Nothing Much

 Just a quick numbers update. 

Fun First

I've recently taken a different approach to the kids class warmups.  I was noticing (as were some other instructors) that with a basic warmup, the kids were bored and disengaged before the class actually began.  And when someone is starting off that way, it's near impossible to pull their attention back and try to teach them anything.

So over the last while, the warmups have been a key part of the class, rather than just a necessary evil.  They've been very game and fun driven.  A means for the kids to burn off some of that energy from the day.  A chance to laugh and squeal.  Interact as a group.

And with a free and happy mind, they are much more open and receptive to listening and learning.  In fact, they seem excited to do so and I'm getting so much more out of them.

I started to wonder if I could apply to to my own training.  

There are days where I feel like my approach is all business.  A narrowed focus on just getting stuff done.  Or maybe I've been feeling like theres been no progress, so I just dive straight into the work.

And maybe that's a poor approach.  Maybe if I took a few minutes before I started, to just play around and have some fun, it would set me up for a much more successful training session overall.

Requirement Update - Part 1

A quick overview and update on my requirements.

What I am working on.....specifically.

Spear

My Spear work has been tricky over the last couple weeks (shoulder injury).  So I'm trying to focus on some things that don't really require my shoulder.  Funny thing is that almost everything utilizes everything (darn 6 harmonies)...so even that has proven difficult.  But I'm doing what I can and I'm still finding value in all of it.

1. Inside cyclone/spinning-flying outside/inside cyclone kick - this is improving.  So many moving parts.  I've been offered lots of different feedback from lots of different people and it's been interesting how different the perspectives are.  I'm trying to piece the different things together that seem to click for me personally in my own brain and go from there.  Something that makes me grin is that not one person (except maybe in my own brain) has even hinted that age might hold me back with this.  Or maybe they have and are just being kind.  In any event, they certainly aren't letting their instruction or feedback be limited by it and the expectation from my teachers is that, with practice, I will get there.  Period.  I'm not sure how many other 45 year olds in the world are trying to learn this kick.  Maybe there's a Facebook support group I can join.  🤣
2. Expansion/Contraction - there are lots of areas in this form with obvious points of expansion and contraction.  As I establish the obvious ones, some of the more subtle ones are becoming visible as well.  This concept is really starting to open up, not only in Spear, but my other forms as well.
3. Phrasing - I've found a couple spots that I'm working on with both timing and speed that will be a little different than how I've been doing it so far.  I think it will add both visual interest and an opportunity to "rejuvenate my flow of energy" within the form. (It took me a while to write that last little bit...I was having a hard time figuring out how to verbalize what I was trying to achieve.  Hopefully it makes sense.  lol.)
4. Mental reps - with all the driving time I've had (20 hours taking my kids to grandmas and picking them up again) I've done a lot of mental visualizing with my form.  I discovered the value of this after my foot surgery and have continued to practice this in times where I cannot physically train (the dentist is a great place too, lol).  I have a few things I'm going to try out once my shoulder is behaving again.
• Helicopter - timing of hand and end of spin, gaze, pause
• Jump - timing and incorporation of upper body/spear
• Hand flip before flipping my bad guy, staying low
• Standing up after impale - this might sound dumb, but I feel like I can stand up with more intent here.
5. Fight Scene - again, during all the driving time, I went through my form mentally and actually played out a fight scene.  I got very specific with where the opponents are, when I finished them off, when the same one came at me again, etc, etc.  I found some spots where I got extra specific, which was interesting.  For example, in a particular spot, I would consider the "move" to be a check...but when I was considering all the opponents, I also thought to myself..."this isn't JUST a check, it's an opportunity to intimidate and cause someone to hesitate and question their next move".  This will require more intensity.  And I got to thinking about not only the obvious intensity in my eyes, but in the energy that I may (or may not be) emitting in that moment.  Again, not sure if that makes sense but it's a concept I'm going to explore.  I also found a spot where, although it could (more obviously) be a technique/block....I also noticed that what I was doing seemed exactly like if I were wiping the blood off my spear from the last strike 😲...and that intent provides a completely different sort of intensity/energy to that particular moment.

Honestly, I had intended to provide updates on all of my requirements in this blog, but I got way more into what I'm doing with my Spear than I intended.  To be honest, I went into this thinking that I wasn't really working on much recently (trying to avoid making my shoulder worse) and was pleasantly surprised to see that I've actually been doing quite a bit.  

Anyways, I will end this blog and call it "Part 1".  So more to come on my other requirements!

Injuries and Connections

I've been dealing with a few injuries over the last bit.

Firstly my hand/wrist.  As some might recall I accidentally turned my spear into a hoe one day, hyper extending a part of my hand in the process.  I've been to the doctor and had an X-ray.  No cracks or breaks or anything.  So that's good news.  But it is extremely painful to grasp anything with weight or to squeeze.  And I'm told something like this will take a while to heal, especially with everything I do with my hands.  I've been previously diagnosed with carpel tunnel as well, so I'm not sure if that's contributing to things as well.

Anyhow, moving on.  With doing some drumming recently, both in practice and demos, the hand pain seemed to move into my elbow.  So now that is bothering me.  I think with not being able to really hold my sticks normally, due to the hand, I compensated in some way and put some stress on the elbow.  This is more just irksome at this point, rather than anything concerning.

And then, I'm guessing in part, due to the pushup building challenge we do in the kids classes, I've re-injured my shoulder.  This exact same thing happens any time I get to about 20 consecutive pushups.  It never fails that I end up damaging my right shoulder.  And unfortunately, I never seem to learn.  But when I want to push my students with something, I have an expectation of myself that I do it with them.  This just may not be possible in all things.  And it kinda sucks.  But it's also a reality.

And finally, while working on Da Mu Hsing, I tweeked my neck real good.  Again, I think this was a result of the other injuries, and not because of what I was doing.  Almost like a ticking time bomb.  I've had this type of injury before, but this time around it seems to be taking some time to heal.  I've got much better movement this week, but it's still sort of "sitting there" and so I'm trying not to overdo it.

So from a hand injury, to an elbow injury, to a shoulder injury, to a neck injury....I'm pretty lame on my right side.

So what am I doing about it??  

Well, I've been to the chiropractor now a few times since the neck tweek really put me over the edge edge with it all.  And I'm doing my exercises and stretches.  So everything is slowly working itself out.  Sometimes I feel like things have really improved, and then she seems to find these spots where everything is still really tight and painful.  There's a spot she was working on yesterday on my chest.  I wouldn't have really thought about a spot there being connected to the back/neck pain, nor my shoulder.  She also pointed out that she can tell that I tend to breathe quite high, rather than in my belly.  So now, as part of my rehab, I need to work on my breathing.  

I guess what I'm getting at with this long winded blog, is that, although I already know and understand how many things are connected, I just keep learning more.  And it's just so interesting.

Oh...and also to take care of injuries quickly...even those little ones....lest they turn into something more.  I'm excited to have a better understanding of the KT tape now (thanks Todai Bauer) as this will be a real easy way for me to address anything minor quickly and without excuse.

Step Away

The situation with my father has not improved.

I stepped back from everything about a month ago when he turned down, yet another suitable housing option.  Every option seems to have something not quite right with it, as far as he's concerned.  Realistically, he's grasping at anything he can to use as an excuse not to leave where he is...even though he's being asked to go, and will eventually just be kicked out.  

And I couldn't do it anymore.  I had to step away.

But recently, I have found out that he has found an apartment.  Great, right?  Unfortunately, no.

This place checks off absolutely none of his needs.  It boggles my mind that THIS is the one he's going with.  And what's worse is that it is in the absolute worst part of the city.  The highest rates of crime, homelessness, addiction, etc.  It's almost as if he wants to isolate himself from his family altogether.  I've told him I wouldn't feel safe bringing the kids to this area of town and that I'd be hesitant to go there myself.  But that doesn't seem to bother him.

I tell myself I have to be okay with his choices, but I'm not.  And I'm really not sure where this is all going to lead.  He's my dad, and so I feel an obligation as his family to try and stay connected and to help if I can.  But to be very honest, I also feel like he's not even a person I want to be around or be associated with.  And I feel a tremendous amount of guilt thinking these things.  I have to constantly remind myself to practice empathy, kindness and gratitude.  And without that, I would likely have severed ties long ago.

Having said that, and on probably the only positive note in any of this, my sister and I have talked and connected more over the last 3 months than we have in the last 5 years.  It started just about our dad, but has since grown into more.  And for that I am grateful.

Even If I Tried

 "Try surrounding yourself with friends who ask more of you than you do." - Mastery by Stewart Emery

I made it public knowledge at a meeting a couple months back that I needed help with my inside cyclone-spinning/flying/inside/outside cyclone kick in my Spear form.  I'm not much of a "flier", and my tendency is to want to stay close to the ground.

Since then I've been working with Sihing Ward on some strategies to improve it.  

But I've also had several other people reach out to see how it's been going and to offer their own personal experience and struggles, in hopes that it might help me with mine.

For example, Thursday's non-mandatory IHC open training class found me, and 3 other black belts, working on this kick for almost the entire hour.

This isn't something anyone NEEDS to do.  There's no obligation here.  And often-times they are spending precious training time of their own, to help ME improve.

Being a part of this team, I sometimes feel like I couldn't fail even if I tried.  Lol.

15:39

Our coffee time yesterday included a lot of talk about running.  I have never been much of a runner, but I've always been intrigued and a little envious of those that do.  

In September of 2021, at one of our boot camps, we did the Black Belt 2km run.  I clocked in at 17:20.  I was actually really proud of myself that day, because, although the time wasn't awesome, I did not stop and walk at any point.  I pushed myself to keep running, even if it was only at a snails pace.  This led me to including a personal requirement for the next IHC year (2022) to achieve a 2km run in under 15 minutes (yesterday I had mentioned 12 minutes, but I looked back in my blogs and see now that I was mistaken).  Based on my old blogs, I see that I succeeded in that goal and had achieved a personal "best" of 12:11 by the end of the Year of the Tiger.

Then, in June of 2023, I had my foot surgery.  Which obviously kiboshed running for a time.  But in our chat yesterday, when saying it out loud, I realized that, 1) I haven't run since that time, and 2) that has now been 2 years ago.  This nagged at me afterwards because some of the words and phrases that came out while I was talking were like nails on a chalkboard.  

"I should really start running again..."

"I'll get back at it at some point..."

Once coffee time ended, these little phrases jut repeated over and over in my head.  I hated the way they sounded and I thought to myself, "So when?  What's wrong with now?".

So I put on my runners and I went for my first run in over 2 years.

Not only am I proud of myself for finally doing it.  But it wasn't near as terrible as I thought it would be.  Once again, I didn't let myself stop and I ran the whole distance....because I knew I could...and my time wasn't as bad as I imagined either (stats in the pic attached).  

Once I was back, stretching on the grass....I just felt really, really good.

So I challenge the rest of the team.  If there is something within your goals that you keep putting off for this or that....ask yourself "What's wrong with today?  What's wrong with now?"

 It really does feel good.

Coffee Time

Many of you will know about the Sunday morning coffees that we started several weeks back. If you haven't logged in yet, I would really recommend that you do.  This has been a really great way to get to know members of the team on a more personal level.  And when you start to know people beyond just one common thread, that's when you can really make connections and really get engaged.  At least that's what I have found.

I think sometimes, many of us are apprehensive to include too much personal info in our blogs, thinking that it doesn't really apply.  We might even struggle to blog, because we think, "what I've been doing isn't really about Kung Fu" or "nobody cares that I've been working on [this or that] because it's not about my requirements" and so then we don't blog at all.  

These "coffee times" have given us a way to chat without overthinking.  Without any censoring.  We don't try to predetermine if it's relevant.  We don't worry about whether it relates.  We just share.  We listen.  We learn.

And through these chats, what I'm learning is that it really is all relevant.  When you are making an effort to live a life of mastery, like we all are...it applies to all areas...not just our training...and not just in the Kwoon.  We are using these fundamentals and utilizing them in everything we do. 

And if we aren't...if we are only applying our efforts in mastery to our Kung Fu, and only our Kung Fu, and everything else is just in a state of chaos and disrepair....then I think we're probably doing it wrong.

Tournament Sparring....The Results

Tiger Challenge 2025 is now past.  And as many of you know, I had been waffling about entering the sparring event. The little push from the team was quite helpful...so thank-you.  But ultimately, there were two main reasons why I ended up "ripping off the bandaid" so to speak.  

One.  For weeks, I had been encouraging and pushing all of my students to set aside their apprehension or nervousness, and to just enter.  How could I, logically, not heed that same advice and set a good example?

Two.  As a Brown Belt I am much more aware of my proximity to grading.  And I suddenly had this terrible, panic inducing thought of my first tournament sparring experience being in the Black Belt division.  Ummm...nope.  If I didn't take the plunge now, I probably never would.

And so I entered.  Not only was it a great experience, but there was quite a bit of fun and a lot of laughs to be had.  As a female opposing two larger males, I definitely had the crowd on my side as the "underdog".  So that was fun....for me that is.  Lol.  Also, partways through my match with Todai Raw, I lost a contact.  I've been wearing contacts since I was about 12....and I have never had one pop out.  But suddenly, at point call, I realized that I couldn't see out of one eye.  Lo and behold, we found it almost crushed under Sifu Rybak's foot.  And so I picked it up, put it on the table, and carried on with the match.  On top of all that, and in typical ironic fashion, I ended up having to fight 3 matches consecutively.  Of course that would happen that way.  Lol.  

But all in all it was actually quite fun.  I came out with a bunch of bruises, a swollen ankle, a few good stories and the knowledge that these things really aren't as scary as we make them out to be.

Mash-Up

So on one hand I am excited to be incorporating some new and important details to my spear form.  I feel like I'm really taking it to the next level.  

On the other hand, I wasn't really thinking about the timing.  

I mean, who breaks their form 72 hours before the Tiger Challenge??

oo!!...oo!!....I do!!!!  ✋✋

As I've been working on these changes, I realized I couldn't really get through a rep anymore in one piece, because my mind was stalling out in different spots trying to think about was I was doing versus what I want to be doing.  And so earlier today I thought, okay...let's just put these changes aside and I'll just do it how I was before, just for the tournament.

Nope.  Doesn't work that way.  Once you put something in that you know is "more right" and "more better"...it's not that easy anymore to go backwards.  

And so I'm in a bit of a "mash-up" phase at the moment.  Little of the new...little of the old...not fully to one side or the other.

Having said all that....would I go back in time and put this progress on hold for the sake of the tournament.  No.  I would not.  I kind of feel like this week has been really advantageous for my form as a whole with some really important steps taken to get it super solid for the Chinese New Year.  But for tomorrow....yeah...it's anyones guess.

But I think I'm at peace with that.  

On another note...I had my doctors appointment for my hand today.  He's fairly certain it's a ligament injury and not something like a break.  He's still sending me for an x-ray though, to make certain.  But he advised me to rest it and not do anything like hitting walls (he intended this as a joke) or the activity that caused the damage in the first place (which would be spear/Kung Fu).  I told him that I will be using my spear, sparring and breaking wooden boards tomorrow.  I think he thought I was joking at first...but then just had an odd look of "wtf" on his face when he realized I was serious.  I also think he knew that it was non-negotiable because he didn't proceed to fight me on it.  So I'm taking his lack of "insistence" as being medically cleared.  😉😜

Tournament Sparring

I have been trying to convince myself to enter the sparring event at the Tiger Challenge for several weeks now.  The thought alone makes me start to panic.

Although I'm starting to feel a little more comfortable in class, the main reason for that is because it's so controlled.  Even when we free-spar, the lower ranking, or less comfortable student, sets the pace.  So there's always that safety net.

A tournament setting, I think, is a whole different dynamic.  At least I'm assuming it is.  I wouldn't expect anyone to hold back because of MY anxiety.  In fact, I'd WANT them to really be able to showcase their skill.  And it's nerve-wracking to think of being just completely obliterated in that setting.  I would have no expectation of winning.  But I would like to at least be a bit of a challenge for someone.

In addition, I also look where I am in my training, and I'm a little embarrassed that sparring is an event that I've never entered.  As a Brown Belt, this sort of feels a little "unacceptable" to me.  And this also adds to the anxiety.

And yes...I realize much of this is ego.  Ugh...

Anyhow, I want to be clear in my intent of this blog and say that I'm not looking for "tire-pumping".  But rather, if anyone has some words of wisdom that could get me out of my head (and into a ring)...lay 'em on me.

I Don't Get It

I injured my hand a while back.  Remember when I turned my spear into a hoe?  Yup, that's when it happened.  When my spear caught, it ended up causing my thumb to jam pretty badly (actually more than just the thumb...but that big meaty part that goes with it).  Ever since then, I haven't been able to grasp anything without some pretty decent pain.  I had hoped it would resolve itself, but here we are, a full 2 months later.  

I've been saying the last couple weeks "I need to make an appointment", but for some reason everything else has beat it on my priority list.  And to be honest, I can't figure out why because it's causing problems in other areas; pottery, ukulele and gardening.  Simple things like squeezing the shampoo and mustard bottles are out of the question as well.  I've been squishing these against other surfaces to get by.

It sounds comical as I describe the struggles, but seriously?...why do we put these things off?  If it were someone else...the kids, dan...I would have made an appointment long ago.

So why, when it come to our own health, do we procrastinate?

Ugh

 I continue to struggle with blogging and I just can't figure it out.  Thoughts, writing, all of it, used to just come so naturally.  And although I've managed to keep doing it, my blogs are just so "meh".

Typically, we say that when we have nothing to blog about, it will usually mean that we aren't training.  But that's really not the case.  I'm working on a lot of different things.  Making progress (I think and hope!!...lol).  Discovering things and finding "ah-ah" moments and staying engaged.  

Yet I continue to struggle to put it on paper in a meaningful way.

And it's gone from being worrisome, to frustrating and now just annoying.

I've tried to tell myself to just not worry about it.  Just write.  And that eventually it will all come back around.  But it hasn't.

Ugh.