Box Jumping - April 30

One of my personal goals is to complete a set of 10 box jumps.  You may recall me talking about this goal before.  I've had a plyometric box for 3 1/2 years and not one jump attempt.  It's totally a mental thing for sure.  Sifu Thomson offered to help me with this.  And so I've been doing step ups, switch jumps, side steps, etc, with my box mostly just to get used to it...get to know it...become friends so it's not so scary.

So I walked into my training area this morning....just like any other day....groggy....tired...dragging my feet.  I typically set my water bottle above my box, and when I went to do that...I was taken aback.  My box, for some reason, looked sort of small.  Or maybe I was finally just seeing it's actual size.  Either way....my immediate thought was "You gotta jump right now."

So I put my shoes on, pulled it forward, propped some weight behind it to keep it from sliding...added a couple cushions behind it as well....not sure what I thought those would do...but it made me feel better so I went with it....and then stood in front of it ready to jump.

And stood there...and stood there...

As each moment passed it seemed like the box was getting bigger and bigger again....and I continued to stand there....blocked by my own mind...for 13 minutes....no word of a lie....13 minutes...

And again I thought "You HAVE to jump right now.  It's time."  Video below of how it went.

I apologize for the strange sound I make.  It's a combination of emotion and suddenly remembering the kids were still sleeping.  But I wasn't about to do another "take".

Advantage In Limitation

Well I'm not sure what happened this morning, but I tweaked my knee.  I will blame 3-step sparring, because that's what I was doing at the time...but I doubt that was really it.  No big deal, nothing serious...but bending my knee while putting any significant weight on it was a no go.  And so everything was modified this morning to accommodate this.  It was a bit odd at first, stiff-legged and only really moving my upper body in things like Da Mu Hsing and even sparring.  I felt like the opposite of that girl that didn't swing her arms in that episode of Seinfeld.  😂  But I also wasn't willing to forgo my training completely because that can be a slippery slope.  There's no reason I can't push on and it's not the worst thing to practice with a limitation.  At 41 (ssssssshhhh....lies!!) I better start getting used to it.

However...what was especially gratifying was that I actually picked up on a few little details in my upper body that I hadn't noticed before!  There were a few movements within my forms where I realized my technique could definitely be a bit sharper.  A few spots where things were a bit out of sync.  And because my upper body was the only thing moving today, I noticed these, where as previously they were "camouflaged" by my lower half.

Oh the advantages of a simple knee tweak.

My Spirit Animal

My dog Avery is a human whisperer.  

This is not the big black lab you all see frequently knocking me over or running into my kicks....that is my sidekick Tank.   He’s such a handsome boy and I love him...but he is the hard proof that you can’t have both looks and brains.  Avery is a rescue.  A SCARS rescue actually.  Dan and I used to foster, pre-kids, and I saw her at an adoption event and took her home.  

We attempted doing some training with her....the basic commands.  But she honestly looked at us like we were morons.  I’m not so sure she was wrong.  And even though the only command she actually knows to this day is “sit”, she is the best behaved dog ever.  Honest to gosh, “dog-haters” love her....even my in-laws...and they don’t like animals of any kind...including most humans.  She always seems to just know what I’m saying. I can speak to her in full sentences and she seems to get it.  She has also always seemed to be in tune with me, specifically.

From day one she has been very easy going and relaxed.  Just sorta hangs out...doesn't need to be in the thick of it....doesn’t follow you around, constantly under foot, like another dog I know.  She excuses herself if things get too intense....or loud.  But when I’m upset...frustrated...sad....and even if we are on opposite ends of the house...she comes to me.  It’s gotten to the point that she sometimes alerts me to the fact that something has escalated too far.  She can sense my emotions almost before I can.  She was an absolute godsend when the kids were babies...crying non-stop...no sleep...etc, etc.  She brought me back and helped me re-ground. 

She continues to do this and did it for me again yesterday.  I was feeling very frustrated.  My stress skyrocketed...I really need to take my work email off my phone....but that’s another blog.  She came to me...looked me in the eyes...and laid down at my feet.  And I knew I needed to take a breath and calm down.

She’s 10 now.  And her age is showing.  She’s had one knee replacement already.  But for some reason I just know, when it’s her time to go, she’ll find me again.  People talk about spirit animals.  And I always thought that meant a specific species....but I don’t think that’s it.  I don’t think the species matters...it’s the spirit inside.  And she is mine.

What does this have to do with "kung fu"?  I don't know....doesn't everything??...lol

Look Before You Leap...Literally

As we worked on Da Mu Hsing I at the IHC class, we were instructed to completely break down each technique and perfect each move before continuing on to the next.  I've applied this to my training before because of Tai Chi.  In Tai Chi we are always reminded to stay in the moment and finish the move.  Although you want things to flow, you also need to complete each move, in full, before starting the next.  Otherwise it's not flow, it's more like overlap.

Last night took this concept further for me.  I'd never before really considered my eyes.  Yes, I would look to where my strike or block would be....eventually.  But my eyes would go with my movements...sometimes even follow...rather than lead.  Once Sifu Brinker touched on that, my immediate thought was that this was something that should have been so obvious, but wasn't.  Of course you'd want to locate your target before blindly throwing a fist out.  But because this was a form, I was only focused on the movements, and not so much additional things that will be required for the eventual application of these movements.  

I've since done several reps of Da My Hsing I-V today, applying this.  And I've definitely noticed a difference.  I also applied this to a few other things like my knife form and my kicks.  Even though I was throwing my kick into the air, I attempted to focus on a target...a specific point...and directed everything to that.  Prior to this I think I was looking anywhere my eyes drifted, to be honest.  I won't celebrate any tremendous success quite yet, as I need to play around with this some more, but it certainly felt as though my kicks had more of a purpose.  Like there was a real goal other than just throwing a good kick...and not losing my balance.

With these few attempts today, it was almost as if my eyes, my focus, are leading me now.  And it seems to me that this focus is actually linked to my intent?  

I use a question mark because I haven't quite drawn a conclusion yet...but I think I'm on a path worth exploring. 

Astrazeneca

As many of you know, the Astrazeneca vaccine is now being offered to anyone 40+.  And that means me.  

This has been on my mind alot over the last few days.  I had every intention of getting vaccinated at my earliest opportunity....I even called a few pharmacies about getting on a wait list.  But now that my option is Astrazeneca, I am hesitant.  If I had been offered either of the others, I would probably already be vaccinated.  So why the hesitation?

I do have some previous issues with blood clotting.....but the science behind that seems to show that the clotting happening with Astrazeneca develops through a different process and is essentially unrelated.  They do not believe that previous blood clotting would at all put me at a higher risk.

There are, so far, only 2 cases of this type of severe reaction in over 700,000 doses administered in Canada.  So it is extremely rare.  In fact, according to the latest research, my chances of getting COVID and then subsequently developing a blood clot from that is much higher than from the vaccine.

Of course, I could easily just wait until I am eligible for one of the other vaccines, and avoid the Astrazeneca altogether.  But that only increases my chance of contracting COVID during that time, having to deal with the side effects of that (of which we also don't yet fully understand)...and then of course, spreading it to others...some of which may not survive.  Also by waiting, especially if a large number of us do, we'll only get further away from getting this under control.   And I can't really expect everyone else to take this particular vaccine while I wait for the "good" one.

I do understand that even with the vaccine I am still at risk.  But I certainly believe (and hope) it will reduce the severity and alleviate the burden on the healthcare system.   I have to remember that this isn't a simple question of "should I?" or "shouldn't I?" with the outcome only affecting me.  We are in the middle of a pandemic, and so there are some extenuating circumstances to consider.  Some of these individual choices that we're making will also have consequences for those around us.  Ultimately, I feel that the more people that follow the recommendations of our health care professionals by getting vaccinated at the earliest opportunity, the better chance we have of putting this behind us.  Right or wrong, this is the conclusion that I have personally come to.

And so I am scheduled to receive my first Astrazeneca dose today at 3pm.  

*Please know that this blog is not in any way intended to convince or impact the choices of my fellow team-mates.  I am in no position to tell anyone else what to do or to judge anyone else for their decisions.  If you have any personal concerns, it's always best to speak with your doctor, or a medical professional you trust.  My intent with this blog is to share the hesitancy I experienced and how I ultimately came to my choice.

Doubt-y McDoubt-erton

I was in a state of self-doubt recently.  Doubting my ability, doubting my understanding, doubting my progress, doubting my instincts, doubting my place.  Doubt, doubt, doubt-y, doubt, doubt.

Self-doubt is just one roadblock that I will sometimes encounter.  There are a myriad of other things that will often creep in as well; lack of motivation, injury or health issues, mental fatigue or depression, external forces like work, friends, family,...and the list goes on.  I imagine we all have this same list.

Something both interesting, and positive, that I've noticed is that it's actually become somewhat easier to push through these things.  Almost as if I've trained myself to automatically shift gears when these roadblocks appear.  My own internal 4x4.

First, my focus will shift to my numbers.  When my mind is distracted with any of the things above, it's very difficult to troubleshoot or attempt to make any discoveries or insightful progress.  It's just too much.   And I just end up more disappointed and discouraged. Numbers are easy....push-ups...sit-ups...forms.  Are these always mindful?...pretty much never if I'm working through one of these roadblocks.  Are they always perfect physically?...not if I'm modifying or substituting for injury.  But the point is that I don't want to come out of this slump with just another roadblock of being behind.  So when training through an obstacle, my training focus shifts to the numbers.

The other thing I find myself doing is thinking about what I would say to someone else if they were feeling the same way.  I don't know where this "tactic" came from...I just found myself doing it.  What would I say to Ms. Kohut...Ms. Bjorkquist...Mr. Bauer....any of my team-mates, that may be experiencing the same thing?  I would encourage and motivate...and point out all the positives.  And I figure I should probably take my own advice.

Not only am I finding my time spent trapped by these roadblocks becoming less and less....I'm finding them easier and easier to manage while facing them and they are becoming less and less debilitating.  I know what to do, I just have to shift gears and do it.  Although I'm sure I'll need a tow at some point.

The Power of the Kwoon - Two Short Stories

Story 1 - The Bike Ride

We all have our own connection to the Kwoon.  I think we all feel the energy as we step through the door and onto the mats.  We recognize the significance of every detail, large or small, within the space.  We care for it, respect it and maintain it with a vested interest.  And as students who visit regularly (covid aside), we, at some point or another, begin to see the Kwoon as "our" Kwoon.

I didn't realize until recently quite how the Kwoon's influence actually reaches beyond it's students.

Myself and my kids are all students of SRKF.  Dan is not.  However, he participates, encourages and motivates all of us and has become an important part of our journey.  More and more he's gone from observing to engaging.  Recently he went out for his first bike ride of the season.  Motorbike that is.  He had no destination in mind when he left....his intent was just to ride.  About 30 minutes later, he sent me a picture of where he ended up.  And wouldn't you know it....he was at the Kwoon.  He parked and sat for a short break there and then came back home.  And I just thought that was so cool.  He could have ended up anywhere, yet he chose the Kwoon.  For what reason, I don't know for sure.  But my "romantic" side tends to think that it has become a place of significance for him and that he's developed his own connection and sense of belonging, just as I have.

Story 2 - Just A Piece of Garbage?

Sifu Brinker spoke last night on how we should all be creating our own training space, or "mini-Kwoon", at home.  With moving back to online training, we need a space in our home that will serve us well during this shutdown.  A space that's more "permanent" than not.  Unfortunately we may not all have the luxury of a large training area...or of a separate dedicated training area, just because of physical space constraints.  Big area or small, dedicated or shared, I think an integral component to our training space at home is that it generate some of the energy that we would normally get from being in person.  If a particular space drains your energy or leaves you feeling unmotivated....either try a different space, or find a way to change the energy.  Following that advice, I've tried to re-create some of that energy in my home space.  I have even gone so far as creating my own little "alter".  I have things like meditation rocks, a dragon and a tiger that I got from the auction.  I also have my collection of martial arts books, and of course, my white belt, on the ledge.  In addition, I also just happen to have an actual piece of the Kwoon in my space.  A long while back, before the first shutdown and before I would even realize it's significance, Dan noticed something on the ground outside the Kwoon.  He picked it up, thinking it was garbage and that he would throw it away, but realized that it was actually a small piece of the building's siding.  It's likely a piece that was cut out for some reason...maybe for an electrical/light box of some kind....and it was probably pushed behind the siding, where it eventually made it's way down and fell to the sidewalk....where Dan eventually picked it up.  He hung onto it and gave it to me...and I intended to just chuck it...but then just never could...lol.  And I'm glad now that I didn't...as it sits on my "alter" in my space at home.  I know it seems silly...and this story may get some eye rolls...but it certainly can't hurt things can it?  I love the space I've created at home...and I feel good training in it...so I'm not gonna risk messing with it.  And so the piece of siding stays.  And if it's in some way a missing piece that people have been looking for (which I highly doubt...but I suppose you never know)...then I apologize for stealing it....but I'm probably not giving it back.  😉

*As I wrote this it dawned on me that a simple way to generate the energy of the Kwoon into a home space would be to bow when stepping on/off "the mats" (whether you have mats or not).  Why not?  It might just make the difference.  Now I'm curious if anyone else does this at home.

IHC Number Update - April 7, 2021

My April IHC Update

✅ = achieving/exceeding my numbers or generally on track where numbers don't really apply.  

❌ = behind on my numbers, things aren't going well or I haven't taken any steps to complete the goal yet.

➖ = the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet, it may take the full year to properly evaluate, or it's something I would need my instructors to determine my success/failure.  I've decided to still list these things here just as a reminder that they are still requirements.

Base Requirements

✅  Hand Form - Da Mu Hsing I-V  155/1000 *Note:  I'm still working on 5.  Almost there!!

✅  Knife Form - Goju-Shorei Talon  154/1000 *Note:  I now know the entire form.

✅ Push-ups  8459/50,000

✅ Sit-ups  8466/50,000

✅ Sparring  159/1000

✅ Kilometers 276/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 158/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

✅ Mastery by Stewart Emery - Still reading this at my desk Mon-Fri before I start working. 

❌ Mend a Relationship - Unfortunately I could be doing much better with this.

✅  Lion Dancing - I think I'm on track with this.

➖  Tiger Challenge

➖  Public Performances

✅  Core Curriculum - I assume.

➖  SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

✅  Weekly Dharma Talks

❌  Pottery - this has fallen off my radar and I haven't sat at my wheel for a couple weeks now.

✅  Box Jumps - I've been working on exercises for this with help from Sifu Thomson.  I think it's coming.  I still haven't attempted a jump on my box....I think I need to arrange for a medic on site first.  This is all mental.  And I sorta thought I was strong mentally....maybe not!!

✅ Learn how to change my car tires  - Success!!!  And remembered to re-torque them after 100kms. 

➖ Learn how to Oil  - Just waiting for my teacher to make some time. 

❌ Indoor Plant - 😢...I have ordered some more seeds and will make another attempt.  I think I've learned a few things.

✅ Save for Family Getaway

✅ Compliment Dan, Emma and Nathan at least once a day

✅ I have one additional personal goal that is almost complete.  I will share this in future.

That's all to report for now.

The Knife - Part II

For those of you that may not know, I am not actually developing my own weapon form, but am instead learning the Goju-Shorei knife form "Talon".  Goju-Shorei is quite a different style from Lu Ping An.  Lu Ping An forms, although very powerful and strong, are also quite fluid and graceful with hidden techniques and applications.  Goju-Shorei, on the other hand, is very "to the point" and aggressive.  There's really no messing around and it's fairly evident what's happening.  There are exactly 14 different attackers in this form....and in case you can't tell, I win.  

At our last IHC class I demoed sections 1-3.  I have since added section 4 and now know the form in it's entirety.  Timing myself, it takes about 2:10.  So it's also quite a long form.....although it doesn't feel that long when I'm doing it.  But now that I have the steps down, I can really start fine-tuning and making it my own.  So far I've attempted to incorporate some of our basic stances and am trying to make the movements flow a bit more from one to the other, without compromising too much of the original form itself.

My biggest challenge will be finding a balance between honoring the Goju-Shorei form, while staying true to my own style, and my own spirit.

Acts of Kindness

The discussion on Acts of Kindness from our recent IHC meeting has stuck with me.  I found this requirement difficult to track as well, at first.  But I began asking myself some questions to determine whether what I was doing was standard....or extra....and it’s made it much easier.  

Question 1.  Is this something I HAVE to do?...meaning is this a basic responsibility as a mother, wife, employee, friend, human being, etc.  When I say basic, I mean would the "average" person do this on a regular basis?

Question 2.  Did I somehow ADD something to a basic responsibility to make it special?

So some examples...

Do I have to plough my driveway?...yes

Do I have to plough the neighbours driveway?...no = AOK

Do I have to do Dan's laundry?...no = AOK

Do I have to do the kids' laundry?...yes

Do I have to make sure Nathan's favourite t-shirt gets washed 3 times a week?...no = AOK

Do I have to feed my family?...yes

Do I have to make the kids' favourite meal?...no = AOK

Do I have to say thankyou to my grocery clerk?....I consider this a yes because I believe that this is a basic expectation of the average person.

Do I have to engage in pleasant conversation with my grocery clerk?...no = AOK

Do I have to clean up my mess in the lunchroom at work?...yes

Do I have to clean up my co-workers mess as well?...no = AOK

As said in the meeting by many of you, not only are Acts of Kindness specific, stand-alone acts, but they can also be regular day-to-day occurrences that you make just a little bit better...whether it be for your family, friends, co-workers, pets, or any living thing for that matter.  And the hope is that these small acts will inspire others and kindness will spread.

Not everyone goes beyond the basic expectations...beyond the average....which leads us, yet again, back to Mastery.

There Is A Cloud In Your Tea

There was a serious incident at Dan's shop yesterday.  Two co-workers, two friends, were badly injured.  One is currently in the hospital in stable condition.  We received word this morning that the other did not make it.

All I can think about is that it could have been Dan and that I'm so thankful it wasn't.  What a terrible selfish thought.  Yet it's there.

Life is so uncertain.  From moment to moment anything can happen.  You can be joking and laughing with someone and a moment later they're gone.

I truly believe we are all connected....and I truly believe that we don't just become nothing when we die....but instead we just become something different.

But there is still a great feeling of loss.  And it's hard in times like this to stay grounded.  But it is a reminder to live in the present moment as much as we can.  It's really the only moment we have for certain.  We need to make it count.

"...when you look up at the blue sky you don’t see your cloud anymore. And you might say ‘Oh, my cloud has died’. In fact it hasn’t died....A cloud can never die. A cloud cannot become nothing. A cloud can become the snow, the rain, the ice...it can become my tea...but a cloud can never die..." - Thich Nhat Hanh