The Rest Is Above My Pay Grade

A common theme amongst many blogs recently has been focusing on transitions in our forms, and how we maintain our skeletal alignment during these transitions in order to maximize the efficacy of the intended technique.

During this focus, we've been challenged to play around with different things and experiment...to tweak things here and there to see what feels good to us.

Now I initially wrote "see what works"...but that wasn't quite right.  That would imply that other methods, or other variants....or even the original intention of the form...DON'T WORK and might be wrong for me.  But I don't think that's the right approach.

What feels good (or better) is a very personal thing.  And it may only feel right because it happens to be the easiest way when I'm first starting out.  So although I really do like playing around with different things and experimenting...there is infinite value in that...but I definitely caution myself in making "what feels right" into an absolute.  

Our forms were designed and developed by others before us.  Others much more talented and insightful than I, that's for sure.  And so I am not only challenging myself to experiment with adjustments that might feel better...but I also challenge myself to stay true to the form and try and figure out why the creator thought THAT way was better.  Sure it feels better if I take a step with that open X at the end of LG3 (as a specific example of what I'm getting at).  But the form itself does not have a defined step.  So how do I get that same feeling of strength and power without it?  

Really this is all just a progression in how to challenge myself and not just sit in an absolute answer because it feels good in the moment.

First, make some tweaks as needed to get the intended technique to work and feel right.  Good...now I have an idea of what it should feel like.

Now go back, and take those changes away, and STILL try to get the intended technique to work and feel right.

What challenge comes after that, I'm not sure.  That's above my "pay grade" at the moment.  

Learning Is A Skill

I enrolled in a pottery class at the Parkland Potters Guild in Stony Plain.  I've taken classes with them before but it's been several years.  I decided to do it to hone my skills and hopefully learn some new things to add to my repertoire.  I don't really have a "mentor" in pottery and it's nice to be able to have that sometimes.

This is a Beginner/Intermediate class and it's about 50/50 for people with experience and the total newbies.  I would venture a guess that I am the most experienced potter in the class, yet I have noticed a few things.

I seem to be the only one that consistently watches and engages in the demonstrations.  The other students tend to continue on with whatever they are working on...only paying the slightest attention to the instructor and lesson content.  I get that they want to get their hands dirty...the class is only so long...but they are missing a lot of really important information.  

I also seem to be the only one that attempts to do the "assignments" in the way that the instructor has laid it out.  Sure I could continue to do these things my own way, but I feel that sort of defeats the purpose of taking the class.  The point of this is to expand my knowledge and learn some new techniques and skills.  Again, I see the other experienced students missing out on some valuable lessons.

I am also finding that I am seeing a lot of details that others aren't catching.  My eye for detail is definitely advanced and I've been catching the smallest of things that are making really big differences in my throwing technique.

No I am not here to just toot my own horn and to tell you how great I'm doing.  Lol.  What I'm saying is that, even though I'm probably the most experienced in the class, I'm also the one most engaged as a student.  I know the instructors have a lot of knowledge to offer me, and my mind, and heart, are open and receptive to learning.  Learning is a skill and I can definitely attribute my level of this skill to my Kung Fu training.

Sept 13, 2025

 

Pointing Fingers

Confidence is something we all lack at times.  

Where I lack confidence the most is in conflict.  I always do my best to be clear in my communications...both in personal or professional situations.  I am direct.  Consistent. And concise.  I do everything I can to lay out all the details and check off all the points when relaying information to someone.

So when a person comes back to me after a time...pointing a finger...laying blame on me for an issue they are experiencing, I take it to heart.  I lose sleep.

If I was in error, I do not struggle with saying so.  But if I know I did my due diligence, I want to be able to approach that conflict with confidence so that I don't end up absorbing that misdirected anger and frustration.

What I do, instead, is second guess myself.  Could I have explained things better?  Should I have double-checked?  Should I have sent reminders?  What other tools or resources can I create so this doesn't happen again?  Maybe they are right...maybe I should have known what they meant....or been able to foresee their intentions.

Having said that, I don't know if I could ever eradicate this altogether.  I think there will always be people that misdirect their anger and frustration over things they could have controlled.  People that will always hold others accountable for the challenges they face, but never themselves.

Construction Zone

Kwoon week has been quite productive. Although sometimes it's hard to tell when you're in the thick of it.  

I find that while working on a renovation project...one which requires a lot of that "behind the scenes" work (ie. design and planning, coordination, drywall, taping, mudding...and all the other things that sit hidden behind the final product that everyone else sees)...it takes a while before you feel like you're actually accomplishing something.  When there are still loads of materials piled around you...or tools and supplies scattered about...it can feel a bit overwhelming and as though you're not really making any progress.  In fact, it can feel like you're digging yourself further and further into a job that you maybe didn't think was going to be so complex or take so long.

But then suddenly, things will turn...and you'll start to be able to envision the final result.

This is a lot like our Kung Fu.  There are times when it feels like we are putting so much time and effort in, yet we aren't seeing the results we'd like.  We continue to work, yet we are having difficulty envisioning what the final outcome will be.  It can be hard to remember that it's all the "ugly" stuff behind the paint that gives the work integrity.  And maybe we even start second guessing whether we are doing the right things, or making the right decisions along the way.  We look around and all we see is unfinished bits and pieces, tools, supplies, dust and garbage everywhere.  Maybe we even have to do something over again because it didn't quite turn out the first time.  And everything is a bit of a disaster zone really.  But eventually, we get to a point where we can start putting things away, little by little.  Drywall is up...we won't need those cutoffs anymore...let's get rid of those.  Done sanding...let's vacuum up that dust.  Priming complete...let's get rid of those cans.

And eventually, little by little, the whole space starts coming together bit by bit.  

The hardest part, I find, is to simply trust the process.

Clutter

We've taken advantage of having my in-laws here and have been accomplishing some projects around the house.  Much of it has involved organization, getting rid of old junk and downsizing.  What a difference an organized space make with my mindset.  When my house gets cluttered, I always feel a certain amount of anxiety.  Once it's clean is when I can relax and focus on more pleasurable things.

What I haven't been able to figure out is the chicken or the egg.

Does my mind become cluttered because of my cluttered space?

Or does my space become cluttered because of my cluttered mind?

Aug 16 Numbers

Apologies team.  I've been running ragged since my in-laws arrived.  But here are some numbers.

Camping

We are just out camping this weekend.  It's been really nice spending some much needed time slowing down and breathing in nature.  

I do find it a bit difficult to do my forms just out and about in front of people.  But I did manage to go for a run two days and got my pushups and sit-ups in.  

I did the basic 2km runs.  My times were not awesome...but in my defence there were a lot of hills and more rugged terrain.  But I still was able to do them without stopping....and that I am proud of.

Whatever Comes Out

My mind seems to be a bit all over the place here today.  So after sitting here for much too long, I decided to just set my timer for 5 minutes and see what came out.

I'm working on a lot of different things at the moment.

I've re-broken my kick in Spear.  I had been focussing on getting height between the two kicks.  And I was making some progress.  But after some further discussion on it, I realized (with some assistance) that height shouldn't be my intent.  What's important in that sequence is the first kick and the last.  Nobody is going to care how high I get if my final kick doesn't do what it's supposed to.  Once I get the kicks nailed down, then I can gradually increase height, if it makes sense to do so.  In the initial stages of this change, my timing is a definitely off, as are my vectors.  But I'll get there.  And once I do, I'll start working on something else and break it again.

I continue to work on DMH 5 as a main focus....

Ooop!!  Timer just went off.  I'll set it for another 5.

DMH 5.  We were asked in class this past week what our main "issue" would be in our forms.  What comes to mind for me is my eyes...maybe better described as my mental gaze (not sure that makes sense or quite covers what I mean...lol).  I tend to look inward, more than outward, making many of my forms quite internal, so to speak.  In some places this is fine...ideal even.  But for DMH specifically, this is predominately an external form.  As I work on this, I am finding it sort of like meditating.  I'll start off with my eyes outward, locked on an opponent.  Then suddenly, in the middle of the form, I realize I've come back inside, and I have to shift them back out.  Actually wait....now that I think about it, it's pretty much the complete OPPOSITE of meditation.  When I meditate, my intent is to keep my focus within.....and often I'll find my mind wandering out.  But with my forms I, my intent...

5 minutes went off again!!!  Ok.  Just 5 more...

...my intent should be outward on an opponent but it keeps drifting back in!  Hm.  Isn't that interesting.  Lol.  Another thing I'm noticing as I try to "gaze beyond my bubble", is that when I do so, I will sometimes find my body following.  What I mean by that is that I will sometimes feel a shift out of my centre ....almost reaching along with my focus....and even losing stability and balance.  This is also really interesting.  My mental gaze seems to be very connected to my centre.  Hm.  The words "mental energy" and "physical energy" just popped into my head.  Anyways, I feel that I am experiencing some sort of disconnection here and will continue to explore.  Maybe it's just gonna take some practice to be able to send my focus outward further and further.  Kinda like stretching to increase flexibility...but for my mind.

Times up!!  And no reset this time.  😊

Nothing Much

 Just a quick numbers update. 

Fun First

I've recently taken a different approach to the kids class warmups.  I was noticing (as were some other instructors) that with a basic warmup, the kids were bored and disengaged before the class actually began.  And when someone is starting off that way, it's near impossible to pull their attention back and try to teach them anything.

So over the last while, the warmups have been a key part of the class, rather than just a necessary evil.  They've been very game and fun driven.  A means for the kids to burn off some of that energy from the day.  A chance to laugh and squeal.  Interact as a group.

And with a free and happy mind, they are much more open and receptive to listening and learning.  In fact, they seem excited to do so and I'm getting so much more out of them.

I started to wonder if I could apply to to my own training.  

There are days where I feel like my approach is all business.  A narrowed focus on just getting stuff done.  Or maybe I've been feeling like theres been no progress, so I just dive straight into the work.

And maybe that's a poor approach.  Maybe if I took a few minutes before I started, to just play around and have some fun, it would set me up for a much more successful training session overall.

Requirement Update - Part 1

A quick overview and update on my requirements.

What I am working on.....specifically.

Spear

My Spear work has been tricky over the last couple weeks (shoulder injury).  So I'm trying to focus on some things that don't really require my shoulder.  Funny thing is that almost everything utilizes everything (darn 6 harmonies)...so even that has proven difficult.  But I'm doing what I can and I'm still finding value in all of it.

1. Inside cyclone/spinning-flying outside/inside cyclone kick - this is improving.  So many moving parts.  I've been offered lots of different feedback from lots of different people and it's been interesting how different the perspectives are.  I'm trying to piece the different things together that seem to click for me personally in my own brain and go from there.  Something that makes me grin is that not one person (except maybe in my own brain) has even hinted that age might hold me back with this.  Or maybe they have and are just being kind.  In any event, they certainly aren't letting their instruction or feedback be limited by it and the expectation from my teachers is that, with practice, I will get there.  Period.  I'm not sure how many other 45 year olds in the world are trying to learn this kick.  Maybe there's a Facebook support group I can join.  🤣
2. Expansion/Contraction - there are lots of areas in this form with obvious points of expansion and contraction.  As I establish the obvious ones, some of the more subtle ones are becoming visible as well.  This concept is really starting to open up, not only in Spear, but my other forms as well.
3. Phrasing - I've found a couple spots that I'm working on with both timing and speed that will be a little different than how I've been doing it so far.  I think it will add both visual interest and an opportunity to "rejuvenate my flow of energy" within the form. (It took me a while to write that last little bit...I was having a hard time figuring out how to verbalize what I was trying to achieve.  Hopefully it makes sense.  lol.)
4. Mental reps - with all the driving time I've had (20 hours taking my kids to grandmas and picking them up again) I've done a lot of mental visualizing with my form.  I discovered the value of this after my foot surgery and have continued to practice this in times where I cannot physically train (the dentist is a great place too, lol).  I have a few things I'm going to try out once my shoulder is behaving again.
• Helicopter - timing of hand and end of spin, gaze, pause
• Jump - timing and incorporation of upper body/spear
• Hand flip before flipping my bad guy, staying low
• Standing up after impale - this might sound dumb, but I feel like I can stand up with more intent here.
5. Fight Scene - again, during all the driving time, I went through my form mentally and actually played out a fight scene.  I got very specific with where the opponents are, when I finished them off, when the same one came at me again, etc, etc.  I found some spots where I got extra specific, which was interesting.  For example, in a particular spot, I would consider the "move" to be a check...but when I was considering all the opponents, I also thought to myself..."this isn't JUST a check, it's an opportunity to intimidate and cause someone to hesitate and question their next move".  This will require more intensity.  And I got to thinking about not only the obvious intensity in my eyes, but in the energy that I may (or may not be) emitting in that moment.  Again, not sure if that makes sense but it's a concept I'm going to explore.  I also found a spot where, although it could (more obviously) be a technique/block....I also noticed that what I was doing seemed exactly like if I were wiping the blood off my spear from the last strike 😲...and that intent provides a completely different sort of intensity/energy to that particular moment.

Honestly, I had intended to provide updates on all of my requirements in this blog, but I got way more into what I'm doing with my Spear than I intended.  To be honest, I went into this thinking that I wasn't really working on much recently (trying to avoid making my shoulder worse) and was pleasantly surprised to see that I've actually been doing quite a bit.  

Anyways, I will end this blog and call it "Part 1".  So more to come on my other requirements!

Injuries and Connections

I've been dealing with a few injuries over the last bit.

Firstly my hand/wrist.  As some might recall I accidentally turned my spear into a hoe one day, hyper extending a part of my hand in the process.  I've been to the doctor and had an X-ray.  No cracks or breaks or anything.  So that's good news.  But it is extremely painful to grasp anything with weight or to squeeze.  And I'm told something like this will take a while to heal, especially with everything I do with my hands.  I've been previously diagnosed with carpel tunnel as well, so I'm not sure if that's contributing to things as well.

Anyhow, moving on.  With doing some drumming recently, both in practice and demos, the hand pain seemed to move into my elbow.  So now that is bothering me.  I think with not being able to really hold my sticks normally, due to the hand, I compensated in some way and put some stress on the elbow.  This is more just irksome at this point, rather than anything concerning.

And then, I'm guessing in part, due to the pushup building challenge we do in the kids classes, I've re-injured my shoulder.  This exact same thing happens any time I get to about 20 consecutive pushups.  It never fails that I end up damaging my right shoulder.  And unfortunately, I never seem to learn.  But when I want to push my students with something, I have an expectation of myself that I do it with them.  This just may not be possible in all things.  And it kinda sucks.  But it's also a reality.

And finally, while working on Da Mu Hsing, I tweeked my neck real good.  Again, I think this was a result of the other injuries, and not because of what I was doing.  Almost like a ticking time bomb.  I've had this type of injury before, but this time around it seems to be taking some time to heal.  I've got much better movement this week, but it's still sort of "sitting there" and so I'm trying not to overdo it.

So from a hand injury, to an elbow injury, to a shoulder injury, to a neck injury....I'm pretty lame on my right side.

So what am I doing about it??  

Well, I've been to the chiropractor now a few times since the neck tweek really put me over the edge edge with it all.  And I'm doing my exercises and stretches.  So everything is slowly working itself out.  Sometimes I feel like things have really improved, and then she seems to find these spots where everything is still really tight and painful.  There's a spot she was working on yesterday on my chest.  I wouldn't have really thought about a spot there being connected to the back/neck pain, nor my shoulder.  She also pointed out that she can tell that I tend to breathe quite high, rather than in my belly.  So now, as part of my rehab, I need to work on my breathing.  

I guess what I'm getting at with this long winded blog, is that, although I already know and understand how many things are connected, I just keep learning more.  And it's just so interesting.

Oh...and also to take care of injuries quickly...even those little ones....lest they turn into something more.  I'm excited to have a better understanding of the KT tape now (thanks Todai Bauer) as this will be a real easy way for me to address anything minor quickly and without excuse.