Engaging

One of the biggest things that helps my engagement is inviting others to engage with me.

Ultimately, yes, I need to make those first steps on my own.  I need to "steer my own ship".  I need to show up to class....I need to work on my Kung Fu at home...I need to fulfill my obligations.  These things establish a good solid base and they aren't anything that someone else can do for me.  But engaging is what really seems to boost my success.  Engaging takes things to the next level.  And engagement needs to happen with others.  I can't be engaged if I don't speak up...if I don't ask questions...if I don't share.  

I think one of the reasons my year is going as well as it is, is because I'm sharing it.  I'm making connections.  I'm inviting people on my journey.  I'm accepting peoples offers and contributions.  This last one is really important.  In the past I would often turn down peoples' offers, not wanting to burden anyone and thinking that it would only really be a success if I did it totally on my own.  Turns out that's not the case.  I'm finding success is even sweeter when it includes others.

I don't think I'd be as near as successful if I was trying to do this all by hiding away on my own.  And it most certainly wouldn't be as fun.

So Much More

When setting my personal goal to start a houseplant from seed and keep it alive for at least the full year, my initial reason was just because of my many failures with indoor plants.  I simply wanted to prove I could do it.

My original seeds did not survive, but I'm happy to say that the lemon seeds, that Sifu Rybak suggested I try, have so far been successful.  I planted 8 seeds, from a lemon I grabbed at the grocery store, and 3 germinated and are doing very well.  I have since potted them and they survived that too.  Phew.  Not only do I have these 3 lemon trees going, but I also have some propagations and a baby spider plant (courtesy of Sifu Rybak as well...I've dragged her along on this ride apparently...haha) that seem to be doing just fine in my care.

What's been somewhat unexpected with this is how far this is actually going.  I'm learning much more than I anticipated I would.  I'm enjoying the process.  I'm learning to listen and pay attention with more than just my ears.  I'm learning to recognize when "letting things be" is of greater benefit.  I'm learning patience.  I'm learning to enjoy all the small wonders of life around us that we tend to miss.  I'm learning how even the smallest of these lives can have a huge impact.

I'm seeing how, by putting in the effort and truly being engaged, a simple goal can turn into so much more.

Just a Few Thoughts Bouncing Around

I had lots of thoughts bouncing around this morning.

At last weeks class we were doing a front thrust/spinning back kick combination.  Then, of course, there was the roundhouse to stiff swinging kick to spine in livestream #40....and the ever-present dragons whip/spinning back kick in Da Mu Hsing.

I was working on all of these this morning and was having a tremendous amount of trouble.  I was way off balance and was having a really hard time bringing everything together.

I used the technique of working my way backwards, and I came up with a few tidbits.  And I realized later on that all of these things are sort of related to each other.

1. My mind is way ahead and I'm not focused on the intent of the preliminary kick.  I'm already thinking of turning, and so I'm pulling myself out of that kick prematurely.
2. My upper body seems to be leaning unnecessarily at the very start of my spin.  Like I'm leading with my shoulders/head maybe??
3. I'm feeling like I'm top heavy.  So I'm thinking an obvious disconnection between my upper and lower half.
4. I'm not coming back to my center after that first kick.  Meaning I'm not coming back to a crane (not a true one)...so again....I'm not completing the move I'm on. 
5. I started thinking about the contraction/expansion I've heard about.  I haven't been privy to an actual class with a full-on explanation of this, only hearing bits here and there in the Q&As, but I wondered if that applied here.  Meaning, crane (contraction), front thrust kick (expansion), crane (contraction), spinning "coil" (contraction), back kick (expansion), crane (contraction)...then back into my stance.  Are contractions and "re-centering" one and the same?  Would re-centering and releasing my energy coincide with contraction and expansion?

Anyways, lots of thoughts sort of came about this morning and I'll continue to ponder and play with it all.

I think first and foremost I really need to work on establishing and committing to my intent.  Finishing my move in full before beginning the next.....even in my mind....especially in my mind.   If I can commit to the different pieces and really fine tune those techniques, then the reps will build my speed naturally.  Ultimately I think sometimes I just need to slow down.

And really this applies to everything I think.

Anguish

I'm literally distraught that I'm unable to partake in the Tiger Challenge this year.  It's keeping me up at night.  I keep wracking my brain as to how to make it work.  And I haven't yet been able to come up with a feasible plan.

We booked a campsite a couple months ago to take the kids camping.  Camping is really one of the only things a family can do nowadays, while still following all the COVID guidelines and staying safe.  If this only impacted me, I'd choose the tournament...hands down.  But it doesn't.  The family is looking forward to a change in scenery....doing something different...and we always have so much fun camping.  But of course...Murphy's Law needs to rear it's ugly head.  We don't do anything for months...always at home....and then the one plan we make coincides with something I've been looking forward to basically since last year's tournament.  I really don't like you, Murphy.

This is so extremely difficult for me for a couple reasons. No laughing.....ok fine laugh...we could all use one....go ahead.

Firstly, I have an odd need to be evaluated...tested.  I wish, as an adult, I still got a report card once in a while.  Is this too much to ask???  😂  Good or bad, I have this need to know where I'm at using very specific criteria with a very specific marking system.  Yes I know....it's a little "coo-coo"....a bit nerdy.  But the struggle is real!!!  I laugh about it....I joke about it....but deep down I still wish one day a report card would magically appear in the mail.

Second, it's an IHC requirement to participate.  I can't handle not fulfilling this requirement and it's causing me so much inner turmoil.  I will literally have a big red X next to this and there won't be another opportunity for this (for this year of course).  I will probably remove this from my list so I don't have to look at it....you know...out of sight, out of mind. 😣

Uuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhh...... (that's me typing my anguish).

I keep trying to figure out how I could make this work from the campground.

Maybe the wifi will be okay there?...

Maybe I can find an open space somewhere where I won't be in other peoples' way?...

But that doesn't solve the time factor.  I can't expect the family to just wait around for me.  And it defeats the purpose of family time if everyone else is out hiking or canoeing and I'm somewhere else doing my own thing.

I think I might still take some videos of my IHC forms and post them.  I'll have Dan notarize that I only did one take.  And then if you could all just score me that'd be great.  I'll be able to sleep at night again.  😂  No, but seriously....

Knife Progress

I recently took a progress video of my Knife form.  I've decided to start sharing these here for the team.  I figure that if we were training in person, you would all get to see what I'm up to, so why not here instead.  It's also a nice way for me to have a record of my progress documented in my blog.

I know for me, as I train, it's really hard to tell if anything's changing...if I'm improving and progressing.  So videos are a great resource.

When I watched my latest progress video and compared it to the previous one, I was actually a bit taken aback by the difference.  In my latest video, I think am much faster....in a good way.  Still fluid, but the movements are coming more naturally and my technique seems crisper.  I  am moving my blade more continuously and am fine-tuning my cutting motion.  Ultimately I think I'm getting better at handling my knife.  Rule #2 for the knife...a moving blade is a cutting blade.  Rule #1 for the knife you ask???...if you actually find yourself in a knife fight...you're gonna get cut.

Youtube link below.  I've embedded a couple portions of my previous progress video in this one so you can see the comparison.

Anyhow...I'm fairly happy with my progress thus far!  

YOUTUBE LINK - Talon Form May 8 - https://youtu.be/9_vDBobDTqw

Kung- Fu'ing My Kids Part 4 of...

Parenting is the number one thing in my life that causes self-doubt.  I'm sure many parents feel the same way.

How do you encourage, without forcing?

How do you promote good decisions without just deciding for them?

There was a big long blog that came after this.....but then I ultimately realized the answer is I don't.  I pretty much need to do all of these things at this stage in the game.

Encourage....and when they don't want to, force them.

Promote good decisions....and then re-make the decision if they choose wrong.

Hahahahahahahaha...oh man I don't even know why I thought I could do it any different right now.

I guess I will know I'm doing a good job when I don't have to do so much of those second parts.

IHC Number Update - May 10, 2021

 My May IHC Update

✅ = achieving/exceeding my numbers or generally on track where numbers don't really apply.  

❌ = behind on my numbers, things aren't going well or I haven't taken any steps to complete the goal yet.

➖ = the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet, it may take the full year to properly evaluate, or it's something I would need my instructors to determine my success/failure.  I've decided to still list these things here just as a reminder that they are still requirements.

Base Requirements

✅  Hand Form - Da Mu Hsing I-V  245/1000

✅  Knife Form - Goju-Shorei Talon  248/1000

✅ Push-ups  15287/50,000

✅ Sit-ups  15279/50,000

✅ Sparring  248/1000

✅ Kilometers 428/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 250/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

✅ Mastery by Stewart Emery - Still reading this at my desk Mon-Fri before I start working.  Not memorized per say....but I think I'm retaining the message.

✅ Mend a Relationship - I'm maintaining my commitment to this.  It's going okay.

✅  Lion Dancing - I think I'm on track with this.

➖  Tiger Challenge

➖  Public Performances

✅  Core Curriculum - I assume.

➖  SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

✅  Weekly Dharma Talks

✅  Pottery - I've been back on the wheel throwing!

✅  Box Jumps - I made my first one!!!  Wooo!  Now to work on the 10 consecutive.

✅ Learn how to change my car tires  - Complete.

❌ Learn how to Oil  - Still waiting for my teacher to make some time....I think we've both forgotten about this.  But it's not hard to rectify.

✅ Indoor Plant - With the help of Sifu Rybak this is making some headway.  I now have 2 lemon trees  that have sprouted from seeds.  I'm learning alot about patience and leaving well enough alone.

✅ Save for Family Getaway - going good!

✅ Compliment Dan, Emma and Nathan at least once a day - this has started to just become the norm...which is what I was aiming for.

✅ I have one additional personal goal that is almost complete.  I will likely be sharing this by next month.

That's all to report for now.

What A Mess

I'm starting to feel drained. 

There has just been so much loss... heartache... conflict... anger... despair... frustration.... I can go on and on.  My heart just feels so heavy with it all.  And I've been very lucky through all of this so I can't even imagine how others must be feeling.

I can see everything starting to affect even the small kids now.  They have been so resilient to this point.  But I can see that Emma, in particular, seems lonely.  She is missing the interactions with friends and she's been feeling segregated and left out.  She's missing family more and more.  Although most everyone is in the same boat, her perception is that she's alone.  And perception can be very powerful.

I feel like my hands are tied and there's nothing I can really do.  I see and hear people that just don't seem to care.  Or perhaps I should say they only seem to care about themselves and their own hardships with all of this.  Nobody seems to consider the person next to them.  Nobody can see that their situation is far better than many others.  Nobody can see beyond their own personal struggles.  Everyone's decisions and choices are being made only for themselves.  Nobody seems to be thinking about their neighbour, their colleague, their friend.

I'm no saint by any means.  There are much better and selfless people in this world than I.  But I do understand that what I might want, and what is best for those around me, can often be two completely different things.  How would things be different if we had to make our choices based on what would be best for our neighbour?  Or a stranger?  Would our choices then be different?  Would our perspectives change?

I don't know.  I'm almost to a point where I can't even formulate a coherent opinion anymore.  There's just so much coming from every direction.

What can I do?  I wish I could think of something to do, that would make a difference.  

Despite all of this emotional turmoil, my Kung Fu has remained strong.  It's acting as an outlet and is definitely something positive to focus on amidst the chaos.  When I find myself reeling, I have something to come back to.  This blog itself has helped me re-set.

I also discovered this passage a while back.  And I've been reading it alot lately in an effort to stay grounded.  If I can keep myself calm and my thoughts clear, maybe I can think of something that might help.