A Revisit to My Achilles Heel

We talked about this quite a bit in class tonight, but I need to recap and also add some of my more personal thoughts...frustrating as they might be.

So I looked back, and I have no less than 45 blogs (since I started blogging in July of 2020) that are about the side heel.  Most are about my struggle with this kick.  The odd one is about how I think I might have figured something out.  But then it typically reverts back to a struggle.  In any event, the side heel has, historically, been a big challenge within my kung fu. In fact, the very second blog I ever wrote was titled "My Achilles Heel" and was about...you got it...the side heel.

I still don't feel confident or competent with my side heel.  I think, at most, I have the pieces lined up.  I know what I'm supposed to do.  But I still haven't yet been able to connect it all.  And I think that sounds pretty sad at a brown belt level.  There are times where I think I might be getting close, usually when just throwing them in the air...but then you put a target in front of me, and everything I thought I knew, or had figured out, changes.  Everything is just slightly off.  I can't feel that release of energy....or that nice full extension.  I always feel jammed.  Technique seems to have disappeared.  Just all in all really poor.  

And what's more frustrating, is that my partner, or an instructor, will say..."that one looked good"...or..."that one felt strong (on impact)"....or.."yup that was a good one"....but to me....none of them "feel" that way.  They all feel disconnected....choppy...weak...soft....incomplete.  And because I can't seem to determine which ones are good...I also can't seem to develop a baseline to work with or something to aim for.  And I've been feeling stuck here for quite some time....bascially since that very first blog.