My "Bad" Side

I find myself becoming increasingly frustrated with my "bad" side.  Not only is it much weaker in strength...but it's also very awkward and uncoordinated.  I have to really concentrate on both my positioning and directional movement because what I want to do on that side, just isn't right.  I will often perform a technique with my "good" side, paying close attention to even the smallest details and then attempt to mirror that on the "bad" side.  Even then, it still doesn't feel correct.  Besides repetitions, I'm not sure what else I can do.  I feel like I'm leaving that side in the dust and I worry it will end up being a huge weakness in the future if I can't somehow help it catch up.  I realize I'll always have a side that is weak-er than the other.  But I don't want a side that's simply weak.

Tips and Tricks from a White Belt - Side Heel

This particular blog entry is essentially just a list of what I've learned about the Side Heel over the last couple of weeks.  These points are either feedback from a Sifu, inspiration from a fellow student or just from myself during my many trials and errors.  All of these have played a huge part in my attempt at improving this kick at a White Belt level.

1.  Focus on directing my energy to the small part of my heel that I will actually make impact with.  The heel should be the furthest thing out as well as the highest part of the foot.

2.  The pivot and the kick happen simultaneously.

3.  The base foot should pivot at least 90 degrees, if not more.  

4.   Keep the upper body as erect as possible to remain over the base leg.  Only lean as needed for counter balance.

5.  Keep my guards up and on the same side as my kick.

6.  "Blade walk" around the house.  It really does reinforce the feeling to become more natural.

7.  Start by kicking low.  Increase the height incrementally as stability and technique improve.

8.  Incorporate both static and dynamic stretching/flexibility exercises. 

9.   Daily repetition. 

10.  Remain clear about my intent. 

I’ve started to see some improvement, but by no means do I have it all figured out.  And I definitely don't think that what I have learned so far will be the magical solution for everybody else.  But I do know it always helps me to break things down before I put them back together. And if this list helps anyone else even just a little....even better.  🙂

It Will Happen When It Happens

Wuxin and Wu Wei.  Beautiful ideals and so very appealing.

In trying to wrap my head around these ideals, I made a connection.  I realized I have actually experienced these in the past.  I'm sure many of us have, without even realizing it had a name.  

I used to play baseball.  And I recall having games where everything just went my way.  Flawless plays without a thought.  Perfect at bats where the ball seemed to come in slow motion and everything just connected perfectly.  I was so at ease and confident.  I knew where to go and what to do without having to think about it.....I could read the play before it happened.....I was "in the zone".

I would then, at times, find myself chasing this feeling.  But the more I chased it, the less it happened.  The more I obsessed, the worse the outcome.

I suppose this would make sense now that I know the definitions of Wuxin and Wu Wei.  The more you're thinking about it...the fuller your mind gets....and suddenly your mindset becomes the complete opposite of the "no mind" you were initially trying to achieve.  The more you force it....the less "effortless" it becomes.  

These are all "big thinking" concepts and they sort of make my mind spin.  It's important to know what they are and what they mean.  And it's important to know they are real and attainable and to recognize when they happen.  But I need to accept that they are not things that can be forced.  Whatever I am working on, whatever I am trying to accomplish, I need to celebrate the moments of success, learn from the moments of failure, and then release both from my mind (I don't mean forget...more like acknowledge and carry on) so I can continue towards my goals with clear resolve.

Train hard, focus, listen and trust the process.....Wuxin and Wu Wei will happen.

This Too Shall Pass...

There was a stretch of days recently where I was feeling really "odd" for lack of a better word.  It was like I had somehow become disconnected from everything.  

I seemed to come away from every encounter, conversation, training session, class, whatever...feeling like it didn't go well...like I didn't do well...like I didn't quite get what I needed from it...like everything was just slightly "off".  I felt as though I was asking all the wrong questions...giving all the wrong answers...doing all the wrong things.  I couldn't quite get the techniques correct.  I felt uncoordinated and off balance.  I felt like the techniques I was able to do a month ago, I could no longer achieve.  I felt like I had finally solved something, but the next day it was back...often worse than before.  It's not like there was anything significant happening in my life...nothing that would have brought me down or caused distraction.  No matter what I did, those feelings remained. 

This was what initially triggered me to reach out about journaling.  I was looking for an outlet to deal with how I was feeling without burdening others.  I'm so glad I did because recording my thoughts day to day turned out to be very beneficial.  Not only was I able to reflect on those feelings while they were happening, but if (when) I experience something like this again, I can look back and see that it didn't last long and was not as big a deal as it felt like at the time.  In fact, looking back on my entries, it was only a few days, even though it felt much longer.  By having a journal, I'll have a great reminder to just push through and keep training, even if I don't want to.  Now that I'm on the other side, feeling balanced again, I'm so glad I didn't lose that time.

Einstein Was a Genius

I realized this morning that the very slightest change of focus will drastically change the outcome in any application.   And I know this concept has been repeated over and over in many different ways...but until it actually "clicks" for a particular scenario, you tend to just go through the motions without gaining anything.  I feel like that's very close...too close....to Einstein's definition of insanity.

I've been working on my side heel.  And I've been working on specific things about it, not just hammering out a bunch of incorrectly performed reps.  The reps will improve my strength, stamina, balance, accuracy, etc...but they won't do much for bad technique or form.  It can be frustrating when you feel like you're taking all the right steps, but not getting the desired result.  In last nights class there was a lot of emphasis on foot technique, specifically blade....which is a big part of my goal of mastering the side heel.  I know in my head what I should be doing, and what my foot should look like with proper form...but it still seems to be hit or miss with actually getting the result I want.  I posed a question at the end of class....and within the answer was "you shouldn't be thinking about your toes".  Don't ask me why that part stuck with me, but it led me to asking myself, "Okay, if I shouldn't think about my toes, what should I think about?"  So this morning, I initially tried emphasizing the blade of my foot.  This seemed a bit awkward....almost too general, and did not result in the desired outcome.  Next I tried pivoting my base foot a bit more...not sure why I thought that would fix the form of my other foot but why not right??...it did not do anything for my kicking foot, but I think I did feel more balanced overall...so a side win there!   I then decided I would try focusing on and directing my force to that small upper part of my heel that I actually want to make impact with.  And wouldn't you know it, the result I wanted was bang on!  It felt both right and strong and I was able to repeatedly get the same outcome.  Isn't it funny how when you finally make a discovery, you feel a bit silly because it seems like it should have been obvious from the start?  Oh well, its a journey....I don't want to get there too fast right?  😉

Now I certainly haven't mastered anything here, but I can definitely feel good about making some progress.  I guess my point is that if something isn't working, I can't just keep doing the same thing over and over hoping it will eventually change.  Trying something...anything....even if it seems small or silly can potentially make a huge difference.  Even the failed attempts will move you forward.

My Achilles Heel

My Kung Fu Achilles heel is actually, ironically, the Side Heel.  I'm sure this will change as I advance.  But for now...I despise the Side Heel.  Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate it....it makes me frustrated...the main reason being that I'm simply not good at it.

I still practice it.  Probably not as much as I should.  And if I'm honest, probably not as hard as I should either.  Okay fine!!.....I confess.....I've really let it take a back seat to pretty much everything else.  But I'm learning that the things we hate the most, and likely the things we are weakest at, are the ones we should probably make ourselves do more often.  Otherwise you end up still hating it, avoiding it, and terrible at it months later.  

And the Side Heel kick is really important!!  It seems to be the basis for so many other techniques!  So it's something I can no longer avoid.  I need to face this head on....or is it "heel on"?  It will not be pretty at first...likely awkward and uncomfortable to watch so be forewarned....but I know, eventually, I'll have a Side Heel so incredible that anyone opposing me will be so fascinated with it's beauty and paralyzed with awe that they'll be easily defeated!!  But I'm probably getting ahead of myself....

In any event...I've written it on my white board....which makes it official.  And I'm posting this publicly so I'm accountable.  I commit to incorporating it daily into my training.  I will master the Side Heel.

I better get started on those 50,000 reps....each leg...

My First Blog

I've never really had an issue expressing myself.  I can hold my own in a conversation with pretty much anyone.  I've done plenty of public speaking.  I've done my fair share of writing.  Truth be told I used to write essays for fun (yes fun!) starting in about Grade 4...and then for cash and beer in high school (please do not tell my kids about the beer...I've got a fictional past I need to maintain until these kids turn 18😉).

Yet I sat down to write this blog, my first, and found myself starting, restarting, revising and deleting over and over again.  So I stepped away...went on to something else and pondered over why I was having such a hard time.  I realized the problem was my thoughts and ideas were all over the place.  Just random words and sentences all linked together very awkwardly because they really had no connection.  I was trying to say too much all at once....trying to solve all my problems (and the worlds') in one little blog.  I literally laughed out loud (does anyone even write the long version anymore?...lol) when I realized the following. 

My writing simply had no intent.  No purpose.  I was unfocused about what I wanted to say, and so I was rambling.  As you can imagine, I heard a voice in my head, saying the same things we've all heard many times over.  

Be clear about your intent.

Have a purpose with your training.

Make a specific goal for what you want to work on.

These blogs are supposed to support and supplement my training, so it would make sense to have intent when writing as well.  That doesn't mean that my initial "drafts" won't always begin with a mish-mash of thoughts and emotions.  Perhaps a separate journal for the random day-to-day thoughts, that don't yet make sense, would be beneficial.  But I think the point of the blog itself is to sift through these thoughts, arrange them so they can be understood and then choose something, whether it be an illuminating insight, a seemingly unsolvable problem or maybe something in between, to reflect on, and hopefully learn from.

I have plenty of work to do regarding intent, both with blogging and on the mats.  But what I do intend to do is keep at it.