As I mentioned, I have what some might call a dark sense of humour. There are people who wouldn't dare laugh or joke about certain things. I am not one of those people. I think that if you can find humour in the darkness...if you can laugh about the challenges you're facing...it lessens the influence those things have over you and makes it easier to see the good that still exists.
I don't have any mantras I repeat to myself, nor do I keep a gratitude journal. I absolutely believe those are worthwhile practices, but perhaps I simply take a different approach.
When things don't go as planned, I don't typically wallow in them. I might complain or sulk for a minute...sure, I'm human. But I also think that's an important step. You can't put your head in the sand and pretend things don't happen. When something negative occurs, it's important to recognize it, acknowledge how it made you feel, and, if possible, identify where things went wrong so you can learn from it. In fact, I think that learning something from a negative experience immediately reduces its power. The moment there's a lesson to take away, it becomes something good.
People sometimes mistake this for positivity, but I don't think that's what it is. Bad things happen. Some days genuinely suck. The goal isn't to pretend otherwise. The goal is to acknowledge it, learn from it if possible, and then decide whether it deserves another hour, another day, or another week of my attention. To me, that's resilience...not the ability to avoid hardship, but the ability to keep moving forward without letting it consume you.
Using my kids as an example, a bad day might be caused by a combination of sleeping in, missing recess, and dropping a sandwich in the dirt. Individually, none of those things are a big deal. More importantly, many of them are things that can be controlled or avoided in the future. If sleeping in contributes to a bad day, stop sleeping in. As humans, though, I think we often prefer to find causes for our discomfort that lie beyond our control. It feels better if it's not our fault. If the universe is somehow conspiring against us. Poor me.
I have people in my life who dwell on anything negative. They place a laser focus on every bad thing that crosses their path, even when it has little or nothing to do with them. Their neighbour down the block has a bike stolen, and somehow that event ruins their own day. Don't get me wrong...we can (and should) absolutely have compassion and empathy for people experiencing hardship. We can reach out, support them, and help where we can. But I don't see the benefit of absorbing those hardships and carrying them as our own. When I catch up with some people, everything at the forefront of their minds is every little thing that's gone wrong recently. Those are the stories they want to tell. Nothing positive. Nothing to balance the scales. No attempt to look on the bright side.
Honestly, I find that draining. And sometimes they'll even become frustrated with me.
"How come you're not bothered by this?"
Sometimes it's because I genuinely don't see the significance. But even when I do recognize that something is significant, it's not that I don't care. It's not that I'm unaffected. It's that I choose not to let it consume me. If it's something within my control, I'll make a plan and take action. If it's not, I'll offer support, empathy, or assistance where I can. Then I move on and shift my attention toward things that bring me joy.
Life is hard.
But it's also pretty funny.
People sometimes mistake this for positivity, but I don't think that's what it is. Bad things happen. Some days genuinely suck. The goal isn't to pretend otherwise. The goal is to acknowledge it, learn from it if possible, and then decide whether it deserves another hour, another day, or another week of my attention. To me, that's resilience...not the ability to avoid hardship, but the ability to keep moving forward without letting it consume you.
Using my kids as an example, a bad day might be caused by a combination of sleeping in, missing recess, and dropping a sandwich in the dirt. Individually, none of those things are a big deal. More importantly, many of them are things that can be controlled or avoided in the future. If sleeping in contributes to a bad day, stop sleeping in. As humans, though, I think we often prefer to find causes for our discomfort that lie beyond our control. It feels better if it's not our fault. If the universe is somehow conspiring against us. Poor me.
I have people in my life who dwell on anything negative. They place a laser focus on every bad thing that crosses their path, even when it has little or nothing to do with them. Their neighbour down the block has a bike stolen, and somehow that event ruins their own day. Don't get me wrong...we can (and should) absolutely have compassion and empathy for people experiencing hardship. We can reach out, support them, and help where we can. But I don't see the benefit of absorbing those hardships and carrying them as our own. When I catch up with some people, everything at the forefront of their minds is every little thing that's gone wrong recently. Those are the stories they want to tell. Nothing positive. Nothing to balance the scales. No attempt to look on the bright side.
Honestly, I find that draining. And sometimes they'll even become frustrated with me.
"How come you're not bothered by this?"
Sometimes it's because I genuinely don't see the significance. But even when I do recognize that something is significant, it's not that I don't care. It's not that I'm unaffected. It's that I choose not to let it consume me. If it's something within my control, I'll make a plan and take action. If it's not, I'll offer support, empathy, or assistance where I can. Then I move on and shift my attention toward things that bring me joy.
Life is hard.
But it's also pretty funny.
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