My Initial Discoveries With Breathing - From July 21, 2020

The following is some correspondence I had with Sifu Cosgrove regarding some of my initial discoveries with the breathing exercises I have been doing under her guidance. I wanted to both record this and share it with anyone interested, so decided to include it as a blog entry.

My Initial Discoveries:

"Hello Sifu! So this is what I have learned thus far with my breathing. And just so we're on the same page, this is when I'm doing the 3 minute (quiet and still) breathing exercise. So in the past I've focused on breathing through my nose. When doing that, you can literally feel the air going in and it tended to only fill my chest. If you recall I was initially struggling to breathe in for the 5 seconds!! I happened upon this "different" breath intake and it's been a game changer. And I can now reproduce it at will. Initially it was hit or miss. As I said, it doesn't truly feel as though I'm breathing in through my nose. I know I am because my mouth is closed, but I can't really feel the air in my nasal passage as when you typically breathe in through the nose. When I pay close attention, it actually feels as though I'm breathing in directly through my chest. Right in the middle. It feels as though the air fills my belly first and then continues to fill from the bottom up all the way to the top of my chest. I can also easily breathe in for about 7-8 seconds. When breathing out it seems as though its the opposite, where I release the air from my chest to my belly. Another thing I've noticed is that even once all the air has been released, I don't feel any sort of immediate pressure to inhale again. It almost feels as though I could stay in that state for a long time. I have not tested that and obviously I'd need to inhale eventually...lol. It's almost like the inhale and the exhale are flowing together so perfectly that it's all one and the same. Does that make any sense?"

Sifu Cosgrove's response:

"I believe you described through direct experience the anatomy of breathing. Look it up...you described how the muscles work in respiration! And...YOU experienced this. One cool thing about not feeling pressure to breathe in again, is that you are now breathing deeper, therefore using your respiratory system more fully...which will gift you the longevity in your martial arts practice.
And...
Feeling as if your chest is breathing rather than your nose could be an indication that there has been some stagnation or congestion release, creating a greater path for the respiration, and giving your lungs and heart optimal power. Now...this breath depth would be something to apply to Awakening the Dragon."

I didn't quite realize how important breathing was until I made these discoveries. Prior to that breathing was just breathing. My body knows how and just does it....right? Wrong. There are some really cool things about breathe and how it works and what it can really provide. I'm excited to keep learning about this.

Back To “Normal”

School starts next week.  The plan is that I will also return to work at the office at this same time.  I’m getting a bit panicked about how I am going to be able to keep doing the things I’ve been doing once this happens.

I’ve been lucky to have been able to work from home during the pandemic.  My days have started at 7:00 am with Kung Fu, then at my desk working by 8:30.  The kids don’t need to go anywhere so they’ve had many “PJ” days.  As have I!  I’ve also had the luxury of being able to book 1-on-1’s at my leisure since I can simply get up from my desk and walk downstairs to meet with one of the Sifus for 10 minutes.

Things will be much different moving forward. In order to get the kids fed, ready and on the bus, get myself ready and incorporate my typical Kung Fu training regime, I will have to be up by 4:30 am. This is being very conservative with the time I will need.  I don’t know how I’m going to do that.  And I know me.  I know what works and what doesn’t.  I need to do my training in the morning.  It’s just how I’m wired.  Whenever I tell myself I’ll do it later, it just doesn’t happen.  Can I maintain a 4:30 am wake up call??  I don't know.  And on top of that challenge, my options for 1-on-1's will be very limited moving forward.

At this point I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do and how this is all going to pan out.  I really don’t want things to fall off the rails but, so far, I can't seem to formulate a feasible plan.

2 Steps Back

Yes...I'm going to talk about my journey with the side heel kick again.  I apologize to anyone that's getting tired of hearing about it.  I am starting to realize this goal is going to be more long-term than not so I'm sure this won't be the last of it.  Lol.

I decided that I had taken my progress as far as I could on my own (for now) and it was time to re-evaluate and get some direct feedback from a Sifu.  (Side note to everyone......use your 1-on-1's!!!!  I will often get just as much from a 10 minute 1-on-1 as I do from a full class because it's specific just to me.)  My Sifu pointed out some specific things with my mechanics and gave me some great feedback so I can take this kick to the next level.  Turns out I've been "cheating" somewhat and haven't really been driving the kick from my hip like I should be.  So I need to take a few steps back again in order to make this correction. 

But I have to admit....I started to feel a bit frustrated this morning in my training.  I felt as though I was starting all over once again.   No balance....flailing...stumbling....*sigh*.  I touched on this issue in a previous blog where I talked about how hard it can be to see and acknowledge our own progress when we are constantly fixing things.  I felt myself feeling a bit discouraged once again.

HOWEVER....I quickly checked myself.  I know I've been working hard.  I know I've made progress.  So I told myself I needed to think about this in a more positive way.  

Firstly, I thought that perhaps I should be encouraged when a Sifu points out more things for me to work on.  If they didn't think I was ready to advance, they'd likely just let me continue on at my current level.

Secondly, how can I be "taking steps back" when I had reached out for feedback specifically to "move forward"? 

It then clicked that this is exactly what Sifu Brinker was getting at regarding the Black Belt Success Cycle. 

1. Set a goal
2. Have a plan (and a success coach)
3. Take consistent action
4. Review your progress
5. Review your goal

Having to take some steps back is just part of the process.  Meaning sometimes taking 2 steps back is actually moving forward.

Just Jump Already

There are big fears and little fears.  Big fears can be debilitating.  Little fears are mostly annoying, but can often pile up and really cause trouble.

I have had a plyometrics box for about 2 years now.  Actually, I'm lying....we're coming up on 3 this Christmas.  😬

The main reason I got it was because I wanted to start doing box jump exercises.  Don't ask me why I decided this was something I needed to do.  I wanted to jump high I guess.  But almost 3 years later, I have yet to even attempt ONE jump.  Every time I stand in front of that box, I just can't bring myself to jump.  The low side is only 16” yet seems like 4 feet.  I envision catching my toes and falling really hard......or having the box fly out from under me.  I have literally never attempted to do it.  Not once.  It now sits in the corner and acts as a table for my water bottle.  It's silly...I know.  Almost 3 years I've been trying to work up the courage....it's becoming somewhat comical.....and more than a little bit embarrassing.

I really need to do this.  I don't want little things like this holding me back.  If I can't even get over the little fears, how do I expect to ever conquer the big ones?

Energy

I've been making some discoveries about energy.  I'll call it energy, although it could be something completely different as it's somewhat new to me.  

Recent discussion regarding the explosive energy you leave behind after a strike (Fajin) was what actually inspired me to take notice and pay attention.  Specifically we talked about the energy left behind after a front thrust kick....as well as the example Sifu Brinker gave of Master McNeill forcing him back after pulling his fist away from his chest.  It was the energy left behind that actually caused the force rather than a physical blow.

I've really been trying to open my mind to the idea of energy being all around us.  Let me rephrase...there is obviously energy all around us....and within us.  What I'm opening my mind to is that this energy can actually be manipulated.  

I've never shared this story, but it has reminded me of something I used to do with my kids when they were little.  If they were sick, and couldn't be comforted, I would hold my hand hovering over where I believed the discomfort was located.  I would then envision that I was actually pulling the "bad energy" (aches, pains, sickness, etc) out of them and into my hand.  Call me crazy, but my hand would start to feel hot and tingly and I'd have to give it a good shake afterwards.  Even crazier, I honestly felt it worked because they typically calmed down and were able to rest.  I believe this might be similar to the concept of Reiki....although I did not know this at the time.  It always sort of reminded me of John Coffey from "The Green Mile" if anyone is familiar with that story.  

I've encountered this same type of thing in my training as well.  While working on my breathing exercises, when everything seems to be just right, I've felt as though I can actually breathe in good energy and breathe out the bad.  If I'm doing "Awakening the Dragon" it can even feel as though I'm moving this energy around with my hands as well.  Tai Chi has also been an instance where I've felt this, especially with the hand movements...most specifically with Grinding Corn.  It feels like I can actually move and shift the air around and that it's much thicker than just air.  This is probably why I tend to think it's something more.  Catching and throwing the "ball" in Lao Gar 3 is another instance where I've experienced this feeling.

Something else I've noticed is that this energy has different effects depending on the situation...or maybe it's more about how its being used.  With my kids it brought comfort.  With breathing it brings revitalization.  In Tai Chi it tends to be calming.  And in Lao Gar it feels powerful.

Perhaps it's not what I think it is...or perhaps its my imagination.  But maybe I've stumbled upon something more.  Either way, I will continue to keep my mind open to the possibility.

Fight or Flight...Is There Another Option?

I'm not sure how Kung Fu related this is.  But, in the moment, I did find myself thinking about how I should react in a way befitting a student of SRKF so I think it might be valid when dealing with de-escalating situations, reading people, egos, confidence, etc.

I had an argument with a friend recently.

The basis of the argument was that I advocated for my children over a safety concern regarding busing.  Me advocating for my children would possibly mean changes for hers.  I acknowledged that from the start and knew it would be a point of contention.  But I decided to reach out to her to let her know that I was looking into a change because of my concerns.  I didn't want her to be blindsided later and feel as if I tried to sneak behind her back.

Her reaction was extreme, to say the least.  She was not open to a discussion.

I recognized immediately that no good would come from arguing with her.  Long story short, I was able to dissolve the situation by letting her know that my intention was not to start a feud, and that my goal would be to sort this out without her being affected.

We chatted a bit more about "happier" topics....said our sorrys for the argument as a whole, and carried on.

The very next day I no longer felt good about how it ended.  I would describe the feeling as regret.  Although I did not concede my overall opinion on the matter....I felt regret about not defending my stance more.  She came at me with points which I could have disputed or proven false.  But as I said, at the time, I did not think arguing would help anything.  So instead of defending myself more, I found myself taking a very soft approach.  Listening more than talking.  I chose not to point my finger back in an attempt to "prove her wrong".  Initially I felt good about this approach.  But now I feel like I just rolled over and let her have her way...or at least I think that's how SHE saw the outcome.

I don't know why this bothers me so much.  Why do I care if she thinks she "won"?  Or is this more about me feeling like I "lost"?  Is this my ego needing checking?  Is this a confidence issue?  I haven't quite figured it out yet.  But I do know I'd like to know how to handle these types of interactions better so I don't come out the other end feeling beaten down.

Go For It

I typically need to break things down before I can really understand something.  It allows me to see, step by step, what is needed for the whole.  When I break something down into its components, I can also often pinpoint what areas need the most work.  Typically this works really well for me.

But on occasion, I find myself unable to put everything back together.  I'm so obsessed with doing each little step just right that I end up psyching myself out.  So much so that I'll "stall out" right in the middle...almost like I'm SO scared of doing it wrong I just stop.  That's when I know it's time to let go of the specifics and stop analyzing every move.

Don't be scared to fail...don't be scared to look stupid....don't be scared to fall on your butt...just go for it.  Worry about the fine-tuning later.

Can You Spot The Difference?

Progress can sometimes be difficult to see in ourselves.  

Because we are always striving for mastery as the ultimate end goal, we can often overlook the small achievements we are making along the way because they seem insignificant.

When I first started Kung Fu I was quickly introduced to the front thrust kick.  I was off balance, unstable, not very strong, etc, etc.  I wasn't bringing my knee very high, kicking up instead of out, my foot form wasn't correct, and so on.  Essentially, everything needed improvement.  At the beginning, I mostly focused on maintaining my stability.  I kept my knee and kick low enough so that they didn't impede this focus.  Once my balance improved, I naturally aimed at bringing my knee higher into the crane, which meant I became off balance again for a while until I adjusted to that new height.  Once I adjusted, I again made further improvements, throwing other things out of whack that I thought I had fixed....and it became a constant cycle.  Because I was constantly fixing, adjusting, re-adjusting....in my mind, it seemed that I wasn't improving.

In relation to all of this, I reached out to Sifu Cosgrove to help me with my flexibility.  Prior to developing a routine for me, she asked that I take a short video of several techniques so she could evaluate my current level.  These included crane stance, side heel, front thrust, some flexibility stretches, etc.  Four months later, she asked that I make a follow-up video to see my progress.  After watching this second video I found myself very disappointed.  It didn't seem as though I made any progress at all.  I didn't see any decent kicks, and so ultimately I was very disappointed, especially since I had been very diligent with my training.  After some thought (aka...a small pity party), I decided to look back at the original video, from 4 months previous, and compare it more closely to the second.  I was surprised to see there were actually many big differences.  When holding a crane stance, my knee was MUCH higher than the first time.  This improvement also transferred to my front thrust kick.  Overall I appeared much more stable and in control.  I was starting to come back into a proper bow stance more consistently.  My flexibility in the stretches had also improved.  I quickly realized that only looking at the current video served no purpose if not compared in context with the last.  Evaluating your ability today, isn't quite accurate without referencing where you were yesterday.

It has been another month since that last video.  And coincidentally, I have been working on my side heel during this time.  Due to Sifu Cosgrove's video, I have an excellent point of reference.  So I decided to take yet another video to see if I've made any progress specifically with this kick.  I've included two "still" frames below.  These are both at the peak of my kick.  When I was throwing these kicks today, I still recognized many things that need plenty of work, and I didn't feel (in the moment) as though I had accomplished anything great and wonderful......but once I compared the two, I was thrilled with how my hard work has paid off thus far.  Going forward, I have decided to make regular videos so I can truly track my progress accurately and use all success, big or small, as motivation.

 

   July 8, 2020             Aug 4, 2020

I guess my main point is that because we are constantly striving to be better and continuously challenging our current skill level, it may not feel as though we've made much progress.  In order to recognize your accomplishments, you need to remember where you started and ensure you are being fair in your self assessments.  Don't overlook the small victories along the way....they are vital to reaching your end goal.

Falling Behind

Every so often I start to feel overwhelmed with the shear amount of information coming at me.  Just when I think I've started to figure things out and get a handle on my training, we are introduced to new techniques, forms, applications, ideas, etc.  I feel that if it's being discussed in class, then it's something I should be working on. But I just can't fit it all in.  I'll be focused on and dedicated to practicing a few specific things that I have deemed important....and then suddenly realize that I haven't thrown a roundhouse or picked up my stick in 3 weeks.

For me, this is the biggest challenge that I have found so far with managing my own training.  It's difficult to sort out what's important now and what can wait.  And I'm constantly second guessing my choices.  I often wonder what everyone else is working on and what their training regime looks like.  Am I doing enough?  Am I working on the right things?  Or am I falling behind?