This Might Be One To Just Scroll By

Disclaimer:  I recognize that as I worked through this blog, it started one way, changed to another, shifted back, then did a 360, and then landed in space where it currently floats without any gravitational pull.  But perhaps this is important for me to recognize that I just might be in a state of flux or maybe even a void.  I don't see this as good or bad just yet...simply what it is.  But as I publish this I really don't know where I was going with any of it so take it all with a grain of salt.  Although I started last nights meeting with a thumbs up, I must admit I left feeling like some things discussed weren't sitting well with me.  I haven't figured out why just yet.  And so my headspace is also a little clogged.

I have recently had some challenges in learning and advancing my forms.  It feels like I am both asking the wrong questions...making the wrong interpretations...and perhaps even causing harm to others.  I seem to be missing the mark.  And overall, I'm feeling hesitant and unsure of my approach to learning.

Contributing to this somewhat has been a shift in approach to teaching forms....which has, in turn, begun a shift in how I am learning and progressing with said forms.  To be clear, I think the shift will be good.  But, as expected, there is some added pressure and it is challenging me to look a lot closer and a lot deeper to try and determine both the original (what I would consider to be earliest or the base) intent within a form, as well as my own and even those of others. And how to teach it in a meaningful way.

So speaking specifically on form and recognizing the difference from application....and that sometimes these things can be clearly separated, and sometimes a little more blurred.

My understanding is that, from the beginning, when an original creator first develops a form, there is purpose (intent) behind every technique, every transition, every sequence.  This purpose may or may not always be directly related to an application that could possibly be applied in a real life scenario.  And what I mean by that is when you look at a specific piece of a form, you might think to yourself "oh yes, that is obviously a step forward with a thrust punch to the face" versus "what sort of attack would I ever logically defend in that manner, in that stance, facing that direction, etc, etc."  The answer could be that the original purpose (intent) was to allow space to breathe and calm oneself...or to generate energy...or to reinforce body alignment and structure...or sometimes to just show off a cool pose....or a combination of any of these.  Or maybe we are taking the movements a little too literally and the purpose is to simply practice and perfect a single technique.  Either way.  Intent.

So the forms intent may not always be application driven...or application specific.  But that does not mean that there is not always application potential.

As I delve in, I recognize that what I might see at this moment in time as "not application specific", could still evolve and change as my own knowledge does.  Or even as my body does.  Or as my relationships do.  What I might see as a cool pose right now, might eventually become recognizable to me as an application. 

I've even found this to happen in forms I've created myself.  My Kwan Dao for instance.  Where intent began as simply to have a sequence of cool articulations with a giant weapon, it slowly developed into application as I realized that "...if I just did this, or that, this could actually be a hook and a pull."  And so the intent evolved...or became multi-faceted.  And because I continue to work on this form, it likely always will.  

As a student, I can understand and acknowledge that forms have limitless application potential.

Buuuuuut...as student, I also have a need to establish a base.  A foundation.  For the sake of my own learning approach, and in knowing how I organize my personal knowledge, this is something I feel I need.  I want to know how it originated.  I want to know what the very first intent was.  Is it this technique or that?  I don't mean what could it be, but what specifically was the creator thinking?  Knowing the foundation of a form is important to me.  Maybe it shouldn't be.  Maybe one day I'll change my mind about it.  But right now, it is.  It gives me a base that I can build on.  It grounds me to the purest version of the form possible.  And from there I can build and explore and discover.

So let's go back to a forms original intent.  The intent from which it was created.   

This might be possible to determine when we learn a form from the maker.  Might be.  But even then, most of the original of intents could have already been lost in the evolution.  Like with my Kwan Dao.

If I were asked of my Kwan Dao form "What is the original/earliest intent of this particular piece?"  How would I answer that?  Would it be the version where it was supposed to just be a cool articulation?  Or would it be the version where I was able to determine application potential?  Or the version where it evolved into a more specific application?  Or would it be the version way back before even establishing the cool articulation, where the intent was to manipulate the weapon while transitioning and not cutting off my own leg? 

And when we talk of older forms, such as Lao Gar, it's anyone's guess as to what intent was the first.  And it's sort of curious to think that maybe, just maybe, the applications that we see so obviously today, may have started as a simple cool pose.  Or maybe what we see as the cool poses were once specific applications that have slowly become hidden.  Evolution of a form that comes full circle even.

I also have to wonder about the impact of where everyone is in their progress with a certain form.  We are all at one stage or another, each delving into this piece or that.  Some of us solidifying certain things to the original version...some of us evolving a piece into something new.  So depending on who you ask, the answer to "What is this?' might vary.  And something that I'm certain of today might change 5 years from now.

As an instructor, I recognize and appreciate the difficulty in answering "What is this?".   Not only because my answer might evolve over time, and I hesitate to be held to it.  But also to avoid limiting that limitless potential.

So where am I going with this?  Bah...I don't know.  I'm just pondering and poking around I suppose to see if I can clear up some of this cluttered and clogged headspace.

As I was doing my final review for spelling/grammar and whatnot, I had a thought.  When I refer to application above, I was originally referring to something that could be applied in a real-life defensive or offensive situation.  Like we work towards with the 5-application.  But then I thought, couldn't the breathing/calming piece be an application in our day to day?  Couldn't the generation of energy BE the application in a real-life scenario? We are always trying to find the application as a real-life physical fighting application...or I am anyways.  But why can't anything with intent BE the application?  Again...I don't know where I'm going with this but it seems to be building some momentum.  Perhaps I've been too literal with the word application.  This started as clarity between form and application.  But perhaps what I need to do is find clarity in the relationship between intent and application.  And hold up.  Another thought just popped in.  What about internal versus external applications?  Huh.  Okay.  I'll have to come back to this.