  Treat days also became less "full" simply because cravings naturally subsided....although I ALWAYS maintained the rule of not limiting treat days.  I fell off the wagon during pregnancies and then again when I became a vegetarian.  But I'm ready, and determined, to incorporate this back into my life.

Plus/Minus

Acts of kindness seem to be a popular topic right now. Thank-you Sifu Cosgrove for initiating all the conversation!

I've never really questioned this particular requirement. And it's never really bothered me to keep track. I don't share these numbers outside of the team, so I've never felt like it was boasting, since we are all doing the same. Keeping a record has always been more about reminding myself of the importance of this requirement and to keep myself honest with my efforts.

My normal process for recording my acts of kindness is to take some time each day and reflect on the different things that I've done. While doing this, I am able to come up with an honest number to record. I likely forget about some...but I'd rather record a number too low, than too high. During this thought process, I also like to think about the good things others have done for me. This will often spark things in my mind that I could also be doing...and give me appreciation for how good it feels when someone does something nice for you. And this, of course, motivates me to do more and to continue spreading that kindness further.

I'll be completely honest...I've never really reflected upon my jerkiness, but since speaking with Sifu Brinker on the subject, I've incorporated that into my process as well over the last couple of days. And wouldn't you know it...I can be a real jerk.

I was reflecting on my acts of kindness last night, and was specifically thinking about the provincial grant that I prepared for the playground revitalization project at the kids' school. This is volunteer, and I spent 6 hours on Saturday and 4 hours on Sunday completing the application and organizing all the necessary documents. What a good deed, right?!??! Wrong. As I was about to mark this down as an AOK, I caught myself. Reflecting on both good AND bad prompted me to remember how I had felt while working on the grant. I felt resentful. I wanted to be spending time doing absolutely anything else....yet I couldn't, because I had this other responsibility to deal with. One I felt had been shoved upon me. This was not something I willingly wanted to do...but instead, felt obligated to because nobody else stepped up. And so this was not an act I was doing with a happy heart. This attitude permeated further into my interactions with the kids, every time they wanted to engage with me. I found myself annoyed and frustrated...and justified my response, telling myself they were at fault for interrupting me. But ultimately, it wasn't them...it was me....and I could have handled things altogether differently. This was basic jerkiness at it's finest.

And so I see now, that the acts of kindness requirement needs to be held to a higher standard. Sure, from the outside, technically this was a good thing that will hopefully benefit others. But that's not really the point, is it?  How can it be an act of kindness if it had a negative impact on both myself and others?  Am I really a kind person if my acts of jerkiness outweigh the ones of kindness?

Maybe my acts of kindness should be more of a plus/minus record.  "Add" for acts of kindness and "deduct" for acts of jerkiness. I wonder if I could still get to 1000.

Memory vs Reality

I track my IHC requirements religiously.  I do not track anything else.

We were asked in class last night how many reps of Stick 1 we think we've done on our way to the magic number of 50,000.  My knee jerk (and very confident) response was "maybe about 2000".  After inquiring whether this was my IHC form (it is not), Sifu Csillag's response was "No you haven't".  And so I said "ok, at least 1000 then", thinking I was being modest by cutting it in half.  Oh how I laugh at this now.

He told me to start by thinking about how many reps I do for my IHC forms.  I'm on track with these, and I record the numbers, so I know that I do 3-4 per day....which will equate to 1000 for the year  And so, in comparison, have I also done 3-4 per day of Stick for the last 2 years?  Hahahahha....not a chance.  So we worked out some actual numbers.  I would "confidently" estimate about 5-6 reps of stick per week.  My overall number will also be dependent on when I actually learned stick, which I will say was about 3 months into my Kung Fu journey.  This puts me at roughly 2 full years of knowing and practicing Stick 1.  But can I also "confidently" say that I've never skipped a week?  My immediate response was, yes, I can attest to that.  But later on as I was thinking about this more, I resigned myself to the fact that, no, I cannot.  But for the sake of this exercise, we'll pretend that my estimations of time and numbers are accurate.  And once you crunch all those numbers, I would be looking at 520-624 reps over the course of these last 2 years.  

So firstly, this "best case scenario" number is not even close to my initial response of 2000....which I honestly felt really confident with as I blurted it from my mouth.  😂  And again, not even close to my more "conservative" estimate of 1000.

But really, this is all irrelevant.  Even after working out these numbers, I can't call them accurate.  I've never recorded them, and so they are only a memory.  An unreliable memory at that.

This exercise was a real eye-opener for memory vs reality.  And the importance of maintaining accurate records if I truly want to analyze progress.  It actually really bothered me how off I was.  And so I am adding a personal requirement to my Year of the Tiger and commit to recording ALL form reps for the year.  I challenge others to do the same if they feel it would serve them.

Kung Fu'ing My Kids Part 5 of...

I try to schedule my kids for 1-on-1's weekly.  I have found these to be a valuable supplement to their core classes.  They are able to establish a more personal relationship with their Sifus and it helps them to connect their Kung Fu life to their home life. Although it typically begins as such for most, I want them to eventually understand that Kung Fu isn't just an activity, but instead is something that has the potential to manifest into an integral part of their everyday life.  I see the value...and I want them to as well.  But, of course, this understanding typically comes with experience and age, and will carry more weight if they develop this connection with their Kung Fu, on their own.  

And so, in an effort to avoid any feelings of animosity or resentment, I try hard to prevent Kung Fu becoming a "chore" that they also have to do at home and try to be a little more "hands off" with things like 1-on-1s.  Depending on our home schedule, I will let them know who is available for them to meet with, and they are able to choose.  I also give them a reminder that their meeting is approaching and that they should think about what they'd like to work on. In typical child-like fashion, they leave this to the last second, and then there is panic and resistance about 4 seconds before they are to go live.

So for their last meetings, I tried something a bit different. Instead of just telling them to think about things, I suggested they actually make a list. I was somewhat surprised when it took them both about 45 seconds to come up with their list of 5 things that they wanted to work on or talk about. For some reason, the act of writing made the task easier for them.  I also found that the 1-on-1s themselves were incredibly productive.  The fact they had a plan prevented so much of the "um-ing" and "uh-ing" that normally takes place.  More so, I could visibly see their excitement and engagement at a much higher level then normal because, for 1), they were leading, and 2), they were confident because they had a plan ready.

Honestly, I don't know why this took me this long to think of.  I also don't know why I'm so surprised that it was this effective.  When I prepare for my own 1-on-1s I am fairly diligent with preparing topics or questions in advance.  Winging it once in a while can be fun and will sometimes inspire some valuable conversation.  But, more so, having a plan is always more beneficial.

A Good Walloping

Free sparring.  Shadow boxing.  Ugh.  I really struggle with this.

Now this isn't for lack of trying.  I'm actually on target with my sparring numbers.  The problem is that I just don't have any "real world" experience.  I have never actually sparred.  So I have no frame of reference.  And because of that, I have a really hard time envisioning an opponent coming at me.  I can't seem to relate to what it would actually be like.  And therefore, I really struggle trying to play out a scenario in my training.

My rounds end up being very specific planned out combinations, done over and over again, often mimicking those that we do in class.  Alternatively, I will do repetitions of the 1, 2 and 3 step sparring sequences.  But the moment I attempt to "free style" my brain just stutters, or stalls altogether.  If I was actually in a situation where I had to think on the fly, I'm fairly certain I'd be on the ground in about 3 seconds....more likely 2....fine!....1.

I will continue doing what I can.  But I honestly don't think I'll see much in terms of improvement until I actually have the opportunity to spar.  And I think I trash talk too much so I feel like there might be a line-up once the time comes.  Ah well.  Nothing like getting walloped over and over to learn how to not get walloped.

A Moment of Clarity

Last night on my way to class, I found myself approaching a vehicle in the ditch.  Hazards were on, and I could see exhaust, so I made the assumption that someone was still inside the vehicle.  I was in my van, so I knew I wouldn't be much help getting this person out, but I still felt compelled to stop and at least ensure they were okay and had help on the way.  In this weather, if a person found themselves without gas and/or heat, they'd be in trouble pretty quick.

The driver turned out to be a young girl.  She was okay and she did have her mom coming.  But they did not have a secondary vehicle capable of pulling her out.  She thanked me for stopping and she seemed confident that she would be okay.  Before I drove away, I decided to put out a message to a local Facebook group, to see if anyone with a truck and tow rope might be in the area, and was feeling helpful.  I had 2 people respond within minutes and she was out by the time I got to class.  These people were so kind and generous to head out into the cold and help a complete stranger.

What struck me most in this scenario was that, not only were the people directly involved impacted.....the girl that received the help and those that pulled her out....but also those that witnessed or heard about it.  Many people commented and/or acknowledged the posting in a positive way and I could sense how people felt inspired by the event.  And I suddenly became aware, and could see very clearly, just how many people can potentially be affected by one single act.

Acts of good will aren't isolated to only those directly involved.  Acts of good will aren't just linear....one leading to one more, leading to one more.  A single act of kindness will actually radiate out exponentially, impacting everyone in it's wake.  And so I found myself in this moment of clarity….understanding much more clearly, just how powerful a simple, single act of kindness can be.

IHC Number Update - January 4 2022

My January IHC Update

Base Requirements

✅ Hand Form - Da Mu Hsing I-V  925/1000

✅ Knife Form - Goju-Shorei Talon  924/1000

✅ Push-ups  46,751/50,000

✅ Sit-ups  46,632/50,000

✅ Sparring  927/1000

⭐ Kilometers 1746/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 944/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

➖ Mastery by Stewart Emery

✅ Mend a Relationship

➖ Lion Dancing - Instructors call

❌ Tiger Challenge

➖ Public Performances

➖ Core Curriculum - Instructors call

✅ SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

➖ Weekly Dharma Talks - I missed a couple weeks of these.  But I'll be able to catch up easy.

⭐ Pottery - Complete

❌ Box Jumps - Assuming I don't suddenly see a bunch of progress here in the next few weeks, I will carry this goal forward to the year of the Tiger.  I feel really guilty about this one.  Like seriously...just get over it and do it.

⭐ Learn how to change my car tires  - Complete.

➖ Learn how to change Oil

✅ Indoor Plant - Assuming everything doesn't die in the next few weeks, I think I can count this as a success.  I'm so pleased with this goal.  My home seems so much more full of life.

✅ Save for Family Getaway - Due to some unforeseen expenses, the original plan for this was not able to happen. However, with a nudge from Ms Kohut, I revamped this goal to something simpler, while still maintaining the intent.  Adaptation!!  I'm also happy to say that a new tradition has been born.  If you haven't already, check out my blog on this, titled "A LEGO Christmas Tradition".

✅ Compliment Dan, Emma and Nathan at least once a day.

⭐ Children's book - Complete.