Reverse Psychology

I had the opportunity to work with one of the black belts at the seminar yesterday and it sure gave me a lot of insights.  Methods and techniques that had "been fine" with other partners, suddenly were not ideal.

For instance, in one of the first drills, I wasn't planting my foot solidly for the takedown, and so I wasn't able to trip him like planned.  Against other partners, I found I was able to just hook that foot and trip, not truly establishing that solid connection to the ground, without too much trouble.  But against someone bigger and much more advanced in their grounding, I couldn't.  I HAD to get that foot planted.

As we moved through more drills, I found more things like this where I would often cheat a bit, but couldn't with him.  With him I had to make sure that my technique was pure.  And if I wasn't in a position to make it pure, I needed to figure out how to get there.

This was a reminder to me to make sure I am really practicing as true to technique as I can.  I think I sometimes cut corners, because subconsciously I feel I can...or I hold back because I'm looking out for my partners, but at the detriment of the technique.  In real life, I'm only going to get one chance to make it work...and in order to make that natural, I need to practice it that way.  

It was also interesting how we discovered the odd thing where my shorter stature made the technique more difficult for him.  While we worked on that last drill, where one of us was trying to do the duck/project/grab/takedown and the other was trying to withdraw and push them down, we realized it was harder for him to take me down than me for him.  Because he was so much taller, he had to get so low, that it was near impossible for him to keep his head up...which was one of the key points in that technique.  There just didn't seem to be room!  It was also difficult, once he was ducked so low and all scrunched up, to establish his foot behind mine in order to finish that takedown.  Even if I couldn't push him down, I was able to stay on my feet, buying myself time, and eventually I would find myself in a good position to grab him around the neck or some other way to defend.  The longer it took him, the better it was for me.  Eventually he worked it out...but again...it came down to pure technique and very fast movements.  And even though he worked it out, he still felt that taking someone bigger down in that way was much easier than someone smaller.

After class I spent a lot of time analyzing everything and digging deeper.  One of the biggest light bulbs that went off for me was just in my way of thinking and how I tend to think and analyze things based on how they will or won't work for ME.  Everything from my perspective.

I'm shorter, so I shouldn't do [this] against someone bigger.

I'm bigger, so I shouldn't attempt [that] against someone small.

And I carry forward thinking certain techniques aren't applicable and I push those aside as "non-options".   But it's not just about the things I CAN DO that will work against this particular opponent.  It's also about all the things THEY SHOULDN'T DO against me.  And then of course, and how do I get them to do them and turn it into my advantage?

I'm not saying this is an easy thing to do....but this little shift in thinking feels like it opens up a whole other arsenal of options.

A Good Sore

My upper body is killing me today!  Not injured...just sore from use.  Mostly in my triceps and the muscles that connect my shoulder to chest...I'll call them my "shest" muscles for the purpose of this blog....or perhaps "choulder" works better.  Either way, I'm not sure what we did yesterday at the seminar that would have caused it...maybe lots of break falls?  I suppose it could also be from Friday.  I was doing a lot of work on my double articulation in Spear.  Regardless....yowzers.  

This type of soreness makes me feel good though.  It shows me that I am using my muscles in ways that I probably tend to neglect...and that I was pushing myself beyond the norm.  Which is good.

It's actually been my mind that's been in need of a push...but sometimes the body needs to lead the fray.  

I'm really glad I took advantage of Fall Break in the way that I have.  It was an "active" break that I really needed.

A Good Week

This week has been fairly productive.  I made a commitment to gain traction with my mornings and have been successful so far.  By doing so, I have had more motivation to work on my IHC forms again as well.....and have done quite a bit of work on the others as well.  I challenged myself to some of the leg/hip strengthening drills that I use in the kids classes sometimes....and needless to say, I'm pretty sore.  Lol.  But in a good way.

I've also been plugging away during this "free" week at the Zenplanner system, which we will be integrating soon as the means for students to access information.  There have been a few roadblocks...but I've always been the type that enjoys troubleshooting and solving problems....so that's actually been kinda fun.  

By the end of my days, both my mind and body have felt satisfied, for lack of a better word.  So yeah...it's been a good week.

"I Want To Improve" Isn't An Intent

I've been feeling very un-motivated lately.  Specifically with my forms.  My body, and mind, both feel so tired, weak and just off.

For many months I was feeling really great.  Whenever (for the most part) I did my forms I felt strong and confident.  Then suddenly, while training, I would almost feel like I wouldn't even be able to get through the whole thing...would lose balance....rising out of my centre frequently...feeling too weak to hold proper stances...etc, etc.  The more this happened, the more I dreaded working on my forms.

For a while, I pushed through.  I know, from experience, that often I might not WANT to do something (circuit classes for instance) but once I finish, I feel great.  This wasn't happening here.  I would continuously feel even worse at the end.  Like I made no progress and ended up on the other side with even more issues.  And I have been feeling really deflated.  It has gotten to the point that I'm definitely not working on my forms as I should, because I am trying to avoid that feeling.  And if I'm completely honest, I find myself walking into class hoping we aren't doing form work that day...because I don't want anyone to see the disaster that I'm feeling.  This is not like me.  I love forms.  So this all just feels wrong...and honestly makes me a little sad.

After a recent meeting, it was suggested that I've lost my intent.  When our intent is too general, it's no longer pure...it has no directive.  And when asked, I couldn't place my intent anywhere except just doing my forms to improve them.  But improve what exactly?  I'm not sure.  I almost think that I was in a place where I was feeling pretty good with them, and so in saying "I'm just going to work on making them better as a whole"...that was me ACTUALLY just going into more of a maintenance mode.  Too long in maintenance mode...too long with no intent in my practice...and it all becomes dormant.  I think dormancy can eventually knock my trajectory into a downward direction...still forward maybe....but down....which I think it has.

So my first order of business will be to establish that intent.  

Push-Pull-Pull-Push

I'm going to get this down because I want to have a record of it.

Push-pull-push-push-pull-pull.....

Honestly...I wanted to crawl in a hole that class.  It felt like everyone else was "getting it", and I felt lost.

Now, I need to clarify.  I get the push-pull concept.  I understand that my one is pulling back, while the other is launching out.  I understand how the pull actually makes the outgoing strike more powerful.  And when I think about my punch (such as in that type of drill we were focussed on) I tend to focus on the pull in...and that seems to enhance the punch dramatically.  Rather than just thinking "Me throw out fist.  Me punch". 

Where I got lost was when we were asked to ONLY engage the one hand.  The striking hand.  At least that was my understanding of the question.  And so in that regard, when I isolate it, yeah, I'm pushing.

Right from the start, I had a feeling that this wasn't the "right" answer.  But in an effort to remain true and honest...I just answered how it was in the moment and with my interpretation of the context.

When we were challenged to ONLY pull, I eventually started to feel it in that very last bit of rotation in my wrist/fist.  I could feel that pull in the snap.  But I also questioned that because it also felt like I was pulling back a bit, and not releasing.  So I couldn't understand how that could be "right".  In speaking with Sihing Burke later on, she mentioned that she feels the pull in her elbow more.  And I thought that was interesting and I can understand that and relate it to say, a vertical punch.  But still, I can't wrap my head around "pulling" the strike without pulling the strike.

Anyhow, here I am.  Still not too sure about anything.  I intend to let this marinate solo a bit longer before I seek out any help.  I feel like I'm close to something (exactly what I don't know) so don't want to stray from that quite yet because I think I'll lose it if I do.  It might even be something totally off topic...but still...it feels like something is just waiting around the corner on this one.

To finish this up and touch on the other topic of that class...I'm confident admitting that I'm just not there yet.  I'm also confident that I will get there at some point.

1-on-1 - AI recap - Saturday November 1, 2025

*Remember - the AI summaries are not perfect or exact representations of the conversation.

Malinda successfully resolves a database form issue by using different merge fields for discount amounts, which saves Jeff significant troubleshooting time since he had assumed discounts were previously applied when they actually weren't. During board breaking practice, Malinda executes her ridge hand technique effectively by following Jeff's advice to generate spin and follow through, leading to a detailed discussion about board breaking mechanics where Jeff explains how skeletal alignment and energy transfer affect technique success, emphasizing that circular techniques like ridge hands allow greater power range compared to linear knife hands. Jeff addresses Malinda's recent training frustration by explaining that using "improve" as a general intent is ineffective, recommending she focus specifically on health, meditation, or precise technical aspects rather than trying to improve everything simultaneously, and suggests she film her current forms to compare with older videos for perspective on her actual progress.

Next Steps

Malinda: Continue monitoring the discount merge field functionality closely over the next few uses to ensure it works properly

Malinda: Take a video of current form practice to establish a baseline for comparison

Malinda: Define specific and precise intent when practicing forms instead of general improvement goals

Confidence and Nerves

Prior to walking into class last night, I found myself trying to calm some nerves and settle my mind.  And I've decided to dig a little deeper into that.

There are many people that simply ooze confidence.  And I don't mean ego....but confidence.

And I'm curious about a few things.

Do those people still also feel nervous?  If not...did they once and how did they manage to get rid of nerves altogether?  Or if they do, how have they figured out how to suppress/ignore/embrace that nervousness so that it doesn't negatively impact what they are about to do?

I'm not sure I would want to be entirely devoid of nervousness.  Nerves are a clear indicator that I deeply care about what I am doing...that it's important to me.  So suppressing or ignoring or trying to rid myself of them, doesn't seem like the right approach.  My gut tells me that nerves are an important part of progress and accomplishment.

So then how do you embrace the nerves?  How do you make them an integral and welcome part of the process, rather than something uncomfortable that could potentially derail your efforts?  I know for me, if my nerves get out of hand, they even start to manifest physically.  Shakiness, rapid breathing, increased heart rate, the inability to take a deep breath, jumpiness...etc.  And then there is the mental component...the mind taking over and sabotaging what I am capable of.  

Ultimately, I think where nervousness becomes a bad thing is when my mind is focused on the negative impact of failure.  What if this doesn't go well?  What if I fail?  Will people look at me negatively?  Am I expected to do well and what will others think if I don't?  How do I confess to those around me that I wasn't successful?  Will I get another chance?  What if I just keep failing?

I think what I'm settling on is that I am okay with feeling nervous.  But I want it to be positive nerves rather than negative ones.  What if I succeed!  What opportunities will that bring?  How will this propel me forward in my goals and in my journey forward?  

All of this digging has been helpful and I feel that focussing on the positive outcomes of any event is definitely the better choice.  But even as I wrote, I felt like I was still missing something.  

I realize now that, whether my nerves shift to the negative or positive, they both have a common trait.  All of these thoughts are based on the future.  They are based on the outcome of the event that I am nervous about.  And it's all a bunch of "what ifs".  So "what if" I simply shift my thoughts to the moment, rather than the outcome?

What an amazing opportunity.  I am so grateful for this moment.

Hm, I think this might be it.

Happy Plants

Besides having to care for Emma (wisdom teeth removed on Friday), I spent my weekend reconnecting with my indoor plants.  Although I've come a long way over the last few years, my green thumb had definitely become very mediocre.  As with anything....you can't complain that you aren't making progress if you aren't actually doing anything of substance (and no...I'm not just speaking of plants).  So I finally pulled the trigger on many things that I wanted to start trying.

The majority of my plants have now been transferred to clear nursery pots with a more suitable soil mix.  This should help me dramatically with determining watering needs as well as root and general overall plant health.  I have so many different plants with varying needs that I was mostly just guessing with who needed what at any given time.  Once transferred, I just plopped them back into my pretty pots so they still look fabulous.

Many plants have also now been relocated to other areas of my house where I have upgraded some of my spaces to now include grow lights.  Until now I always had everything crowded at my windows.  And I kinda like to look out my windows.  I'm hoping this will be more beneficial for those plants that I just could never seem to find the right lighting for.

I also paid some extra care and attention in cleaning my plants.  Everyone's leaves are nice and shiny now and can hopefully "breathe" a bit better.

Up next is getting a mini humidifier for my different areas and adding some grow lights to my bedroom shelving.  I've never had any plants in there because the lighting is so poor.  But I'd love to wake up to a little bit of nature in the morning..besides Tank breathing in my face waiting for me to wake up and feed him that is.

This was definitely a relationship that needed mending.

1-on-1 AI Recap - Saturday October 18, 2025

*Remember - the AI summaries are not perfect or exact representations of the conversation.

Malinda discusses her daughter's wisdom tooth surgery recovery and shares her concerns about preparing for her personal demo and board breaks for black belt grading. Jeff advises that since Malinda has consistently demonstrated her abilities throughout the year, her demo should focus on addressing any potential doubts the grading board might have rather than trying to prove herself, emphasizing that self-awareness is more important than perfection. Regarding board breaks, Jeff stresses the importance of taking them seriously by announcing them officially rather than hoping for casual opportunities, choosing reliable techniques over flashy ones, and approaching them with confidence since they represent a crucial leadership moment in front of classmates, with Malinda scheduling her official board breaks for Monday with master instructors present.

Next Steps

Malinda: Complete board breaks on Monday with master instructors present

Malinda: Prepare personal demo addressing potential grading board concerns without giving them opportunity to ask for additional demonstrations

Malinda: Practice ridge hand technique with proper hand positioning and wrist angle before attempting board break

Malinda: Set up kick followed by hand technique combination for board breaking sequence

Oct 11

 

AI....or is it A1?

I've been experimenting a bit with ChatGPT for wordsmithing the odd email, text or other blurb.  I decided to do an experiment with my little blog today and had it re-write it a couple times with some different instructions.  I'm not going to specify which is the original, but I am curious to hear what you all think.  There is a lot of chatter surrounding AI and with its use, by students for example.  Is it ok?  Not ok?  Who should use it?  Who shouldn't?  Is this a beneficial tool in today's day and age?  Or is it "cheating"?  

I don't necessarily think it's totally black and white.  A tool is a good thing.  A crutch is not.

What are your thoughts?

Blog Version #1

Yesterday was a bad day. 

Actually...no that's not right.  My whole day wasn't bad....just a 2 hour span of complete chaos.

As I was about to get ready for the Lil Leopards class, I walked past my washing machine and noticed it flashing an error code. I had attempted to wash a small rug.  Bad idea.  It was shredded to bits and clogged up the machine, causing a small flood.  I cleaned it up, cleaned out the clogs (I hope) and eventually got it going again...at which point I dumped all the dirty cleaned up water into the tub.  Which was also suddenly clogged and wouldn't drain.  At about that same time, Tank came into the bathroom whining.  He's not a whiner and so I knew something was wrong.  Upon investigation, I found that he had knocked over the big (and full) garbage can and had helped himself to a variety of old and expired garbage.  At that point, I gave up and sat outside for a little pity party while I waited for Dan to get home.  While I waited, and kept an eye on Tank...who also suddenly started limping.  And that was it for me.  I decided then and there that I wasn't going anywhere.

However, as Dan joined the chaos...and because he had not yet succumbed to the frustration...he forced me to get into my uniform and get to class.  Even though my mind was so full I couldn't recognize it, he knew that I needed to go to clear my mind and come back fresh and ready to tackle whatever needed tackling.

And I'm so glad I did.

Blog Version #2

Yesterday wasn’t entirely a bad day—though for about two hours, it certainly felt like chaos had taken over.

Just as I was about to get ready for the Lil Leopards class, I noticed my washing machine flashing an error code. The culprit? A small rug I had attempted to wash. It had shredded into pieces, clogging the machine and creating a minor flood. After mopping up the mess and clearing out what I hoped were all the blockages, I managed to get it running again—only to dump the dirty water into the tub, which promptly decided it wouldn’t drain.

At that very moment, Tank padded into the bathroom whining. He’s not one to complain, so I knew something was wrong. Sure enough, he had knocked over the large (and full) garbage can and helped himself to a buffet of expired scraps. That was the breaking point. I stepped outside for a much-needed pity party while keeping a weary eye on Tank—who, just to add to the drama, began limping. That was it. I decided I wasn’t going anywhere.

But when Dan came home and stepped into the madness—still calm, still clear-headed—he refused to let me give in to it. He handed me my uniform and insisted I get to class. I resisted, but he knew what I needed before I did: a reset, a chance to breathe, move, and come back with a fresh mind.

And he was right. I’m so glad I went.

Blog Version #3

Yesterday wasn’t a terrible day… though for about two hours, my life turned into a sitcom that no one asked to watch.

Just as I was about to get ready for the Lil Leopards class, I walked past the washing machine and saw it flashing an error code—never a good sign. Turns out, my bright idea of washing a small rug was not so bright. It shredded itself into oblivion, clogged the machine, and created a minor indoor water feature. After some creative mopping and a battle with the filter, I got it running again. Victory was short-lived, though, because I dumped the dirty water into the bathtub… which immediately decided to quit draining, too.

Enter Tank. Normally stoic, he came into the bathroom whining. Red flag. Sure enough, he had tipped over the big, full garbage can and treated himself to a buffet of expired “goodies”. And that was my breaking point. I staged a solo pity party outside while supervising Tank, who, because the universe has a sense of humor, then started limping. At that moment, I officially tapped out. I wasn’t going anywhere.

Cue Dan’s entrance. He walked into the chaos like a man untouched by frustration, handed me my uniform, and all but shoved me out the door to class. I resisted, of course—because sulking felt safer—but he was right. My brain desperately needed a reboot.

And thank goodness I listened, because after class I came back calmer, clearer, and way more ready to face clogged drains, guilty dogs, and whatever else the universe throws at me.

---

The Rest Is Above My Pay Grade

A common theme amongst many blogs recently has been focusing on transitions in our forms, and how we maintain our skeletal alignment during these transitions in order to maximize the efficacy of the intended technique.

During this focus, we've been challenged to play around with different things and experiment...to tweak things here and there to see what feels good to us.

Now I initially wrote "see what works"...but that wasn't quite right.  That would imply that other methods, or other variants....or even the original intention of the form...DON'T WORK and might be wrong for me.  But I don't think that's the right approach.

What feels good (or better) is a very personal thing.  And it may only feel right because it happens to be the easiest way when I'm first starting out.  So although I really do like playing around with different things and experimenting...there is infinite value in that...but I definitely caution myself in making "what feels right" into an absolute.  

Our forms were designed and developed by others before us.  Others much more talented and insightful than I, that's for sure.  And so I am not only challenging myself to experiment with adjustments that might feel better...but I also challenge myself to stay true to the form and try and figure out why the creator thought THAT way was better.  Sure it feels better if I take a step with that open X at the end of LG3 (as a specific example of what I'm getting at).  But the form itself does not have a defined step.  So how do I get that same feeling of strength and power without it?  

Really this is all just a progression in how to challenge myself and not just sit in an absolute answer because it feels good in the moment.

First, make some tweaks as needed to get the intended technique to work and feel right.  Good...now I have an idea of what it should feel like.

Now go back, and take those changes away, and STILL try to get the intended technique to work and feel right.

What challenge comes after that, I'm not sure.  That's above my "pay grade" at the moment.  

Learning Is A Skill

I enrolled in a pottery class at the Parkland Potters Guild in Stony Plain.  I've taken classes with them before but it's been several years.  I decided to do it to hone my skills and hopefully learn some new things to add to my repertoire.  I don't really have a "mentor" in pottery and it's nice to be able to have that sometimes.

This is a Beginner/Intermediate class and it's about 50/50 for people with experience and the total newbies.  I would venture a guess that I am the most experienced potter in the class, yet I have noticed a few things.

I seem to be the only one that consistently watches and engages in the demonstrations.  The other students tend to continue on with whatever they are working on...only paying the slightest attention to the instructor and lesson content.  I get that they want to get their hands dirty...the class is only so long...but they are missing a lot of really important information.  

I also seem to be the only one that attempts to do the "assignments" in the way that the instructor has laid it out.  Sure I could continue to do these things my own way, but I feel that sort of defeats the purpose of taking the class.  The point of this is to expand my knowledge and learn some new techniques and skills.  Again, I see the other experienced students missing out on some valuable lessons.

I am also finding that I am seeing a lot of details that others aren't catching.  My eye for detail is definitely advanced and I've been catching the smallest of things that are making really big differences in my throwing technique.

No I am not here to just toot my own horn and to tell you how great I'm doing.  Lol.  What I'm saying is that, even though I'm probably the most experienced in the class, I'm also the one most engaged as a student.  I know the instructors have a lot of knowledge to offer me, and my mind, and heart, are open and receptive to learning.  Learning is a skill and I can definitely attribute my level of this skill to my Kung Fu training.

Sept 13, 2025

 

Pointing Fingers

Confidence is something we all lack at times.  

Where I lack confidence the most is in conflict.  I always do my best to be clear in my communications...both in personal or professional situations.  I am direct.  Consistent. And concise.  I do everything I can to lay out all the details and check off all the points when relaying information to someone.

So when a person comes back to me after a time...pointing a finger...laying blame on me for an issue they are experiencing, I take it to heart.  I lose sleep.

If I was in error, I do not struggle with saying so.  But if I know I did my due diligence, I want to be able to approach that conflict with confidence so that I don't end up absorbing that misdirected anger and frustration.

What I do, instead, is second guess myself.  Could I have explained things better?  Should I have double-checked?  Should I have sent reminders?  What other tools or resources can I create so this doesn't happen again?  Maybe they are right...maybe I should have known what they meant....or been able to foresee their intentions.

Having said that, I don't know if I could ever eradicate this altogether.  I think there will always be people that misdirect their anger and frustration over things they could have controlled.  People that will always hold others accountable for the challenges they face, but never themselves.

Construction Zone

Kwoon week has been quite productive. Although sometimes it's hard to tell when you're in the thick of it.  

I find that while working on a renovation project...one which requires a lot of that "behind the scenes" work (ie. design and planning, coordination, drywall, taping, mudding...and all the other things that sit hidden behind the final product that everyone else sees)...it takes a while before you feel like you're actually accomplishing something.  When there are still loads of materials piled around you...or tools and supplies scattered about...it can feel a bit overwhelming and as though you're not really making any progress.  In fact, it can feel like you're digging yourself further and further into a job that you maybe didn't think was going to be so complex or take so long.

But then suddenly, things will turn...and you'll start to be able to envision the final result.

This is a lot like our Kung Fu.  There are times when it feels like we are putting so much time and effort in, yet we aren't seeing the results we'd like.  We continue to work, yet we are having difficulty envisioning what the final outcome will be.  It can be hard to remember that it's all the "ugly" stuff behind the paint that gives the work integrity.  And maybe we even start second guessing whether we are doing the right things, or making the right decisions along the way.  We look around and all we see is unfinished bits and pieces, tools, supplies, dust and garbage everywhere.  Maybe we even have to do something over again because it didn't quite turn out the first time.  And everything is a bit of a disaster zone really.  But eventually, we get to a point where we can start putting things away, little by little.  Drywall is up...we won't need those cutoffs anymore...let's get rid of those.  Done sanding...let's vacuum up that dust.  Priming complete...let's get rid of those cans.

And eventually, little by little, the whole space starts coming together bit by bit.  

The hardest part, I find, is to simply trust the process.

Clutter

We've taken advantage of having my in-laws here and have been accomplishing some projects around the house.  Much of it has involved organization, getting rid of old junk and downsizing.  What a difference an organized space make with my mindset.  When my house gets cluttered, I always feel a certain amount of anxiety.  Once it's clean is when I can relax and focus on more pleasurable things.

What I haven't been able to figure out is the chicken or the egg.

Does my mind become cluttered because of my cluttered space?

Or does my space become cluttered because of my cluttered mind?

Aug 16 Numbers

Apologies team.  I've been running ragged since my in-laws arrived.  But here are some numbers.

Camping

We are just out camping this weekend.  It's been really nice spending some much needed time slowing down and breathing in nature.  

I do find it a bit difficult to do my forms just out and about in front of people.  But I did manage to go for a run two days and got my pushups and sit-ups in.  

I did the basic 2km runs.  My times were not awesome...but in my defence there were a lot of hills and more rugged terrain.  But I still was able to do them without stopping....and that I am proud of.

Whatever Comes Out

My mind seems to be a bit all over the place here today.  So after sitting here for much too long, I decided to just set my timer for 5 minutes and see what came out.

I'm working on a lot of different things at the moment.

I've re-broken my kick in Spear.  I had been focussing on getting height between the two kicks.  And I was making some progress.  But after some further discussion on it, I realized (with some assistance) that height shouldn't be my intent.  What's important in that sequence is the first kick and the last.  Nobody is going to care how high I get if my final kick doesn't do what it's supposed to.  Once I get the kicks nailed down, then I can gradually increase height, if it makes sense to do so.  In the initial stages of this change, my timing is a definitely off, as are my vectors.  But I'll get there.  And once I do, I'll start working on something else and break it again.

I continue to work on DMH 5 as a main focus....

Ooop!!  Timer just went off.  I'll set it for another 5.

DMH 5.  We were asked in class this past week what our main "issue" would be in our forms.  What comes to mind for me is my eyes...maybe better described as my mental gaze (not sure that makes sense or quite covers what I mean...lol).  I tend to look inward, more than outward, making many of my forms quite internal, so to speak.  In some places this is fine...ideal even.  But for DMH specifically, this is predominately an external form.  As I work on this, I am finding it sort of like meditating.  I'll start off with my eyes outward, locked on an opponent.  Then suddenly, in the middle of the form, I realize I've come back inside, and I have to shift them back out.  Actually wait....now that I think about it, it's pretty much the complete OPPOSITE of meditation.  When I meditate, my intent is to keep my focus within.....and often I'll find my mind wandering out.  But with my forms I, my intent...

5 minutes went off again!!!  Ok.  Just 5 more...

...my intent should be outward on an opponent but it keeps drifting back in!  Hm.  Isn't that interesting.  Lol.  Another thing I'm noticing as I try to "gaze beyond my bubble", is that when I do so, I will sometimes find my body following.  What I mean by that is that I will sometimes feel a shift out of my centre ....almost reaching along with my focus....and even losing stability and balance.  This is also really interesting.  My mental gaze seems to be very connected to my centre.  Hm.  The words "mental energy" and "physical energy" just popped into my head.  Anyways, I feel that I am experiencing some sort of disconnection here and will continue to explore.  Maybe it's just gonna take some practice to be able to send my focus outward further and further.  Kinda like stretching to increase flexibility...but for my mind.

Times up!!  And no reset this time.  😊

Nothing Much

 Just a quick numbers update. 

Fun First

I've recently taken a different approach to the kids class warmups.  I was noticing (as were some other instructors) that with a basic warmup, the kids were bored and disengaged before the class actually began.  And when someone is starting off that way, it's near impossible to pull their attention back and try to teach them anything.

So over the last while, the warmups have been a key part of the class, rather than just a necessary evil.  They've been very game and fun driven.  A means for the kids to burn off some of that energy from the day.  A chance to laugh and squeal.  Interact as a group.

And with a free and happy mind, they are much more open and receptive to listening and learning.  In fact, they seem excited to do so and I'm getting so much more out of them.

I started to wonder if I could apply to to my own training.  

There are days where I feel like my approach is all business.  A narrowed focus on just getting stuff done.  Or maybe I've been feeling like theres been no progress, so I just dive straight into the work.

And maybe that's a poor approach.  Maybe if I took a few minutes before I started, to just play around and have some fun, it would set me up for a much more successful training session overall.

Requirement Update - Part 1

A quick overview and update on my requirements.

What I am working on.....specifically.

Spear

My Spear work has been tricky over the last couple weeks (shoulder injury).  So I'm trying to focus on some things that don't really require my shoulder.  Funny thing is that almost everything utilizes everything (darn 6 harmonies)...so even that has proven difficult.  But I'm doing what I can and I'm still finding value in all of it.

1. Inside cyclone/spinning-flying outside/inside cyclone kick - this is improving.  So many moving parts.  I've been offered lots of different feedback from lots of different people and it's been interesting how different the perspectives are.  I'm trying to piece the different things together that seem to click for me personally in my own brain and go from there.  Something that makes me grin is that not one person (except maybe in my own brain) has even hinted that age might hold me back with this.  Or maybe they have and are just being kind.  In any event, they certainly aren't letting their instruction or feedback be limited by it and the expectation from my teachers is that, with practice, I will get there.  Period.  I'm not sure how many other 45 year olds in the world are trying to learn this kick.  Maybe there's a Facebook support group I can join.  🤣
2. Expansion/Contraction - there are lots of areas in this form with obvious points of expansion and contraction.  As I establish the obvious ones, some of the more subtle ones are becoming visible as well.  This concept is really starting to open up, not only in Spear, but my other forms as well.
3. Phrasing - I've found a couple spots that I'm working on with both timing and speed that will be a little different than how I've been doing it so far.  I think it will add both visual interest and an opportunity to "rejuvenate my flow of energy" within the form. (It took me a while to write that last little bit...I was having a hard time figuring out how to verbalize what I was trying to achieve.  Hopefully it makes sense.  lol.)
4. Mental reps - with all the driving time I've had (20 hours taking my kids to grandmas and picking them up again) I've done a lot of mental visualizing with my form.  I discovered the value of this after my foot surgery and have continued to practice this in times where I cannot physically train (the dentist is a great place too, lol).  I have a few things I'm going to try out once my shoulder is behaving again.
• Helicopter - timing of hand and end of spin, gaze, pause
• Jump - timing and incorporation of upper body/spear
• Hand flip before flipping my bad guy, staying low
• Standing up after impale - this might sound dumb, but I feel like I can stand up with more intent here.
5. Fight Scene - again, during all the driving time, I went through my form mentally and actually played out a fight scene.  I got very specific with where the opponents are, when I finished them off, when the same one came at me again, etc, etc.  I found some spots where I got extra specific, which was interesting.  For example, in a particular spot, I would consider the "move" to be a check...but when I was considering all the opponents, I also thought to myself..."this isn't JUST a check, it's an opportunity to intimidate and cause someone to hesitate and question their next move".  This will require more intensity.  And I got to thinking about not only the obvious intensity in my eyes, but in the energy that I may (or may not be) emitting in that moment.  Again, not sure if that makes sense but it's a concept I'm going to explore.  I also found a spot where, although it could (more obviously) be a technique/block....I also noticed that what I was doing seemed exactly like if I were wiping the blood off my spear from the last strike 😲...and that intent provides a completely different sort of intensity/energy to that particular moment.

Honestly, I had intended to provide updates on all of my requirements in this blog, but I got way more into what I'm doing with my Spear than I intended.  To be honest, I went into this thinking that I wasn't really working on much recently (trying to avoid making my shoulder worse) and was pleasantly surprised to see that I've actually been doing quite a bit.  

Anyways, I will end this blog and call it "Part 1".  So more to come on my other requirements!

Injuries and Connections

I've been dealing with a few injuries over the last bit.

Firstly my hand/wrist.  As some might recall I accidentally turned my spear into a hoe one day, hyper extending a part of my hand in the process.  I've been to the doctor and had an X-ray.  No cracks or breaks or anything.  So that's good news.  But it is extremely painful to grasp anything with weight or to squeeze.  And I'm told something like this will take a while to heal, especially with everything I do with my hands.  I've been previously diagnosed with carpel tunnel as well, so I'm not sure if that's contributing to things as well.

Anyhow, moving on.  With doing some drumming recently, both in practice and demos, the hand pain seemed to move into my elbow.  So now that is bothering me.  I think with not being able to really hold my sticks normally, due to the hand, I compensated in some way and put some stress on the elbow.  This is more just irksome at this point, rather than anything concerning.

And then, I'm guessing in part, due to the pushup building challenge we do in the kids classes, I've re-injured my shoulder.  This exact same thing happens any time I get to about 20 consecutive pushups.  It never fails that I end up damaging my right shoulder.  And unfortunately, I never seem to learn.  But when I want to push my students with something, I have an expectation of myself that I do it with them.  This just may not be possible in all things.  And it kinda sucks.  But it's also a reality.

And finally, while working on Da Mu Hsing, I tweeked my neck real good.  Again, I think this was a result of the other injuries, and not because of what I was doing.  Almost like a ticking time bomb.  I've had this type of injury before, but this time around it seems to be taking some time to heal.  I've got much better movement this week, but it's still sort of "sitting there" and so I'm trying not to overdo it.

So from a hand injury, to an elbow injury, to a shoulder injury, to a neck injury....I'm pretty lame on my right side.

So what am I doing about it??  

Well, I've been to the chiropractor now a few times since the neck tweek really put me over the edge edge with it all.  And I'm doing my exercises and stretches.  So everything is slowly working itself out.  Sometimes I feel like things have really improved, and then she seems to find these spots where everything is still really tight and painful.  There's a spot she was working on yesterday on my chest.  I wouldn't have really thought about a spot there being connected to the back/neck pain, nor my shoulder.  She also pointed out that she can tell that I tend to breathe quite high, rather than in my belly.  So now, as part of my rehab, I need to work on my breathing.  

I guess what I'm getting at with this long winded blog, is that, although I already know and understand how many things are connected, I just keep learning more.  And it's just so interesting.

Oh...and also to take care of injuries quickly...even those little ones....lest they turn into something more.  I'm excited to have a better understanding of the KT tape now (thanks Todai Bauer) as this will be a real easy way for me to address anything minor quickly and without excuse.

Step Away

The situation with my father has not improved.

I stepped back from everything about a month ago when he turned down, yet another suitable housing option.  Every option seems to have something not quite right with it, as far as he's concerned.  Realistically, he's grasping at anything he can to use as an excuse not to leave where he is...even though he's being asked to go, and will eventually just be kicked out.  

And I couldn't do it anymore.  I had to step away.

But recently, I have found out that he has found an apartment.  Great, right?  Unfortunately, no.

This place checks off absolutely none of his needs.  It boggles my mind that THIS is the one he's going with.  And what's worse is that it is in the absolute worst part of the city.  The highest rates of crime, homelessness, addiction, etc.  It's almost as if he wants to isolate himself from his family altogether.  I've told him I wouldn't feel safe bringing the kids to this area of town and that I'd be hesitant to go there myself.  But that doesn't seem to bother him.

I tell myself I have to be okay with his choices, but I'm not.  And I'm really not sure where this is all going to lead.  He's my dad, and so I feel an obligation as his family to try and stay connected and to help if I can.  But to be very honest, I also feel like he's not even a person I want to be around or be associated with.  And I feel a tremendous amount of guilt thinking these things.  I have to constantly remind myself to practice empathy, kindness and gratitude.  And without that, I would likely have severed ties long ago.

Having said that, and on probably the only positive note in any of this, my sister and I have talked and connected more over the last 3 months than we have in the last 5 years.  It started just about our dad, but has since grown into more.  And for that I am grateful.

Even If I Tried

 "Try surrounding yourself with friends who ask more of you than you do." - Mastery by Stewart Emery

I made it public knowledge at a meeting a couple months back that I needed help with my inside cyclone-spinning/flying/inside/outside cyclone kick in my Spear form.  I'm not much of a "flier", and my tendency is to want to stay close to the ground.

Since then I've been working with Sihing Ward on some strategies to improve it.  

But I've also had several other people reach out to see how it's been going and to offer their own personal experience and struggles, in hopes that it might help me with mine.

For example, Thursday's non-mandatory IHC open training class found me, and 3 other black belts, working on this kick for almost the entire hour.

This isn't something anyone NEEDS to do.  There's no obligation here.  And often-times they are spending precious training time of their own, to help ME improve.

Being a part of this team, I sometimes feel like I couldn't fail even if I tried.  Lol.

15:39

Our coffee time yesterday included a lot of talk about running.  I have never been much of a runner, but I've always been intrigued and a little envious of those that do.  

In September of 2021, at one of our boot camps, we did the Black Belt 2km run.  I clocked in at 17:20.  I was actually really proud of myself that day, because, although the time wasn't awesome, I did not stop and walk at any point.  I pushed myself to keep running, even if it was only at a snails pace.  This led me to including a personal requirement for the next IHC year (2022) to achieve a 2km run in under 15 minutes (yesterday I had mentioned 12 minutes, but I looked back in my blogs and see now that I was mistaken).  Based on my old blogs, I see that I succeeded in that goal and had achieved a personal "best" of 12:11 by the end of the Year of the Tiger.

Then, in June of 2023, I had my foot surgery.  Which obviously kiboshed running for a time.  But in our chat yesterday, when saying it out loud, I realized that, 1) I haven't run since that time, and 2) that has now been 2 years ago.  This nagged at me afterwards because some of the words and phrases that came out while I was talking were like nails on a chalkboard.  

"I should really start running again..."

"I'll get back at it at some point..."

Once coffee time ended, these little phrases jut repeated over and over in my head.  I hated the way they sounded and I thought to myself, "So when?  What's wrong with now?".

So I put on my runners and I went for my first run in over 2 years.

Not only am I proud of myself for finally doing it.  But it wasn't near as terrible as I thought it would be.  Once again, I didn't let myself stop and I ran the whole distance....because I knew I could...and my time wasn't as bad as I imagined either (stats in the pic attached).  

Once I was back, stretching on the grass....I just felt really, really good.

So I challenge the rest of the team.  If there is something within your goals that you keep putting off for this or that....ask yourself "What's wrong with today?  What's wrong with now?"

 It really does feel good.

Coffee Time

Many of you will know about the Sunday morning coffees that we started several weeks back. If you haven't logged in yet, I would really recommend that you do.  This has been a really great way to get to know members of the team on a more personal level.  And when you start to know people beyond just one common thread, that's when you can really make connections and really get engaged.  At least that's what I have found.

I think sometimes, many of us are apprehensive to include too much personal info in our blogs, thinking that it doesn't really apply.  We might even struggle to blog, because we think, "what I've been doing isn't really about Kung Fu" or "nobody cares that I've been working on [this or that] because it's not about my requirements" and so then we don't blog at all.  

These "coffee times" have given us a way to chat without overthinking.  Without any censoring.  We don't try to predetermine if it's relevant.  We don't worry about whether it relates.  We just share.  We listen.  We learn.

And through these chats, what I'm learning is that it really is all relevant.  When you are making an effort to live a life of mastery, like we all are...it applies to all areas...not just our training...and not just in the Kwoon.  We are using these fundamentals and utilizing them in everything we do. 

And if we aren't...if we are only applying our efforts in mastery to our Kung Fu, and only our Kung Fu, and everything else is just in a state of chaos and disrepair....then I think we're probably doing it wrong.

Tournament Sparring....The Results

Tiger Challenge 2025 is now past.  And as many of you know, I had been waffling about entering the sparring event. The little push from the team was quite helpful...so thank-you.  But ultimately, there were two main reasons why I ended up "ripping off the bandaid" so to speak.  

One.  For weeks, I had been encouraging and pushing all of my students to set aside their apprehension or nervousness, and to just enter.  How could I, logically, not heed that same advice and set a good example?

Two.  As a Brown Belt I am much more aware of my proximity to grading.  And I suddenly had this terrible, panic inducing thought of my first tournament sparring experience being in the Black Belt division.  Ummm...nope.  If I didn't take the plunge now, I probably never would.

And so I entered.  Not only was it a great experience, but there was quite a bit of fun and a lot of laughs to be had.  As a female opposing two larger males, I definitely had the crowd on my side as the "underdog".  So that was fun....for me that is.  Lol.  Also, partways through my match with Todai Raw, I lost a contact.  I've been wearing contacts since I was about 12....and I have never had one pop out.  But suddenly, at point call, I realized that I couldn't see out of one eye.  Lo and behold, we found it almost crushed under Sifu Rybak's foot.  And so I picked it up, put it on the table, and carried on with the match.  On top of all that, and in typical ironic fashion, I ended up having to fight 3 matches consecutively.  Of course that would happen that way.  Lol.  

But all in all it was actually quite fun.  I came out with a bunch of bruises, a swollen ankle, a few good stories and the knowledge that these things really aren't as scary as we make them out to be.

Mash-Up

So on one hand I am excited to be incorporating some new and important details to my spear form.  I feel like I'm really taking it to the next level.  

On the other hand, I wasn't really thinking about the timing.  

I mean, who breaks their form 72 hours before the Tiger Challenge??

oo!!...oo!!....I do!!!!  ✋✋

As I've been working on these changes, I realized I couldn't really get through a rep anymore in one piece, because my mind was stalling out in different spots trying to think about was I was doing versus what I want to be doing.  And so earlier today I thought, okay...let's just put these changes aside and I'll just do it how I was before, just for the tournament.

Nope.  Doesn't work that way.  Once you put something in that you know is "more right" and "more better"...it's not that easy anymore to go backwards.  

And so I'm in a bit of a "mash-up" phase at the moment.  Little of the new...little of the old...not fully to one side or the other.

Having said all that....would I go back in time and put this progress on hold for the sake of the tournament.  No.  I would not.  I kind of feel like this week has been really advantageous for my form as a whole with some really important steps taken to get it super solid for the Chinese New Year.  But for tomorrow....yeah...it's anyones guess.

But I think I'm at peace with that.  

On another note...I had my doctors appointment for my hand today.  He's fairly certain it's a ligament injury and not something like a break.  He's still sending me for an x-ray though, to make certain.  But he advised me to rest it and not do anything like hitting walls (he intended this as a joke) or the activity that caused the damage in the first place (which would be spear/Kung Fu).  I told him that I will be using my spear, sparring and breaking wooden boards tomorrow.  I think he thought I was joking at first...but then just had an odd look of "wtf" on his face when he realized I was serious.  I also think he knew that it was non-negotiable because he didn't proceed to fight me on it.  So I'm taking his lack of "insistence" as being medically cleared.  😉😜

Tournament Sparring

I have been trying to convince myself to enter the sparring event at the Tiger Challenge for several weeks now.  The thought alone makes me start to panic.

Although I'm starting to feel a little more comfortable in class, the main reason for that is because it's so controlled.  Even when we free-spar, the lower ranking, or less comfortable student, sets the pace.  So there's always that safety net.

A tournament setting, I think, is a whole different dynamic.  At least I'm assuming it is.  I wouldn't expect anyone to hold back because of MY anxiety.  In fact, I'd WANT them to really be able to showcase their skill.  And it's nerve-wracking to think of being just completely obliterated in that setting.  I would have no expectation of winning.  But I would like to at least be a bit of a challenge for someone.

In addition, I also look where I am in my training, and I'm a little embarrassed that sparring is an event that I've never entered.  As a Brown Belt, this sort of feels a little "unacceptable" to me.  And this also adds to the anxiety.

And yes...I realize much of this is ego.  Ugh...

Anyhow, I want to be clear in my intent of this blog and say that I'm not looking for "tire-pumping".  But rather, if anyone has some words of wisdom that could get me out of my head (and into a ring)...lay 'em on me.

I Don't Get It

I injured my hand a while back.  Remember when I turned my spear into a hoe?  Yup, that's when it happened.  When my spear caught, it ended up causing my thumb to jam pretty badly (actually more than just the thumb...but that big meaty part that goes with it).  Ever since then, I haven't been able to grasp anything without some pretty decent pain.  I had hoped it would resolve itself, but here we are, a full 2 months later.  

I've been saying the last couple weeks "I need to make an appointment", but for some reason everything else has beat it on my priority list.  And to be honest, I can't figure out why because it's causing problems in other areas; pottery, ukulele and gardening.  Simple things like squeezing the shampoo and mustard bottles are out of the question as well.  I've been squishing these against other surfaces to get by.

It sounds comical as I describe the struggles, but seriously?...why do we put these things off?  If it were someone else...the kids, dan...I would have made an appointment long ago.

So why, when it come to our own health, do we procrastinate?

Ugh

 I continue to struggle with blogging and I just can't figure it out.  Thoughts, writing, all of it, used to just come so naturally.  And although I've managed to keep doing it, my blogs are just so "meh".

Typically, we say that when we have nothing to blog about, it will usually mean that we aren't training.  But that's really not the case.  I'm working on a lot of different things.  Making progress (I think and hope!!...lol).  Discovering things and finding "ah-ah" moments and staying engaged.  

Yet I continue to struggle to put it on paper in a meaningful way.

And it's gone from being worrisome, to frustrating and now just annoying.

I've tried to tell myself to just not worry about it.  Just write.  And that eventually it will all come back around.  But it hasn't.

Ugh.

Cheater!

There was a reason I chose the forms I did at for the Year of the Snake.  But as I was watching others start to create their own forms, I started to think that I had "cheated" by choosing a form I only had to learn, rather than create.

I am now of a different opinion.  At the start of the year, there is only an illusion that learning an already developed form is "easier".  This illusion comes from the fact that you just need to learn a sequence, where someone creating a form needs to start right from ground zero.  But this also means that when learning an already developed form you need to stay true to that form, and can’t change it to suit your own needs or purpose.  Often, when developing our own, we incorporate the things we are already good at and that feel good.  Or we will make changes to suit ourselves if we think something is too hard or just isn’t working. With another’s form, you can’t do that.  You need to continue to work at it, regardless of whether you like a particular piece. You need to push yourself beyond those arbitrary limits that might surface unconsciously when making our own forms.  

I’m not saying there aren’t advantages and benefits to both methods.  Just that I no longer think it was “cheating”. lol

Mentors

One of my personal requirements this year is to learn how to play the ukulele.  I've been practicing regularly and have been using an app that guides me through different lessons.  I've also watched various videos, trying to pick up what I can but also made a point of asking a friend to mentor me in this.  

There really isn't a substitute for a mentor.  All the YouTube videos in the world, can't replace someone sitting in front of me answering my dumb little questions or pointing out the tiny little details that tend to make all the difference.  Being able to talk about the challenges I'm facing and having someone assure me that they went through the same things.

It's the same with my Kung Fu.  There is huge advantage to all of the practicing and exploring I do solo.  But having a mentor to touch base with now and again seems to act as a grounding tool.  A means to refocus and determine a course of action based on all the self discovery that's been made.

For the last couple years, when setting my requirements, I've made a point of ensuring that I have someone to mentor me in that goal.  And as I look back, most of the goals that I either failed or didn't do well at were the ones that I did not have someone mentoring me.

I can't decide if that's really interesting or just really obvious.

Bubbled Up

This isn't the happiest of blogs.  And might be a little heavy for some.  Just as a forewarning.

I've been dealing with some extra pressures over the last couple of weeks.

My dad and I have always had a difficult relationship.  He has struggled all his life with addiction and has really not taken care of himself.  He and I have gone through some very rocky times and I've worked hard over the last few years to simply accept who he is and try to be grateful for the relationship we do have, as sad and one-sided as it might be.

Having said that, every few years, due to continuous poor decisions, no effort to plan, a lack of care for anyone else around him, and extreme procrastination, he will find himself on the verge of rock bottom.  He continues to age (80), his health continues to deteriorate and he is now totally blind in one eye and near blind in the other.  And he is now a few weeks away from not having anywhere to live.  And none of this is a surprise.  Everything that's happening right now are things we have tried to get him to plan for over the last 10 years when his eyesight first began to fail.

In an effort to ensure he doesn't end up homeless, or worse, I have been spending a lot of my time trying to research alternative living arrangements. Somewhere he can maintain some independence, but also get the help he needs due to his failing eyesight.  I've contacted countless organizations to figure out what sorts of resources are available to him.  Things like CNIB (institute for the blind) and such and getting the ball rolling there, as well as CPAS (Client Patient Access Services in Saskatchewan).  Although it's not even certain he will agree to participate in these things.  His financial resources are also very limited and I've been trying to get a handle on his income to see what other financial assistance he might be able to get.  One thing after another to make sure he ends up somewhere safe and that he can live comfortably and with some happiness.  I've also spent my time and energy organizing my other siblings, as well as trying to keep them all focused on the task at hand...although they mostly are just frustrated and want to vent (understandably) because once again, we are cleaning up a giant mess he's made.

Some might just say..."let him deal with it himself...it's his problem".  And I've said that myself at times....but have never been able to follow through.  He's my dad.  And regardless of the fact that he's never shown care for me, I do care for him.  And so here I am.

As much as this has weighed on me, I've been using my Kung Fu to its fullest potential.  When I've stepped on the mats, I've left it behind.  When I've felt myself get frustrated with his resistance and poor judgement, I've breathed and responded with kindness and empathy.  I've been putting everything I know, all of my knowledge, to work so that I can continue to communicate with him respectively and with sensitivity so that we can hopefully find a solution.  

And until today I thought I was doing okay.

Today I participated in the Sil Lum Seminar.  And the moment I took that first big breath in for our final section of meditation, it was like everything just bubbled up. Everything I've been doing has been about him, to help him, to alleviate his hurt and suffering. Today was the first moment in all of this that I have taken a moment to look internally.  And everything that I have been instinctually feeling...everything that has been getting pushed down further and further...finally had the chance to come out.  Frustration...sadness...and truthfully, a lot of anger.  I am so incredibly angry at him.  He's never been the parent...always the child...even when I, myself, was literally a child.  Until today, I truly didn't realize how angry I was.  

I am thankful that I was online, to be honest.  It wasn't a pretty moment....but it was obviously much needed.

This whole situation still has a long way to go.  And I really don't know how it will turn out.  But I do know, now, that I need to take extra care to have these moments for myself if I have any hope of getting through it without bringing that anger with me.

Mental Space

My day got away from me.  

I’ve been dealing with some family things over the last few days and it’s taken up a lot of my mental space. (Nothing with Dan and the kids!  For those of you that might worry).

But here are my numbers to date.  I’ve fallen behind a little on my spear form but I intend to make those up here this week.  I need to get a bit of sparring in as well.  

The Not So Ideal

I am currently in BC visiting family.  I prepared myself for this mentally in terms of my training because I knew that it would be difficult to just drop and start doing setups in the middles of a family gathering.  And unfortunately, privacy or alone time is limited.  As is space.  And so far it's been raining non-stop.  And so my reps are happening in our bedroom.  Any time I go in there, I make sure I do at least something. And my forms are done as repetitions in very small sections.  Although not ideal, so far so good!

Fatigue

I've been feeling some extra fatigue this week.  

I've been trying to develop my full pushups.  So that's probably part of it.  I'll need to keep a close eye on that.  Typically when I try to push, I end up injuring my shoulder(s).  And then I end up getting set back.  I'm trying to learn from those past experiences, so I'm going to lay off full ones for a couple days and make sure I let my shoulders rest before I push again.  

My legs have been pretty fatigued as well.  I've been working on that jump in the spear form, so that's been working my legs quite a bit.  One of my personal requirements is also 50,000 squats/equiv's. So that's adding to this as well I'm sure.  I've been feeling the fatigue in my hips too a bit.  So I'm monitoring that as well.

I feel good overall....just sore.  Which is better than injured...but certainly has the potential to become injury if I don't listen.  I'm trying to rest this weekend, but at the same time, don't want to lose the ground I've got.  Balance.

Having said all that, this is also why I like the variety of requirements I have.  If I need to back off of one, I've got others to work on so that I'm still moving forward.

1-on-1 AI Recap - March 22, 2025

 *Reminder - AI recaps are not perfect or exact representations of the conversation

Quick recap

Malinda discussed her physical activities and training regimen, expressing concerns about overtraining and seeking advice from Jeff. They also discussed the book "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" and Malinda's personal demo for the grading year. Additionally, they explored different partners for throws and breakfall techniques, and worked on a complex sequence of movements for a martial arts form.

Next steps

• Malinda to continue practicing and refining her 5 applications, particularly focusing on throws with different partners.

• Malinda to work on her personal demo for the grading board, tailoring it to showcase skills that certain board members may not have seen.

• Malinda to practice the new spear form sequence, including the cyclone kick, spinning cyclone, and subsequent movements.

• Malinda to find a larger practice area without obstacles to properly execute the new spear form sequence.

• Malinda to complete reading "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" and prepare her assignment.

Summary

Managing Soreness in New Exercises

Malinda expressed her tiredness and soreness, attributing it to her increased physical activities and new exercises. Jeff advised her that while soreness is good for new activities, it could be a sign of overtraining if it persists. Malinda shared her experience of feeling more sore after a day of rest, indicating a potential need to reassess her training regimen.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Jeff and Malinda discussed the Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance book, with Malinda expressing confusion over the highlighted sections and notes in her copy. Jeff advised her to highlight important sections as she reads, rather than relying on someone else's markings. Malinda also sought guidance on her personal demo for the grading year, feeling uncertain about redoing forms and showing the same material. Jeff suggested that Malinda's demo should focus on her unique strengths and accomplishments, rather than just her Tai Chi skills. He also emphasized the importance of demonstrating her overall progress and achievements to the grading board.

Improving Breakfall Techniques With Female Partners

Malinda discussed her experiences with different partners, finding that throws felt better with Leon and Todai Raw compared to Laura. Jeff explained that this could be due to Owen's background in wrestling and his skill in grappling, which allows him to work with the thrower more effectively. Jeff also advised Malinda on proper breakfall techniques, emphasizing the importance of holding on to the partner during the throw to gauge the fall accurately. Jeff suggested that Malinda work with female partners, like Laura, to improve her breakfall skills.

Martial Arts Form Sequence Refinement

Jeff and Malinda discussed a complex sequence of movements for a martial arts form. Jeff guided Malinda through the steps, emphasizing the importance of proper technique and using the weapon to its full potential. They also discussed the need for Malinda to practice the sequence in a larger area without distractions. The next steps involve Malinda refining the sequence and incorporating it into the form.

The Need For Good Leaders

The Tiny Tigers age ranges from about 5-7.  So they're pretty young.  Easily distracted and need help staying focused.  And that's on a good day.  Lol.

Even so, everything about the most recent Tiny Tigers class felt extra "high-strung" for lack of a better word.  It wasn't that anyone was being "bad" per se.  But it felt like the class was just abnormally "amp'd" up and I, as an Instructor, felt like I was on constant high alert.  

I think I realized afterwards why this was.

Due to the roads, it was a small class.  Only 6 kids.  Which you'd think would have made things easier.  But I realized later on that 5 of those 6 kids were actually our "more rambunctious" ones.  We have a few kids in the Tiny Tigers that require a lot more hands on by the instructors.  A lot more redirection.   A lot more help paying attention and re-focussing.  Great kids!  Just a lot more high-maintenance, so to speak.

And they happened to be 5 of the 6 in that class, making the ratio of leaders to followers completely out of whack.  I think I realized, from this class, just how important it is to have good leaders in a group...and to have enough good leaders to support the rest.  The leaders not only set a good example but their energy also tends to keep the class grounded.

Without good leaders, without good examples for all of us, it can be easy to lose control and let chaos reign.

1-on-1 Recap - March 9, 2025

*Remember - AI recaps are not perfect or exact representations of the conversation 

Quick recap

Jeff and Malinda discussed various topics including Malinda's struggles with understanding certain concepts, the importance of open communication, and the challenges of navigating the politics within their martial arts school. They also discussed the evolution of martial arts styles, the need for a solid foundation for students, and the importance of understanding one's lineage. Additionally, they addressed a misunderstanding that occurred during a meeting, the challenges of navigating complex situations, and their experiences with recording and teaching martial arts techniques.

Next steps

• Malinda to continue practicing the spear jump technique, focusing on safety and finding the most comfortable landing position

• Malinda to show her 5 applications to Sifu Csillag for review

• Malinda to have Sifu Rybak review her 5 applications next week

• Malinda to obtain and submit electronic letters of reference for her pre-grading year

• Malinda to refine and present her spreadsheet to Jeff at a future meeting

Summary

Encouraging Open Communication in Teaching

Jeff and Malinda discuss Malinda feeling down during a previous meeting, which she attributes to feeling like she's "missing the mark" lately, particularly regarding her understanding of forms and foundational concepts. Jeff reassures Malinda that she should not censor herself when asking questions, emphasizing that open communication is crucial for effective student-instructor relationships and helps him understand how students process information. The conversation begins with some brief technical difficulties related to a Zoom update.

Understanding Intent and Application in Learning

Jeff and Malinda discussed the importance of understanding the intent behind a technique and the role of applications in learning. Jeff emphasized the need for students to figure out problems themselves and not just blindly accumulate knowledge. Malinda shared her struggles with understanding certain comments and the concept of "gimmicks" in their work. Jeff clarified that the goal is not to leave students to flounder but to help them progress.

Navigating Martial Arts School Politics

Jeff and Malinda discussed the challenges of navigating the politics within their martial arts school. Malinda expressed concerns about potentially causing issues and being seen as a troublemaker. Jeff emphasized the importance of transparency and honesty, even if it leads to some conflict. He praised Malinda for her role in opening up discussions about certain issues, such as the helmet crusher incident, which allowed for a more informed and contextual approach to addressing these problems.

Clarifying Martial Arts Intent and Application

Jeff discussed the importance of understanding the context and intent behind teaching martial arts techniques. He emphasized the need for students to learn from different instructors to gain a comprehensive understanding. Malinda shared her struggles with defining the original intent and application of martial arts forms, questioning the terminology and its implications. She proposed the idea of external and internal applications, and the need for clarity on intent to application. The conversation ended with Malinda acknowledging the complexity of the topic and the need for further exploration.

Adapting Martial Arts Styles for Survival

Jeff discussed the evolution of martial arts styles over time, emphasizing how each style must adapt to survive and appeal to a diverse range of practitioners. He used historical examples to illustrate this point, such as the development of Kempo and the changes in Kung Fu forms over time. Jeff also used the metaphor of the Borg from Star Trek to convey the idea of merging with a style rather than allowing it to change you.

Evolution of Martial Arts Styles

Jeff and Malinda discussed the evolution of martial arts styles, particularly Hung Gar and Lao Gar, and how they have been influenced by various lineages and practitioners over time. They emphasized the importance of understanding one's lineage and the physical characteristics of its practitioners to fully comprehend the style. Malinda expressed her desire to create her own form and the excitement of seeing what others might come up with. Jeff also highlighted the need for a solid foundation for students and the limitations of their own thoughts and experiences in understanding their lineage.

Navigating Complex Relationships With Trust

Jeff and Malinda discussed the challenges of navigating complex situations and maintaining trust in their relationship. Jeff expressed concern about exposing Malinda to potentially damaging situations, but also acknowledged her ability to handle them. They agreed on the importance of open communication and addressing issues as they arise. Malinda committed to bringing up any concerns or disagreements in real-time, and Jeff appreciated her commitment to their relationship. They also discussed the need for emotional intelligence and the importance of considering their long-term relationship when making decisions.

Jeff and Malinda Discuss Move Modification

Jeff and Malinda discussed Malinda's struggles with a specific move in her performance, which involves jumping and landing on her left leg. Jeff suggested that Malinda's left leg might be causing her knee to torque, and recommended that she try landing on her right leg instead. Malinda expressed her desire to stay true to the original move, but also acknowledged the potential risks involved. Jeff advised Malinda to modify her move to a stand-up, turn around, and thrust, as the original move might be too risky. They also discussed the differences in how right-handed people shoot in hockey and baseball, with Jeff explaining that most right-handed people shoot left in hockey.

Martial Arts Techniques and Applications

Jeff and Malinda discussed their experiences with recording and teaching martial arts techniques. Jeff shared that he had not recorded his own techniques, but had taught the spirit form to Sifu Plater. Malinda is working on her 5 applications and sought Jeff's insight on the monkey crawl technique, which Jeff explained involves an interception, transfer, and counter. Malinda plans to show her applications to Sifu Rybak and Sifu Csillag for feedback. They also discussed the need for letters of reference for her pre-grade year.

A Good Day

This is a “first” blog.  I was just going over my numbers and realized that I have done a little bit of something towards every single one of my requirements today, except blogging and sparring.  So guess what?

Yup.  Just did a couple rounds of some shadow boxing and I’m writing this blog to share this “first” with all of you!  I don’t recall this ever happening before.  And who knows when/if it would happen again.

Yup.  It’s been a good day.  

This Might Be One To Just Scroll By

Disclaimer:  I recognize that as I worked through this blog, it started one way, changed to another, shifted back, then did a 360, and then landed in space where it currently floats without any gravitational pull.  But perhaps this is important for me to recognize that I just might be in a state of flux or maybe even a void.  I don't see this as good or bad just yet...simply what it is.  But as I publish this I really don't know where I was going with any of it so take it all with a grain of salt.  Although I started last nights meeting with a thumbs up, I must admit I left feeling like some things discussed weren't sitting well with me.  I haven't figured out why just yet.  And so my headspace is also a little clogged.