The Sparks

As I get closer to grading day, I've still got several things that need to be solidified and tightened up. Applications, personal demo, and of course, always forms work to be done.

I'm trying to make sure things don't (or haven't already) fallen off the rails, while also trying not to suddenly veer off in a completely different direction.

I think what I've been doing for the past seven years has served me well to this point. And so suddenly questioning everything I don't know, or trying to "cram" everything I might have missed, would probably do more harm than good.

Having said that, I do find myself wondering, "Will we be required to do this? Or that?" And sometimes these are things I haven't thought about in a long while. But truthfully, this has always been my way. Something will spark in my mind....and I tend to follow it.

I'm not really worried about these things in terms of suddenly feeling like I NEED to have them mastered. The amount of content we learn is vast, and I honestly think it would be impossible for anyone to be able to recall all of it, all the time. But revisiting some of these things is actually adding a bit of excitement to grading day itself, and also to my training.

These little sparks have always been an important part of how I learn. They tend to come up during times of frustration or stagnation. Often when I've been so hyper focused on something that it's starting to become tedious. And then something catches my interest, and off I go.

I've come to realize that these little detours aren't necessarily distractions. They give me a boost in motivation and engagement. A bit of a respite, so to speak. A chance to reset and refresh both my mind and body. And when I return to whatever I was originally working on, I often see it in a fresh light again.

In a way, I think these sparks are what have always helped me tie everything together.

So someone might look at what I'm doing and think, "Why is she focusing on THAT when she has all these other, more important things to be working on?"

Well....because this has always been my way.  And it's part of how I've gotten to where I am.

I think what I'm starting to realize is that I need to trust that. Trust the process that's brought me this far. And maybe, more importantly, trust myself a little more. Of course I want to be prepared for grading. I want to do well, and I want to demonstrate that I've earned my black belt. And there are definitely some priorities that need my attention between now and then.

But I don't think I need to suddenly become a different kind of student to get there.