But What If You Did?

I have been feeling very bound by the IHC requirements.

As my abilities and knowledge expand, as my goals and interests increase, there are more and more things providing me with excitement and stimulation on my journey to Mastery.  In class, we will work on new things...or maybe old things with a different perspective, and I want to race home with it, and explore it further.  But instead, I find myself pushing these things aside because, first and foremost, I have a commitment to my IHC requirements.  And more often than not, once I have fulfilled those numbers for the day, I have no time or energy...or quite honestly, even interest...for more.  The spark that was ignited by something outside the requirements, has been stifled and has passed.  And I start to feel resentful.  Each day I do my allotted number, and that is it.  Rarely do I get other training in.  My focus is towards that 50,000 mark...or that 1000 mark...and it is a perfectly straight line...no ups...no downs...just a perfectly straight, boring line. 

I know that these requirements serve a purpose.  I've both seen, and reaped the benefits of this plan that has been laid out for us.  But I have lost sight of it's true purpose and value.  My vision has shifted to a complete focus on the numbers.  Fulfill the numbers, fulfill the numbers, fulfill the numbers.  Although I try to blame the requirements, I am here by my own volition. 

I've used a couple of 1-on-1s now to talk about and brainstorm this struggle.  And some really great advice and strategies have come from both.  But I would like to share with you, the outcome of one, in particular, because...well...it's both awesome and hilarious.  Please keep in mind, this is the short version and has been paraphrased.

Me:  I'm struggling with my IHC requirements.  I'm feeling really tied down.  Day after day I'm just doing my daily number of reps...basically just staying afloat.  But not really working on the things I want to work on.  I know it will sound immature, but I just want to do what I want.  And I feel like all I ever have time for are the IHC requirements.  I know I'm just focusing on the numbers....just putting in the effort to reach a daily quota.  And I'm not sure how to adjust my mindset.

Sifu:  I can make a suggestion but I don't think you'll be happy with it.  Do you want to hear it?

Me:  Of course I want to hear it!  (Secretly hoping I'm told to scrap all my requirements and just work on whatever I want).

Sifu:  Make your goal 60,000.

Me:  $#@!$!!....

Sifu:  You might not understand right now why I'm challenging you to this....but hopefully you will figure it out one day.

Me:  I'm never going to reach that goal this far into the year.

Sifu:  Maybe not...but what if you did?

And so here I am.  So far behind that the numbers don't even seem to matter at this point.  I am completing my "base" number of 180 during my morning training time and then am utilizing bits of the day to do 10 here or 20 there in an attempt to claw my way to this new goal.  I honestly don't even know where I stand.  I can see the gigantic number that I'm behind on my app...but I have no idea how many, specifically, I should be doing each day in order to reach that goal.  And honestly, I don't want to know.  My problem initially was worrying about that number...and only working to achieve that number...the bare minimum, each day.  The "bare minimum" is the birthplace of mediocrity.

So do I suddenly have more hours in the day?  No.  Have I cut anything from my day?  No.  

Yet, not only am I sneaking in some extra push-ups and sit-ups, but also am finding some opportunities for spinning back kicks...or a couple reps of a non-IHC form (or whatever else ignites a passion that I want to run with at the moment).  I can't explain the mind shift.  But I do feel better....I feel rejuvenated.  Although I might mutter various curses under my breath while pumping out a few extra reps here and there, it is mixed with laughter and I am feeling the (self tied) binds that were holding me down, slowly loosen.  

And yes...as Sifu said...hopefully I will figure it out one day.

Energy Split

I've been very unhappy with the portion in my form where I throw a side heel from a high back stance, followed by a spinning back kick, followed by a 180 degree turn on that same base leg into a pose.  I essentially end up in the same spot, except my high back changes to a pose.

This sequence has consistently felt weak and is probably the most difficult portion of my form.  Probably the biggest concern has been my ability to maintain my balance and slide gracefully into that pose.  And there are many different things I've been working on since it's inception, in an attempt to bring it all together.  Foot position, finishing the kick before going to the next step, reconsolidating back to crane stance, stepping into my pose rather than falling, maintaining my alignment...to name a few.  Nothing, has ultimately, solved my problem.

I've actually become somewhat scared of performing in class or in public, because I never really know what's going to happen.  I have not been in control of this portion of my form.  It has never been up to me how it turns out.

Last night was one of those incredible moments of understanding.

After several stumbles...and after recognizing that I was essentially pulling myself off balance with that kick because the rest of my body basically wanted to follow....I finally told myself that once I planted my foot, getting ready for that spinning back kick, I no longer wanted it to move.  It needed to stay put because that foot, that pivot point, is what transitions the kick to the pose.  It needs to turn, yes...but it shouldn't release, if that makes sense.  And although I may have thought I was already doing this, once I made that my specific intent, with the next rep I felt a huge difference. This time, I specifically forced my energy to my planted foot, rather than throwing it all with the kick.  That base foot stayed connected.  It did not release.  It did not allow my leg to straighten and extend.  Although it turned, it remained grounded.  Or at the very least, it "re-grounded" very quickly.  And when I threw that spinning back kick, I not only felt that power go out with the kick, but I felt that connection back to the earth with that opposite leg.  Two separate forces of energy, going two separate ways, yet connected at my core.  At least that's what it felt like.  I did not feel off balance.  I did not stumble.  Because I was stable and grounded to the earth.  And I remained that way as I carried through to the pose.  

Now, of course, I'm very excited about possibly finding this solution for this specific portion of my form.  Obviously I still need to work on this more to ensure that this discovery is repeatable.  And so far so good.

But I'm finding myself curious about much more.

In that moment I thought to myself how that energy going to the earth was just as strong as the energy in my kick.  How it was just as important...perhaps even more so.  I realized that "splitting" my energy in these two directions didn't weaken my kick, but instead strengthened it.  And that "splitting" isn't really splitting, but more like multiplying.  And...and...and...many other thoughts marinating.

Very curious to see where this all goes.  

It Could Be About Anything

Time after time, I was unsuccessful.  Years of work...hours upon hours of time....so many failures...so many disappointments.  I found myself frustrated....wanting to quit.  But I wouldn't let myself.  I knew at the start it was a big goal to have.  I knew it would be challenging.  And so with each failed attempt I tried to learn something.  With each fail I gained just a little bit more insight...a little bit more knowledge...a little bit more experience.  I remained persistent...I remained patient....I kept trying.  Confident (or sometimes just hopeful) that eventually I would get it right.

And eventually I did.

What am I talking about?....specifically, this blog was initially inspired by a recent success with a grant application for which we will receive over $115,000 for the new playground at the kids' school. Woohooo!!!!

But as I wrote, I realized that if I removed the words specific to this event (which I did), it could pretty much be about anything I might aspire to achieve.

Put in the effort.  Learn from the mistakes.  Put in more effort.  Be patient.

A Green Ninja

I don't know if others have felt certain things with different belt levels, but for some reason I feel a real connection with this Green belt that I don't recall feeling with others so far.

I found myself thinking of the movie, LEGO Ninjago.  (Really fun movie if you haven’t seen it.). I recalled how most of the Ninjas had special powers like lightning, fire, earth, water and ice.  And then there was Lloyd.  Whose element was "green".  Of course this didn't make sense to him at the time...and seemed very underwhelming in comparison to all the other more impressive elements the others had.  But eventually he came to understand his true inner power.  And how important it really was.

Lloyd:  "Green is the colour of life. It flows through all living things... connecting them all. The way I connect the ninjas....or the way I connect my family...whether we're together or not.”

Wu: "Some powers are ones you cannot see, but those are the most important powers of all."

Obviously I’m no ninja with powers of any kind.  But Green definitely is the colour of life.  And something tells me this next phase of my journey is going to be really important.  A place where I will really start to grow. A place where I will start to make some key connections.  A place of exploration.  A place where the external and internal start to come together.

Or perhaps it will be an utter disaster.  Either way it will all depend on me and I look forward to my time as a Green Ninja.  

To Be Bold

I still struggle to practice my Kung Fu in front of certain people.  While some will encourage and support me, others find it strange and foolish.  For me, this is one of the reasons training, while away, can be so difficult.  I can tell it makes some people uncomfortable, and so then I feel uncomfortable.  I can tell that some people are judging me, and so I begin to doubt my ability.  I will find myself hiding away, often in very cramped spaces, trying not to make any noise or bring any attention to myself…ultimately sacrificing the quality of my training.  

I’d like to be confident and bold and am hoping, in time, this will be something I can change.

Ps.  Look who I bumped into here on the island!  

Help Needed...Apply Within

Normally I am pretty good at challenging and motivating myself, but recently I've felt a bit lost.  Foggy even.  Disconnected.  Struggling to find validation in my efforts or in quantifying my progress.  I know it's there, but I'm mostly relying on faith and trust.

Where I continue to feel elated and confident is in teaching.  I am consistently challenged by those kids in so many different ways.  But I want to get that feeling back in my own training.

I can recognize that I’ve been feeling like this for too long and so this blog is my cry for help.  I will be away this coming week, and so will be without my regular training and teaching schedule, and outside of my space.  And I feel like now is when I need it most.  And so I ask for a challenge.  Give me something to think about....something to ponder...a puzzle to work at.  Perhaps it's something you, yourself, are currently thinking on...perhaps it's something you've already solved...perhaps a particular part of a form that you have found to be particularly enlightening.  Throw something at me (not literally).

I need to wake up my brain.

Sssssh...Don't Tell

This blog contains some thoughts I've been thinking for quite some time...but was doing my best to ignore.  I'm sharing them now because they continue to get louder and I either need to just blog and work my way through it, or if that doesn't work, have someone help me readjust my mindset.  I'm fully prepared to be schooled.

I find myself questioning some of the IHC requirements.  Let me rephrase.  I find myself questioning the value of some of them for me.

Pushups and situps.  The requirements that I would rather do without and that I fail to see how they support my progress.

There I said it. *nervously looking around*

Ok, now that nobody has whacked me over the head....let's continue.

Firstly, don't misunderstand me.  On paper...on an intellectual level, I understand their benefits.  The most obvious is building strength.  And I can see that they also support discipline, being that the simple process of committing to them and following through, contributes to building that particular characteristic.  I know these things.  I promote these things to others.  But it turns out I'm a bit of a hypocrite.  Specifically to myself, I feel as though there are a million other things I'd rather do to support my strength and discipline.  Things I'd enjoy more, and probably be happier doing.

So here is my issue.  I cannot seem to get the most out of these requirements as I currently have them laid out.  They have become hoops I jump through each day.  I do them because I said I would, and that's pretty much it.  I fail to see improvement and I fail to see the benefit to my physical self.

Again and again, I will try to slowly build up to full pushups and full situps, but eventually (and it never seems to fail) I will slowly  (excruciatingly slowly) work my way up to a certain point and then, BAM, my shoulder is injured, my back is injured...and then I'm back to recovery and maintenance mode where I am back to modifications.  And repeat.  I never seem to make headway...I never feel any stronger.  It's become a vicious cycle and I find myself sitting in a modified "prevention" mode, scared to repeat the same injuries over and over.

And so here I am.  Day after day, simply ticking off a box.  As I said, I continue to fulfill these requirements, because I made a commitment to do so, but because I fail to see their real value, because I fail to see improvement, because I fail to push harder (due to injury or fear of said injury) I can't help but question whether my time would be better spent on other things, such as forms, or kicks, or anything else.  And I find myself resentful, feeling that I'm wasting my time.

Having said all that, and knowing that this program has been laid out as such to deliver success, I will challenge my poor attitude with the following,

Is this just my innate human nature of laziness peaking it's head out?  Maybe
Am I looking and finding any and all excuses to convince myself that I, specifically, don't need to do these particular requirements?  Perhaps
Is it a coincidence that the requirements I don't feel are serving me also happen to be the ones I dislike the most?  Probably not
Is it a coincidence that the requirements that I dislike the most are also the ones I'm no good at?  Damn it

Am I just looking for someone to tell me it's okay if I don't fulfill these requirements?  That would be nice, yes.

I think this is where most of us struggle.  It's not that we don't intellectually understand the benefits of something.  It's that we are convinced that it's different for us somehow.  We can tell someone else in one breathe "yes this is the answer"...and then tell ourselves in the next "it's not right for me because of [insert excuse here]"

Aaaaaaand I’ve come full circle.

IHC Number Update - August 3, 2022

My August IHC Update - Approximately 51% into the Year of the Tiger

Year of the Tiger - Feb 1, 2022 to Jan 21, 2023 (354 days)

✅ = achieving/exceeding my numbers or generally on track where numbers don't really apply.

❌ = behind on my numbers or things aren't going well, where numbers don't apply.

➖ = unsure of progress, the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet, it may take the full year to properly evaluate, or it's something I would need my instructors to determine my success/failure.  I've decided to still list these things here just as a reminder that they are still requirements.

Base Requirements

✅ Hand Form - Dou Ti  520/1000

✅ Weapon Form - Stick 1 and 2  519/1000

✅ Push-ups  26,033/50,000

✅ Sit-ups  26,002/50,000

❌ Sparring  487/1000 *Still behind...but clawing my way back up

✅ Kilometers 998/1609

✅ Acts of Kindness 531/1000

✅ Blogging/Online Presence

✅ Unexcused Absences

❌ Mastery by Stewart Emery

✅ Mend a Relationship - This has been slow but consistent!

➖ Lion Dancing - Instructors call

❌ Tiger Challenge

✅ Public Performances

➖ Core Curriculum - Instructors call

✅ SRKF Projects and Initiatives

Personal Requirements

➖ Learn how to reclaim my pottery clay

⭐ Establish a 15 minute/2km run time

⭐ Box Jumps

✅ Monthly date with Dan

❌ Lion Dance Drumming

➖ Weekend Kung Fu Training with Kids - This has slid over the summer 😬

✅ Chi Development

➖ 3 x 1 Month "Clean Eating Challenge" -  1 more month to go in October

✅ Record Numbers of all known forms.  There is no specific number I'm trying to reach.  My personal requirement is simply to record them.

• Awakening the Dragon = 22
• Broadsword 1-2 = 8
• Da Mu Hsing 1-5 = 45
• Hsieh Chien = 32
• Lao Gar 1-3 = 43
• Long 1 = 23
• Hung 1-2 = 43

❌  I AM Project 14/30 - Only 1 behind.  Catching up!!!