Easy Out

I hate to say it...but I think the requirement to post our numbers, if nothing else, is actually working against me.

After blogging straight for 221 days last year, I ended up breaking my blogging rhythm, rather than enhancing it.  Ever since then, blogging has been a struggle.  What was once easy and natural, is now difficult and often forced.  I can't seem to put words together anymore and often start and restart a blog 10 times, never really knowing what I'm trying to say or where I'm trying to go.  But I still always made myself do it.  I scratched and scraped bits and pieces together...no matter how haggard...and continued to fulfill the base blogging requirement of once a week.

Being handed the numbers topic has become a bit of an "easy out" for me and I think I need to [grudgingly] admit that I am using this more than I should.  Too hard to blog...just post the numbers...running out of time...post the numbers.  I'm not proud of it...but having this "fall back" has actually become an excuse not to push for something more.

I wouldn't consider myself a "bare minimum" type of person and I really wish I could get myself out of this blogging funk I've been in for almost a year.  Hopefully if I just keep going it will eventually sort itself out.

IHC Numbers To Date

Pushups = 14513
Situps = 14319
Fan = 322
Long = 259
Sparring = 202
Km's = 348

Maybe Not Fully Prepared...But I Think I'm Ready

I'm not sure I feel fully prepared for the Tiger Challenge.  But I remember feeling this same way last year, so I think this may just be a normal feeling for me leading up to any event where I need to put my skills on display.  I don't know if anyone feels 100% ready.  At some point you just have to say "Ok.  I've put the effort in.  Now I just enjoy the day and see what happens!"

I had a solid plan for a while for what I would be doing.  As it's gotten closer, certain things just haven't felt quite right and I've made some changes to the forms I'll be doing.  I remember last year, I changed my Hand Form about 30 seconds before it was my turn to perform. I'm glad I did, as my intended form just wasn't feeling right in the moment.  I'm also glad I maintained my other form to the point that I was able to do it with both confidence and competence.

That has sort of been my general philosophy this time around.  Make a plan, but make sure to keep up with other forms at the same time.  This will allow be to make last second decisions depending on my mood the day of...ensuring that my spirit is aligned with what I'm about to do.

Obviously there are some events where this isn't possible.  Anything with a partner...and the musical form...are probably pretty much set in stone.

But should the mood strike, I have several hand forms and a few weapons ready to go.

So no...I don't really feel fully prepared...but I still think I'm ready.

Doing Something Even While Doing Nothing

I had a really terrible day a couple weeks ago.  Really, really terrible.

I had been sick all week.  So hadn't been at the Kwoon.  Nor had I been able to train at home.  Eventually on the Sunday, after a few rounds of antibiotics, I felt I was feeling up to some training.  It did not go well.  My forms fell apart.  I was off-balance. I was still feeling tired and weak.  Zero harmony.  I was totally disconnected, not just from my Kung Fu, but from myself.

From there I became frustrated and impatient.  Becoming short with my kids....spiraling into more guilt from there.  Feeling like a failure as a student, instructor, mom, partner.  Dan was working, so I didn't have that support while in the thick of it.  But once he got home, during a conversation, he said "do you think this has anything to do with not being at Kung Fu all week?".  And yeah...now that it was said out loud, I think this was a big factor.

In hindsight, it was inevitable that things were going to fall off the rails.  While sick, I just laid in bed...which was needed for sure.  But I had zero connection to my Kung fu.  I didn't think to read a book.  I didn't think to just go sit quietly in my training area.  I didn't think to just breathe mindfully.  My thought was "I'm sick.  I need to rest and do nothing."  But even in doing nothing, there are ways to stay connected.  My Kung Fu is how I take care of myself, both physically and mentally.  It's how I ensure that I am happy, healthy and aligned...again...not just physically, but mentally and spiritually.

The Kwoon is a very special place, yes.  But I don't want this to be a thing where I spiral if I'm not at the Kwoon.  My Kung Fu is with me all the time and I want to be able to maintain that connection no matter where I am or what my circumstances are.  Now that I recognize better why this happened, I can do better should...when...it happens again.  And there is no doubt it will...for some reason or another.  But next time I will be better prepared to do something even while doing nothing.

May 18 Numbers

IHC Numbers To Date

Pushups = 12963
Situps = 12984
Fan = 295
Long = 254
Sparring = 200
Km's = 317

This Week

 IHC Numbers To Date

Pushups = 12103
Situps = 12564
Fan = 266
Long = 241
Sparring = 200
Km's = 300

A Week Lost

Last weekend I was feeling pretty off.  I had aches and chills along with head congestion.  But Tuesday I was feeling better!!...or so I thought.  Come Wednesday things took a nose dive.  I had extreme pain throughout my sinuses, forehead and ears.  And nothing I did was relieving the pain.  I tried everything.... steam...nasal mist...medication.  Nothing worked.  And so I endured 2 straight days with no sleep.  I finally dragged my sorry butt to a walk-in clinic Friday morning and got the official diagnosis of a sinus infection.  I am now a few doses into a round of antibiotics, and feeling soooooo much better.

Needless to say my week was a bust.  Numbers suffered greatly.  No Tiger Challenge progress.  Missed both my classes.

But I'm still here.  And now you all know why I was MIA this week.

I will be needing some support to make up on some of the numbers I missed out on this week.  So you might see some random "spur of the moment" mini challenges.  Not today though.  I tried a couple reps of Long and got very dizzy very quickly.  Funny how something as simple as sinuses can wreak such havoc when they aren't working right.

IHC Numbers To Date
Pushups = 11403
Situps = 11342
Fan = 260
Long = 226
Sparring = 200
Km's = 277
AOKs = 238