Today will mark my 221st consecutive daily blog. When I first made daily blogging a personal requirement, I did so with several benefits in mind. The biggest would be having an accurate and detailed record of my year as well as a dedication to daily reflection. It was also mentioned that my daily blogs have proved helpful to those training from a distance, giving them a way to stay connected. All positive things, right?
Unfortunately, no, not all positive.
As I look over these 220 postings, I see consistent reflection, true. But not deep reflection. And admittedly alot of fluff serving as a checkmark. My blogs this year feel as though I am only scratching the surface of things. And although I had initially thought that daily blogs would prevent me from losing lots of little gold tidbits, it's proving to work the opposite way. If I'm not ready to blog fully and deeply about something, I just put out a "filler" blog, or I just touch on the subject matter in a superficial way, in order to fulfill an act of discipline. And then if I'm still not ready or haven't found the time to dig deeper the next day, once again, I still have that daily blog to fulfill, and so I rattle off another random posting. And so the more valuable thoughts I might be having are eventually scattered all over the place....none connected or complete...because I'm not allowing myself the time to pull it all together. First priority is getting that daily blog in. Even if it sucks. Even if it's just fluff in order to check a box. And so on and so on...all of it spiraling out of control to the point where blogging is no longer my favorite.
My original plan was to blog daily for the year, and then, dependent on the outcome, decide whether I would continue that way. But here I am...a little over half-way through the year, and have already decided that I would not. It turns out I did not need a full year to see that this particular goal is not serving me in a positive way. If I needed to personally improve on my ability to fulfill commitments...or work on my follow through, then yes, continuing with this act of discipline would be important. But as was pointed out to me recently, I am not short on acts of discipline. I have many others that I continue to fulfill and that are serving me much better. I also have many that would likely be doing much better, if I didn't have the daily blog requirement weighing on me each day, stealing from both my time and mental reserves.
So this then raises the following questions.....
Do I push through and finish the year, fulfilling a commitment I made...but also knowing that this requirement is strictly an act of discipline and may actually be harming my blogging (among other things), which has always been my greatest training tool?
Or do I wave a white flag, acknowledge that it isn't working and stop now...returning to the weekly requirement...admitting failure at a personal requirement, but knowing that it will serve me best to do so?
Not fulfilling this requirement will be a blow to my ego for sure. It will hurt to not be able to say I did it. But I also miss how my blogging used to serve me so well. And I don't feel this daily requirement has enhanced that, but rather has taken away.
More of a good thing isn't always a good thing.
ReplyDeleteTime to cut bait. You are right, it is not serving you. It did and now it does not. You have evolved beyond this. You have so many acts of discipline to support your practice, you do not need this one.
The team needs the example your deep, mindful blogging sets. Moving to a different pattern of journalling that allows you to reflect deeper is a positive step and a reflection of what you need now. We need to adapt and always boldly proceed. This may mark a failure on a specific, time sensitive goal but it also marks the successful completion of an attempt to keep mediocrity at bay. One personal goal may look blemished, but mastery is being served. That is an absolute win. That is what this whole process is about.