Then I Lost It

I made some adjustments to my training now that I'm part of the I Ho Chaun team.  As you are all very well aware, there are many requirements that need daily attention (incremental progression!!) in order to meet the annual goal.  So these things are now getting preference in my daily training.

But I think my kicks are suffering.  I still have 2 training days a week dedicated to kicks and core class curriculum, but I don't think it's enough.  I'm noticing a bit of a breakdown.  

I tend to think my overall training schedule is appropriate.  But what I may need to do is add a weekly focus on one particular kick to try and keep that part of my training up to par.  I feel like kicks are so important for so many other aspects and I don't want to let them fall to the wayside.  For example, I may choose a kick each week and do 100 extra of those each day on top of my regular training.  Splitting them up into several sets would be doable throughout the day I think.  I'm curious as to how much time others spend on their kicks.  Maybe I'm totally out to lunch here??

Having said that....one positive this morning.....something clicked with my side heel....I seemed to have the timing with my kick and pivot working really well....I could almost feel a "snap" as everything was just lining up perfectly.  Then I switched legs and lost it.  🤦‍♀️

Those White Cookies

We often talk about the importance of history and knowledge and how so much is lost when someone passes on.  And because of some recent experiences some of you have shared (thankyou for being willing and able to do that), I've been thinking about this alot and have found myself inspired by your words and insight.

My grandma and I were quite close.  I lived with her for a time when I was in high school. She taught me how to bake.  And she taught me how to cheat at cards.  I taught her that girls didn't automatically have to cook and clean...although they could if they chose to.  She passed away when I was 16 at the age of 87.

I inherited her cookbooks.  Her handwritten personal cookbooks.  There are recipes dating back to 1935....with most pages loose and falling out....some crumbling if handled too roughly.  Mostly I just like looking at them and seeing her handwriting.  It's funny how I feel connected to her through those pages.

The thing with all her recipes is that there really isn't much for instructions.  A list of ingredients and that's it.  No cooking temperatures or times.  Sometimes it's not even clear what it's supposed to be....is this pudding?.....or cookies?  So all of those details were just in her head.  There is also a huge variety of content.  Pickling recipes, jams, casseroles, "dainties" (points to whomever knows what I'm talking about 😉)....but also some home made medicinal remedies and about 4 pages of instructions on how to make cheese....for cheese she decided to get detailed apparently.

There was a cookie she used to make that was the family favorite.  Oddly enough, even though it was a favorite, nobody bothered to give it a name.  So I just call it "those white cookies" now.  No matter the name, nobody has tasted these cookies since she passed away in 1995.  Nobody knows the recipe.  And although I made them with her many times, I always just followed her lead.  The recipe may have even been in her head for all I remember.  I have spoken with family members, trying to piece things together.  Hunting down various "clues" as to what people remember about these cookies.  Hints of this...or bits of that.  It's been challenging since everyone seems to remember them a little bit differently.  

I'd like to attempt to resurrect this recipe.  I've looked through her recipe books many times, and there are several that "might" be it.  Although, as mentioned earlier, without baking instructions its difficult to know what I'm actually baking.  So I'm going to start working through these recipes and I am going to see if I can't find the long lost cookie.  If I actually find the recipe, or even if I'm able to piece together something that resembles it....I will basically be a family hero.  But my main goal is to reconnect with my Grandma and hopefully revive some of her lost knowledge so it can maybe carry on a bit longer in me and my kids.

The Little Things

The power of the Chinese New Years Banquet is absolutely incredible.  

The inspirational speeches, the black belt promotions, the stories, the awards, the I Ho Chaun demos...

Whenever I witness these things I'm always just blown away with the incredible talent, commitment and dedication of everyone at Silent River.  Immediately following the banquet, both kids decided they needed to practice their Kung Fu before heading to bed....so that itself shows the kind of inspiration this event can have.  Emma's favourite moment was Sifu Rybak being promoted to 5th degree and becoming Master Rybak.  Nathan continues to feel devastated for Sifu Lindstrom and his broken spear.  Dan's was when he heard his song suggestion at the end of the IHC demo video.  Lol.

Congratulations to Sifu Thomson, Sifu Estey, Sihing Kohut and Sihing Whitehouse-Strong for your incredible achievement.  Congratulations to Master Rybak, Sifu Vantuil, Sifu Csillag, Sifu Lindstrom and Sifu Chervanka for your continued efforts to mastery.  Congratulations to Sifu Ward on receiving Black Belt of the Year in his first year of being a Black Belt!  And congratulations to all the Little Leopard, Tiny Tigers and Black Dragon Award recipients.  You guys are our future leaders and I can't wait to see what you do.  

The banquet was made even more special for me by being this years recipient of the the Travis Panasiuk Memorial Award.  I know he held a special place at Silent River and it's an honour to have my name added to the amazing list of students that have received it before me. I hesitate to put a spotlight on myself, but I do want to take a moment to say Thankyou.

In addition to all of this, there were some other things I noticed that really made me proud to be a part of Silent River Kung Fu.  As I looked at the tiny little mini-screens, I saw that many people had continued the tradition of Chinese food.  Some had even decorated.  There were people in uniform or that made a point of wearing something "SRKF".  Many people had their whole family gathered and had created their own special "spin-off" event at home.  Everyone clapped and cheered even though they couldn't be heard, and most likely not seen.  What makes this special is that people didn't do these things to be recognized.  They didn't do them because they were told to.  They did them to show their support and to immerge themselves in the spirit of the event.  They did them to make the main portions of the night just that much more special.

The little things do matter and they do make a difference.  Let's keep doing them even if nobody is watching.

The Knife - Part I

I have chosen the knife as my weapon for the Year of the Ox.

The main portion of my training will be using the Goju-Shorei weapons system developed by Master Dave McNeill.  There are a series of strike, block and tip sets I will be learning, as well as the Talon Form.  I have been fortunate enough to gain access to some very old training videos of Master McNeill, as well as a PDF manual.  Not only has this content essentially been archived, with a newly redesigned system taking it's place, but it is also content not typically taught until a higher level.  So I'm very grateful to not only have been given the opportunity to study this style, but to be studying it in it's earlier form.  

It feels right for me to start at the beginning.  And perhaps, one day, I will be able to share it, and pass it on to others.

Note:  Here's the link to the Goju-Shorei website if you'd like to know more.

https://gojushorei.com/

In The Moment

Sifu Dennis is always telling us, with our Tai Chi, to stay in the moment.  We have a tendency to anticipate the next move, and very often, without even realizing, our body starts moving towards the next step, without fully completing the one we're on.  

Staying in the moment is actually very difficult when working on something that requires physical movement.  At least it has been for me.  Initially, your main focus is just remembering the steps to a form (or an application with a sequence of moves).  So it's quite natural that you start thinking of the next step prematurely.  If you don't, you end up stalling out, losing your momentum, and find yourself standing there lost.  You basically lose your train of thought.  So to avoid that, you will often have the next several moves all lined up in your head, ready to go.

Now I think this is okay at first.  It's important to get the steps memorized.  If you don't know the steps, you can't really practice much.  The downside here is that you aren't really giving each technique your full attention.  And I think this can have a couple different results.  Either you end up rushing the technique...or you may end up not fully completing it at all.  I suppose it could also be a combination of the two.

Whenever I am practicing my forms, right from the beginning of my training, I have always found myself thinking that I'm going too fast and that I need to slow down.  And so I would start over, with the intent of going slower at the forefront of my mind....but it would never fail that I'd just end up hammering through again the exact same way.  I always wondered why this was.  I always wondered why I couldn't seem to slow down even though I was specifically trying to.  I know we all end up developing our own "style" when it comes to forms.  So I thought that maybe this was just my "style".....the speedy Gonzales style.  But now I don't think this was right.  I think it was my inability to stay in the moment with each technique.  I was going from one step to the next by memory alone, and because I had several steps lined up in my head, I just naturally sped through them faster than I would have liked.

This morning I felt a change.  I started my Lao Gar form with Sifu Dennis in my mind telling me "stay in the moment".  And for once, I actually seemed to be able to do just that and got some first hand experience with how this should feel.  Each step seemed fulfilled.  Each technique complete.  It didn't seem so choppy...so fast.  I felt as though I just flowed from one technique to the next.  Like each technique was both separate, and connected.  

Now having said that, I couldn't tell you if this change was physical (ie. external) or if it was more to do with my energy (ie. internal).  In the moment it felt like it could have been both.....but most definitely internally.  In hindsight I wish I had taken a video because it would be interesting to know if anything seemed different from an external viewpoint.  I'll make sure to get a video next time....assuming I will be able to repeat this moving forward.  

Maybe I just had a great "one-off" morning.  Or maybe I have done enough repetitions of Lao Gar that I've entered the next stage where I won't have to necessarily anticipate the next move anymore.  Maybe what I'm experiencing is a shift from memorized techniques, to more natural ones.

Who even knows the answer....not I.   But I will keep you posted.

Out Of My League

This is one of those blogs that a person is hesitant to post.  It's the kind that leaves you feeling a little exposed....maybe a bit silly.  But if I'm going to do this, I need to do it fully and honestly.

I'm not going to lie.  Yesterday's Q&A left me feeling somewhat....dense...for lack of a better term.

Most of the content just went over my head.  I struggled to keep up.  I feel like I should be able to understand...but I often don't even have a proper frame of reference....simply because I haven't been training long enough.  I want to be engaged, but everyone else with the same engagement is just so much further along.  

It's as if my physical, mental and spiritual components just don't quite jive.  Like there's a disconnect between what I'm capable of physically and what I'm capable of mentally or spiritually.  I don't even know if that makes sense.
  

At one point I took note of everyone in attendance.  And, I think the closest ranking to me was Blue.  And I suddenly felt way out of my league....like I didn't quite fit.

But I'm not quite sure where I do fit.

I'm not even sure if any of this makes sense.  But it's certainly clouding my vision today.

Brrrrrr

It dawned on me yesterday morning that everything I do...every single choice I make...sets an example for my kids.

I've always known my choices will affect them....but what I mean is that even the smallest "insignificant" things have an impact as well.  The things that I'm doing on "auto-pilot", without thinking, are going to make their way into their psyche, just as easily as the choices that require more time and thought.  Probably more so because they're done on a daily basis and occur more regularly.

For instance...the busses to school are cancelled due to the cold.  But it wasn't even a question that I would drive them.  They didn't ask to stay home.  There were no arguments.  If school is open, then they go.  Because school, for us, is their biggest responsibility.  They know this by now.  So unless there are some really extreme circumstances preventing them getting there....then we get them there.

I feel that, to stay home...to miss school...even though there's an obvious, alternative way to get there, only shows them that there ARE excuses to sidestep responsibility.  There ARE excuses for skipping a class.  There ARE excuses to avoid commitments.

Every skipped class because I'm feeling lazy.  Every sick day, without being sick.  Every last minute cancellation because I'm just tired.  They see them all.  And they learn.

And I don't want to teach them that.  They will find enough excuses on their own to avoid commitments and responsibility....I need to try not to hand them any.

When I Grow Up

I have chosen the knife as my weapon for the Year of the Ox.  As part of my research for this training I reached out to Sifu Solinger, who developed a double dagger form a few years ago and was generous enough to point me specifically to the 2016 Chinese New Years Banquet video.

But this blog isn't about my knife.

I just finished watching the video and am absolutely in awe of every single person in that demonstration...many of the faces familiar.

I can't even fathom having that kind of skill...precision...speed....control.  It feels so far beyond what I will ever be capable of.  But any time I see these demos, I am always inspired to try.  

I am so fortunate and thankful to be training with all of you for the Year of the Ox....and hopefully for many IHC years to come.

I aspire to be like all of you when I grow up.

My Cloud

Although the Year of the Ox doesn't officially start until February 12, I've been working on some of my personal goals.   I figured there's no sense in holding off if I'm feeling inspired.

One aspect of a personal goal involves me painting a cloud in water colour.  It's also, in my opinion, one of the most important pieces of this goal, so I really want to get it just right.

It is not going well.  

I can't figure out what about this is so difficult for me.  I have a concept in my mind...not even a concept...I know exactly what I want this to look like, but I can't seem to get this to translate onto the paper.  More and more versions just get added to my pile of drafts.  One, maybe 2, aren't completely terrible...but still don't quite fit my vision.  Some of them I look at and literally laugh because they are so far off my intent that it's comical.

Then I started thinking.....maybe I can apply the same process here that we do in Kung Fu when our outcome isn't what we expected.  Perhaps I need to work my way backwards to see what my actual intent here was.

Turns out my intent with pretty much every single one of these was "hurry up and get this done".  And that's basically a terrible attitude to have in anything you do.  The "instant results" attitude doesn't work.  It's about the journey....not the destination.

So moving forward I'm going to focus my efforts on my water colour skills.  I'm going to learn some more techniques.  I'm going to let go of some of the expectations I have...some of the pressures I'm putting on myself.  I'm going to play around and have some fun with it....enjoy the process.

My cloud will come.