Tournament Sparring....The Results

Tiger Challenge 2025 is now past.  And as many of you know, I had been waffling about entering the sparring event. The little push from the team was quite helpful...so thank-you.  But ultimately, there were two main reasons why I ended up "ripping off the bandaid" so to speak.  

One.  For weeks, I had been encouraging and pushing all of my students to set aside their apprehension or nervousness, and to just enter.  How could I, logically, not heed that same advice and set a good example?

Two.  As a Brown Belt I am much more aware of my proximity to grading.  And I suddenly had this terrible, panic inducing thought of my first tournament sparring experience being in the Black Belt division.  Ummm...nope.  If I didn't take the plunge now, I probably never would.

And so I entered.  Not only was it a great experience, but there was quite a bit of fun and a lot of laughs to be had.  As a female opposing two larger males, I definitely had the crowd on my side as the "underdog".  So that was fun....for me that is.  Lol.  Also, partways through my match with Todai Raw, I lost a contact.  I've been wearing contacts since I was about 12....and I have never had one pop out.  But suddenly, at point call, I realized that I couldn't see out of one eye.  Lo and behold, we found it almost crushed under Sifu Rybak's foot.  And so I picked it up, put it on the table, and carried on with the match.  On top of all that, and in typical ironic fashion, I ended up having to fight 3 matches consecutively.  Of course that would happen that way.  Lol.  

But all in all it was actually quite fun.  I came out with a bunch of bruises, a swollen ankle, a few good stories and the knowledge that these things really aren't as scary as we make them out to be.

Mash-Up

So on one hand I am excited to be incorporating some new and important details to my spear form.  I feel like I'm really taking it to the next level.  

On the other hand, I wasn't really thinking about the timing.  

I mean, who breaks their form 72 hours before the Tiger Challenge??

oo!!...oo!!....I do!!!!  ✋✋

As I've been working on these changes, I realized I couldn't really get through a rep anymore in one piece, because my mind was stalling out in different spots trying to think about was I was doing versus what I want to be doing.  And so earlier today I thought, okay...let's just put these changes aside and I'll just do it how I was before, just for the tournament.

Nope.  Doesn't work that way.  Once you put something in that you know is "more right" and "more better"...it's not that easy anymore to go backwards.  

And so I'm in a bit of a "mash-up" phase at the moment.  Little of the new...little of the old...not fully to one side or the other.

Having said all that....would I go back in time and put this progress on hold for the sake of the tournament.  No.  I would not.  I kind of feel like this week has been really advantageous for my form as a whole with some really important steps taken to get it super solid for the Chinese New Year.  But for tomorrow....yeah...it's anyones guess.

But I think I'm at peace with that.  

On another note...I had my doctors appointment for my hand today.  He's fairly certain it's a ligament injury and not something like a break.  He's still sending me for an x-ray though, to make certain.  But he advised me to rest it and not do anything like hitting walls (he intended this as a joke) or the activity that caused the damage in the first place (which would be spear/Kung Fu).  I told him that I will be using my spear, sparring and breaking wooden boards tomorrow.  I think he thought I was joking at first...but then just had an odd look of "wtf" on his face when he realized I was serious.  I also think he knew that it was non-negotiable because he didn't proceed to fight me on it.  So I'm taking his lack of "insistence" as being medically cleared.  😉😜

Tournament Sparring

I have been trying to convince myself to enter the sparring event at the Tiger Challenge for several weeks now.  The thought alone makes me start to panic.

Although I'm starting to feel a little more comfortable in class, the main reason for that is because it's so controlled.  Even when we free-spar, the lower ranking, or less comfortable student, sets the pace.  So there's always that safety net.

A tournament setting, I think, is a whole different dynamic.  At least I'm assuming it is.  I wouldn't expect anyone to hold back because of MY anxiety.  In fact, I'd WANT them to really be able to showcase their skill.  And it's nerve-wracking to think of being just completely obliterated in that setting.  I would have no expectation of winning.  But I would like to at least be a bit of a challenge for someone.

In addition, I also look where I am in my training, and I'm a little embarrassed that sparring is an event that I've never entered.  As a Brown Belt, this sort of feels a little "unacceptable" to me.  And this also adds to the anxiety.

And yes...I realize much of this is ego.  Ugh...

Anyhow, I want to be clear in my intent of this blog and say that I'm not looking for "tire-pumping".  But rather, if anyone has some words of wisdom that could get me out of my head (and into a ring)...lay 'em on me.

I Don't Get It

I injured my hand a while back.  Remember when I turned my spear into a hoe?  Yup, that's when it happened.  When my spear caught, it ended up causing my thumb to jam pretty badly (actually more than just the thumb...but that big meaty part that goes with it).  Ever since then, I haven't been able to grasp anything without some pretty decent pain.  I had hoped it would resolve itself, but here we are, a full 2 months later.  

I've been saying the last couple weeks "I need to make an appointment", but for some reason everything else has beat it on my priority list.  And to be honest, I can't figure out why because it's causing problems in other areas; pottery, ukulele and gardening.  Simple things like squeezing the shampoo and mustard bottles are out of the question as well.  I've been squishing these against other surfaces to get by.

It sounds comical as I describe the struggles, but seriously?...why do we put these things off?  If it were someone else...the kids, dan...I would have made an appointment long ago.

So why, when it come to our own health, do we procrastinate?

Ugh

 I continue to struggle with blogging and I just can't figure it out.  Thoughts, writing, all of it, used to just come so naturally.  And although I've managed to keep doing it, my blogs are just so "meh".

Typically, we say that when we have nothing to blog about, it will usually mean that we aren't training.  But that's really not the case.  I'm working on a lot of different things.  Making progress (I think and hope!!...lol).  Discovering things and finding "ah-ah" moments and staying engaged.  

Yet I continue to struggle to put it on paper in a meaningful way.

And it's gone from being worrisome, to frustrating and now just annoying.

I've tried to tell myself to just not worry about it.  Just write.  And that eventually it will all come back around.  But it hasn't.

Ugh.

Cheater!

There was a reason I chose the forms I did at for the Year of the Snake.  But as I was watching others start to create their own forms, I started to think that I had "cheated" by choosing a form I only had to learn, rather than create.

I am now of a different opinion.  At the start of the year, there is only an illusion that learning an already developed form is "easier".  This illusion comes from the fact that you just need to learn a sequence, where someone creating a form needs to start right from ground zero.  But this also means that when learning an already developed form you need to stay true to that form, and can’t change it to suit your own needs or purpose.  Often, when developing our own, we incorporate the things we are already good at and that feel good.  Or we will make changes to suit ourselves if we think something is too hard or just isn’t working. With another’s form, you can’t do that.  You need to continue to work at it, regardless of whether you like a particular piece. You need to push yourself beyond those arbitrary limits that might surface unconsciously when making our own forms.  

I’m not saying there aren’t advantages and benefits to both methods.  Just that I no longer think it was “cheating”. lol

Mentors

One of my personal requirements this year is to learn how to play the ukulele.  I've been practicing regularly and have been using an app that guides me through different lessons.  I've also watched various videos, trying to pick up what I can but also made a point of asking a friend to mentor me in this.  

There really isn't a substitute for a mentor.  All the YouTube videos in the world, can't replace someone sitting in front of me answering my dumb little questions or pointing out the tiny little details that tend to make all the difference.  Being able to talk about the challenges I'm facing and having someone assure me that they went through the same things.

It's the same with my Kung Fu.  There is huge advantage to all of the practicing and exploring I do solo.  But having a mentor to touch base with now and again seems to act as a grounding tool.  A means to refocus and determine a course of action based on all the self discovery that's been made.

For the last couple years, when setting my requirements, I've made a point of ensuring that I have someone to mentor me in that goal.  And as I look back, most of the goals that I either failed or didn't do well at were the ones that I did not have someone mentoring me.

I can't decide if that's really interesting or just really obvious.

Bubbled Up

This isn't the happiest of blogs.  And might be a little heavy for some.  Just as a forewarning.

I've been dealing with some extra pressures over the last couple of weeks.

My dad and I have always had a difficult relationship.  He has struggled all his life with addiction and has really not taken care of himself.  He and I have gone through some very rocky times and I've worked hard over the last few years to simply accept who he is and try to be grateful for the relationship we do have, as sad and one-sided as it might be.

Having said that, every few years, due to continuous poor decisions, no effort to plan, a lack of care for anyone else around him, and extreme procrastination, he will find himself on the verge of rock bottom.  He continues to age (80), his health continues to deteriorate and he is now totally blind in one eye and near blind in the other.  And he is now a few weeks away from not having anywhere to live.  And none of this is a surprise.  Everything that's happening right now are things we have tried to get him to plan for over the last 10 years when his eyesight first began to fail.

In an effort to ensure he doesn't end up homeless, or worse, I have been spending a lot of my time trying to research alternative living arrangements. Somewhere he can maintain some independence, but also get the help he needs due to his failing eyesight.  I've contacted countless organizations to figure out what sorts of resources are available to him.  Things like CNIB (institute for the blind) and such and getting the ball rolling there, as well as CPAS (Client Patient Access Services in Saskatchewan).  Although it's not even certain he will agree to participate in these things.  His financial resources are also very limited and I've been trying to get a handle on his income to see what other financial assistance he might be able to get.  One thing after another to make sure he ends up somewhere safe and that he can live comfortably and with some happiness.  I've also spent my time and energy organizing my other siblings, as well as trying to keep them all focused on the task at hand...although they mostly are just frustrated and want to vent (understandably) because once again, we are cleaning up a giant mess he's made.

Some might just say..."let him deal with it himself...it's his problem".  And I've said that myself at times....but have never been able to follow through.  He's my dad.  And regardless of the fact that he's never shown care for me, I do care for him.  And so here I am.

As much as this has weighed on me, I've been using my Kung Fu to its fullest potential.  When I've stepped on the mats, I've left it behind.  When I've felt myself get frustrated with his resistance and poor judgement, I've breathed and responded with kindness and empathy.  I've been putting everything I know, all of my knowledge, to work so that I can continue to communicate with him respectively and with sensitivity so that we can hopefully find a solution.  

And until today I thought I was doing okay.

Today I participated in the Sil Lum Seminar.  And the moment I took that first big breath in for our final section of meditation, it was like everything just bubbled up. Everything I've been doing has been about him, to help him, to alleviate his hurt and suffering. Today was the first moment in all of this that I have taken a moment to look internally.  And everything that I have been instinctually feeling...everything that has been getting pushed down further and further...finally had the chance to come out.  Frustration...sadness...and truthfully, a lot of anger.  I am so incredibly angry at him.  He's never been the parent...always the child...even when I, myself, was literally a child.  Until today, I truly didn't realize how angry I was.  

I am thankful that I was online, to be honest.  It wasn't a pretty moment....but it was obviously much needed.

This whole situation still has a long way to go.  And I really don't know how it will turn out.  But I do know, now, that I need to take extra care to have these moments for myself if I have any hope of getting through it without bringing that anger with me.

Mental Space

My day got away from me.  

I’ve been dealing with some family things over the last few days and it’s taken up a lot of my mental space. (Nothing with Dan and the kids!  For those of you that might worry).

But here are my numbers to date.  I’ve fallen behind a little on my spear form but I intend to make those up here this week.  I need to get a bit of sparring in as well.  

The Not So Ideal

I am currently in BC visiting family.  I prepared myself for this mentally in terms of my training because I knew that it would be difficult to just drop and start doing setups in the middles of a family gathering.  And unfortunately, privacy or alone time is limited.  As is space.  And so far it's been raining non-stop.  And so my reps are happening in our bedroom.  Any time I go in there, I make sure I do at least something. And my forms are done as repetitions in very small sections.  Although not ideal, so far so good!

Fatigue

I've been feeling some extra fatigue this week.  

I've been trying to develop my full pushups.  So that's probably part of it.  I'll need to keep a close eye on that.  Typically when I try to push, I end up injuring my shoulder(s).  And then I end up getting set back.  I'm trying to learn from those past experiences, so I'm going to lay off full ones for a couple days and make sure I let my shoulders rest before I push again.  

My legs have been pretty fatigued as well.  I've been working on that jump in the spear form, so that's been working my legs quite a bit.  One of my personal requirements is also 50,000 squats/equiv's. So that's adding to this as well I'm sure.  I've been feeling the fatigue in my hips too a bit.  So I'm monitoring that as well.

I feel good overall....just sore.  Which is better than injured...but certainly has the potential to become injury if I don't listen.  I'm trying to rest this weekend, but at the same time, don't want to lose the ground I've got.  Balance.

Having said all that, this is also why I like the variety of requirements I have.  If I need to back off of one, I've got others to work on so that I'm still moving forward.

1-on-1 AI Recap - March 22, 2025

 *Reminder - AI recaps are not perfect or exact representations of the conversation

Quick recap

Malinda discussed her physical activities and training regimen, expressing concerns about overtraining and seeking advice from Jeff. They also discussed the book "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" and Malinda's personal demo for the grading year. Additionally, they explored different partners for throws and breakfall techniques, and worked on a complex sequence of movements for a martial arts form.

Next steps

• Malinda to continue practicing and refining her 5 applications, particularly focusing on throws with different partners.

• Malinda to work on her personal demo for the grading board, tailoring it to showcase skills that certain board members may not have seen.

• Malinda to practice the new spear form sequence, including the cyclone kick, spinning cyclone, and subsequent movements.

• Malinda to find a larger practice area without obstacles to properly execute the new spear form sequence.

• Malinda to complete reading "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" and prepare her assignment.

Summary

Managing Soreness in New Exercises

Malinda expressed her tiredness and soreness, attributing it to her increased physical activities and new exercises. Jeff advised her that while soreness is good for new activities, it could be a sign of overtraining if it persists. Malinda shared her experience of feeling more sore after a day of rest, indicating a potential need to reassess her training regimen.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Jeff and Malinda discussed the Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance book, with Malinda expressing confusion over the highlighted sections and notes in her copy. Jeff advised her to highlight important sections as she reads, rather than relying on someone else's markings. Malinda also sought guidance on her personal demo for the grading year, feeling uncertain about redoing forms and showing the same material. Jeff suggested that Malinda's demo should focus on her unique strengths and accomplishments, rather than just her Tai Chi skills. He also emphasized the importance of demonstrating her overall progress and achievements to the grading board.

Improving Breakfall Techniques With Female Partners

Malinda discussed her experiences with different partners, finding that throws felt better with Leon and Todai Raw compared to Laura. Jeff explained that this could be due to Owen's background in wrestling and his skill in grappling, which allows him to work with the thrower more effectively. Jeff also advised Malinda on proper breakfall techniques, emphasizing the importance of holding on to the partner during the throw to gauge the fall accurately. Jeff suggested that Malinda work with female partners, like Laura, to improve her breakfall skills.

Martial Arts Form Sequence Refinement

Jeff and Malinda discussed a complex sequence of movements for a martial arts form. Jeff guided Malinda through the steps, emphasizing the importance of proper technique and using the weapon to its full potential. They also discussed the need for Malinda to practice the sequence in a larger area without distractions. The next steps involve Malinda refining the sequence and incorporating it into the form.

The Need For Good Leaders

The Tiny Tigers age ranges from about 5-7.  So they're pretty young.  Easily distracted and need help staying focused.  And that's on a good day.  Lol.

Even so, everything about the most recent Tiny Tigers class felt extra "high-strung" for lack of a better word.  It wasn't that anyone was being "bad" per se.  But it felt like the class was just abnormally "amp'd" up and I, as an Instructor, felt like I was on constant high alert.  

I think I realized afterwards why this was.

Due to the roads, it was a small class.  Only 6 kids.  Which you'd think would have made things easier.  But I realized later on that 5 of those 6 kids were actually our "more rambunctious" ones.  We have a few kids in the Tiny Tigers that require a lot more hands on by the instructors.  A lot more redirection.   A lot more help paying attention and re-focussing.  Great kids!  Just a lot more high-maintenance, so to speak.

And they happened to be 5 of the 6 in that class, making the ratio of leaders to followers completely out of whack.  I think I realized, from this class, just how important it is to have good leaders in a group...and to have enough good leaders to support the rest.  The leaders not only set a good example but their energy also tends to keep the class grounded.

Without good leaders, without good examples for all of us, it can be easy to lose control and let chaos reign.